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3rd time lucky

Tweens at home - how often do you see them?

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3rd time lucky

Not sure how to phrase this exactly... just wondering how often people’s tweens seek out attention/ parent company while at home.

was just pondering how today I’ve seen the kids (12 & 10) at breakfast, lunch, and now as they’ve come downstairs for afternoon tea.

they have been reading/ chilling in their rooms, doing tech (roblox), bouncing on trampoline.... While I’ve been on a quick shop trip, cleaned up linen cupboard, reading and surfing net in my room.

Its such a stark contrast from when they were little and always around!

I wondered if I should go and chat to them, offer to do a board game/ bake.. or some other activity together, or assume they’re happy and that they’ll make it known if they are needing parental attention??

For context we’re in melb and have all been home working and schooling for weeks or even months! 

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Lalala4

Yes, mine are the same. Emerge for food or when dragged out for chores. It makes me a bit overly interested in them at the dinner table, and sometimes I'll just go and read in their room for physical proximity if they'll let me , because it does make me feel a bit sad! But I remember squirrelling myself away at that age so I can't really whinge. 

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CallMeFeral

Interesting. We have a tiny house and the bedrooms are pretty congested, so my tweens spend most of their time in our lounge. They have each commandeered one of the couches. I also don't spend any time in my room, if anywhere other than the lounge I'm at my desk, which is joined to the lounge. 

We're planning to build a new house with lots more space. Now wondering if I might regret it! I like them being around. 

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-Emissary-

We see 12 year old DS pretty often as he’s usually in the entertainment room watching TV. He prefers to watch Netflix in there than on his laptop in his room. He actually rarely hangs in his room unless he’s doing his homework. 

I am usually in there watching the TV with him and rolling around on the floor with DS2 or hanging in the dining room watching something on that TV instead. 

We spend Saturday night and Sunday night playing board games in the living room. 

On weekdays, we make him come join us in the dining room while we eat dinner so we can all catch up on our day. 

 

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Jenflea

10 yr old D floats around the house during the day. 

Sometimes she paints in the dining room(half the table is covered with her paints and crap) or she'll be on my computer playing WoW, or on her chromebook on the dining table doing whatever it is on there(making baby yoda memes and playing Prodigy usually, or watching AMSR videos(shudder). Or she might go off into her room to play with the door shut(no devices) and play around with make up or dressing up and acting out whatever little game she's playing. 

We eat lunch and dinner as a family when home, breakfast not so much, and she'll watch TV on the  couch with us at night. 

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Meepy

11yo floats around all day, reads on trampoline, watches Disney+, annoys  DS15, wants me to do things with her, avoids chores,  flounces off to her room regularly as we are all super annoying etc.

15yo stays in his room most of the day, getting smellier and growing facial hair, mumbling and grunting when he emerges from the cave of stench.

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hmmph

we've put a desktop in one of the living areas so the 9 year old stays downstairs. Then we can pass through the room and talk to her occasionally while she minecrafts!!

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TheGreenSheep

Not a whole heap. That’s their choice, within reason, how they spend their free time. We’ve just spent the entire weekend in the garden together so I have seen a helluva lot of my two. School holidays starting so they will resume their own interests and I see them for meals.

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3rd time lucky

I should clarify - when they’re watching tv or on their devices doing roblox, they are in the living space, so I either see them as I’m pottering around  doing chores, or might purposely sit in that space doing my own thing - reading etc, like someone said, to be near them.

I’m certainly not complaining- I love the lack of neediness! Ha ha! It’s just more I sometimes wonder if I should seek them out and hang out with them or if it’s good for them to just amuse themselves, and as long as they're happy - leave them be!

I try to ask how they’re going, see if they want to do anything particular that day ie a walk, watch a movie together etc, but at the moment they’re not really interested. I guess they’re just getting to that age.

