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Ayende

Do "high needs" kids ever get easier?

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Ellie bean

Yes much easier. But still about 50 times harder than parenting my non high needs child! But 8 is sooo much easier than 3 was. Hang in there!

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Datrys
23 minutes ago, blueskies12 said:

I truthfully feel like parenting my son is like three children. 

I so relate to this.  At one point before DD was diagnosed, I helped my SIL with childcare for a few days; she has three children and I have one.  And I came away saying, "Why is my one child more work than her three put together?" 

OP, I'm glad you're thinking of an assessment.  I know for DD that having a framework in which to understand what's going on with her has made a world of difference.

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Odd-1-Out

My child is 4.5 and the meltdowns are getting worse the older he gets. He has autism and therapy hasnt helped for the tantrums. Every day is filled with sceeaming here ☹

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PandoBox

Any good resources for mindfulness for toddlers?

With DD I sit down with her and tell her that we will breathe like puffer fish..with our tummies.. big breath to watch the tummy grow... and exhale.  I also get her to lay down next to me and close her eyes and I ask her to focus on her legs and imagine her legs relaxing on fluffy clouds...and then we move up to her bottom and her back all the way to her head. Nice easy exercise great for quiet time.

My DD started tantrums before she turned one too. I remember once we were late to an activity she got use to and she knew how the schedule worked..she saw me get ready etc and then I took my time with something and she was hurrying me along until we got in the car...at 10 months!

I have found what works and have been using it for a while now.. talking it through.  With your breakfast example I would have voiced my actions "I'm just going to unplug the breast pump and then I will make you breakfast". I would think this to be reasonable at her age.. I probably wouldn't do it with an 8 yr old..but then I suspect an 8 yr old wouldn't scream in this scenario.

There are certain triggers that DD has and ill just explain to her what will happen before hand..if its something she really hates I mention it as soon as she wakes up and give her a heads up. If we are at a play date and it has to end soon I tell her ..in 5 minutes we have to go home. It also helps to mention all the good things that will come to shift focus especially if met with hesitation.. "We're going home and we will eat xyzzy and then you can play with cya and we will watch a special show. We will see friend Y again soon!"

 

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Ayende
1 hour ago, PandoBox said:

If we are at a play date and it has to end soon I tell her ..in 5 minutes we have to go home. It also helps to mention all the good things that will come to shift focus especially if met with hesitation.

I've been doing this for a while now and it definitely helps a tonne! She's usually pretty good at switching from one activity to another provided I do this, except sometimes when she's tired.

I do have some good news though.  I read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene since it was recommended by a few people in this thread and holy crap that book is magic! There's nothing groundbreaking in its principles but his simple structure suits my sleep-deprived mind and there were a few titbits that I've found super helpful - in particular, being aware that your child probably doesn't know how they reached their melting points and making sure to reflect your child's own words back to them before even beginning to address the problem.  DD goes from happy to screaming so quickly that I often don't know what's wrong, and up until now I had been asking "why are you crying?" or "what's wrong?" which would usually lead to more screaming or "I DON'T KNOW!!!!!" and escalating frustration all around.

Since yesterday I started asking "how are you feeling?" instead and it's like she's a different child.

DD: *screaming and crying*
Me: How are you feeling?
DD: *increased crying*
Me: Are you maybe feeling sad, or angry, or frustrated?
DD: I'm feeling sad!
Me: Oh, you're feeling sad.
DD: (suddenly starting to calm down) Yes, I'm feeling sad.

And then she's calm enough that we can have an actual discussion and figure out a solution.  We had only 2 proper meltdowns yesterday and none yet today purely due to this one little change. It sounds ridiculous that I didn't figure this out earlier but I guess I was just stuck in some bad habits.

So a huge thankyou to everyone who recommended his books. You guys are awesome :) Here's hoping the upward trend continues.

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José

You might like the tuning into kids program resources also. Its based on the work of Gottman and is an Australian program. 

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blueskies12

That sounds amazing, OP. I need to read this book too!

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Chamomile
Posted (edited)
On 25/09/2020 at 11:54 AM, Pooks_ said:

 

Edited by Chamomile

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melanieb530

Not much!

4 kids here, 2 teens, 2 late primary

the more highly strung/anxious/challenging ones have always been that way 

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