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Sandra

October 08 Parents # 68

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Alis Volat Propiis

GOLD and red and silver.... hehe...

 

Merry Christmas! I have a few pressies to wrap. The chocolate sticky date puddings are cooling, other goodies in the fridge. I am toasting carols by candelight with a vino.

 

Mwah! Love to you all xoxo

 

Sharna

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Fabulous

Merry Christmas to all. :heart: I'm just watching the carols on TV and will be staying up late to do the santa thing. Miss 8 and Miss 10 have their stockings out in anticipation. :D We are going over to the IL's tomorrow and I will be making a couple of salads in the morning. We were originally going to have Christmas at SIL's but she didn't want it to start until 3pm in the afternoon. :blink:

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bec8112

Merry Christmas to everyone, hope you all had a great day with your families :-)

 

my kiddies got so spoilt! Need 2 cars to get it all home !!!!!

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Small Potatoes

Merry Christmas Everyone.

 

I hope you all got spoilt rotten. We had a great day and the kids had soooo much fun. Olly didn't even have a nap, but Will fell asleep on the couch for about 45mins.

 

 

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meeskamouska

Hi Girls.

I locked myself out of my EB account...laugh!!

Finally back in.

Had a great xmas hope everyone else did too.

We just got back from the creek. My whole family went for a swim. Good fun!!

 

Hows things Sharna with Dan away??

 

Chat soon !!

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Alis Volat Propiis

Nat - thanks for asking sweets. I am really busy... as you would appreciate having to do the single parent thing when Paul is away. The evenings are a bit chaotic but mostly I am good. Christmas day was awesome as the kids and family make it special.

 

We braved the shops today but N had a meltdown in Myer as I was looking at bed linen.... she fell asleep in the car on the way home and slept for 3 hours after I transferred her to bed... overtired still from yesterday I think.

 

Dan is good. He surprised his family... we didnt tell anyone he was coming over. He rocked up at their door dressed as Santa and for a good 5 minutes they didnt know it was him. He pulled out a pack of Tim Tams from the sack and his mum apparently nearly had a heart attack... she cried like he had died! They had a bit of snow today also so he got his white christmas. I told him on Skype today that he owes me at least one week off from the kids and he agreed.... lol. Now what to do with that? Perhaps a girly weekend down the coast before I go back to work???

 

Gotta go to bed. A few vinos too many and I am wrecked.

 

Hi Ros. Hi Mands!

 

Sharna xoxo

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Small Potatoes

Sharna I find the evenings, dinner bath and bed the hardest when DH isn't home. Yay on Dan getting there safely and surprising his family.

 

Nat The swim in the creek sounds fun

 

 

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themelster

I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas!

 

Nat - how on earth did you lock yourself out of your EB account?! You dag :D I hope chrissy went smoothly with Paul. it sounds like you had a nice one. I hope so.

 

Mands - I've been meaning to say a big congrats on finding out you are having a healthly little boy. Gosh, what fun your lot will have!

 

Sharna - your dear MIL. I didn't realise Dan was surprising the family. She would have been over the moon. I love stuff like that. He should have recorded it! Are you counting down the days until they come back. Was it hard having Christmas with Nadia without him there?

 

Bec - did Ethan have a great day? It's nice when the kids get spoilt :D

 

AFU - we had a really lovely day. We just went around to a friends place who put on a roast lunch for us. She has a 5 year old boy called Angus and Tom and he get along really well. So that was nice. Tom didn't have a nap but did so well. He really is a delight at the moment. He is also now going to sleep on his own (for now anyway!) and sleeping in until 6.30am - 7am.

 

We went to my uncle's place yesterday for our annual boxing day extended family get-together. Every year we do it. Aunts, Uncles, cousins etc. It got me thinking. I saw all my cousins and their siblings. And all my cousins kids, and their siblings. And then up on my Auntie's wall she has a collage of photo's of her kids growing up (she has 3) and one photo was of Katie and Joseph in bed asleep together, cuddling. It really got me thinking that I think I want Tom to have a sibling. I want someone that can be there for him to play with (and to argue with), to be at school with, on holidays with etc whilst he is growing up. Someone to share those Xmas mornings with him opening presents under the tree and the family dinners around the table. I don't know, I'm rambling here, just talking out loud. do you think I am putting too much of a rose coloured lens over this..?? Will he miss out on all of that if I don't have another baby? Or will he be perfectly happy just sharing those moments with Mark and I??? It's so hard because I am so scared of getting PND again. Of having a SN child (I don't know why I have that fear). Sometimes I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel now. Tom is sleeping well, he's a breeze to look after now - do we want to go back there and do it all over again? But on the other hand - it's only two years in the grand scheme of things to give him a brother or a sister that he will have for life. I don't know. Argh.

 

sorry for the ramble! LOL.

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Alis Volat Propiis

Mel - your Christmas sounds lovely. It is nice to see the kids playing together. Dan got a friend to video it all so I can see their reactions when he gets home!

