Jump to content
Megan004

Sister wants to breastfeed my baby

Recommended Posts

Megan004

Hi All 

Not sure if this is in the right location if not could an admin move it to the right area. 

So I'm pregnant with baby number 4 and my younger sister who has not had kids of her own and can not has expressed that she would like to give it ago (breastfeeding). I let out a nervous laugh and asked how she would do it, she then informs me she has been looking into the SNS from Medela which would require me to pump then she attaches it to her and feeds the baby. Not sure how I feel about this please would you all share your thoughts on this subject.

Thanks in advance 

Megan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pooks_

*wipes away nostalgic tear*

  • Like 4
  • Haha 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Soontobegran
Posted (edited)

Could she just give your baby your EBM in a bottle? Feeding from an SNS does require a little more effort than straight onto the nipple, what if her feeding with the SNS messed with your baby's ability to attach to you properly?

I do empathise that she will not be having children and be able to breast feed but it is a very odd request. Ultimately it is what feels right for you and her of course.

Edited by Soontobegran
efs
  • Like 8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
lozoodle
Posted (edited)

Its a no from me lol

 

Edit to add - nice first post ;)

Edited by lozoodle
  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
IamzFeralz
Posted (edited)

If she was breastfeeding your baby as well that would compromise your supply and you would have to pump to maintain it.

You sound uncomfortable with the idea anyway, so I would just thank her but decline (if I have read you correctly). Her loss from not having children is all too real and painful.  It won’t be completely fixed by breastfeeding someone else’s baby.

She is correct though.  I have heard of adoptive parents breastfeeding so technically it can be done.

Edited by IamzFeralz

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
rosie28

That would be a no from me. If she wants to feed the baby she can give bub a bottle of EBM, formula or wait until they’re having solids and feed baby from a spoon. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kallie88

I'd be concerned about pumping effecting my supply, as baby is always the best mover of milk. Have you pumped before? Sometimes people struggle with pumping even if their supply with baby is fine. Does she live with you? otherwise how does she expect this to work, she's going to feed the baby in such an elaborate way when she visits? or does she intend to stay with you and do all the overnight feeds? What if she can't cope with the sleep deprivation? How will you both handle cluster feeding?

Tbh it all sounds very impractical to me, and while I would feel for her not being able to have children of her own, this baby still won't be hers. I don't think what she's proposing will help her in dealing with that.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
71Cath

No.  Maybe if the zombie apocalypse had happened and everyone was starving and you couldn't feed the baby and she could...then OK.

Otherwise no.

  • Like 11
  • Haha 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ruf~Feral~es

Totally weird request, IMO.  There is so much more to parenting (or being an Aunt) than breastfeeding.  It's just one way of feeding and bonding with a baby - not the only way.  

Yes, very sad for her if she cannot have children of her own.  But how is breastfeeding someone elses baby going to help her with everything else that she won't experience?    And if it's for 'bonding' - why does she want to bond with someone elses baby in that way?

Sorry - maybe I'm missing something and being very cold-hearted ..... but I just think it's weird. 

 

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Soontobegran
1 minute ago, 71Cath said:

No.  Maybe if the zombie apocalypse had happened and everyone was starving and you couldn't feed the baby and she could...then OK.

Otherwise no.

But she can't BF, sister has no milk and is relying on expressed milk from OP.  🙁

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lou-bags

I have to say on the face of it, having had one very dedicated bottle refuser, it's almost an attractive offer. The idea that someone else could step in and feed my baby to give me some freedom has it's perks.

However, for lots of reasons (affect on your own supply being one of the most significant, and your obvious discomfort another) I'd ultimately say no. 

I feel so sad for your sister. Please tread gently with her, OP. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3babygirls

My heart goes out to your poor sister, however, it would be a no from me. 

I'd happily let my theoretical sister BF my baby if she was already BF her baby, but not in this situation. 

I'd tread very gently with her and look at some other ways that she can bond with your baby. Bottle feeding? Baby wearing? I'd also be possibly looking at getting her some counselling to help with how she is feeling. x

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Green Sage

God no. Who could be bothered with all of that?? If you’re expressing, out of your own choice, then just whack it in a bottle and let her feed baby that way. 
a SNS isn’t really for babysitters. It’s for mums who need help breastfeeding. 

