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fiveducks

calling all introverted mums... how do you do it

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fiveducks

Before kids... it was easy to spread my energy between work and DH.. a long day at work meant a quiet night away from DH in a room with my computer, book, Netflix.

With kids... I have to juggle more ..and especially with tiny toddler humans who demand so much of your interaction. How do introverted people do this with multiple little humans, partners, work and friends - and manage to stay sane... age spacing? Day care? Please share.

I find myself more and more needing to recharge my batteries especially now with everyone at home all the time.. the house is never empty, never quiet and I am almost never alone unless I initiate it in the evenings..but I feel bad because it means that several evenings a week, I don't spend interacting with DH (extrovert!)

What do other people do?

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Jane Jetson

Oh, just go mad, mostly.

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Daffy2016
Just now, Jane Jetson said:

Oh, just go mad, mostly.

Yup, this.

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Zeppelina
4 minutes ago, Jane Jetson said:

Oh, just go mad, mostly.

Yep, this!

DH and I spend many of our evenings in separate spaces, which helps a lot. I'd say he's smack bang in the middle of the extro/introversion scale, so he's reasonably happy to just go off and play computer games or whatever, while I do my own thing in the other living area.

During the day, though... My kids are old enough now (5 and 9) that I can tell them I'm having some mum time and they'll (mostly) leave me alone in my room for half an hour. But up until recently, as a PP said, I mostly went mad!

Going for walks helps, driving alone helps, even going grocery shopping with earbuds in so I can listen to music instead of the hustle and bustle of the supermarket.

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rosie28

I’m an extroverted introvert I think. I guarantee everyone I know thinks I’m an extrovert, but I’m not. I need time and space to myself. I’m in Melbourne at the moment, DH WFH, 10 mo, 4yo and 6yo. I’m going for a walk alone 3-4 times per week, and after dinner DH baths the kids and I have 45 mins- 1 hour of alone time. I use it to meditate, exercise or shower. 

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Green Sage
7 minutes ago, Jane Jetson said:

Oh, just go mad, mostly.

Ha. Yeah, a bit of this. And a bit of... fecked if I know. Constant exhaustion until the kids started school and kinder?
COVID made everything worse too, working from home, home schooling, I am never alone, never alone. Im Focusing on next year. 2 kids in school, and hopefully DH back at work, I may actually get an hour or two alone  now and then.

in a more practical sense, I go to bed at 7:30pm sometimes, just to relax and decompress. 

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blueskies12

It sums up how I am feeling today! Don't feel bad about needing to recharge at night with a book/netflix. Some nights I have to say to my DH, I can't talk after 7:30pm unless it's an emergency. I am running on empty. I am sure with your DH you would encourage him to get out and see his friends etc if he needed it to have a pick up in mood.

In all honestY I am having issues in maintaining friendships. That seems to be my biggest issue. I just cannot invest in them at all. After being with my kids, husband, catching up for small talk during a playdate with another mum, I am completely done, below zero, and don't feel like socialising with others. But I don't want these friendships to disappear. 

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literally nobody

no idea op.. All i know is that im permanently grumpy. haha

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Lucrezia Bauble

it’s hard, i just have to retreat to my safe place (usually my bedroom) and tell myself “the kids will be ok” - ie, they’ll be on devices while i regroup. School holidays now...ds has a friend over for a play date - I really really didn’t want to do it, but DS’s friends mum is struggling a bit, they’re moving and she needed some time - PLUS - DS was really excited to have a friend over. so i had him 10 am to 5 pm and they’re hard work together. we dropped him home and then on the way home, just DS and i, i let my facade down. monosyllabic answers to his endless questions, a distant stare, but I was done - we got home and i just had to go to my room for an hour. and i probably drink a bit more than i should. It’s hard - you’re not alone. 

(actually walking home and i was in my mood - it triggered a memory of when i had my bestie over - similar age to DS - 7,8 - and I remember mum always had a short temper after, was in a mood and i remember thinking “what’s her problem” - now I know, lol - we, none of us, are perfect.)

 

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Kreme

Working from home has been good for me as it gives me alone time. Lockdown  was difficult as I was never on my own!

Best thing we ever did was build one of those prefab cabin things in our backyard. We put a couch, tv with Netflix etc, PlayStation and dart board in there. The kids are both in high school now so I just direct them into the cabana as soon as their friends arrive. 

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Zippypeaks

I’m an introvert full time sahm in Vic atm. I have two toddlers but what works for me is; lots of sensory play for the kids (water play, shaving cream activities, garden stuff) as long as it’s contained (I’m also a sensory avoider), keeps the kids entertained for a good period of time. Outside play (backyard, walks, parks) keeps the attention off me. Always having a planned activity in the back of my mind, so if I’m feeling overwhelmed I can quickly pull out said activity with little effort. And if all fails and I’m on the brink of tears, tv for the kids, headphones for me.

