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Twinmum+2

Is anyone really happy?

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Twinmum+2

I know this is not a normal year but I was feeling frustrated by ongoing mental health issues which never seem to end and started wondering if there are actually any people who don't have any.  As in, everyone has bad days now and then but is there actually anyone who feels like they definitely don't suffer from depression and/or anxiety?  Or even someone who feels they have recovered in some way from past issues?  

Not that anyone wants to jinx themselves... 

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can'tstayaway

I can only speak for myself and it’s a definite - Nope.  

I have suffered from anxiety all my life and I was labelled a sook/wuss as a child.  Efforts to ‘toughen’ me up did not work.  I’ve spent years as an adult in counselling and suspect that I will likely use professional supports for the foreseeable future.

On the outside, it looks like I’ve got my sh*t together and I’m livin’ the dream.  It feels different in my head though.

 

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~Jolly_F~

I suffer from anxiety and depression but right now I feel like I am in a good space. Is that happy, I dont know, I guess I feel happy or at the very least content. I am under no illusions that I cant go right back down the hole...

For us, this year (as much of a sh*tshow as it has been) has been a chance to slow down and just be. Sure we have missed out on things and some crap things have happened in our house - but we have also had some good things happen too.

My head is always a mess, I just go with it. It hasnt changed my whole life, I doubt it will now. Therapy isnt something I find beneficial for me but that because of me, I know its brilliant for others. Since I sort of realised  can end my life whenever I want, I feel some weird sense of peace. 

Anyway probably not at all helpful but it feels good to ramble a bit. 

Please dont quote!

Edited by ~Jolly_F~
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Jenflea

My husband is the only one I know who doesn't have anxiety.  And maybe his dad actually. 

I certainly do, as do all my friends, especially ones with kids. 

 

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Kallie88

I certainly wouldn't say I'm better, but I do think my overall coping has improved over time and i'm pretty proud of myself for that. I'm better at seeing my triggers for what they are and i'm practicing stepping back and naming them i'm not dealing with something. happiness comes and goes and honestly i think that's normal, mental health issues or no

Edited by Kallie88
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PrincessPeach

I think so, but then I cannot say that something won’t bring me undone. 

I was part of a steering committee for a study into Vietnam veterans children & through that I learnt that there are people who are naturally resilient & those who are not. The not’s far outnumbered the naturals so basing on that OP, you are so not alone.

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hmmph

Anxiety here. Medication is the bomb. I have found an excellent psych now. I don't need to see her often, but I like that she's there if I need. After reading bits of the happiness trap, I don't go for happiness now. I focus on appreciating beautiful things,  feeling useful and trying to do good... Etc.

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BadCat

Yes, overall I would say I'm happy.

I do have anxiety but it's under control without medication or ongoing counselling.  It's high right now because of a nasty incident, but it will pass and I will be me again.

I was not always happy. I used to worry way too much what others thought of me and I bent myself into weird shapes to fit in.  Now I don't bother.  Take me as the flawed individual I am, or don't. I won't change for anyone anymore.

 

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can'tstayaway

^^^  Counselling has helped me to better cope with challenges but it hasn’t made me happy per se.

I think I read an interview of the Dali Lama who said that constant happiness is an unachievable goal. Life is meant to have up and downs and going through the lows help us to appreciate the highs.  The highs are meant to be peaks and not a constant state of being.  

Maybe we should aim for satisfaction rather than happiness?

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Hands Up

I’m pretty stressed out with work, but otherwise I’m happy. I know I’m fortunate in that regard.

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Crombek

Happy? Sometimes, not generally. But I've done a lot of work around deprioritising "happy" as a reference point for life. Happy is an emotion, not a life goal. And like all emotions it will come and go. I'm trying to create a life that is meaningful and is completely independent of chasing after a particular feeling.

I would really recommend you read The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. Brilliant book. 

