Jump to content
Lallalla

Do I make 4 year old go?

Recommended Posts

Lallalla

My 4 year old is doing dance lessons this term. They’re independent classes so I don’t go with her but her twin sister and older sister are both also in the class (they are at youngest and sister at eldest end of age group). 
 

She’s decided she would rather do gymnastics next term which is totally fine, but do I make her go to the last 3 dance classes she’s enrolled in? The last couple of weeks have been a real battle to get her to, but she has fun once there.

i’m torn, she asked to do dancing and part of me thinks if you sign up for something and pay for it then you stick to it. And part of me thinks she’s 4, there is plenty of time to learn that and it’s not worth the battle.

Also when she doesn’t go she’ll be sitting outside in the car with me as her sisters are still going and their dad is at work during the class.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ruf~Feral~es

So her choice is go in and have fun, or sit in the car and be bored?  I'd let her make that choice. 

Unless you are like me and prize every hour sitting in the car in peace and solitude.  In which case I would make her go! 

  • Like 8
  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AllyK81

I would make her finish the term. I have a just turned 5 year old and she would definitely understand the concept.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Riotproof

I reckon letting her sit and be bored once would be all it would take. 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
seayork2002

I wouldn't because I could not be bothered arguing at that age, at 4 lessons can be learnt but i still think the army may have 4 year old debating skills i could have learnt but never did so whatever is easiest was my default

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Green Sage

At age 4 I wouldn’t bother forcing her to go. We wrote off an entire term of swimming last year because DS refused to go in the pool. 

There is no reasoning with a 4 year old. I’m just impressed you made it this far.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ekbaby

I would (and have in similar situations) make her go to the last 3 classes 

I would keep it light but consistent, that we’re going to finish the term and dancing and then she can do gymnastics next term. To just try have fun and enjoy it. Depending on what she doesn’t like about it (eg bored, nervous etc ) I would tailor the message about how to push through that. 
Eg it might not be the most exciting part of your week but it’s just for one hour and we have already signed up for it so just try enjoy the songs and have fun 

or it doesn’t matter if you’re the best in the class, you don’t have to do the concert, just have a go

but if the battle ends up being more stressful for you and you don’t want to do that then that’s ok too ! I don’t think you can “go wrong” either way 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Etta
1 hour ago, seayork2002 said:

whatever is easiest was my default

 

Sometimes we do things that are harder to make things easier in the long run.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
PrincessPeach
2 hours ago, ~LemonMyrtle~ said:

At age 4 I wouldn’t bother forcing her to go. We wrote off an entire term of swimming last year because DS refused to go in the pool. 

There is no reasoning with a 4 year old. I’m just impressed you made it this far.

That depends on the 4 year old, mine has negotiating down to a fine art. His older brother at the same age however, forget about it. But bribery does work, so if you want her to attend, is there anything little you can use as bribery, like a packet of tiny teddies afterwards if she stays in the classroom the entire time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Green Sage
20 minutes ago, PrincessPeach said:

That depends on the 4 year old, mine has negotiating down to a fine art. His older brother at the same age however, forget about it. But bribery does work, so if you want her to attend, is there anything little you can use as bribery, like a packet of tiny teddies afterwards if she stays in the classroom the entire time.

True, depends on the child. My 4 year old was, and is, unbribable. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lallalla

So I made her go, not sure it was worth the yelling. I told her if she didn’t want to join in to just watch (assuming she’s would join since she seems to enjoy once there). According to the 6 year old she only joined in for the games they do at end. 
 

But just to make my head really explode with confusion they‘ve started learning their concert (will be filmed instead this year) dance and discovered on Friday they’re trolls with pink hair. So she wants to do the concert because she loves shows, but doesn’t want to dance..... aaaaaaargh - 4 year olds!!

  • Like 1
  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
born.a.girl

Mine insisted on a second year at four or five, then a few lessons in decided she didn't want to go. Our money was tight at the time, and my point was if you sign up for the term, you go for the term, which she knew beforehand. If you don't want to join in, sit it out.

Like yours, she didn't want to go, but once there enjoyed herself.   She continued on, in the knowledge that each time she'd have to do the term, and she didn't stop until year 10, some years doing four different dance styles.

Every child's different though.   Worked for mine (which I strongly suspected), might put another kid off for life.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3rd time lucky
On 11/09/2020 at 5:03 PM, ~LemonMyrtle~ said:

True, depends on the child. My 4 year old was, and is, unbribable. 

Yes - I have a child like this too. I’m always amazed that for some it’s as simple as ‘I make mine go’. 
For this kid, that would have resulted in screams and physically resisting (ie holding onto door frames, car headrests etc) when 4 yo if he really didn’t want to participate something. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Green Sage
6 minutes ago, 3rd time lucky said:

Yes - I have a child like this too. I’m always amazed that for some it’s as simple as ‘I make mine go’. 
For this kid, that would have resulted in screams and physically resisting (ie holding onto door frames, car headrests etc) when 4 yo if he really didn’t want to participate something. 

Yup, and then, if you do manage to get them there, they just sit on the floor like a lump, run away, refuse to swim, or have a tantrum and totally disrupt the entire class. I quickly learned that it isn’t fair on the other kids, or teacher, for me to force my son too much. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3rd time lucky
46 minutes ago, ~LemonMyrtle~ said:

Yup, and then, if you do manage to get them there, they just sit on the floor like a lump, run away, refuse to swim, or have a tantrum and totally disrupt the entire class. I quickly learned that it isn’t fair on the other kids, or teacher, for me to force my son too much. 

Yep- much prefer to slink away and avoid the scene.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Murderino

@3rd time lucky @~LemonMyrtle~ I had one of mine go through a refusing stage thankfully only a stage) at swimming and they would cry and scream without me in the pool having just moved to independent level. I just moved them back a level and got back in the pool - we waited till they felt ready to move up without me.

My (now ex) SIL smugly told me she just made hers go in and ignored the cries. Well good on you but since my kid was clinging to the edge screaming for me and disrupting the entire centre not just her class I’ll do it my way.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
PrincessPeach
On 11/09/2020 at 5:03 PM, Green Sage said:

True, depends on the child. My 4 year old was, and is, unbribable. 

In that case, I’d only be forcing them if the benefits outweigh the tantrum - in the case of a dance class, the cost is not worth it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...