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-clare-

'lady bits' and sex after vaginal birth

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-clare-

I know it's a very personal question, and no doubt there is a lot of variation depending on many factors, but just trying to get an idea of how most ladies fare after child birth (not immediately or even the first 6 months after birth) in terms of sex, continence etc down the track. Do things go back to 'normal' or do most find a new normal? Do you still enjoy sex (and I mean inter course) or are things different after birth/s.?

 

I know that continence issues are more related to pregnancy itself (regardless of vaginal birth versus c section) and pelvic floor strenghth, but I am ignorant in terms of how things pan out sexually after a vaginal birth.

 

Thank you for sharing if you are willing to.

 

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Expelliarmus

My continence issues are actually directly related to birth - not pregnancy. it's a fallacy that birth *doesn't* cause those issues - it can.

 

In regards to your question - I have a 'new normal'. It's very different and not as good. I am not most women however and I am sure most women find it as good as before - I'm just not one of them.

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Guest holy_j

I've had 3 kids I don't really remember what it was like before hand :D

 

Sex wise, one thing i did find is that before kids, I was in the never had an orgasm camp. After kids, if I am "into" it, I have no problems anymore. Let's just say sometimes I p*ss off DP as I am done before he is :D

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TwiceTheWoman

Everyone finds their new version of normal after the birth issues settle down.

Re: enjoyment - well everything changes there as well; maybe yes, maybe no.

In my experience* the biggest passion killers for women is sleep deprivation (like you can not imagine) and your body being constantly "wanted" by someone -

Incontinence is not only an issue during pregnancy - it may be after as well, depending on the weight of the baby and prolonged pushing throughout 2nd stage. The birth is most often the trigger for the incontinence.

Any dramas - there's always someone you can talk to - especially on EB :) and professional help for incontinence from a specialist physio (but occasionally, surgery may be needed when childbearing is complete) if required.

 

ETA the * means my experience as a midwife of 36 years

Edited by TwiceTheWoman

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wylie2007

hmm... well ive had 3 kids and i also dont really remember what it was like before, but the changes i have noticed are that my cervix is more open and in terms of sex i think it became more enjoyable as i learned how to control my pelvic muscles better. In terms of continence there was no real change after i had my first although during my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies i had slighty less control then normal (as in i couldnt hold it as long) but that went back to normal after birth.

 

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kemisz

Well, for a positive story:

 

No incontinence issues after two pregnancies, enjoy sex just as much and only have it slightly less often than we used to. DS2 is only 8 weeks old though so that will probably change.

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~Supernova~

No continence issues here after DD. I had a prolonged (almost 2 hours) pushing stage too. Currently 18 weeks pregnant so we'll see how we go this time :p I never felt a noticeable difference after I gave birth. For the first few months it was a little uncomfortable and felt tighter, but that was due to dryness I imagine. My sex drive returned to the same level as pre-pregnancy probably around 10-12mths after birth. But then I had PND and the first 12mths was a nightmare for me, so sex wasn't really on my priority list! I did have *something* feel odd down there for several months, which made me paranoid about a prolapse (turned out to be nothing) but it never affected how sex felt.

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Sares83

sex has gone back to normal but it took a few months (I wouldn;t try until after the 6 week appointment). Continence-wise, I did lots of pelvic floor exercises at my swimming classes so I am not too bad, I have certainly never wet myself. I just can't hold as much for as long as I used to. It has never impacted on sex

 

ETA - no tears for me, just a small graze

Edited by ♥-patricksmum-♥

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MrsNorthman

I had a second degree tear after DD1 but no incontinence issues to speak of so I was a bit nervous DTD afterwards but I was horny as a b*stard...lol...we waited til my 6 week check and the first few times it did hurt a little...I think because of the stitches. Honestly I think it took til about 12 months for it to feel normal again even though I was still enjoying it within that time.

 

DD2 had a little wee problem in the last 10 weeks but within 3 months of birth didn't have that problem anymore. No big tear this time, no big horny rush either and probably had sex 2 months after birth and was quicker to feel normal this time.

