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Daycare ceased care UPDATE #62

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I posted a while ago about my 18 month old biting in daycare. I was advised on Wednesday and received a formal letter this morning that daycare will be ceasing care as of the 15th if my mum can attend to supervise next week or 8th if she can't.

 

What am I meant to do?!?!

 

I thought they should have to try harder or work with me. I've really only had 2 notices about how severe they thought it was and I really don't think they have changed their strategies to help combat the issue.

Edited by ~2blue~

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bark

Gosh, how terrible!

 

Have you tried enrolling him elsewhere?

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InsertAwesomeHere

I have.. It is extremely difficult to get an 18 month into care full time.

 

ETA: His 4 year old brother also attends this centre, I have taken my kids there for over 3 years now. This would also mean paying a new lot of security deposit at another centre.

Edited by ~2blue~

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L&E

Wow! I would have thought they would understand biting in an 18 month old was fairly developmentally common and not malicious or an indicator of "bad" behavior. How stressful for you!

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Julie3Girls

Your kidding!!! That's awful!!

 

That's only one weeks notice!!! (8th)

 

Did they give you any prior warning about this ... I know they have given you notices about the biting, but was there anything about this is your final notice, if the situation doesn't improve you will be asked to remove your child ... type of thing?

 

How long since you got notices? Have you had any in person meetings about it? Did they actually give it time to work?

 

Try and get an extension, if you don't have anyone else available for emergency care, and then I would doing everything to get him in somewhere else - a centre that does this is not one I would want my kids at anyway.

You might also want to look into FDC, even if just for emergency care until you can find something else. A lot of FDC schemes do have emergency carers available for when their FDC are sick or away, so they might be able to find something for you as a temporary solution, until you get a permanent place.

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InsertAwesomeHere
Your kidding!!! That's awful!!

 

That's only one weeks notice!!! (8th)

 

Did they give you any prior warning about this ... I know they have given you notices about the biting, but was there anything about this is your final notice, if the situation doesn't improve you will be asked to remove your child ... type of thing?

 

How long since you got notices? Have you had any in person meetings about it? Did they actually give it time to work?

 

Try and get an extension, if you don't have anyone else available for emergency care, and then I would doing everything to get him in somewhere else - a centre that does this is not one I would want my kids at anyway.

You might also want to look into FDC, even if just for emergency care until you can find something else. A lot of FDC schemes do have emergency carers available for when their FDC are sick or away, so they might be able to find something for you as a temporary solution, until you get a permanent place.

 

I received an email on Tuesday advising they wanted to talk to me about his biting. I saw the director on Wednesday morning and she advised that I should start looking for another centre.

 

I received the formal letter this morning in my parent folder, I probably would have got it last night but my mum picked the boys up as I was at the Dr.

 

My mum offered to take a week off and attend the day centre and they have requested she goes in next week. Then they will give him another week to see if his behaviour has changed. They are giving me one day to organise my mums annual leave. Her boss isn't in today either. If she can't attend next week then I only have until Friday.

 

Every incident report I have shows them implementing the same thing: removed child, told him to be gentle and biting hurts, showed him he hurt the child and excluded him from the group.

 

It's the same on every incident report.

 

The biting was bought to my attention as being bad a fortnight ago and I have signed incident reports since then but the next time it was really raised with me was when they advised they were ceasing care.

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shes-my-sunshine

that' just awful, my daughter went through a biting stage as they all do her centre helped her through it. I didn't think that could just cease your childs stay there. All kids go through this some worse then others. But I think they need to her your son just with a watchfull eye, and numerious friendly reminders for your son. It shouldn't end up like this

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Monket

Have you tried family day care? Less chaos and less kids to bite!

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Mummy Em

Wow! I would have thought that biting at 18 months is a behaviour that is developmentally appropriate and the childcare centre should be able to manage it!

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Dresden

I'd be pretty peeved off if someone kept biting my child while they were in daycare. I think they've done the right thing for the time being. Until you can get your childs biting habit under control, the safety of other children needs to be a priority.

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Guest muminthemaking
Wow! I would have thought that biting at 18 months is a behaviour that is developmentally appropriate and the childcare centre should be able to manage it!

