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superhotd

4 year old help!

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superhotd

Hi Guys, I am desperate for wisdom & advice. DS 4 is a very energetic, smart, determind little bloke. He is an only child (definitely no more babies PND destroyed me). We have a dysfunctional house at the moment with his Dad working away every week but coming back weekends (no end in sight with this and his Dad and I dont have the best relationship). I work full time and DS is in care 4 days a week (which he has done since 18 months) the other day my Parents have him. The problem is he loves and prefers his Father much more than me. I am the one who keeps law & order and the show going. I dont ever get a look in when Dad is home and when Dad is not here everything works like clock work and I get hugs and love . Our situation and DS's behaviour is a comedy of errors. DS is spoilit and I know this but added to this is spitting, biting, hitting us or my Parents.

How do I turn things around and get my Baby back to loving his Mama?  

Please be gentle I am very sad about all this and feel like I have failed.

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Green Sage

He does love you, but you’re there every day, and probably busy keeping sh*t together. How do you work full time and parent full time?? Must be totally exhausting.  Along comes daddy, who your DS has missed, and daddy is exciting and new, and so daddy gets all the attention.

and, what does daddy do on weekends? Does he spend the whole time rushing around, and cooking and cleaning like you probably do every weekday? Or is he fun and relaxed? 

You’re in a tough situation. I say, as a start, Just make sure, on weekends, you get to be the fun one, and spend time playing with your son. Relaxed time, no meal prep, no bath time, just play time. Maybe you and DH take a day each to be the fun one, while the other one does all the housework drudgery.

Edited by Green Sage
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Jenflea

Define spoilt.

Are there consequences to him hitting or spitting or biting? When does he do these things? Do you have firm boundaries and rules you all follow? 

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superhotd

Spoilit as in the past year I have over indulged him with pressies outside xmas & birthdays, behaviour wise I have slacked off with the consequences to his actions. I think because of solo parenting and a very stressful job has me exhausted but we have an a very good routine morning and night and he is a good sleeper. It has been a long year personally and for everyone as well.

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superhotd
7 hours ago, Green Sage said:

He does love you, but you’re there every day, and probably busy keeping sh*t together. How do you work full time and parent full time?? Must be totally exhausting.  Along comes daddy, who your DS has missed, and daddy is exciting and new, and so daddy gets all the attention.

and, what does daddy do on weekends? Does he spend the whole time rushing around, and cooking and cleaning like you probably do every weekday? Or is he fun and relaxed? 

You’re in a tough situation. I say, as a start, Just make sure, on weekends, you get to be the fun one, and spend time playing with your son. Relaxed time, no meal prep, no bath time, just play time. Maybe you and DH take a day each to be the fun one, while the other one does all the housework drudgery.

 

7 hours ago, Green Sage said:

He does love you, but you’re there every day, and probably busy keeping sh*t together. How do you work full time and parent full time?? Must be totally exhausting.  Along comes daddy, who your DS has missed, and daddy is exciting and new, and so daddy gets all the attention.

and, what does daddy do on weekends? Does he spend the whole time rushing around, and cooking and cleaning like you probably do every weekday? Or is he fun and relaxed? 

You’re in a tough situation. I say, as a start, Just make sure, on weekends, you get to be the fun one, and spend time playing with your son. Relaxed time, no meal prep, no bath time, just play time. Maybe you and DH take a day each to be the fun one, while the other one does all the housework drudgery.

Thanks Greensage you have hit the nail on the head! I constantly question my mental load and am constantly resentful to my Husband. Come end of the week I am an exhausted mess!

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22Fruitmincepies
3 hours ago, superhotd said:

 

Thanks Greensage you have hit the nail on the head! I constantly question my mental load and am constantly resentful to my Husband. Come end of the week I am an exhausted mess!

Can you take a weekend away by yourself sometime? It might make things worse temporarily, but it sounds like you really need a break. I’m sorry I can’t offer any other suggestions. 

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