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Join the club: "I want #4 but I am not sure" # 8

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Mumto3cheekyboys

Just popping in to see how many of us are left.lol. Also to wish you a Happy, Healthy and Safe New Year.

 

I jsut wish that Aaron would have his afternoon nap. I suppose it is wishful thinking with 44 degree heat outside. The I woul d be able to say everything that I want to. Kids.lol.

 

Take Care

Angela

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Eizzor

Hi everyone,just wondering who,s still waiting and wondering??

My husband is still promoting the joys of #4 to me,lol.

I had been feeling a bit queasy the last few days so there was a lot of wishful thinking but l burst that bubble by telling him l,m just coming down with some tummy bug.

But l can tell you all that he seems to be changing my mind and #4 could be a yes for us.

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s3363979

Hi everyone. I have been lurking around this thread for a while hoping to get some tips on how you ladies try to convince your DH's to say that longed for "YES". It is funny to read through the posts from a while back and see the same persons posts over time - "DH says absolutely no more children"..."DH might be coming around"... "DH has said yes!!".

It gives me hope that I may get number 3 one day :D . So how DO you ladies do it? How do you get your DH to go from a flat no to saying yes?

My DH is very stubborn and if I nagged him he would probably be more inclined to keep saying no. But I find it really hard not to let the matter rest without an answer(well not the answer I want anyway <_< )

So PLEASE all those ladies who have turned their DH's what are your secrets!!! Do you nag? or discreetly manipulate? or cry? Or demand?

 

Let me know how you did it!

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furmum

Hi claire, how are you??

 

well, it is a strenous journey trying to get hubby to say yes!

:blink::huh:

 

i of all people should know-the girls here know all about it, how crazy i've been & how many posts i posted on this topic! one minute i was yes, then no, then back to yes etc. etc.! & that was just me !!

 

then working on the hubby-WELL !!!! :o

i am married to a very very very stubborn italian guy! & believe you me, all i did all of 2005 was speak about this topic to him !!! he was very frustrated towards the end !!

 

:angry::angry::angry:

 

i then layed off for a couple of months & towards xmas when the "festive" season was drawing near, i started up again.not nagging, just bringing it up again & how much my heart desired it. i just out right asked him to give me a serious & final descision on whether he wanted a 4th or not & he gave himself a time limit (which was to be new years eve). i think i had asked him at the beginning of december. well, i got my answer........a week before xmas he outright said NO !!! & that was it-no matter what !!!!! i was devastated!!!! :(

 

i then ignored him completely until xmas eve!!!! i know-very childish !!! :blush: i cried a few times, i dont know if he ever saw me though ?? i tryed to make sure that he didn't.

i'm 33, we've been together since i was almost 16, so it felt very childish for me to do that, it reminded me of when we used to argue when we were teenagers!!!! :rolleyes:

anyway, sorry to ramble-he then came up to me on xmas eve lunch time & put his arms around me & said, "look, i didn't realise you wanted this so much, i'm more than happy, if it makes YOU happy, to have a 4th" - i nearly died !!!!!!

:blink::o:huh:

sorry about the details...... :blush: we literally started TTC that same afternoon !!!!!!!! i must admit, there has been more discussions about it-he's quite concerned that i just WILL NOT cope with a 4th one, & i have the same worry??

but, we'll just see how we go..........

that's my story !!!!! :smile:

 

it took me a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG time, but he finally said yes!

 

GOOD LUCK.......................FURMUM..............

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abba~dabba~do

Hey everyone. Just found out on Christmas Day that I am expecting baby number 4.

I can relate to the "Are you mad?" comments I keep getting especially as it's school holidays!! But this bubba will definately be my last(having my tubes tied after) I'm going to enjoy this precious gift.

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Honeyblonde

Hello girls

 

I had my scan today and we are having one perfect healthy baby...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BOY!

 

Now we have to find some names!

 

Hope you are all having fun still sitting on the fence, anyone else gotten pregnant yet, I think we scared everyone off with all these pregnancies!! LOL

 

Take care

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=Araminta=

Claire and Furmum, I can so relate to what you are saying. I have decided definately that I want to have number 3, DH most of the time is dead against it for now, and says if we have another it wouldn't be for about 5 years. I personally am not up for that kind of age gap (ds is 4, and dd 2). I can see the conversations, battle and all the associated drama lurking on the horizon, as it has been since dd was born. Oh dear!