Me too! He's only 18 months, surely they can help him out of this stage (he's too young to reason with!). Have you discussed with the centre what strategies they have in place when this occurs and in other examples, how long it's gone on for (ie how many instances) before they've had other children removed? It sounds rather extreme and as though they don't know how to manage this.

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April girl

Okay I have a biter in DS who is also 18 months so I know how you feel but I am going to go out on a limb here and say I can see why they are asking you to remove your child.

 

It comes down to their duty of care not only to your child but to other children. If they have a repeat offender then they need to consider the other children who are on the receiving end of the biting. If it is a very full centre then there is no incentive for them to keep your child when they can give your space to a less bitey one without the potential for claims for damage from other parent/s.

 

You didnt mention if it is the same child or different children who your son bites. Perhaps the other parent/s have mentioned that they will take the matter further if it happens again?

 

If you've already had two notices then it sound like they operate on a three strikes and your out policy.

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ikeaqueen
Every incident report I have shows them implementing the same thing: removed child, told him to be gentle and biting hurts, showed him he hurt the child and excluded him from the group.

 

It's the same on every incident report.

What else do you want them to do?

 

 

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Shellby
Until you can get your childs biting habit under control

 

A bit harsh - if her child only does it at daycare, what is she meant to do to get it under control? You can't tell a 18m child now don't go biting today okay, they don't understand. Really all you can do is remove them, time out and show them why right away. Again if they do it at home then you do the same thing - other than that what else can you really do with a 18m old - its natural for some to bite.

 

If its the same child - maybe that child is doing something everyone is missing and in return the child bites - my youngest only ever bit his brother at day care - turned out he would take a toy off him, and in return Ben would bite him to get it back - once the carer noticed the toy thing she was able to punish James as well for taking the toy and after that he stop taking toys off Ben, and Ben stopped biting.

 

I think its rude the day care is not even trying to find out WHY he is biting while there before just throwing him out. I have to say after that even if they said he could stay after your mother being there I would remove both my kids as they honestly just want 'prefect' kids to take care of.

 

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InsertAwesomeHere
I'd be pretty peeved off if someone kept biting my child while they were in daycare. I think they've done the right thing for the time being. Until you can get your childs biting habit under control, the safety of other children needs to be a priority.

 

I've had my son being bitten and bullied in care. Both were happening repeatedly and both the children that were biting and bullying still attend the same centre.

 

Okay I have a biter in DS who is also 18 months so I know how you feel but I am going to go out on a limb here and say I can see why they are asking you to remove your child.

 

It comes down to their duty of care not only to your child but to other children. If they have a repeat offender then they need to consider the other children who are on the receiving end of the biting. If it is a very full centre then there is no incentive for them to keep your child when they can give your space to a less bitey one without the potential for claims for damage from other parent/s.

 

You didnt mention if it is the same child or different children who your son bites. Perhaps the other parent/s have mentioned that they will take the matter further if it happens again?

 

If you've already had two notices then it sound like they operate on a three strikes and your out policy.

If they had a three strikes your out policy then the other child that was biting my son should have been removed as well.

 

They also posted in this months newletter saying that excluding a child under the age of 2 from daycare because of biting was not the answer.

 

I understand that children are getting hurt but they have given me 1 weeks notice to find care for an 18 month old. I work full time. I have no leave accrued and I have called other centres. There are no vacancies.

 

Other things they could try:

 

Allowing him to have a dummy during the day whilst playing with other kids

I could buy a teething ring and a ribbon so he has something on him all the time

He is also in a group of 0-2 year olds. He has a 4 and a half year old brother at home that he plays with so he is used to playing older games, maybe he isn't stimulated enough.

 

He has bitten at home, his brother and cousin (5 weeks younger). He was given 1 minute time outs in the corner, told he was hurting someone and to be nice and he no longer bites at home. The incidents at day care are also reducing. We have only had 1 day in the last week with incidents.

 

Some incidents are provoked and others are not, it is different children. There may be something happening that they aren't seeing.

Edited by ~2blue~

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happy2bme

I must admit I'm with another pp - if my child was being bitten all the time at daycare I'd be pretty peeved.