 

More kids - my experience so far is very positive.... so much so that I keep mentioning to Dan about having another one! Crazy lady talk right? Especially as I know I am soooooooooooooooooo not cut out for this SAHM stuff. Aidan is such a delightful baby that the thinking about having three isnt scaring me like it used to. He self settles, sleeps through till 4-5am for a quick feed most nights. All that could change with the start of teething, rolling, walking etc but for now I am really enjoying the two kids. Seeing his face light up when Nadia talks to him and the way she cuddles and wants to play with him is the best part of my day :) Sure we have our challenging days when he is a bit whingey and Nadia is tantrumming but they are relatively few. Mel - I think you are right to think about your mental health and the impact that would have on your family. However I think to worry about possible SN or what kind of sleeper a bub will be is way to negative. To answer your Qn though. Tom will survive and be a happy, adjusted kid even if he is an only child... You have a lovely family right now... another bub just adds to the goodness. :) Not sure if I helped at all. Nothing constructive in there for you but just my ramblings.

 

BBL

 

My kids have just woken up! Woohoo 8am :)

 

Sharna

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Small Potatoes

Mel Well you know I say go for more. A few things to consider as pro arguements:

  • You know what to expect if you do get PND and have a tough kid
  • You can try and prepare before bub comes in the event of the above two scenarios
  • You know it wont last for ever
  • It probably will be fun for Tom to have a buddy

 

But if you are all happy the way you are then don' feel you should. Think long and hard, and I love the pro and con list to help make a decision.

 

Do youknow which EOS was for sale? I am guessing the 1000D. That lens is a good starter lens, gives you some zoom and you can still get some distance from your subject. 18mm is not bad for wide angle shots.

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themelster

Thanks guys, you both helped. Sometimes it's just good to get your internal thoughts out and write them down. And I love to hear how both of you have managed with more than one child and the positives of that. It really doe help. So thank you. For listening and giving advice.

 

Mands, yeah, it was the 1000D. I think we will leave it for now. Considering I just purchased a $900 bike, we can't really afford it!

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meeskamouska

Hi girls. Just a quick read to keep up. I'll be back in a bit later when my house isn't so busy.

Mel - I want to give you my thoughts too but don't have want to rush my post.

 

BBL.

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Fabulous

Heck our aircon stopped working yesterday and it's 40 degrees today. DH spent about 4 hours on the roof this morning cleaning it out and examining it . Anyhow the fan is still working but the water pump seems to be broken so he has gone to bunning to buy some pipe fittings and is going to connect our garden house to the aircon. :o Just a temporary measure until we can get a service man around.

 

Mel- I look at it from a more broad perspective. The baby/toddler stage is just a drop in the ocean and I try not to focus on that too much. It's more about increasing the size of your beautiful family. Just think of the next 50 years that you, Tom and your DH can spend enjoying another child/sibling/possible granchildchildren. My mum has 2 friends in their 50"s and they both now really regret only having one child (by choice). As for having a SN's child that could happen tomorrow to any of us with our existing childen or with ourselves. You can't worry too much about the 'what if's'

Edited by ceres

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bec8112

mel - dont really have alot of time to write now but just wanted to say i am an only child and i always had cousins or friends to play with so that is another thing to think about. We always took someone along with us on family holidays so i had someone to play with. I never really felt lonely. Just wanted to give you the other side of it. if you decide to only have 1 child Tom will be fine. my words are not coming out right so hope i am making sense!!!

 

afm - still up at my parents house but heading home tomorrow. i am so sick of this rainy weather!!!

 

ethan is being a nightmare with his toilet training at the moment! going backwards and lots of accidents!!!! grrrr!

 

 

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Fabulous

Mel- there is 1 or 2 people on NA asking about you. (just thought I would mention it incase you didn't know)

 

Bec- do you think you will Put Ethan back in nappies?

Edited by ceres

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themelster

Bec - I keep forgetting you are an only child. And you are fairly well adjusted ;) LOL. So you never felt resentful that you didn't have any siblings?

 

Ros - thank you for that! I didn't know people were chasing me! I'd just gotten slack over Christmas and hadn't really been online there.

You know, you are right about the toddler and baby years just being a blip. And that is what has kind of made me change my mind about only wanting one. I think down the track, we may regret it. I was thinking not just about family holidays but even small things, like family dinners. 4 just seems more complete than 3. I have a lot of thinking to do. And who knows, I may not even be able to fall pregnant now! I am almost 38.

I hope you get your aircon fixed. pronto!

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meeskamouska

Mel - There's so many pros & cons isn't there. Where do u start? I think 3 is a complete family as is 6. Travelling OS, private schools etc sometimes aren't affordable with more than one child. Myself, as u know, would of been completely happy with just one child. In fact I often wish thats how it still was for me. I can't put mine back but if I had my time again...... hmmm.

I was going to do a huge post but then thought twice as what is good for me might b different for u. Its a big decision. My views are one sided...ONE sided...laugh!!! Trying is always fun though....I like that part...rofl!!