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cloudnine

Hello!

Was just wondering if you girls would mind me popping in occassionally....I didn't know this thread exsisted,but think you may all be able to help me.??

I soooooooooooo want a fourth child,and DH is dead against it....I am finding it really difficult,and thought I may find some comfort in here??

 

Conrgatulations to all of you expecting your 4th! Enjoy your precious pregnacies...I am so clucky!LOL!

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~Fuzjuz~

I'm still here, just don't want to catch a pregnancy ATM. :tongue::D

 

Welcome to the Newbies. I'm Justine, SAHM to Blake who is 6 1/2 & twin girls, Haylee & Tianna who will be 4 in march!! :o

 

My DH was dead against no4 at first too. :( Now were at a we'll see. :D I just drop hints every now & then & try not to bombard him. He was meant to have a vascectomy when the girls were 1yr old so I'm very glad that didn't happen. :D

 

Honeyblond, another boy, congratulations. :D Boys are wonderful.

 

Better go, off for the kids swimming lessons. Have a great week everyone.

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furmum

HONEYBLONDE-that's fantstic !!!! :rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

am glad you are having a healthy baby boy-all the best!!

 

hope everyone is well??? yes, WHERE IS EVERYONE ?? :blink:

 

i'm a bit all over the place at the moment :wacko::wacko:

 

i've got a husband who's playing mind games with me because he's VERY CONFUSED about TTC #4 !! he gave me a big fat Y E S

on xmas eve & a week after that he started having doubts??

he's even put doubts in my head?? :wacko:

i just dont know what to do anymore-was going to post a post on this whole topic, but i just couldn't be bothered!!! i dont know anymore???? we'll just see what happens.........

sometimes we have unprotected sex, sometimes we dont-depends how HE feels-pathetic, isnt it !!! but he just keeps saying that it's his uncertainty???????? he still keeps going on about me-that i'm NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO COPE with a 4th one cause i'm a stress-head allready with our 3 that we've got.

 

so, that's where i'm at, at the moment.....i could be pregger's allready-who know's.....but i could NOT be too !!

 

hope all is well for everyone..........

 

FURMUM............

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cloudnine

Furmum,

No wonder you're feeling frustrated....

He either does or he doesn't??? It seems if he's happy to have unprotected sex,then his definate YES on xmas eve is agoer,but then he's saying something else???

Must be very hard.

 

I just wish my DH's heart would change....he's gone from wanting to book his vasectomy last year,to agreeing to do nothing permanent,until,a FINAL decison has been made,but still says he has no desire whatsoever to have another child.

He has at least agreed to try and open his mind and heart to the probability...but isn't very confident,he'll change his mind.Which leaves me in a horrible place,of feeling so sad,that I'm never going to have another baby... :(

He's also asked me to try and forget my feelings of wanting another (Theyre very intense!) and learn to be content with what we have,But I am content.I am so thankful and blessed with three of the most gorgeous kids I know LOL!yet,I still feel deep within that,I could have another.

I guess I am afraid that if we don't will I forever feel sad and in a way resentful that DH wouldn't have another baby with me???

I'm feeling quite down about it actually...

thanks for listening to the ramble.....

 

Furmum,

No wonder you're feeling frustrated....

He either does or he doesn't??? It seems if he's happy to have unprotected sex,then his definate YES on xmas eve is agoer,but then he's saying something else???

Must be very hard.

 

I just wish my DH's heart would change....he's gone from wanting to book his vasectomy last year,to agreeing to do nothing permanent,until,a FINAL decison has been made,but still says he has no desire whatsoever to have another child.

He has at least agreed to try and open his mind and heart to the probability...but isn't very confident,he'll change his mind.Which leaves me in a horrible place,of feeling so sad,that I'm never going to have another baby... :(

He's also asked me to try and forget my feelings of wanting another (Theyre very intense!) and learn to be content with what we have,But I am content.I am so thankful and blessed with three of the most gorgeous kids I know LOL!yet,I still feel deep within that,I could have another.