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Lucrezia Bauble

no - I’m stressed and anxious about a lot of things. i can really only remember one time when i was really happy - blissfully happy - i was pregnant with my first child and was about to go on Mat leave - it was a wonderful feeling - but probably helped by happy pregnancy hormones! i’ve never had it since. even yesterday my dr had to take three readings of my blood pressure (bottom value was too high) she didn’t believe it was right - she said “think happy thoughts!” - but i can’t really. now on top of everything else i’m stressed about my blood pressure. 

 

 

Edited by Lucrezia Bauble
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Prancer is coming

I am generally happy.  I have two kids with ADHD and a feisty teenager which can have be tearing my hair out at times, other times we trot along okay.  I have ups and downs in my relationship, probably exacerbated by issues with the kids, but mostly that trots along okay too.  I am generally happy with my part time work, hobbies and friends.  Not hanging from the rafters screaming in happiness, but content.

 

I don’t believe I have any mental health issues.  I suffered from PND pretty bad after my first child.  In some way it was a positive as I probably did have a low level depression before that and massive anxiety after my child was born.  If my PND was not so extreme, forcing me to get help, I probably would not have seen anyone around it and lived a more miserable life.   Counselling and meds helped and I was impressed with myself weaning off meds almost 18 months later.  Over time I am more relaxed,  more confident and feel more capable.  I am wondering about seeing a counsellor again, but thst will more be in regard to managing my children’s behaviour.

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CallMeFeral
27 minutes ago, ~Jolly_F~ said:

I suffer from anxiety and depression but right now I feel like I am in a good space. Is that happy, I dont know, I guess I feel happy or at the very least content. I am under no illusions that I cant go right back down the hole...

This sums me up too. Not so much the depression side - I think when I was younger it was more the depression side and now I have gotten older it's tended more to the anxiety side. But right now I can live with it, there are enough reprieves that I can let it be there. I'm doing things I value and find interesting, although they make me anxious. There's still a lot I would change but I think I would say overall I am content. I think that's more what I aspire to than lingering happiness. 

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Let-it-go

Yes.  I know I’m a bit of an anomaly and I’ve had the conversation with another friend who doesn’t have MH issues and we’ve discussed how lucky we are.  I’m 46, never had anxiety or depression, am very sympathetic & empathetic to it but don’t 100% understand it (but don’t pretend to either), I’ve never been on AD’s, never seen a councillor and just in general a glass is half full happy, healthy kind of person.  I have a good life, the last 3mths haven’t been the best and my marriage isn’t perfect but I still get up looking forward to the day.

No idea what the key is.  Just who I am.  I’m a bit unemotional though.  Maybe that’s the downside.  

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Chchgirl

Yes, I'm pretty happy even withmy covid upheaval and basically this year,  I just have to roll with it.

I am fortunate enough not to have anxiety or depression but I do get panic attacks at times with things. 

Both my adult girls have anxiety so even though I personally haven't been through it I do understand it.

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Charli73

I’ve generally been a happy although quiet person although lately I’ve had some MH issues mainly over a friendship issue aswell as issues at home with DH and taking a different  job and feeling like a nobody. My old position I was one of more m  responsibility and I’m so much farther down the food chain it’s affected me more than I thought it would and overall made me more closed off and I’ve been drinking a lot more during Covid. 
probably normal I’m sure but those friendship issues are coming up again an it’s not helping.. anxiety keeps me awake and I’m sure menopause is a factor too. I’m one loose cannon right now. 

Edited by Charli73
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Ozquoll

Call no man happy until he's dead, as they say 😏.

I don't think humans can be happy all the time or even much of the time, but a reasonable level of contentment and the absence of pain, fear and depression is a pretty good proxy. I'm in a good place now and blessed to have a beautiful husband and child, but as PPs have said, I know it could all get taken away. I don't take it for granted. 

Very significant portions of my life have been utterly dominated by anxiety and depression, and the only reason I never committed suicide is that I'm not very good at getting sh*t done. So to (mostly) have the absence of those emotions nowadays feels like a huge achievement.