I’m guessing she feels she is missing out on something, not having done it before?.  Maybe reassure her that she isn’t. Breastfeeding can be painful, stressful, and inconvenient, and plenty of mothers can’t and don’t do it for a variety of reasons.  I never enjoyed it much. 

  • Like 9

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lou-bags
Just now, Green Sage said:

 Maybe reassure her that she isn’t. Breastfeeding can be painful, stressful, and inconvenient, and plenty of mothers can’t and don’t do it for a variety of reasons.  I never enjoyed it much. 

Gosh no, OP don't do this. It's really not a good idea to tell an infertile woman that she's not missing much by not experiencing motherhood. Even if it's just talking about one particular aspect. This would be so hurtful. I have zero doubt that any woman longing for, but being unable to have, a child would give anything to experience the pain, stress, inconvenience and difficulty of breastfeeding.

  • Like 15

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
born.a.girl
2 minutes ago, Green Sage said:

God no. Who could be bothered with all of that?? If you’re expressing, out of your own choice, then just whack it in a bottle and let her feed baby that way. 
a SNS isn’t really for babysitters. It’s for mums who need help breastfeeding. 

I’m guessing she feels she is missing out on something, not having done it before?.  Maybe reassure her that she isn’t. Breastfeeding can be painful, stressful, and inconvenient, and plenty of mothers can’t and don’t do it for a variety of reasons.  I never enjoyed it much. 

For sure, you don't know what you don't know.    Many people have loved breastfeeding too, and she won't have failed to have picked up on that. I loved it until the little beggar started biting me at about 14 months.

It would probably help her to speak to women who've done both, and enjoyed both equally, so that she knows bottle feeding can be as much a bonding experience as breast feeding.

Ours needed supplemental feeding for several weeks, and we did it in the evening once my husband got home, because he loved doing it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
**Manning**

Oh that's a little weird. 

If i had a sister who was currently breastfeeding her own baby and she was minding my baby, I wouldn't have a problem with that.

But given she doesn't have kids or producing milk, she needs professional help and should speak to someone.

She doesn't understand how painful it is to begin with until your nipples toughen up.  It's not a case of pop the baby on and it won't hurt lol.

I agree with PP express milk and she can feed the baby with a bottle of breast milk, if your baby is happy taking a bottle. My kids hated taking breast milk in a bottle. They wanted me not a bottle. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Green Sage
3 minutes ago, Lou-bags said:

Gosh no, OP don't do this. It's really not a good idea to tell an infertile woman that she's not missing much by not experiencing motherhood. Even if it's just talking about one particular aspect. This would be so hurtful. I have zero doubt that any woman longing for, but being unable to have, a child would give anything to experience the pain, stress, inconvenience and difficulty of breastfeeding.

Good advice. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Soontobegran

 I have attempted to help countless women to use an SNS and it is not a matter of filling up a bottle, hanging it around your neck and attaching the tube and expect the baby to just suck as they would if they were actually breast feeding. That being said there have been some who do okay.

It is invariably a struggle at first as the baby has very often been sucking straight from the breast but for some reason milk has not come in so there is often an element of breast refusal in the first place.

Your sister will not be breast feeding, she would be allowing the baby to suck on her nipples which have not had the benefit of preparation due to pregnancy hormones. She will likely get very sore.

SNS work better when there is some supply already even if it is inadequate for the baby's needs.

Anyway OP, good luck with it all.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Silverstreak

I wouldn’t, it’ll just be an extra step during breastfeeding that you’ll have to consider. And it could be a slippery slope, like how often will she be wanting to feed your baby this way? Is she planning on moving in for a while?

I am sympathetic to your sister’s circumstances but it sounds like some firm boundaries need to be set.  Don’t let her pressure you into something you’re not comfortable with. Good luck!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ellie bean
46 minutes ago, 71Cath said:

No.  Maybe if the zombie apocalypse had happened and everyone was starving and you couldn't feed the baby and she could...then OK.

Otherwise no.