 

So tired...so wet!!...when will the rain stop.

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~mumto2girls~

Evening everyone

 

Christmas here was hectic but nice. Glad its all over though.. Rest time lol...

 

Mel - re 2nd bub...... I suffered PND after Kira and swore to myself that that would be it for us.... I said I could never go through that again and put my family through what i went through.. But 3 years down the track I could see that it wasnt fair to Kira not to have a sibling. ( Now dont get me wrong I think everyone is different with different opinions etc but for me I felt really guilty about it) So I did the pros and cons and the pros did outway the cons. For instance there is a chance the PND wont return with the second, secondly treated right and prevented early can make it alot easier (When I found out I was pregnant with Indy my doc referred me to a psycologist who was fantastic and prepared me for what was ahead and how to deal with what i went through), This time around I wasnt afraid to go on medication if i felt the need... So with all that my pnd did stay away until Indy was about 1. I did feel that I needed the medication and infact im still on it but I feel fantastic!!! I have stopped seeing my psycologist and she has taught me so much. And you know what I would go through it all again just to see Kira loving playing with her sister and laughing and joking around...

 

I understand some situations are different and only having one child is great... There is no right or wrong answer to it.. You need to feel like you are making the right decision for your family....

 

Its such a hard call to make... I have decided that 2 is definately it for me as I know my body couldnt handle a 3rd pregnancy.... I know 9 months is only a short time to have a life time of happiness with an extra child but i love my family of 4 and I feel complete!!

 

ok that was a ramble and hope I didnt offend anyone... I didnt mean to.. Its so hard to write down exactly what i mean without it sounding one sided..... I really think you need to feel complete and happy if you have 1 child or 4 children.. Only you will know.. It took me a good 3 years after kira was born to be certain i wanted another.

 

Ok that enough.. Hi Sharna, Nat, Mands, Bec, Ros

 

 

The weather here is unbeleivable.. We have been flooded into our town.... All roads leading out to other towns have been blocked.. All but 1 bridge went under in our town today.. Never seen so much water!! Unbeleiveable.. A huge dam wall had busted too and all that water ended up in our local creek that runs through the town... it was amazing to see..

 

ok the girls are at mum and dads tonight so im heading of to bed..

 

Night all xx

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themelster

Thanks ladies, I really am torn at the moment.

 

Nat - don't ever hold back. I wouldn't have asked for advice if I didn't want open, honest feedback. I know what is right for one may not be for another, but it is nice (for me anyway) to have lots of information from people who have been there and done it. Man, it's such a hard decision.

 

I think all of my reasons for thinking about having another are all emotional. Whereas all of my reasons for thinking about stopping at one are all logical. Sometimes it is hard to marry the two up.

 

Bec - I wonder why Ethan has regressed in his TT? I have heard it is pretty common though. Especially with a new (ish) bubba in the house. The good thing is you know he CAN do it.

 

M2TG - You haven't offended anyone! And I feel confident I can speak for the others. I appreciate your honestly. PNG - it's a devil hey. Scares the bejesus out of me, the thought of it coming back! Those were some dark days! LOL.

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Small Potatoes

Mel teh whole time i was PG with Oliver I thought "Oh my god what have I done, I should have stopped at one", this time I get it occasionally. It just depends on you. Tom would be much better as a single child with a happy family than to have a sibling with a destroyed family (I know that sounds dramatic but you know what I mean).

 

Amanda No offence here, we like everyone to feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and opinions

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Fabulous

Mel- just thought I would add that having a new baby when your older child is 3 or more years old is a totally different experience to having 2 children with a close age gap. Sooo much easier IMO.

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themelster

TOTALLY know what you mean Mands.

 

Ros - very true. I couldn't have even contemplated it even 6 months ago!

 

This whole discussion could be a moot point anyway. I'm almost 38! I have probably left it too late.

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~mumto2girls~
Mel- just thought I would add that having a new baby when your older child is 3 or more years old is a totally different experience to having 2 children with a close age gap. Sooo much easier IMO.

 

 

I agree with this compeletly.. Kira was 4 when Indy was born and it was great.. She was able to help me with stuff and new wrong from right... It was a lot easier...

 

Mel - I hear you about the dark days.. I was actually hospitalised both times because of it.. was really horrible

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meeskamouska

Mel - u wouldn't have left it too late. I have really struggled with having more than one child. My mental health has always been fragile. I like my quiet time & my kids do my head in with sibling bantering. It sends me stupid. My sister & I faught like nothing when we were small. We r besties now but gee it was hard for me growing up. I hated her sooo much. There was never any harmony in our house. I hate being pregnant too...laugh...I'm such a downer.

 

Everyone went home here today. Except Josh, he is here for 2 more weeks. Charlee cried when Dad & his wife left. She was crying out Nanny Nanny..... made me get all teary. I miss my family terribly. Don't much like living away from them. We had a fabulous week all together though.

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