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Soren Lawrenson

5 year old 'Tall stories, fibs and imaginings'.

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Soren Lawrenson

Just reading some advice from the "Bad behaviour' thread, where it was suggested that for at least 15 minutes a day, we should give our little ones 100% of our attention, talk to them at eye level and really engage with them. Prep is a tough year, full of learning and stress and our kids probably need us more now than ever.

 

Problem is, no matter how much I try, Im finding it almost impossible to communicate with my DD at the moment! It appears that she has learned something in addition to her ABC's in her first year of school. The new thing now, is telling far fetched, fictional stories about anything and everything.

 

Conversations like this:

 

Me: Are you looking forward to going to the Aquarium tomorrow?

DD: Yes! Did you know that last time I was at the Aquarium, I got to hold a shark and I even pulled out one of its teeth. They took a photo of me with it and put it on their front door!

 

OR

 

Me: How was school?

DD: Great! Today I was picked to be the only singer out of the whole school to be on stage all by myself to sing and Im going to be on TV!

 

If she isnt telling far fetched stories (and believe me, they go on and on and most of them dont make much sense at all), she is making noise. No words, just noise. Constantly making weird noises!

 

We used to be able to talk! This combined with the new defiance, whinging, answering back, challenging, arguing, rudeness etc that apparently comes with the first year of school, has made the attempt of spending 'quality time' with her a challenge for me.

 

The consequence has been that I dont want to (how long does one need to go along with the fictional stories - responding with "oh really, you pulled out a sharks tooth?") and all DD is getting from me is my attention when she's playing up!

 

I want to spend time with her, of course I do, but the conversation is ridiculous and the more I try to 'play the game' with her, the more she goes on and on and on with the stories. Its like we never actually talk about anything that is real. Its so frustrating!

 

DD was upset the other night and said she doesnt like me anymore because all I do is get cross with her. That made me sad, because she is right. The only time she comes out of her fantasy land is when she is getting into trouble for something. I also feel sad because its like she has absolutely no interest in anything I have to say and is only interested in talking at me, about made up stuff.

 

Anyway...I wondered if anyone else is experiencing this kind of thing and if so, is it something they grow out of soon?? I want to be able to talk with my little girl again!!

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Guest Buy Me A Pony!

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Edited by Buy Me A Pony!

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Guest CaptainOblivious

We just go along with it in our house. They know it's not real and just want you to play with them.

 

We normally just get silly about it so if DD1 said she'd held a shark, I'd go 'and then the shark weed on your hand so you let it go and the shark was all like 'oh, sorry E, I just couldn't hold it any more' '

 

Half of the time it snaps her out of it and she gets a bit snooty about it, and the other half she cracks up laughing and makes the story even more crazy. Does it really matter if you're only talking about nonsense? She's 5. She's trying to have fun with you. In another 8 years you're going to wish she wanted to talk nonsense to you instead of being a cranky little miss.

 

We insist that if DD1's pretending to be sick, she must say that it's only pretend before she starts telling us or she gets in trouble. Everything else isn't such an issue.

Edited by CaptainOblivious

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Soren Lawrenson

It matters when its nonsense all the time. It tiring. Its one sided.

 

Of course I play along, what else can you do? But I guess the effect that its having on me is that Im finding it harder and harder to do. I sort of miss just being able to talk about normal stuff! Im finding it hard to spend a lot of time with her at the moment.

 

 

And yes, lots of tall stories about being sick (the other day she told me that she had twisted her ankle and needed crutches - correlation being another girl in Prep has crutches at the moment). When I say to her that her ankle is fine, she gets cross with me and says "It really is twisted mum, it is!" and storms off to her bed room.

 

We had the conversation about telling stories about being sick and how dangerous that can be. She knows about the story "The boy who cried wolf".

 

Im getting through it, I just want to know if its a short lived phase really.

 

 

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noname2

We approach it in the same way as CaptainOblivious - play along and sometimes exaggerate to the point where she is calling us silly.

 

I think sometimes it is the intensity of the one-on-one conversation that sends our DD off into lala land. You could try doing a one-on-one activity instead (eg. do a puzzle together or something).

 

(Not to make light of your frustration - but I had to smile at the irony of your UN being an imaginary friend :ph34r: )

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Guest beXrated

If it's constant, and concerning you (and sounds like it is, on both accounts), I'd consider seeing a psychologist with her. Not as an alarmed over-reaction, but to see if there is a reaosn behind her desire to constantly live in an fantasy world.