 

It sounds like daycare have done the right things, things from removing him from the situation & talking to him they are pretty powerless to do much more.

 

Does he bite at home? What things have you done to help the situation as well??

 

I've not yet had a biter so maybe I see if from a different angle and I don't necessarily agree with the child care centre actions either though

Edited by happy2bme

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LJandAJ

I would be asking for a full explination of what they have done to help you son. They shouldnt be excluding him until they have tried everything.

Have they sourced outside help? Here in WA we would call CHILD Australia who would come and watch the child and the whole room and give stratagies to try and follow up with more help and supprt. Staff should be recording exactly what happens before during and after the incident, often this shows a pattern.

There are lots of reasons kids bite but when they do it a lot you can normally work out what it is. How can they expect an 18 month old to change his behaviour? They need to be showing him what to do instead of biting.

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Sleep Debt
I must admit I'm with another pp - if my child was being bitten all the time at daycare I'd be pretty peeved.

 

It sounds like daycare have done the right things, things from removing him from the situation & talking to him they are pretty powerless to do much more.

 

Does he bite at home? What things have you done to help the situation as well??

 

I've not yet had a biter so maybe I see if from a different angle and I don't necessarily agree with the child care centre actions either though

 

exactly this.

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flaneuse

i'm sorry you're in this situation. finding day care sucks at any time.

i believe the key to maintaining the placement for your son is communication. sounds like a w**k i know but if the centre (owners/operators/staff) come to see you just as a "difficult case" they are less likely to want to communicate with you- you've got to keep trying, and don't get emotional and don't play for sympathy. just keep talking and being reasonable. acknowledge that the centre has a duty of care to the other children and that you understand if other parents have concerns about the well-being of their children.

 

having said this the biting needs to stop. yes, most kids go thru a biting stage. your child sounds like he's at the most eager end of the spectrum to continue this behaviour. there's probably no magic cure but have you investigated; having your son examined by a doctor/dentist/speech pathologist to determine if there's something about his mouth, teeth, jaw that makes biting soothing or pleasurable for him? trying to modify his behaviour thru giving as little attention as possible to biting and rewarding/praising acceptable behaviour? checking that he can hear (perhaps he's frustrated that no-one seems to talk to him or listen to him?) teaching other methods to resolve his anger/frustration or lack of sharing/taking turns with other kids? if this is what leads to biting. speaking of which, i know finding the time to do this will be nigh on impossible but perhaps you need to try... can you observe your son and determine what circumstances lead him to bite? is it when sharing toys, before naps, after meals, during meals, inside, outside, with strangers, friends family? older kids, younger kids, adults? loud times, quiet times? what i'm getting at is maybe different situations stress your son and the only way he (presently) knows to relieve this stress is to bite. or perhaps food additives irritate him? or when he's tired he gets snappy (literally) or he has allergies to pollen and dust (outside)?

 

getting back to keeping your son's place at day care, let them know that you really do care about their responsibility and the welfare of the other kids, and that you have a plan (some or all of the above suggestions, and anything else you think of) and appointments to see doctors/specialists to try to stop your son biting. you'd really appreciate their help in implementing your plan but you can't do it if your son loses his place at the centre.

 

i hope i haven't been interfering. i really do sympathise with the difficulty of difficult behaviour and getting and keeping chid care places. my best wishes to you.

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Mumsyto2
What else do you want them to do?

I think some of the problem is that the centre is limited in what they can do to deal with the situation as it would be against DOCS rules (or whatever the equivalent is in your state).

 

My son started to bite as all children do. I immediately shouted NO very loudly, directly and closely in his face (yes, he was very frightened by it !) then I immeditaely put him in a (safe) closed room. Bugger the 1 minute for every year of age thing. He was in there for 15 minutes - hysterical. Only took 4 bites for him to realise this was NOT on and he did not do it again.