Ha ha even then it’d be a no as long as there was some formula around 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Chicken Pie

i would die if my sister even came up with such an idea, never mind actually voicing it...thats pretty intense and very personal

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
lucky 2

Its completely up to you!

Your sister wants to see if her neice will latch on to her nipple and areola and see if baby will drink your expressed milk using a supply line with your milk?

It's doable if baby agrees to latch and doesn't  mind the thin silicone tube in her mouth. A young baby may be more agreeable. 

It's not likely to cause harm, it's your milk and in theory it's better than a bottle in the fact that it is a breast, and therefore what a baby is primed to latch on to.

How often does she want to do it? Just once for the experience, more?

She may be able to explore some other ways of expressing (excuse the pun) her desire to nurture that doesn't require actual bfing.

Would you consider letting her do some skin on skin, a chest cuddle, and if baby latches so be it.

It might happen, it may not but it might be more bonding for her to have a time giving biological nurturing, which doesn't always lead to bfing, its a nurturing activity in itself.

I'd suggest doing it before and after you bf, perhaps allowing baby to wake naturally on your sister's chest, baby gently moved to you for bf then back to sister again, baby snuggling down to nap. 

Google biological nurturing, even with clothes on, she could lean back and baby could have a nap on her chest, baby undressed to nappy, blanket over both of them.

I just wonder if that would be more satisfying, more "normal", less fiddly for all of you and completely risk free.

Sounds like a very sweet and gentle experience, there are so many ways to feel connected and nurturing without bfing, as we remind the partners of bfing mothers.

 

 

 

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ellie bean
Posted (edited)
3 minutes ago, lucky 2 said:

Its completely up to you!

Your sister wants to see if her neice will latch on to her nipple and areola and see if baby will drink your expressed milk using a supply line with your milk?

It's doable if baby agrees to latch and doesn't  mind the thin silicone tube in her mouth. A young baby may be more agreeable. 

It's not likely to cause harm, it's your milk and in theory it's better than a bottle in the fact that it is a breast, and therefore what a baby is primed to latch on to.

How often does she want to do it? Just once for the experience, more?

She may be able to explore some other ways of expressing (excuse the pun) her desire to nurture that doesn't require actual bfing.

Would you consider letting her do some skin on skin, a chest cuddle, and if baby latches so be it.

It might happen, it may not but it might be more bonding for her to have a time giving biological nurturing, which doesn't always lead to bfing, its a nurturing activity in itself.

I'd suggest doing it before and after you bf, perhaps allowing baby to wake naturally on your sister's chest, baby gently moved to you for bf then back to sister again, baby snuggling down to nap. 

Google biological nurturing, even with clothes on, she could lean back and baby could have a nap on her chest, baby undressed to nappy, blanket over both of them.

I just wonder if that would be more satisfying, more "normal", less fiddly for all of you and completely risk free.

Sounds like a very sweet and gentle experience, there are so many ways to feel connected and nurturing without bfing, as we remind the partners of bfing mothers.

 

 

 

 

I’m surprised to see that from you lucky2 if I remember correctly what your general views on expressing and feeding a young baby are, aren’t you usually quite concerned it will mess with establishing BF?

eta ah I see it’s all okay because there’s a nipple involved ;) 

Edited by Ellie bean
  • Like 3
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Megan004

Hi Kallie88

Yes I have pumped before baby 3 was sick for awhile.

Thanks all for the reply's it has been interesting to read so far. My sister had read in one of the baby books I left around that adoptive parents can induce lactation to feed the baby. She does hope to stay with us for a few months to help settle the new addition into the house and help with the nightly feeds. I've told her that its hard work and your nipples will hate you for it but she really does want to give it ago she has always wanted to breastfeed a child but not being able to have her own and being close to me she thought she would approach me and ask. I have told her that bonding with a bottle is just as good as the boob but she whats to know the pain/pleasure you get when breastfeeding.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
~Jolly_F~
3 minutes ago, Ellie bean said:

Ha ha even then it’d be a no as long as there was some formula around 

Lack of formula was never a problem on the walking dead 😂

Anyway it would be a no from me. I am not sure it would help your sister anyway. It could make her situation a whole lot worse. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...