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hills mum bec

End of Life

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lizzybirdsworth

Sending you and your family love. 

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CrankyM

Sending your family lots of love.

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Lady Sybil Vimes

I'm so sorry. Condolences to you and your family.

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DQMission

Love to you, OP. I wasnt there when my mum took her last breaths. I didnt stay long at the hospital after my husband was pronounced dead. I tried to be there when my grandmother died, but I was too late by ten minutes. Each time I had similar feelings to the ones you described. I wondered if it was ok to do what I did and I felt both ok with it and guilty about it. I guess thats the response to such a complex experience as death and grief.

After a fair bit of therapy and lots of time to consider, I offer you this: You did what was right for you at the time. Even if down the track you rethink and wish you had been there, you did what was right for you at the time. Thats all any of us can do. 

Wishing you and your family peace and healing, time and space.

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VVV

I kept thinking about this post and how heartbroken you sounded yesterday. I hope you are able to find some peace. 

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magic_marker

I hope you find comfort in the face that she wasn't alone in her last moments.

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RichardParker

You're just wishing she can be at peace - that's a perfectly reasonable thing to wish for someone, and it doesn't make you a bad daughter - nowhere close.  We all have different strengths and things to offer at times like this - for some people it's sitting beside the bed until the last moment - for others, it's being the cool head to make the funeral arrangements, for others it's playing with the kids so the adults can have some time to grieve.  All of these things are necessary and important - your Mother would just want you to be you, right now.  I'm so sorry you're going through this. 

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meljbau

I am so sad to hear your news. I've sat beside 4 people as they've had their last days alive and through chance only been with one of them at the time of their death. Other family members opted not to be there at the end and as others have said there is no right or wrong. I just feel especially sad for you and everyone else who goes through this during these strange times when families haven't been able to be together as much as they would have normally. Take care.

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silver-rain

I'm so sorry to hear your update, Hills Mum Bec, please don't have any doubt at all about your mum knowing how much you loved her, regardless of how much time you did or didn't spend with her in the last few days, you have no need to feel guilty. We all have different needs around death and grief, you did what you needed to do at the time, there's no right or wrong.

I've worked as a health professional in palliative care for over 15 years and I still couldn't be with my grandparents in their final days, or even bring myself to go into their viewings before their funerals. I preferred,  like you, to remember them how they were before they passed and didn't want their final breath to be my last memory of them.  Much love to you and your family at this sad time. Go gently.

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Murderino

I have been offline all day with the kids so have just seen your update HMB. I am sorry for your loss, thinking of you and your family.

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Ghost Girl

Condolences to you and your family. Such a hard time. Like a lot of other pp's have said, there isn't a right and wrong in these times. My FIL passed last year, and my DH couldn't be there, so his last memory of him, is a happy conversation, with love and laughter. 

Please be kind to yourself. Sending you random hugs from random internet person.

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MooGuru

I'm so sorry for your loss. 💔

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Blue Shoe

So sorry for your loss HMB 😢 I can’t imagine what you are going through. Please go easy on yourself and let yourself grieve. 

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LambChop

I'm so sorry and sad for you loss,  you will miss her always.  It must be so much harder with the COVID19 impact, be kind to yourself, your Mum knows - I mean, you're so connected that you felt her passing, so of course, she knows it all.  She loves you, and would want you to know that it will all be ok, and one day you'll be able to laugh and remember all the good times.

Take care.

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Charli73

I’m so sorry for  Your loss. I lost my dad almost 1.5yrs ago and it’s not easy, I wasn’t there for him. 

Thinking of you and your family at this time.. 

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Expelliarmus

Condolences 💔

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Dianalynch

i'm so sorry for your loss 

my mum died nearly 2 years ago of breast cancer, the last few days were very tough, one of my sisters and I were there at the end, our other sister wasn't, there was no right or wrong, it was just our own preferences and individual way of managing grief. Mum had really already gone a few days prior. 

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MadMarchMasterchef

Late to read the thread.   I'm really sorry for your loss HillsMumBec.  Take care of yourself xx 

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Superduperlucky

I'm so sorry...I see that your Mum has now passed, but I wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts. I don't know if you remember but I think we may have been in the same "due in group" waaaay back in 2010. 

Anyway, I was in your shoes about 10 months ago when my own dear mum was in her last weeks of having AML. It was sheer hell - those last two days and nights spent by her hospital bedside were surreal. I know what you mean when you said you were willing for the news that your mum had drawn her last breath - it gets to the point where the sheer agony of watching someone you love so much in that condition is so horrendous to watch, death becomes a blessing. 

Look after yourself and remember there is no road map out of grief. May I suggest that you look for the "Motherless Daughters Australia" Facebook page? It has been a huge source of comfort to know that I am not alone in my grief, and to seek solace in those who have been in the same position. 

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Silverstreak

I'm so sorry for your loss xo

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