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Pooks_

How do I deal with it? Well today we were getting back in the car to head home from the park, and DD was screaming and screaming and screaming about having a lollipop (she’d already had one, she has been pestering for lollies nonstop and rejects real food) and after being reasonable for longer than was reasonable, I silently wound down the window, threw the lollipop out, and then carefully reversed the car over it. Twice. 
 

ETA. So yeah, I don’t deal with it and then I explode.

Edited by Pooks_
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Prancer is coming

I stay up late!

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Murderino
4 minutes ago, Pooks_ said:

How do I deal with it? Well today we were getting back in the car to head home from the park, and DD was screaming and screaming and screaming about having a lollipop (she’d already had one, she has been pestering for lollies nonstop and rejects real food) and after being reasonable for longer than was reasonable, I silently wound down the window, threw the lollipop out, and then carefully reversed the car over it. Twice. 
 

ETA. So yeah, I don’t deal with it and then I explode.

OMG I am so sorry that happened to you - I’ve been there. It did make me giggle though as it made me feel better that I’ve done similar.

Mine are 11 and 9 now so they’re happy to ignore me but when they were younger I locked myself in my room more than once to get away from them.

I also don’t like to socialise so I don’t have any really close friends (only my sister really). I don’t miss it though, maybe I will when the kids are older.

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Chaotic Pogo

I have had very inappropriate burning screaming rage for weeks. 

I watched a video of me trying to calm one of my kids having a meltdown 3 years ago or so. 
I don’t know that woman any more. 
Currently my behaviour is much closer to the toddler than that woman.  
And yeah, stay up really late because I can pretend I’m here alone. 

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caitiri
15 minutes ago, Pooks_ said:

How do I deal with it? Well today we were getting back in the car to head home from the park, and DD was screaming and screaming and screaming about having a lollipop (she’d already had one, she has been pestering for lollies nonstop and rejects real food) and after being reasonable for longer than was reasonable, I silently wound down the window, threw the lollipop out, and then carefully reversed the car over it. Twice. 
 

ETA. So yeah, I don’t deal with it and then I explode.

Oh Pooks I have dreamed about doing something like that to my kids tablets for such a long time.  It’s like a little Ally Mcbeal moment (showing my age).  

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Contrebasse

I am the extrovert in my relationship, but my introvert husband seems to have the following strategy:

- has turned the garage into a ‘man cave’ and disappears there frequently (at least I get to watch what I want on TV)

- always chooses the ‘alone’ chores (e.g. he does all cooking and washing up, I do bath and bedtime). He LOVES going out to the shops by himself

- if he’s spent all day with the kids he usually goes for a walk by himself when I finish work

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Fizgig

Stay up too late to get some alone time, go for walks when overwhelmed, barely say two words to DH in the evening. Honestly, I’m an introvert with two Velcro kids who have been attached to me way too long. I feel like I am still running in deficit from their baby and toddler years when I got no space as they coslept. I am hanging out for my LSL during which time I plan to do a whole lot of staying in my house by myself. Some days I just don’t cope with how much they need me all.day. long! I have my own little temper tantrums. 

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Contrebasse

I must admit all this has only been moderately effective. The biggest difference has been Sending the extrovert 5 year old back to day care. Our house was so quiet today!

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Jenflea

@Pooks_ I would have done the same thing. 

 

Dh and I spend the evenings apart mostly, him in the study, me in the lounge.  

I only had one kid, partly because I knew 2 or more would drive me spare, I just don't cope with people around all the time.  Grocery shopping is 'me time' but now the holidays are here, she's with me and it's not relaxing or enjoyable! 

I thank god for screens and youtube and craft supplies!

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Ellie bean
33 minutes ago, Pooks_ said:

How do I deal with it? Well today we were getting back in the car to head home from the park, and DD was screaming and screaming and screaming about having a lollipop (she’d already had one, she has been pestering for lollies nonstop and rejects real food) and after being reasonable for longer than was reasonable, I silently wound down the window, threw the lollipop out, and then carefully reversed the car over it. Twice. 
 

ETA. So yeah, I don’t deal with it and then I explode.

Ha I once ate dd’s chocolate in front of her and cackled while she wailed. I should regret it more than I do... she had been warned. At least you ran over it and didn’t eat it yourself to make a point.

 

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Just Another Cat
38 minutes ago, Prancer is coming said:

I stay up late!

This is me now 😂

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Ellie bean
33 minutes ago, Chaotic Pogo said:

I have had very inappropriate burning screaming rage for weeks. 

I watched a video of me trying to calm one of my kids having a meltdown 3 years ago or so. 
I don’t know that woman any more. 
Currently my behaviour is much closer to the toddler than that woman.  
And yeah, stay up really late because I can pretend I’m here alone. 

I have so much rage. Objectively there’s nothing wrong but I suspect 8 years of never ever ever being alone is slowly killing me. 

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Odd-1-Out

After dinner I go to bed put earphones in and zone out. The problem is they still keep coming in to annoy me.

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Squeekums The Elf
2 hours ago, Jane Jetson said:

Oh, just go mad, mostly.

and booze

and im never asleep before 1am, like ever......

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