'It's a silent killer of relationships': Tori Rees on the challenges of parenting

Photo: Jimmy Rees / Tori Rees / Instagram
Photo: Jimmy Rees / Tori Rees / Instagram 

Tori Rees has taken to Instagram in a heartfelt post about how creeping resentment can so easily be the "silent killer" of partnerships.

And many of her followers are nodding in agreement - juggling children and totally different jobs as one partner looks after children and the other brings in an income represents the great divide many couples feel.

"I've realised lately when Jimmy has gone to work and come home complaining to me about the time it's taking him to get to and from work, I am quickly looking at him with anger and frustration," she wrote.

Some soul-searching was in order.

"I began asking myself why I was feeling this way. The truth is there are some days that I envy my husband for being able to leave... more importantly, sit in the car for hours at a time even if it is in traffic.. in PEACE!"

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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The full-time mum of the couple's three children, twins Vinny and Mack, eight months, and Lenny, four, lists the jealousies that have crept into her thoughts about her husband.

"I envy the freedom he has to eat lunch at different places. I envy how happy he gets to make kids, similar to what I feel I did in the classroom."

She recounts how when Jimmy would travel for work, she would feel resentment about his chance for uninterrupted sleep, even though he didn't get it.

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"He would always tell me he never slept well. At the time I rolled my eyes, but now I realise it's because he was away from his family in a different bed every night.

Her post then delves into how Jimmy really feels about being away from his family.

"Something Jimmy would always say to me is he would rather be home. Every single minute. He would rather be home. To me, when I don't often leave, I find it really hard to understand or believe. The truth is, he doesn't want to go either. He doesn't want leave us."

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Tori says Jimmy fees like he's missing out when she relates to him all the "crazy situations" she gets into trying to take three very young children out. Then she gets to th bottom of how damaging it is to a partnership to let resentment fester and grow.

"I have always believed that resentment is the silent killer of any marriage/partnership. It is so easy to wish you were doing what each other was doing, even if it is just for a day," she wrote.

"Let each other show you the other side of the road and acknowledge it to one another as believe me, neither one of you has it better or worse."

She finishes saying her days are "chaos" and there's no time to rest and that she's, "constantly tired and missing some TLC," but that she can see Jimmy is fighting his own internal battles.

"What I now realise is that there wouldn't be a second that I would swap my kiddie craziness for Jimmy's traffic stress, as really the only reason he is feeling stress in the traffic is because he doesn't want to miss another minute of being with his kids."

The post resonated with Tori's followers as a stark reminder that resentment kills relationships.

"I am totally guilty of this ... thank you for the gentle reminder," wrote one person.

Another agreed, "100% agree, my husband leaves every night for work, doesn't have to do anything for anyone, gets home to an empty house to again do his own thing. I on the other hand have to wrangle two kids, pack lunches get myself ready for work, drop kids off then work then do it all again in the evening. I get up exhausted & go to be the same! Mum life is really hard when your doing it married but alone!"

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

I’ve realized lately when Jimmy has gone to work and come home complaining to me about the time it’s taking him to get to and from work, I am quickly looking at him with anger and frustration. I began asking myself why I was feeling this way. The truth is there are some days that I envy my husband for being able to leave.. more importantly, sit in the car for hours at a time even if it is in traffic.. in PEACE! I envy the freedom he has to eat lunch at different places. I envy how happy he gets to make kids, similar to what I feel I did in the classroom. Prior to our move to Sydney, I use to feel so jealous of the fact he would stay in a hotel with a king sized bed to himself. In peace without any overnight wakings. He would always tell me he never slept well. At the time I rolled my eyes, but now I realize it’s because he was away from his family in a different bed every night. Some weekends when he is doing extra bits and pieces and the cherubs are playing up, or just generally being normal kiddies, I often get a sense of resentment. Something Jimmy would always say to me is he would rather be home. Every single minute. He would rather be home. To me, when I don’t often leave, I find it really hard to understand or believe. Lately I have realized the reason he hates sitting in traffic or leaves with no minute to spare to get a coffee. The truth is, he doesn’t want to go either. He doesn’t want leave us. When I think of peace and quiet in the car, he looks at is as less time he can be home to read the kids a book, or even just cuddle. When I explain my day of how I managed to get the twins in the car without a carrier as I left it at home, and wrangle Lenny out of the shops in the other arm, he wishes he was there to help and not miss these crazy situations. I have always believed that resentment is the silent killer of any marriage/partnership. It is so easy to wish you were doing what each other was doing, even if it is just for a day. But no matter how good each other’s days or weeks might look, the grass is never greener. What is greener is having balance and communication. CONT in comments @jimmyrees_

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