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nephthysa

Parenting differently from Grandma

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Winter frost

OP

I really dont want this to be a pile on. But from what i have read i think you are overreacting. I think it can happen sometimes when our kids are young and all lur focus is on them and our parenting.

I think children benefit from having as many people with many different styles and personalities as possible. Your mother and you probably do parent differently. Thats ok. Sometimes differences are not criticisms

If it is that important to you then you can choose not to leave her alone. You are the parent. But honestly i dont think it is justified and it wont help your kids or your relationship with your mum in the long term. It does sound like she is trying to help.

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SplashingRainbows

Your 3 year old is probably about 2 years away from school. 
 

I can  confirm schools will expect kids to fit to them not the other way around. It’s unpleasant for our children to learn. But it is necessary. 
 

Will your child qualify for old fashioned Pre school next year? My kids enjoyed it much better than long daycare style Care and it really is a great pathway to formal schooling. Perhaps that might be a longer term solution for you?

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Jenflea

Your son will be told "no" many many times over his life.  He can't have a meltdown about it every time. 

He will have to learn how to deal with being told no, and how to cope with different authority figures, be they teachers or grandparents or even friends.  

 

Does he go to playgroup or any outside social interaction? if not, I think he;d benefit from it, especially now he's getting older. 

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No Drama Please

OP I have a lot of sympathy for you having a highly sensitive child. I did as well and I always found it upsetting to have it dismissed as me just being overly protective, like his problems were my fault and if I was tougher or less sensitive all of his issues would just magically go away. I have two kids and they were both extremely different needs wise, especially at that young age.

What we found helpful for all of us was putting him into a very small daycare, almost like a family daycare environment. There was one carer who just adored him and would carry him everywhere. It built up his trust (and mine) and as he got older it was easier from him to transition to other people looking out for him. 

It did take a lot of time to find the right carer/set up but I wouldn’t rule it out as an option though. The thing I really liked was as it was independent care there were no sensitive family dynamics I had to factor in, it was all independent professional care focussed on my son’s best interests moving forwards.

best of luck 

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hmmph

Agree no drama please. I had a sensitive barnacle. It takes time and sensitive careful  care, but we get there. I can leave my 9 yo with my dad now knowing she'll be fine, but it would have set her back if we did that when she was 2. Parents of sensitive kids develop a thick skin.

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anatomicalheart

I have a sensitive kid- always has been, and maybe always will be.

I am the safe place to fall. 

They can handle other people- including relatives- being ''tougher'' or less tactful, or not dealing with things in the manner I'd have necessarily dealt with them, because I am that constant ''safe place to fall'', and as they've gotten older, we have had chats about how people are different, and when that is okay, and when that's not. 

And they are well and truly aware that grandparents give them cake for breakfast and I do not, and that's okay too ;)

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Ellie bean

Ahh I feel for you too OP. We couldn’t leave dd either, it’s funny how that’s apparently due to our bad parenting but we get no credit from anyone for our chilled out ds ;)

I get why you’re annoyed with your mum but if you want her to keep helping I do think you need to just let it go. Take it from Elsa, let it go, let it gooooooooooo...

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Holidayromp

To be honest I think it’s time he moved on to a more structured chiLdcare arrangement especially given the fact of his age and he needs more than just time with grandma.

plus that’s a huge sum of money to be paying for a family member to watch kids especially when they are not a qualified educator and therefore a waste of money for want of a better word.  It could be better spent. 

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Murderino
On 06/09/2020 at 8:47 AM, MadMarchMasterchef said:

Id suggest maybe trying childcare too.  Perhaps family day care for a day?   Maybe a montessori childcare if thats your preference. I wouldnt imagine you need full time care  but I believe SAHP are still entitled to 2 days subsidy, and you might be able to get more depending on whether your son has a diagnosis - you could always call CL and ask. 

Just wanted to comment that this isn’t correct. The number of subsidised hours would be zero where one of the parents/guardians is not doing one of the the approved activities OR meets an exception OR family income is under around $69k. So a SAHP without anything else would not be entitled to subsidised childcare.

https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/individuals/services/centrelink/child-care-subsidy/how-much-you-can-get/your-activity-level-affects-it/activity-level-and-subsidised-care

On 06/09/2020 at 6:37 PM, Ellie bean said:

Ahh I feel for you too OP. We couldn’t leave dd either, it’s funny how that’s apparently due to our bad parenting but we get no credit from anyone for our chilled out ds ;)

I get why you’re annoyed with your mum but if you want her to keep helping I do think you need to just let it go. Take it from Elsa, let it go, let it gooooooooooo...

I was “lucky” my first is the independent one although she did cry at kinder (pre-school) drop off the first few times as she’d never been left with anyone but family or our paid babysitter.

So when my little clingon arrived (he who cried and beat at the door for mummy when I went to work and left him with his dad) I didn’t get that judgement as I’d “proved” I could do it right with the first one!

I hate it when people judge parents because of their sensitive children.

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MadMarchMasterchef
9 hours ago, Murderino said:

Just wanted to comment that this isn’t correct. The number of subsidised hours would be zero where one of the parents/guardians is not doing one of the the approved activities OR meets an exception OR family income is under around $69k. So a SAHP without anything else would not be entitled to subsidised childcare.

https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/individuals/services/centrelink/child-care-subsidy/how-much-you-can-get/your-activity-level-affects-it/activity-level-and-subsidised-care

Thanks for correcting that!   Most families I know with a SAHP are under that income so perhaps thats why I was led to believe they did! 

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