 

I am currently pg and have wee "issews" since 12 weeks!

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hunters*mum

I am also in the not normal group, I had a really weird tear(it took an hour to stitch up), & my ob said he's never seen anything like it. Afterwards sex was excruciating to the state where we wouldn't have sex & i'd just be in tears thinking about it, I've gone back to my ob/gyn & after a few "stretching exercises" and massaging i'll be going in for surgery, so atm no, sex is terrible after baby, but its only been 6 months, after my surgery it will hopefully get better :)

 

as for continence, things are fine, also can't 'hold on' as well as i used to be don't wet myself or anything

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flaneuse

my experience has been mixed.

 

the sex has pretty much gone back to normal- ie. i had no interest before and i've got no interest now. i'm one of those silent many that are asexual and have no libido. can take it or leave it, mostly leave it. ("i'd rather eat chocolate" - good read.) do you remember when we were teenagers and the thought of our parents having sex was just eeewwww! and we claimed that our parents only DTD once for each of us? well, my kids will pretty much be able to say that as the truth!

 

i did become incontinent after the birth of my DD, 48 hour labour and some tears needing stitches. i just put up with it and wore pads every day. after DS was born it got worse and just two weeks ago i had day surgery to install a tvt sling to support my pelvic floor muscles. i ran for the first time without wetting myself last week. hurrah! i was healthy, slim, fit, and did pelvic exercises, yoga and swimming before and during my pregnancies- you just can't tell who will encounter this seriously suckful debilitation. i hope you won't.

 

good luck

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FuglyBetty

4 kids, no difference...just have to find the time now to do the deed. Hubby is partial to marathin bouts of sex and with 3 kids under the age of 4, sometimes I'd rather sleep. Sorry, but 3 times a week is enough for me ATM.

 

Pelvic floor exercises are sooooo important, I've been doing them everyday since the age of 10.

 

 

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Sares83
Pelvic floor exercises are sooooo important, I've been doing them everyday since the age of 10.

Teachers pet!! :tongue: just kidding, that is an awesome effort!! :)

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Melbell28

From what I've read, if you have tears during delivery sex can be painful at first. I had second degree tears and even after six weeks it definitely hurt, have always loved having sex with my man so we kept at it. And I'd read about it before birth, that apparently women have BETTER sex and more powerful orgasms after having a baby, and I know in my case it's absolutely true! And in terms of your 'bits', now five months down the track everything feels pretty much back to normal, no more pain and according to my partner, feels great for him, not 'loose' or anything lol In terms of pelvic floor, mine definitely got weaker, even though I did the exercises all through pregnancy and straight after giving birth. Was having slight leakage when I started exercising again, but I do pretty high impact stuff. Have kept up with the kegels, and when I work out I try to tighten the pelvic floor through the workout as well, I've found it's a lot stronger now. I've also read that contrary to what a lot of people think, everything down there heals up faster and gets back to normal better after a vaginal birth as opposed to a c-section. I was worried before having bubs as well, but it just takes time and hasn't been anywhere near as devastating as I thought it would be :)

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cinnabubble

Two episiotomies, one four kilo baby. Continence is almost perfect, although I prefer not to sneeze while sitting cross legged on the ground. Sex is fabulous, but we didn't go there for months post either birth. All in all limited damage.

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Chelara

I didn't have a vaginal birth- I laboured but had a c-section. Something I didn't think would happen after a c-section is that sex was incredibly painful, everything was tight and not willing for at least 6 months. It was like being a virgin again. It took until I stopped breastfeeding for things to get back to normal. I would say it is better than before as I had a retroverted uterus (not sure if I still do) and I used to get some weird pain during sex at times, not anymore.

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raven74

I will admit I fared pretty badly after birth :( I had unusually tight vaginal muscles prior to birth (thanks horse riding and kegels!!!), so much so that any even a pap smear was agony.

