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Lou-bags

A Q for those who have a disability

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Lou-bags

Firstly- sh*te title I know. I wasn’t sure what to write and also wanted to keep it short. Sorry if I have made a mistake and please correct me if I have.

Now, please help me not be a jerk face? If you don’t mind?

The scenario:  someone who works in my field has shared on social media that they have problems with a certain task. I have a trick that I use, for a different reason to them (not disability related) but that I think would actually work for them and solve their problem. 
BUT the social media post is not asking for help or suggestions, and is posted in jokey almost self deprecating way.

I’m a d*ck if I offer up my suggestion, aren’t I?

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CallMeFeral

I think you could send it to them in a pm, in a "hey, may be way off base here but in case it's helpful..." type thing. I have someone who when I do this always gets a bit defensive as if he already knew the thing, so I'm not a bit more careful as to whether I'm in the "oh I just had this bright idea and no filter" category vs the "I really feel like it might help if you could just hear this" category, but when it's the latter I still offer it up. It's up to them whether to take it and whether they think I'm doing the know it all thing. All I can do is my best, where they go from there is not within my control. 

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Ozquoll

Not a d*ck, but there is potential for it to backfire if they get offended 😕.

Are they someone you know or work with directly? Is there a way to approach the person privately?

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Riotproof

Is it stupid simple or complicated? Could you "Discover" it in their earshot?

Otherwise, could you share it with a manager for them to share?

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Lou-bags

I haven’t met them in person- we connected via Twitter. I think it would be easier to know how it would be received if I knew them better. 
 

3 minutes ago, Riotproof said:

Is it stupid simple or

Yeh it’s kind of stupid simple, which is another reason I have hesitated. Because it seems like something they’d surely have come across before (my ‘trick’ is not particularly original), but then again maybe not. Sometimes there are little conventions or shortcuts or whatever that you think everyone does because that’s how you were trained but then you find out one day that tonnes of people are doing it differently. 

Leaning toward leaving it be. Or maybe sending a DM. 

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Riotproof

Loubags, I think you are a kind enough person to do it as

 

"i know it's probably stupid, but I saw you were having a problem with x, and I have solved it with z. Sorry if it's something you've already tried"

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Chaotic Pogo

^I think it’s the acknowledgement that you are aware you don’t have all the answers / know all the issues that avoids hurt feelings in a reasonable person.  Credit for trying, and credit for not acting like they just needed someone to come along and sort them out. Definitely a private communication not a public post.
Someone who is not so reasonable - how can you predict! 
I wouldn’t say ‘I know it’s probably stupid’ though, to me that kind of puts both of you down. I’d go more with ‘I saw your post about the problem with x. I know there might be other factors I missed, but Y works well for me so I thought I’d mention it in case you hadn’t come across it before. Sorry if you already considered it’.

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DQMission

If I thought the solution was genuinely helpful, then I might reply with "are you open to ideas that might help?" and see what response you get.

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FeralZombieMum
14 hours ago, Lou-bags said:

BUT the social media post is not asking for help or suggestions, and is posted in jokey almost self deprecating way.

How well do you know them?

Sometimes people post on SM because they don't want solutions, and are after the attention and sympathy for various reasons. If you give them a solution, they can't continue to complain.

 

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Lou-bags
13 hours ago, Riotproof said:

Loubags, I think you are a kind enough person to do it as

 

"i know it's probably stupid, but I saw you were having a problem with x, and I have solved it with z. Sorry if it's something you've already tried"

Aww shucks. Goddam I am going to miss EB. I have truly loved having this community, all of you who feel I know after all these years. Being able to build relationships here with relative anonymity has meant I have been able to share and learn so much that would be difficult to do in 'real life'. I'm truly shook. So sad.

 

Back on topic, it seems my 'trick' is actually as common as I thought it might be (or at least variations of it) as between my posting this last night and checking again this morning a couple of people have posted to the original post with suggestions similar to mine. They have not responded at all to the suggestions. I feel comfortable with my non-responding. I think it was the right call in the end.

And I really appreciate all of the suggestions of how to respond for the future, PPs. 

Especially this one:

18 minutes ago, DQMission said:

If I thought the solution was genuinely helpful, then I might reply with "are you open to ideas that might help?" and see what response you get.

I love this @DQMission! I will definitely use this in future.

 

 

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