The Honest Toddler: telling parents how it is

My husband recently asked why I love Twitter so much. The answer is simple – it makes me laugh. Sure, there’s a serious side to Twitter, as for any type of social media, but I enjoy Twitter purely for the 140-character laughs that are dished up throughout the day. And no one makes me laugh as much as Honest Toddler. According to Honest Toddler, love is the willingness to fix someone a small snack while making dinner, pants are for suckers and don’t even mention the word ‘quinoa’.

Not familiar with Honest Toddler? He/she is basically a computer-savvy two-year-old giving parents the inside word on how to deal with their toddler.

“Name: Honest Toddler
Status: Not potty-trained, not trying.
Age: This many.
Likes: Cake, running, shows, games and red drink.
Dislikes: Naps, bedtime, unsolicited eye contact, quinoa, pants and all forms of discipline.
P.S. Grandmas: You’re doing great. Keep it up. (Love you).”

<i>The Honest Toddler: A child's guide to parenting</i> is available now.
The Honest Toddler: A child's guide to parenting is available now. 

Honest Toddler (supervised by Bunmi Laditan) has just released a book, The Honest Toddler: A Child’s Guide to Parenting. It’s packed with all sorts of helpful advice from why "listening ears, gentle hands and inside voices" kill a child’s spirit, and toddler-approved recipes (covering the five food groups – red, white, juice, cheese and chocolate), through to sleep (and weaning yourself off it) and car etiquette.

The book is hilarious, so much so that I had to read it in small doses, allowing recovery time between chapters. However, I do have a few favourite bits. In my line of work (reviewing fabulous designer pieces for children), how could I not love a chapter entitled “Breakdown of Popular Toddler Trends, from Amber Necklaces to Jeggings, and Why You Should Avoid Them”?!

Honest Toddler also spills the beans trends such as on Crocs, ‘weird strollers’, toddler perfume, discipline and more. Wait. Is discipline a ‘trend? Yes, according to Honest Toddler.

“There was a time when toddlers were free to run like banshees without a looming fear of naughty spots. The year was 1972, and juice ran through the streets like water … Stop counting to three. Nobody’s scared.”

The book strikes the perfect balance between a child’s take on the adult world (“Why are grown-ups scared of Mondays and carbohydrates?”) and thoroughly grown-up humour.

Visit Babyology for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.