I had a second degree tear that took ages to heal, a large labial tear and a second degree prolapse. I saw a womans health nurse and had to do a lot of work to begin healing. I was on the waiting list for surgery but thankfully I never had to have it - stacks of kegels, exercise and "area-specific" exercises saw the prolapse reslove.

It took a good year to heal to a degree where intercourse is comfortable and I have lost all all external sensation. Sucks.

I was worried about "the sausage down the hallway" analogy after birth but the general concensus seems that it goes back to normal! Please, don't ask me to jump rope though, that's guaranteed to turn the sprinkler on :blush:

Edited by raven74

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~A Poetic Winter~

I had second degree tear and required a stitch internally as well. The skin on the outside where the tear was is still very sensitive. Sex without lube is not an option it would hurt too much. I actually use preseed lube now as it can be applied internally which I find helps a lot.

 

No issues with continence (actually as I one off while vomiting I did pee a bit but it was pretty full on vomiting too) or orgasm, but still hurts a bit when penetration occurs so we just go slow until its comfortable - few seconds.

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Cat Burglar

Ive only had 1 and shes 7 months, so not really what you asked, but I will say all my bits are fine. I did a lot of pelvic exercises, I did have an epistemy (sp?) and stitches which hurt like hell for a few weeks but healed up fine.

Anywho the reason I replied to this post was to say if you are breastfeeding you probably wont feel like sex, the hormones make you just not feel like it, and the lack of sleep doesnt help. I do have sex regularly because it would be mean to DH not to but you just arent in the mood very often. Im sure it goes away when you stop bfeeding and the hormones change.

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TheFirstNoel

3 babies, the last at 4.3kg. All vaginal deliveries, no tears. It's all pretty much back to normal, or better. :)

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- Waterbaby -

Do things go back to 'normal' or do most find a new normal?

 

Nope I was tighter which was a huge surprise to me! I do lots of kegels though.

 

 

Do you still enjoy sex (and I mean inter course) or are things different after birth/s.?

 

Yes still enjoy it.

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virtuallotus

2 vaginal births, no rips.

 

Everything is normal, and I think sex is actually better now. :) I do kegels though.

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TaciturnTurtledove

Had second -degree tearing, so sex hurt when we first tried after waiting for 6 weeks. Stopped hurting with more practice (slightly more consistent sex). If we don't have sex for a while it hurts again. This is probably also to do with dryness because of breastfeeding. Somewhere mid-pregnancy it became easier for me to 'finish' and that has continued now.

 

Sex is more infrequent coz of baby interruptions...I don't like that at all.

 

Continence: can't hold as long as I used to. But I was unusually good at holding pre-baby, so I think I'm just normal now. Didn't do any exercises.

Edited by aleithaki

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TwiceTheWoman

"Anywho the reason I replied to this post was to say if you are breastfeeding you probably wont feel like sex, the hormones make you just not feel like it, and the lack of sleep doesnt help."

 

This is not the case at all for most women. (my bold)

IME, things usually remain by 1/3rds (funny how that happens)

1/3 have low to no libido

1/3 libido is the same

1/3 libdo is lifted

 

How people people felt pre-baby is absolutely no indication of how they feel post baby.

Lots of BF Mums and Dads say they've "never had it so good" :)

I think it's just that the unhappy ones speak out more.

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Minimouse27

Hi OP

 

I had a vaginal birth with episiotomy...

 

Continence wise I'm fine- just like I was pre-baby

 

Sex wise- it REALLY Hurt first few months (part psychological on my part, part breastfeeding causing major dryness down there) but five months on it's feeling normalish again (it still hurts a little at first, no matter how much lube we use..)

 

Anyhow I've been checked down there and I've healed tremendously well so I'm sure once my hormones go back to normal once I wean I'll feel a lot like me again.

 

Also I'm one of thefew who has next to no libido during breastfeeding but I make time for intimacy with hubby because I enjoy it once we "get going" lol ...just takes me awhile lol

 

It's very easy to get so consumed with bubs & sleep that you forget about intimacy altogether!!

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