I was really happy with my own company as a kid, but my parents were quite emotionally distant and cold (just the way they are - not mean) and so hanging out with them wasn’t ever really an option anyway! So I’m not really sure what’s ‘normal’? 

 

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3rd time lucky
16 minutes ago, Jenflea said:

10 yr old D floats around the house during the day. 

Sometimes she paints in the dining room(half the table is covered with her paints and crap) or she'll be on my computer playing WoW, or on her chromebook on the dining table doing whatever it is on there(making baby yoda memes and playing Prodigy usually, or watching AMSR videos(shudder). Or she might go off into her room to play with the door shut(no devices) and play around with make up or dressing up and acting out whatever little game she's playing. 

We eat lunch and dinner as a family when home, breakfast not so much, and she'll watch TV on the  couch with us at night. 

Making baby yoda Memes - that’s really cute! 

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annodam

19 & 12 (in November), we have a big(ger) house, so multiple areas they can float in & out from so I see them regularly.

We just got back from our 2hr walk with the pooch, such beautiful weather!

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-Emissary-
42 minutes ago, 3rd time lucky said:

I was really happy with my own company as a kid, but my parents were quite emotionally distant and cold (just the way they are - not mean) and so hanging out with them wasn’t ever really an option anyway! So I’m not really sure what’s ‘normal’? 

My childhood is very different from DS1. My parents didn’t invest as much time to take me to activities, hold conversations and playing games/board games with me. 

But I also had plenty of neighbours my age to hang with in our townhouse complex while DS1 is very much an only child who hasn’t even spoken a word to the kid next door.. 

I prefer my childhood over DS1’s but he seems pretty content at the moment. Getting him to socialise more is like pulling teeth...

Edited by -Emissary-
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dadwasathome

DS12 is mostly in his room until around dinner time, then in the lounge with DP and I. Usually gaming with friends or on YouTube, sometimes reading.

as a younger tween he was far more in the living room - mostly because the devices he wanted to be on were shared, but also because he didn’t have a desk in his bedroom.

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YodaTheWrinkledOne

DD1 (13yo) has really been doing this lately. She basically comes out of her room for food and the bathroom. She's often doing artwork, reading a book, talking with friends, practicing her dancing, playing games, listening to music, etc. Does it all happily in her bedroom.

DD2 (11yo) still hangs with DH and I in the common areas (kitchen, lounge room, etc). I am thinking that will change when she starts high school, like it has for DD1.

A few months ago, DH and I instigated a rule that each weekend the family has to spend 3 hours together doing something - a walk, gardening, see a movie, go to the beach, have a picnic, whatever. That has helped a lot. Kids now expect it, so it's just the done thing now.

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne
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Not Escapin Xmas

DD9 loves hanging out with me. Today we have gone for hot choc, then to flower nursery, then GF donut shop, then made a cushion for her friend. I did get a short reprieve while I prepped dinner. Then I planted above mentioned plants in the front garden while DD played by herself on the footpath (aka 3 feet away). Mostly I love because who knows how long it will last but sometimes I JUST NEED A BREAK KID!! Lolololol. 

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CrankyM

The 11 (almost 12) yr old is either all over me or hanging out elsewhere. 
The 10 yr old likes to hang but is happy to do his own thing. Which at the moment involves making elaborate dirt towns outside. He loves board games to I try to play with him 1-2 times a week. And we often do some sort of cooking together. (Big kid is not interested). We just scaled a bunch of tomatoes to make tomato sauce. 

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ImperatorFuriosa

The only time I don't see DS11 is when he is at school. The only time he goes in his room is to sleep or get dressed.

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ytt

As tweens my kids had the whole street to play - we live semi rural in a double cul de-sac . They had a gang that included about 5 houses!!! we always seemed to have the kids at our house or garden. The kids were always around, they had no electronics in their rooms and not allowed It was a special time now that my kids are 18 and 21.