I guess I am afraid that if we don't will I forever feel sad and in a way resentful that DH wouldn't have another baby with me???

I'm feeling quite down about it actually...

thanks for listening to the ramble.....

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~Sorceress~

Congratulations, HoneyBlonde! Boys are just *wonderful*! Of course, so are girls!

 

I'm still clucky, but as dh is still not, life goes on as usual :). I just keep hoping some of the babydust from here will rub off and we'll have an accident and not need to think it through too hard ;).

 

Furmum, I think you're in a really tough situation. It sounds as though your dh is a little indecisive, but at least he's being honest with you.

 

My dh wasn't really keen on kids at all, but is a wonderful wonderful father. We have 4 kids because *I* love children and think we do them rather well. But I would never ever want to harass him unfairly into another child - he knows my feelings, and I trust him to do the right thing by our family whatever that might be.

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KristyMum-

prob can't even lurk legitimately any more here lol but HAD to stop in and say...

 

oh Big hairy CONGRATULATIONS Honeyblonde...!!!

 

(the 'hairy' bit is a good thing/affectionate in our house!)

WOOHOO! Lots of love and whispers for the belly, and whispers to all the other bellies just as much.

K

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Sonyac

Hi Ladies,

 

I was in here once before and am back again (must be PMS).

 

I gave Dh an ultimatum that it was either a baby or a dog and he told me I could have a dog. I get a lot of comments about how the cats will be unhappy.

 

Only one problem, my auntie is pregnant atm, there is major arguments in the family and I am feeling awful.

 

I had 2 miscarriages after DD was born. Met and married current Dh who has 2 kids to his first wife. I have them all fulltime and they are wonderful but I always wanted more children and now feel a little put out. I got dealt a really raw deal with all of the life experience I have had and now feel like I am paying the price for a lot of things that were not my fault.

 

My auntie's pregnancy has brought up a lot of hurt feelings on my part and a lot of comments from my family. I have cried on and off for 2 weeks because I have been so upset. I told my Dh about the comments and the nastiness and said that even if I did have another baby I would get more comments from them. Their comments about me wanting another one in the last couple of weeks and giving away the rest of the baby stuff I have because I will not be having anymore children has hurt and I am feeling posessive about my things that I am supposed to be lending to my auntie. I told Dh I should go ahead and have another one to shut them up but that I would get comments such as "you have 3 children, you don't need to have any more" would come my way, not to mention my health issues.

 

I had decided to boycott the shower but my mother bullied me over the phone tonight when I said I wasn't coming. I tried to think of an excuse not to go because I didn't want to tell her the truth as she is not the most understanding of mothers, everything is always about her and never about me, and I didn't win.

 

I feel sad and sick. I need either to get some serious help or to have another baby, and I know which option would give me the most joy, only problem is that Dh thinks he is too old now that he is 35 and his eldest is 12.

 

I don't even know why I am in this forum, think I might go away again to my little corner where I belong with my thoughts.

 

Sonya :ph34r::ph34r:

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StarlightAngel

Sonyac you are in the same (almost) position that a lot of the mums in here are in. Your feelings are very real and don't feel that you are silly or should be hiding out away rom this forum, this is exactly what it's here for. There are also plenty of mums in the large family forum with at least 12 years between their youngest and oldest, it doesn't matter. Hang around, the girls will be back when all the kids go back to school :D:D .

 

Stella

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happyhearts

Sonya - Don't disappear - something similar is happening to me too! Two of my SIL's are pregnant. One is my DH's sister and she is due first. The other is my brother's wife and she is due about a month later. I would prefer to lend my stuff to my brother and his wife as I know they will take care of it and they actually show interest in our children (godparents to Caleb) but DH's mum has basically told me I'm giving my stuff to his sister. I don't want to because:

 

1. They told me I was doing it instead asking if there was anything I was finished with

2. They don't even have a place of their own yet so I don't know where my stuff would end up being stored in the meantime (probably someone's grotty old shed)

3. They show no interest in our children, can't even remember birthdays and don't bother to buy the kids Christmas presents (not even something little like a bottle of bubbles or a packet of chalk).