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Twinmum+2

Happy might have been the wrong word... I think what I was going for was just freedom from ongoing mental illness.   I honestly don't think I have a single friend who hasn't had some form of depression or anxiety over the years.   I know these people exist, I just don't think I know any of them.

Yes I like Russ Harris.  ACT is something I think about quite frequently,  gets me out of some holes.  Some days I just get sick of having to constantly work at it though.

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Abcde-La-A

I think overall I am a pretty happy/peaceful/well person.

I am often stressed at work, and busy, tired, can be too hard on myself and have unexpected feelings of non-specific sadness and/or malaise from time to time, but generally I feel a basic sense of happiness, resilience and wellness. 

I am very very fortunate. 

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Crombek
12 minutes ago, Twinmum+2 said:

Happy might have been the wrong word... I think what I was going for was just freedom from ongoing mental illness.   I honestly don't think I have a single friend who hasn't had some form of depression or anxiety over the years.   I know these people exist, I just don't think I know any of them.

Yes I like Russ Harris.  ACT is something I think about quite frequently,  gets me out of some holes.  Some days I just get sick of having to constantly work at it though.

Isn't that just the human experience though? To live is to suffer? 

Although I also have a half theory that modern society is making it worse. I don't think human beings are supposed to live like this. It's making the world, including us as a species, sick. 

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hmmph
24 minutes ago, Twinmum+2 said:

Happy might have been the wrong word... I think what I was going for was just freedom from ongoing mental illness.   I honestly don't think I have a single friend who hasn't had some form of depression or anxiety over the years.   I know these people exist, I just don't think I know any of them.

Yes I like Russ Harris.  ACT is something I think about quite frequently,  gets me out of some holes.  Some days I just get sick of having to constantly work at it though.

One of my whinges to my psych was along the lines of 'why do I have to be the one that does the work?' so many people seem to float along causing grief to other and being totally oblivious or just don't care.  She sympathised, and the basically told.me.to suck it up cause that's the way it is 😂😂. But yeah, I hear you op.im sick of the work of it all.

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Twinmum+2
39 minutes ago, Charli73 said:

I’ve generally been a happy although quiet person although lately I’ve had some MH issues mainly over a friendship issue aswell as issues at home with DH and taking a different  job and feeling like a nobody. My old position I was one of more m  responsibility and I’m so much farther down the food chain it’s affected me more than I thought it would and overall made me more closed off and I’ve been drinking a lot more during Covid. 
probably normal I’m sure but those friendship issues are coming up again an it’s not helping.. anxiety keeps me awake and I’m sure menopause is a factor too. I’m one loose cannon right now. 

Menopause... yes I can relate to that too.  The gift that keeps on giving.  I am very hormonally sensitive and I can go from breezy confidence to rocking back and forth in the corner in the space of one day.

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foxbread

I've been stressed, depressed and anxious at various times in my life. I don't identify those as mental health issues as such, they've been situational and ultimately fleeting states. But I feel that's the case with happiness too.

But generally I'd describe myself as content and grounded. Teflon coated maybe?  Loss has something to do with that, the things that my younger self might've worried about mean nothing now. I've been lucky in others ways though, and I try to dwell within my body fully. Simple things like exercising enough, not drinking too much, and eating and sleeping well work for me.  

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Kaz83
59 minutes ago, Let-it-go said:

Yes.  I know I’m a bit of an anomaly and I’ve had the conversation with another friend who doesn’t have MH issues and we’ve discussed how lucky we are.  I’m 46, never had anxiety or depression, am very sympathetic & empathetic to it but don’t 100% understand it (but don’t pretend to either), I’ve never been on AD’s, never seen a councillor and just in general a glass is half full happy, healthy kind of person.  I have a good life, the last 3mths haven’t been the best and my marriage isn’t perfect but I still get up looking forward to the day.

No idea what the key is.  Just who I am.  I’m a bit unemotional though.  Maybe that’s the downside.  

This is pretty much me. Even down to being unemotional. I don't work... maybe that helps??

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