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Mose

Re-named: Things you wish you could say in your workplace (spin-off)

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Mose
Posted (edited)

As a spin off from the Facebook thread, this one is things you would like to say to your colleagues but don't (probably wisely).

When I tell you that your client has incorrectly calculated a number, and demonstrate to you where the error is, don't phone me back two hours later to argue on behalf of your client. It doesn't matter who the client is, I can't change accepted statistical calculation methodologies to suit them.

And as a follow up...when that doesn't work, don't get your higher up to phone me to argue the issue without actually properly explaining what I said to them. It was a waste of both our time and made you look like an idiot. Because, you know, it does not matter how senior the person arguing with me is, I STILL can't change the accepted calculation methodologies.

 

Edited by Mose
Suggestion for better title from another member
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Vicbitt9

Love this- how removed can your “colleagues” be?

I have what’s known as “external stakeholders” that I could write a book about 🤬🤬

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kimasa

The reason the two of you annoy each other so much is because you are the same person in two different bodies.

And on that note, something I have recently (as in, the past couple of years) become game enough to say to the both of them is "You made that up" "Okay fine (the other one) made that up and you believed it".

And guess what, I'm always right. It's always one of the two who made it up. All nonsense and stories come from one of these two men. They are the source of all incorrect gossip. If someone tracked down the source of all the world's conspiracy theories and said "it came from when these two shared a lunch break" I'd go "makes sense".

But one day I will be game enough to point out that they are one person.

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BornToLove

‘If you let me present my ideas, maybe we could have done something amazing with this project sooner.’ 

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Mose
19 minutes ago, Vicbitt9 said:

Love this- how removed can your “colleagues” be?

I have what’s known as “external stakeholders” that I could write a book about 🤬🤬

Go nuts. "External stakeholders" sound like an excellent source of fun stories *

* fun for us to read about, not fun for you to have to deal with.

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Bethlehem Babe

Maybe it would be more accurate to title this thread “things you would like to say in the workplace”

 

I’d suggest “you are a troublemaker and take pleasure in causing others distress. Grow up. Using your nickname that is an animal noise is not professional. Further, everyone has to do things in their job they don’t like. Suck it up. You are a junior staff member. Of course the senior staff will give you smaller, less glamorous jobs.”

 

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Mose
3 minutes ago, Bethlehem Babe said:

Maybe it would be more accurate to title this thread “things you would like to say in the workplace”

 

 

 

Done. Although I may have used wish instead of want, for no particular reason!

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Sancti-claws

Just because that is how you always did it in your own workplace doesn't mean that is the way that it should be done - especially when the client has completely changed their template so the number you plucked out of thin air cannot just be put in.

And just because you discussed it with the others in the ether and all nodded together doesn't mean that this fact changes - get those bosses to send through the new template that we gruntworkers on both sides of the fence can tick our little boxes and mark off our kpi's and actually, you know, do our part of the freaking job.

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Expelliarmus

So. Many. Things. 
 

Must. Stay. Professional. 
 

So. Hard. 

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*Marty*
Posted (edited)

.

Edited by *Marty*

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BadCat

Oh so many things.  Must not say any of them anywhere though.  But of so many things.

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Ellie bean

You’re incompetent to run this place, you’re bloody lucky a few of us non owners are holding it together, and when this pandemic is over I’ll be gone so freaking fast you’ll wonder what hit you.

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No Drama Please

Yeah working from home isn’t actually handing over 80% of your work to the person sitting next to you then going home, sorry.

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hmmph

So which part of the job you are employed to do are you actually able to do? Cause I haven't seen it.

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cardamom

I am not your mum. Please stop squabbling. 

I am not your therapist. I'm glad that our supervision has prompted some reflective thinking but please stop telling me about every single emotional experience you have. 

Also - what is it that you actually do in your hours each week because I sure as sh*t  can't figure it out. 

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SeaPrincess
Posted (edited)

I’ve left my job primarily for this reason:

Don’t ask me for my professional advice if you have no intention of taking it (so many times from all levels and departments, but especially marketing, who didn’t seem to even understand what we did as a business).

But also:

When people leave, you need to revoke their access to the company systems.

Your hiring processes are garbage, and the HR people don’t know what we do as a business.

ETA, the company I worked for was a subsidiary of a larger company, so there were quite a lot of people who didn’t understand what we did. Also, we are a subsidiary, not your b*tch. Show some respect and follow the established procedures if you want free stuff from us.

Edited by SeaPrincess
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mandelbrot

1. This meeting should have been an email.

2. If you read the email I sent, you will find the answers to all your questions, and can even refer back to it if you have forgotten so I DON'T HAVE TO READ IT OUT LOUD TO YOU FOR THE THIRD TIME.

3. Just because you don't like it, doesn't mean we get to change reality.

4. I am faster at reading than you are at talking, so I would prefer not to spend an hour listening to you read powerpoint slides. How about I read and then email you alllll my questions at once? Oh, that's right, you don't read email 🤦‍♀️

5. Just because we thought this product was a good idea ten months ago doesn't mean a) anyone will buy it given global pandemic or b) that we will still make the margin predicted given you didn't include the $30k/mo software licence fee in the business case.

6. Don't whine at me when I'm trying to help you, because I am just the messenger here. The more you whine, the less I feel like going the extra mile to get you a good outcome... and given you are accountable for this function, it's really your job to, I don't know, talk to people about it.

7. How about instead of following this process, we just do nothing because it will have just as useful an outcome and I won't want to kill people because the process doesn't make sense and wastes a lot of time.

8. So far, I have heard that 'someone else' should do everything required for this task that is your accountability. The obvious next question is what exact value do you bring to your role and this organisation. If you continue to make me the 'someone else' doing all the stuff, I will start asking that question of people who are in a position to do something about the answer.

WOW, I'm pretty angry. Thanks, OP - I didn't even know I needed that.

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ineedmorecoffee

It is not my job to make you feel better about yourself because you can’t pull a team together and lead them towards a common goal.

It is not acceptable to berate the entire team in a meeting just because you don’t like the constructive feedback provided by a stakeholder about your inability to lead the team. 

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rosie28

Your google search is not a replacement for my qualifications and experience. 

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Dianalynch

The workplace is not the right setting for you to live out your childhood issues and create drama based on past difficulties with your parental relationships...for the love of god go to therapy 

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nom_de_plume

To my previous boss ...

15 people have left in the last 12 months and there's one common denominator in their departure - you.

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ali-song

When an issue is uncovered, it really doesn’t reflect very well on you when you say ‘oh, yes, I knew about this issue a few months ago’ if YOU DIDN’T  ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Also, you’re a condescending, gaslighting ass. 

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onetrick

Why did you invite me to a meeting to get my opinion only to ignore it anyway? Your 'brilliant idea to save time' has meant that a job that took me a day last year looks like it will take over a week with this 'new and improved way of doing things'.

New isnt always better (and no, I'm not doing something the way it has always been done. I changed process last year, got praise from staff about it being successful... and we have gone back to the old way).

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Mose

I know it will "only take me a few minutes".  Unfortunately it is on a long list of things that need doing, and the fact it will only take a few minutes does not actually mean I should prioritise it over tasks that are more urgent for the organisation as a whole.  And you wasted precious minutes having this conversation.

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seayork2002

Once March starts it might be time to stop wishing people happy new year

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