 

I have a 5 year old DD and she has honestly never been like that. So I can't personally say it's a stage that passed in X amount of time. If DD were doing this all the time, with no/little other conversation I'd want to know why (and I'd ask her openly and gently), I'd want to know if she was doing it at school too (speak to her teacher) and then I'd consider a psychologist if necessary to find out if there is more to it.

 

I find it concerning that a 5 year old wants to constantly live in a fanasy world and tell bigger and bigger tall stories and made up tales and insist they are true, even to people she knows already know the truth. I'd want to know why.

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smudged
We approach it in the same way as CaptainOblivious - play along and sometimes exaggerate to the point where she is calling us silly.

 

I think sometimes it is the intensity of the one-on-one conversation that sends our DD off into lala land. You could try doing a one-on-one activity instead (eg. do a puzzle together or something).

 

(Not to make light of your frustration - but I had to smile at the irony of your UN being an imaginary friend :ph34r: )

 

Maybe as part of the activity you could write these stories with her in a book (Yay for paper and staplers!) so trying to focus her into expressing imagination in a different way.

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Cluckster

DD -almost-6 yo is least deceitful child around and even she went through that phase. I gathered it was related to full-time school and finding ways to get my attention to make up for our time lost. Fortunately we've always done "what we did today" for ~10 minutes per child which is undivided one-on-one them-time. I guess you could just use her stories as her one-on-one time?

 

 

 

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akkiandmalli

my DD is articulate, clever smart and dedicated to school BUT never tells me what she did at school each day when i directly ask her. it is usually 'how was your day? good. "what did you do?" nothing

I see her teacher 1-3 times a week to check her progress as she is the youngest in her class and seems to be coping fine with no issues, mind you she is not the imaginative type. I think like other posters have said use this time as a positive experience and turn it into a writing task.

we do homework each day where i get DD to read and and practice her writing and maths for up to 1/2 an hour each day and then this where i get some indication on what she has learnt in the class room.

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Super Cat

It's at about this age that theory of mind starts to really develop. If a child is lagging a little in this area (and a lot of them do) they can start developing these tall stories and really don't think that you could know they're fibbing.

 

DS (5.5) does it a lot. This morning after watching his brother take a project on 'Jupiter' to school, DS told me that one of his friends had recently won a trip to Jupiter and would be holidaying there with his family next week lol. Some of his stories are a real crack up. One the first day of school he got star of the week, his teacher also said he wasn't to do any reading at home because he was too smart and didn't need it. He has been to many countries to visit, all in a day, and he has wrestled with dinosaurs in his bedroom.

 

We don't humour him or play along. We just say it's a great story he's telling and we love his imagination, but that none of it really actually happened. He does have a great imagination and I don't want to stifle that, but other children are developing ToM and if we allow him to continue in his fantasy land he will eventually be ridiculed by other children. I never accuse him of lying about things, I do however tell him that I'm going to check it out and ask his teacher (the reading and star of the week thing) so that she can clarify it for me. He always asks me not to and then admits he was making it up.

 

We are encouraging him to write it down as stories, or relate the stories to us and then we tell him one.

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Maple Leaf

DD does this a bit and it can get annoying.

 

Until she told me she was going to be on the news and it was Channel 7. I didn't believe her but watched the local news anyway and there she was! I had a good laugh at that.

 

Sometimes they do come out with the truth, even if it is far fetched.

 

I have no advice, as mine doesn't seem to do this as frequently as yours... I would be inclined to see if there is anything going on that has her avoiding real truthful conversation?

 

Tough one.

 

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Lifesgood

Wow OP have you got my DD living at your place? I could have written your post word for word. I notice a few of the kindy kids behaving the same way. Must be pretty normal I'd guess. Five year olds are exhausting hey? Anyway, you aren't alone if that helps, and I guess it will pass eventually.

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beautifulgirls
Im getting through it, I just want to know if its a short lived phase really.

 

I am so sorry OP but I had to laugh at your post , but only because my DD was very similar between 4-6. In fact I wrote to this forum a couple of times about it. I won't go into specifics but all I will say is that she is now 7.5 and it happens much less often. she was particularly bad in her first year at school. She still has the tendency to exaggerated, and confabulate (half truths) but not with consistency.

 

Oh and I know how tiring it can be!!!!

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