We don't see the 21 year old unless it's meal times lol, he is in his 3rd of a 5 year uni degree and if not studying he is working packing shelves, playing online with friends or making/painting models for table top games (he is a nerd lol). DS rarely goes out with friends.

DD is a bit different, she has issues and is waiting at our side door for me for when I go home and watching for my car to drive down the side of our house and if I'm not home 'on time' she starts to panic. She doesn't leave.me.alone.... until I tell her I need me time !!! omg she is 18 and does my head in! but I love her to bits and she is good company but I need some time alone!

 

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MadMarchMasterchef
1 hour ago, -Emissary- said:

My childhood is very different from DS1. My parents didn’t invest as much time to take me to activities, hold conversations and playing games/board games with me. 

But I also had plenty of neighbours my age to hang with in our townhouse complex while DS1 is very much an only child who hasn’t even spoken a word to the kid next door.. 

I prefer my childhood over DS1’s but he seems pretty content at the moment. Getting him to socialise more is like pulling teeth...

Maybe your childhood was perfect for you, and his childhood is perfect for him.  

I had the hanging with the kids in the cul-de-sac thing when I was younger, and while Im a bit sad my kids wont have that experience due to where we live (just off a main road, not safe)  I dont think that many kids do have that experience these days.  My kids do get a lot of outdoor time though so thats something. 

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seayork2002

When it is just the three of us home we usually all have our doors open or I am in the bedroom watching netflix and dh is in the loungeroom painting while ds13 is on the playstation.

Or ds is in his room on his ipad and we are on our room but we generally have the doors open

Having our doors open is not a rule or anything we just never seem to close them unless dh and i are watching something not suitable for ds the hear but ds keeps his open 

So plus we live in a small unit we constantly see each other lol

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littlepickle

We have a no technology in bedrooms rule at our house so we are all spread out between the two lounges and the study. DD (17), DS(15) and I  work out who has the priority to use the study to get quiet work completed.. On the weekends we have a cooked lunch Saturday and Sunday so all get together to catch up then - we are a house of introverts.

The technology rule will become obsolete as each of the teenagers finish year 12 so they may disappear into their rooms only to emerge for food....

 

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Freddie'sMum

Miss-12 (almost 13) is with us constantly.  Does not like to be by herself - never has and it has been a battle just to get her to spend time alone.  Miss-15 is a kid who is happy in her own company and always has been.  They are like chalk and cheese.  We have the technolgy set up on the kitchen table so they can do their homework and watch their shows in the kitchen.  

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Hon Lady Monteagle

I just want to say I love threads like these where it's people sharing without judgement the different ways they "do" their family lives.  I always learn a lot and end up with a lot of useful alternate perspectives to think about. 

I guess I should reciprocate: DSs 10 & 13 still demand time and attention from DH and I, on the regular.  Maybe moreso now than when they were younger and would happily just go dig a hole in the backyard all day long.  It's also a bit different for us because I supervise/participate in (to widely varying extents) their various music activities, which at present with exams coming up is quite intense - but somehow still leaves them demanding to "DO SOMETHING TOGETHER" afterwards. 

These days, as I'm WFH fulltime, i.e. always around and seemingly available to them, it does feel oppressive a lot of the time.  I try to hold onto the fact that, one day, I'll no doubt miss it.

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Treasure Island

It varies. Mine are 16, 14 and 12. Currently they are all doing their own thing. Sometimes they will watch something on Netflix with me or ask me to play a game etc. I mostly let them lead. I will be doing a physical activity each day on the hols with my 12 yr old as he wants to lose weight.

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Bethlehem Babe

Eldest is 11. He’s very much able to occupy himself, content in his own company. Doesn’t seek us out unless it’s to ask about tech time, being bored and trying to wrangle tech time or food. Or if he’s in need of the plan of the day. Biggest issue we have is that I’m ok with him closing his bedroom door to blast music and dh hates the door closed for some reason. 
Youngest isn’t a tween yet. Only 7. He’s happy and content when people are around. 

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