New mum's advice plea for 'overbearing' mother: 'Don't know how to handle this situation'

Picture: Getty Images
Picture: Getty Images 

It's not unusual for new grandparents to visit a bit more often when a new addition joins the family. But how often is too often?

That's what one new mum, who says her own mother has become 'over-bearing' since the birth of her first grandchild, is asking.

The woman explained that she and her husband had moved closer to her mum after having their first baby.

While her mum had at first been helpful, they were starting to resent her frequent visits. However, as her sibling had died and this was her mum's only grandchild, the woman feels an obligation to her mum.

"She already came up for almost three weeks after baby was born and honestly towards the end was driving us both crazy. She can be very critical and wanted to do all the house cleaning and laundry (which was helpful at first!) Until she was often pointing out how we were doing things wrong," she explained on Reddit.

While they understood her desire to see their baby as often as possible, her latest request had left them feeling uncomfortable.

"She is going to visit this weekend and I told her that's fine but husband and I were invited to a BBQ for his work colleague's wife's birthday. My mum asked if she could go. Honestly, it feels awkward to invite her and my husband really doesn't want to ask his work colleague if his MIL can go," she continued.

"I love my mum and it causes me a lot of anxiety to see her hurt. I don't know how to handle this situation with the BBQ. It just feels awkward to bring her along when it's going to be his work friends and they are going to be discussing probably work stuff. Is it rude to not invite her to the BBQ? Help?"

Redditors reassured the woman it was her mum who was being unreasonable. 

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"It would be very odd for your mother to join you at a gathering for your husband's work friend's wife's birthday. Really odd. It would be odd enough if she joined for one of your work friends' birthday parties, but much worse with that additional layer of separation," cautioned one.

"No it's not rude to not bring her along. It is rude for her to try to invite herself to someone else's birthday," agreed another.

Others encouraging her to set firmer boundaries and pull her up on any critical behaviour.

"You can start by calling her out when she is being pushy or critical etc. If you don't correct her interactions with you, you will end up resenting her. Don't let it get worse before you say something," advised one.

While another suggested extending an invitation for her to babysit instead, as a way to avoid her attending without directly asking her not to.

"I would ask her if she minds babysitting. Tell her you really wanted the alone time with your husband," they said.