4. They don't look after their own things so I would dread to think what condition my stuff would come back in or if it would even come back to me.

 

DH is teetering on a commitment to #4 so I don't want my stuff to go too far away and I definitely want to know that I'll be getting it back in the condition it was lent in IYKWIM.

 

The dynamics of DH's family is very strange - DH's mum is one of those type of women who plays her kids off one against the other and in the end some terrible arguments have happened. I'm not really prepared to become part of that mess again and I know that I will come off sounding like a b*tch because I don't want give her my stuff but I guess I will just have to accept that I will be the talked and whinged about for a while until someone else does something that is worthy of being gossiped about.

 

DH is definitely coming around to the idea of #4 which is great. We even went car shopping yesterday and subject to our finance extension on our house we are going to be getting an 03 Tarago - SO EXCITED!!!! :D Crossing my fingers that it all happens because it would be sooooo good and I'm pretty sure that DH will definitely say yes after we get it!

 

Cross fingers! Cross fingers! Cross fingers! Please let it happen!

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Sonyac

The other hard thing was that I asked for another baby when DD was nearly 3 who btw isn't his and he said to me that he could see his kids getting pushed out of the way whilst I doted on my own children. It has been 5 years and I love all of the kids to death. I just wish I could have another. I was told at 23 that I would spend 9 months in hospital if I had one because I am high risk thanks to the m/c I have had. With my other health problems, having a baby would mean going off of my medication, which would be something I could do for a couple of years without any hassle.

 

I just wish that this issue wasn't still so raw. I guess it will never go away but the way my family are behaving over this baby, I didn't get that when I had DD because I was a scandalous unwed mother pregnant at 19. My mother asked me why we didn't have one but I got the impression at the time that all she was worried about was pushing me into marrying a man who would hurt me so much for 2 years before I would leave him and find someone who treats me like a queen (current dh).

 

We would have to buy a new car and the old one isn't paid off yet, we renovated the house and only have 4 actual bedrooms upstairs although the house has 6 bedrooms, one has been converted into a music room and the other one is now the rumpus room. Our bedroom is big enough to put a cot in it but dh wouldn't be happy with sharing a room with a baby until we could figure out the best way of organising the house to give the child its own room.

 

I thought of just getting pregnant without telling dh but I don't want to be deceitful and then have him get mad at me because I am pregnant and he holds a grudge against me. I want it to be a positive experience, I never had that with my first child and it would have been nice to have.

 

Spoke to my nanna today about things and also told her how I felt. She told me not to be angry with her, she said that she was pleased with me, she was just not happy with my sister and my cousins.

 

I haven't let my guard down. She also told me that if I didn't feel like going to the shower then not go but she said that my auntie would be upset if I wasn't there.

 

I don't want to look at my baby's things, I know it will make me cry if I go through the box of clothes I have, if I go through her memories box, if I pick up her blankets that I kept.

 

It wasn't fair that I couldn't have another baby, and it isn't fair now that I am being denied one.

 

Wish I could change his mind, but somehow I don't think it will happen.

 

Sonya

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radmama

Oh Sonya, I'm sorry. Sending you a big hug :(

 

Did your dh know that you wanted another child when you got married? To me, I would have thought that part of the reason you married was to have a child/ren together. Also, although I can understand your dh's concerns about his children being pushed aside, I think you have proven yourself seeing as you already have your own dd and that isn't happening. I think he is very lucky to have you as his childrens' step mum.

 

Maybe your hubby has financial concerns and just wonders how he would cope with another child.

 

About your relatives giving you grief - could you tell them that you aren't ready to part with the baby stuff yet - you know, sentimental reasons? There really is heaps of 2nd hand baby stuff around...your aunt will probably be inundated with offers of it.

 

 

 

I never nag my dh although I'm sure he knows that I'm keen to have another baby. I kinda mention it casually here and there but a few times he has pointed out some sort of bad behaviour one of the older kids is getting up to and says something like - we can't handle this, and you want another one!??

 

I think I will check out the large families thread....if I get to fall preg this year, there will be almost 15 years age difference between my eldest and youngest eek! That scares me! Am I weird for wanting another child at this stage in my life??!

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LittleBT

New thread time :)

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