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JomoMum

7 year old holding penis

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JomoMum

DS is nearly 7 and often holds/fiddles with his penis. Medically there are issues (the GP had a quick check last time we were there for a different reason). 

We’ve had a few casual conversations about our body parts, what feels good etc, what we do and don’t do in front of, or with other people. He just does it alllll the time.

I feel that by this age it would be expected that he be past this behaviour in front of other people? I don’t want to make him self conscious about it. I often mistake it for him needing to wee, so I ask if he needs to, but sometimes he gets cranky that I’ve asked  

Is it a non issue, should I just leave it? Or is there another approach I could take?

thank you 

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TinCat 🐈

Its ok to want this behaviour to stop by this age. 

It's not saying it's wrong but it isn't something that can continue in public really. 

We ended up redirecting to the tshirt. Similar action of something in the hand but more acceptable. You could also try a fidget cube or spinner to give the same sensory input. 

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José

Hmm. So there are medically relevant issues, and I think you've had concerns about ASD also?

I feel like you'd be best consulting with medical and allied health professionals who know your child for suggestions. 

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Elsegundo

Following as I have this problem with my kids (8 and 5) too. Trying not to give them a complex, reminding that it's for private time. Not having great success though. 

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Lou-bags

I have a son who is about to turn 7- and my observation is that it’s unusual for a child this age to be excessively touching their penis in public. 

I’ve just realized I’ve presumed he’s doing this over his clothing but it’s not clear from your OP if he is, or if he’s putting his hand down his pants?

 

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Living Type

Rule on our house for everyone, whether you are 2 or 7 or 27, is that if you want to touch your private parts, you go somewhere to do it in private. If no other issues at play, I would be either directing him to his bedroom or giving him something else to fiddle with if in public. 

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JomoMum

Thanks everyone. Yes there is a likely ASD diagnosis coming that we’ve decided, with our psychologist, to postpone for now due to some other factors. I will of course mention it to her, but our appointment is not for a while and I didn’t think this constituted an earlier urgent one. 

Yes it is always over his clothes. He has never done it before, even as a toddler/preschooler etc so I assume he’s just discovered it. My feeling is just that it’s much less age appropriate now. 

Im just not sure what to say exactly when he’s out playing with kids in the street, or walking through the shops etc. He gets a bit, defensive?, about it. I’ll have to think about this some more. 

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Bearynice

Do you see an OT? They might suggest some ideas. 

 

But conversation around “ I can see your hands are busy and moving, if you want to move your hands you can scrunch your T-shirt or play with this fidget toy in your pocket” 

 

if asd at play a small fidget toy in his pocket could be an idea. You can get some small ones with a marble that moves, so that might distract his hands 

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PhillipaCrawford

It sounds to me as if he is expereincing the development now that a younger child would.
He probably also finds it soothing

Have you discovered social stories yet?

I would write something like this.

I like my body, it can do so many things.

I have eyes to see with, ears to hear with.
My arms can lift.

My legs can run.

I am a boy so I have a penis.

Just like every other part of my body  my penis is special.                                                                                                                                                                                 My penis does wee.
It feels nice when I touch it.

My penis is a private part of my body.
Private means it stays covered unless I am somewhere no-one else can see it.
People don't touch private parts of their body when they are  with other people.

If I need to touch my penis to do a wee I go into to toilet.

If I want to touch my penis any other time I go into my bedroom.

Sometimes I need to show my penis to mum or dad or a doctor so they can check if it is healthy.

My body is special, it can do so many things.
Some things are private things, some things anyone can see.

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JomoMum
4 hours ago, Bearynice said:

Do you see an OT? They might suggest some ideas. 

 

But conversation around “ I can see your hands are busy and moving, if you want to move your hands you can scrunch your T-shirt or play with this fidget toy in your pocket” 

 

if asd at play a small fidget toy in his pocket could be an idea. You can get some small ones with a marble that moves, so that might distract his hands 

Thank you so much - I am in the process of finding some small “fidget” items that appeal to him. We don’t currently see an OT but I should perhaps make an appt with the one at the practice we go to. 

3 hours ago, PhillipaCrawford said:

It sounds to me as if he is expereincing the development now that a younger child would.
He probably also finds it soothing

Have you discovered social stories yet?

I would write something like this.

I like my body, it can do so many things.

I have eyes to see with, ears to hear with.
My arms can lift.

My legs can run.

I am a boy so I have a penis.

Just like every other part of my body  my penis is special.                                                                                                                                                                                 My penis does wee.
It feels nice when I touch it.

My penis is a private part of my body.
Private means it stays covered unless I am somewhere no-one else can see it.
People don't touch private parts of their body when they are  with other people.

If I need to touch my penis to do a wee I go into to toilet.

If I want to touch my penis any other time I go into my bedroom.

Sometimes I need to show my penis to mum or dad or a doctor so they can check if it is healthy.

My body is special, it can do so many things.
Some things are private things, some things anyone can see.

I will definitely look these up, thank you! 

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Jenflea

To be honest, plenty of adult men seem to need this lesson too!

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Meepy

One of my son’s classmates also has needed this.  15yo and still is doing it, we’ve known him since he was 5.  Even comments from others don’t stop him.

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