Mum slammed for asking husband to 'choose' her, not the baby

Getty Images/iStockphoto
Getty Images/iStockphoto 

A mum has been slammed for asking her husband to choose her over their baby if anything happened to her during the birth.

In a Reddit post that has since gone viral, the mum explains that after a "good pregnancy", she developed gestational diabetes at 32 weeks and underwent a planned C-section.

"I didn't have any issues with this, I just wanted my baby to be born safely," she writes. "So before going in to the hospital I talked with my husband that if something were to happen and he needed to choose between myself and our baby to please choose me."

Her husband agreed. The birth went according to plan and the couple welcomed a healthy daughter.

Two years later, however, the topic of babies and pregnancy came up at a Christmas party.

"I said that I do want another baby and that pregnancy doesn't scare me such as giving birth again," the mum wrote, adding that she was still scared something might happen to her during the birth.

"I said that the original agreement stands -  that he needs to choose me if that's the case."

And her friends were "disgusted".

"They said that I was an 'asshole' to my husband for asking him to basically kill his baby, that I was a very negative person and that I needed to rethink my thoughts," she shares. "I'm a person that likes to be prepared for the worse case scenario and hope for the best. I didn't want my husband to be blindsided with who to choose and to have the answer on the spot. Nobody likes to think about what could go wrong specially in a pregnancy but I need to think every possible case that we could encounter."


The post generated thousands of comments and heated discussion about life, death, ethics and love.

"You can make another baby, there can't be another you. Also, if your husband agreed, it's none of their business," wrote one commenter.

"I had a similar conversation with my husband before my daughter was born except I told him he needed to choose her if it came down to it and he flat told me no and then said this almost word for word. If I have to choose, I choose you because we can try again and again and adopt if need be. We can be parents. But without you there is no we. (Plus a bunch of other stuff that my overly hormonal self cried about for weeeeeeks)."

But not everyone agreed.

"Not judging but I couldn't come to that decision," one woman wrote. "I always said save the baby in all my labours if it came to it. My son nearly died when he was a few months old, he was in a coma and quite literally on death's door. I would have done ANYTHING to swap places with him. There is absolutely no way I could live with myself if I'd survived knowing they could have saved my baby had they not saved me, but I also don't believe the whole "you can just make another baby" they aren't disposable.

Some commenters suggested she shouldn't be a mother if she wasn't prepared to die for her baby.

In a follow up, the mum added that while it was a difficult topic, it's one we shouldn't ignore. 

"I know this scenario is not a likely one anymore due to the advances in medicine, but giving birth is a serious thing. So many things can go wrong in an instant and I wanted to be prepared for it," she wrote. "According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 700 women die in childbirth every year, and over 50,000 more nearly die, experiencing "severe maternal morbidity," most often due to complications from severe bleeding."

A recent article in the New York Times explored the experience of one mum, "Thea" who almost died during childbirth and her feelings years after.

"I didn't want my daughter to know that the joy of her birth was mixed with trauma and the fear of my own death," she said adding that she still feels guilty for "caring about myself and my mortality."

"This speaks to the way I, and probably many other women, was dehumanised and demeaned during the delivery," she said, "and told that our babies are much more important than we are."