 

After the first bite I told his day care when I dropped him off the next morning that whilst it may be a one off I did not want it to become a habit and to watch him closely. I told them what I wanted them to do in the event it happened and they told me that this would be against DOCS rules and that all they could do were the same actions OP has outlined. Given this I really felt it was up to me to get on top of it at home as there was little they could do there that would be effective. They also had a 3 warnings and you are out rule. In the policy it stated that after the first warning there had to be a meeting with the parent to establish an action plan but I always felt that would be useless if required given their previous advice that they could only really use one strategy as everything else is supposedly outlawed by DOCS.

 

Also my child had been on the receiving end of bites during his years at day care. Most were the 'norm' and I accepted this as part of kids being kids and it was constant so no dramas. However once he was bitten so badly his skin was punctured in several places, there was a complete mouth mark and the area was black and blue for weeks - he required medical attention and antibiotics. I kicked up a stink. The offending child left not long after as the biting could not be brought under control with the only answer being complete one on one supervision constantly every second which meant the rest of the kids were not getting the proper 'ratio' of kids to carers which is okay as a one off here and there in such a situation (or where a child has trouble settling or is particularly upset that day etc) but not on a permanent basis.

 

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InsertAwesomeHere
having said this the biting needs to stop. yes, most kids go thru a biting stage. your child sounds like he's at the most eager end of the spectrum to continue this behaviour. there's probably no magic cure but have you investigated; having your son examined by a doctor/dentist/speech pathologist to determine if there's something about his mouth, teeth, jaw that makes biting soothing or pleasurable for him? trying to modify his behaviour thru giving as little attention as possible to biting and rewarding/praising acceptable behaviour? checking that he can hear (perhaps he's frustrated that no-one seems to talk to him or listen to him?) teaching other methods to resolve his anger/frustration or lack of sharing/taking turns with other kids? if this is what leads to biting. speaking of which, i know finding the time to do this will be nigh on impossible but perhaps you need to try... can you observe your son and determine what circumstances lead him to bite? is it when sharing toys, before naps, after meals, during meals, inside, outside, with strangers, friends family? older kids, younger kids, adults? loud times, quiet times? what i'm getting at is maybe different situations stress your son and the only way he (presently) knows to relieve this stress is to bite. or perhaps food additives irritate him? or when he's tired he gets snappy (literally) or he has allergies to pollen and dust (outside)?

It seems to happen inside, mostly with younger children but as I said he is in 0-2's and he is 18 months old so he is around the younger children most of the time.

 

I don't get much time with him during the week because he is at daycare, it's almost 6 by the time i get home and since they raised the issue with my i've had 1 weekend at home with him as the other weekend he was with his dad.

 

The weekend I had him home, he didn't bite.

 

I hadn't thought to take him to the Dr. I have next Thursday off so I will take him to the Dr's then.

 

I just called her, offered other solutions and she said the letter stands.

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flaneuse

i'm so sorry. that really sucks that the letter stands.

i don't know what else to suggest. day care centres do have to operate by the rules but i would have thought some leeway would be allowed given you're doing/ going to be doing so much to solve the problem.

 

keep trying, i suppose. and look for alternative care quickly. there are some good websites that can help with this. plus call your local council.

 

persist, persist, persist!

 

best wishes

 

 

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~Clio~

I would call and ask the Director if she can have him moved up to the next room on an exemption. You may have to sign something to say you give permission to this but it should be able to happen. It could solve the problem or at least he would be out with the bigger children who are able to move away/defend themselves.

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InsertAwesomeHere
I would call and ask the Director if she can have him moved up to the next room on an exemption. You may have to sign something to say you give permission to this but it should be able to happen. It could solve the problem or at least he would be out with the bigger children who are able to move away/defend themselves.

He can't go in the bigger room as it would change ratios.

 

I found another centre, surprisingly. They can start him on Monday so i've requested his fee's and bond be refunded next week as I don't want him to attend as they haven't been helpful with the matter anyway.

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1ds1dd

Having working in long day care for 20 years, I have seen a lot of biters. One little boy was biting others up to 12 times a day! We as child care professionals, came up with an intensive program for language development and the problem was 90% resolved within one month. It makes me sad that your carers can just give up on a young child with a normal for age developmental issue without putting in the hard yards to help to try and improve it!

 

Maybe you can do some research and try and improve his language skills a little and see if it helps?

 

 

Good luck.

 

 

1ds1dd

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