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MuddyPuddles

Different Bedtimes for siblings?

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MuddyPuddles
Posted (edited)

Our 9yo DD1 has always needed less sleep than the recommended amount, she's a constant bundle of energy. She also takes a really long time to wind down in the evenings. 

Our 7yo DD2 is the opposite and has always needed more sleep than the recommend amount,  (still falls asleep in the car if we're driving for a while after midday!)

Our bedtime approach for the last few years has been 6.45pm start doing all the bedtime things with the aim of saying goodnight around 7pm and then letting them read/draw/quiet play in bed until they fall asleep. DD1 usually falls asleep anywhere between 8.30pm and 10.30pm and DD2 usually falls asleep anywhere between instantly and 8pm. (Exception is weekends when we let them "sleepover" and they might fall asleep 9 or 10pm)

So now that DD1 is getting older, 7pm bedtime is obviously very early and we'd like to let her stay up later - but I expect it will cause enormous conflict with the younger one that its "not fair", even though DD2 legitimately does need that early bed time. 

So, I'd love to know, what are the bedtimes in your house? what times do your kids usually actually fall asleep? And how do you handle bedtimes with kids of different ages/sleep needs? 

Edited by MuddyPuddles
updating ages
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JK4

When our children initially started needing different bedtimes everyone went to their room at the same time but the eldest was allowed to stay up reading rather than lights out. This has naturally then evolved with age & over time. They still tend to head to their rooms at the same time but now my my eldest gets on with homework before heading back to the living area for snacks/tv etc

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melanieb530

Mine have always needed different amounts of sleep

current bedtimes

DD 15  9.30 to 10pm or later if finishing off last minute homework and always takes ages to fall asleep


DD 13  8.45pm to 9 and always falls asleep within minutes
 

DS 10  9pm to 9.15pm and is generally awake for  20-30 min before falling asleep and awake again shortly after 6am! 

DD 10  8.30pm asleep in 10 minutes and will sleep till 7am

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Jersey Caramel

We have different bedtimes for our three,  and just explained that it is because as you get older you need less sleep. I don't recall too much protest,  but also wouldn't really care if they think it's unfair!

Originally when we implemented the staggered becomes it was 7.30pm for 5yo, 8pm for 9yo and 8.30pm for 11yo (with reading time for the older two).

Eldest started high school this year,  so we extended his bedtime so that he has more time for homework etc in the evening. He also naturally needs less sleep than the others,  and wakes early.  It is now 7.30pm for 6yo (with 15 mins reading), 8.15pm for 10yo and 9pm for 12yo (with 30 mins reading for the older two).

We're not super strict about the times if they are in the middle of a game or show,  especially on weekends,  but it gives us something to aim for. 

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YodaTheWrinkledOne
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, JK4 said:

When our children initially started needing different bedtimes everyone went to their room at the same time but the eldest was allowed to stay up reading rather than lights out. This has naturally then evolved with age & over time. They still tend to head to their rooms at the same time but now my my eldest gets on with homework before heading back to the living area for snacks/tv etc

This is what we have done as well. they usually get ready for bed together (bedtime drink, brush teeth) but eldest has more time to read in her room, etc. 

ETA: Our two are now 13 and 11. They start getting ready for bed around 9pm. DD2 in bed by 9:15, lights out 9:30pm. DD1 usually turns lights out around 9:45pm.

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne

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lozoodle

We don't really have set bedtimes for my three (7, 9, 11). The younger two do gymnastics which doesn't even end until 7.30 pm and the eldest finishes soccer training at 8 some nights so its rare they are ready for bed early. Generally on a week night I try to get them into bed by about 9. If they're in earlier than 9 they can read, otherwise its lights out straight away. 

I'm more relaxed about it now since Covid and working from home as we don't have to get up so early. 

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22Fruitmincepies

We are struggling with this - the 2.5yo is still napping but is at that annoying stage where he doesn’t get to sleep until 8.30-9pm. My 6yo is at school and needs to go to bed at 7.30, but does not want to go to bed before her little brother. So I take him into his room at 7.30, and DH puts DD to bed at 8. It means I spend 1-1.5 hours doing DS’s bedtime, and DD sleeping in until 8am resulting in a rush to get ready for school. 

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Mooples

@22Fruitmincepies we cut ds2’s nap younger than I would have liked for that exact reason. They are now back to the same bed time but I read this with interest as I don’t think a 6:30 bedtime will fly once ds1 is at school next year and our afternoons become busier. 

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YodaTheWrinkledOne
20 minutes ago, Mooples said:

@22Fruitmincepies we cut ds2’s nap younger than I would have liked for that exact reason. They are now back to the same bed time but I read this with interest as I don’t think a 6:30 bedtime will fly once ds1 is at school next year and our afternoons become busier. 

There is no way any of my kids would have gone to bed at 6:30pm when they first started school. No way! 

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seayork2002

DS12ish bed time was 6pm when he was a baby till he was 4ish, then I think it moved to 7ish when he was FYOS. The earlier he went to bed the longer he kept himself awake so went to sleep later so we went for a later bed time but he went to sleep quicker. I can't comment on siblings

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Riotproof

Dd is 5 and fyos. Her bedtime is between 7.30 and 8. 
DS his bedtime is 9. 
what usually happens is Ds has first shower, puts pjs on and goes to lounge room to do his reading. 
dd has shower, pjs, story bed. If Dd is really efficient with her dinner eating etc, she can go back downstairs and watch an episode of something with Ds. 
 If there is any issue with anyone getting up at 7 on a school day, I reserve the right to bring the bedtime forward. But, tbh, they are mostly pretty good and both fall asleep quickly like DH. 

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AllyK81

Mine are 5 and 6. Grade 1 and ELC (albeit presently remote).

They both go to bed at 7pm. DS is allowed to read until 7:30pm.

They both wake up about 7.

DS is high sleep needs. DD is lower, but she dances about 6 hours a week so that tires her out!

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amdirel
1 hour ago, JK4 said:

When our children initially started needing different bedtimes everyone went to their room at the same time but the eldest was allowed to stay up reading rather than lights out.

Yep that's what we did too.

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Crombek

Mine have generally gone to bed at the same time as each other, between 8-8.30 (try for 8, often closer to 8.30). Good luck getting miss FOMO 2 year old to stay in bed if her brothers aren't! Boys are 6 & nearly 9.

I'm now looking at extending DS1's bedtime because he is complaining of trouble falling asleep. I'll have to be sneaky about it though so she doesn't notice. 

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literally nobody

My 3 are 8 , 10 & 12 and all 3 are to go to bed at 8pm. Sleep is important and I want some free time for just us adults before going to bed. It’s actually nice to watch tv in peace! lol

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tassiekiwi

8 year old is lights out at 7.30. 

10 year old, lights out 8.15. Loves sleep, needs to be woken most mornings, can sleep till 9am on weekends.

13 year old, lights out 8.45, but usually heads to bed same time as 10 year old and reads till lights out. Up at 6.30 every day.

We did have some complaints about different bedtimes, but explained that as you get older you get to stay up later. Bedtimes are reviewed every 6 months or so and usually extended by 15 minutes.

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Dianalynch

Mine are different ages, and have always had different bedtimes. Ds has said it’s not fair, I said fair doesn’t mean equal or the same, his bedtime will change as he gets older, just as his chores will increase that he gets less of now,  would he like more chores? Lol 

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Etta

I would say that it is not fair that the older child has to go to bed at the same time as the younger one. Also, 'fair' is doing what is right for each child. Things being equal is not always fair.

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iwanttosleepin

It would be very unfair in our house if everyone had to go to bed at the same time.

DS5 has a bath at 7.00 and is in bed lights off by 7.30

DS11 has a bath around 7.30 and is lights off by about 8.30

DS15 has a bath about 9 and his iPhone has restrictions that mean it turns into a brick at 9.30

I go to bed about 8.30 and usually go to sleep about 9.30/10

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annodam

You don't wanna know!

During lock down, it's  been 11:30pm-midnight, up around 8:30 am for  8:45am roll call.

Pre-CV-19, it was around 10:30pm-10:45pm. 

Youngest is 12yo in November.  Oldest is 19yo.

We have never had a bed time before 10:00pm ever, even as toddlers. 

The kids have always regulated their own sleep, they have always stayed up on NYE & midnight mass at Easter, basically go to bed when ever they felt like it.  

Too many late night training sessions have us eating dinner around 9:00pm most nights.   Very hard now that take-aways are closing at 8:00pm, let me tell 'ya!

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-Emissary-

My boys have a huge age gap so obvious don’t have the same bedtime but DS’s bedtime has been the same since he was young. 

He’s always been a late sleeper so would happily stay up until midnight if I let him. So he’s had a 8:30pm bedtime since he started school and is now in high school.

We moved it to 9 pm for a few months earlier this year and found that he was tired the next day so moved it back to electronics off at 8 and in bed by 8:30 pm. 

I am only super strict with bedtime during the school week though. During weekends we generally let him stay up to play board games. 

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PrincessPeach

Following along for ideas, mine currently go to bed at the same time as the 6 year old is a sleepyhead & the 4 year old has FOMO so won’t go to bed unless his brother is. So both in bed, lights out at 7pm & up between 6.30am & 7am.

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Fluffy Potatoes

Both in bed at 7. I can hear the 2 yr old talking /playing for half an hr or so. I usually lay in bed with the 8yr old and he crashes around 8. We tried moving it later for Ds1 but he always takes a good hr to wind down so was up later and struggled to get up for school (it starts stupidly early at 8am). 
Not sure how it will go as they get older with the big age gap. Will try similar to pp & in bedroom at same time , but don’t think that will be sustainable long term. 

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SplashingRainbows

When I was a kid differences like this were always explained with ‘well when you’re 9, you can go to bed later too’. I’m the oldest tho so I have no idea how my brothers felt about that explanation. From memory I did have to go to my room around their bedtime to read so I wasn’t distracting them while I was still in primary school. In high school the age distinction was clearer again and I think I was allowed to stay up. 
 

I wouldn’t over think it. Just explain the rules and enforce them. 

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Riotproof

The only rule for ds being awake after Dd is that he is not allowed to be noisy near her room. 
It possibly helps that they have a big age difference, so have always had different needs. 

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