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IShallWearMidnight

Trusting people with your children.

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IShallWearMidnight

How do you know that you are making safe choice, when it comes to trusting people around your children?

Specifically I'm thinking of if I choose to have a serious partner again, but also when it comes to other children's families for things like sleep overs etc.

I know there are red flags to watch for, but I also know that some predators are extremely good at covering their tracks and fooling people.

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seayork2002

I have nothing to really come back with other than instinct really, I trust people until I feel I have a reason not too and I do not want DS to be scared of everyone he comes across so I have to trust his instinct a bit too.

I am married so I have not had to think about new partners

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Zippypeaks

Instincts! They're there for a reason. I also try really hard to remove myself and take a step back from the situation to help me think about it clearly. I talk things through with hubby. Depending on the age of the child, I also take into account their feelings and instincts on a situation. I also ask my children open ended questions until I'm satisfied with the answer. I also read a lot about perpetrators and their behaviours from psychs and ex police. Its really tricky but listen to your gut.

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Silverstreak
Posted (edited)

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Edited by Silverstreak
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*bucket*

I did allow sleepovers, probably from around age 6, but I knew the parents well, and there were limited places I would allow it. My children were never babysat by anyone other than family (grandparents, but also SIL), and I would never have used Family Day Care. My children did attend a long day care centre, but I needed for there to be multiple carers about. When my mother had what I considered to be a dodgy partner, I refused to allow my kids to go there. My brother and family stayed with her for a while and I warned him to make sure his kids weren't in the vicinity of this guy. There were far reaching consequences, but I don't regret it for a second. I know there are no guarantees, but I did my best to keep my children safe. It didn't entirely work, DD ended up in a disastrous situation as a teen. It is a really tough gig. But you have to know that most people are safe, and would never hurt them.  But be very aware there are others. I'm sorry, no real advice in there.

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blueskies12

I really don't want to say yes to sleep overs for a very long time (unless with the grandparents) and would prefer playdates with one of us there/ at a public place.

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SeaPrincess
Posted (edited)

It’s hard, and the reality is that statistically, they are at most risk from trusted people who they see regularly, including family.
I haven’t had a hard and fast rule. We had an incident when I was young that means I wouldn’t allow my children sleepovers with families who don’t allow their children to go to sleepovers. I like to meet the parents and I do expect to speak/text directly with them before sending the children for a sleepover, even for high schoolers. Since DS1 has a phone now, we have a coded message that he can send and he knows I will make an excuse to come and get him if he sends it.

Edited by SeaPrincess

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Not Escapin Xmas

Grandparents in a different state here, no family support at all. So sleepovers started at age 2!! Only with one other family though and we know them exceptionally well. Quite a few since then. 

So far so good. I am VERY aware of who gives off bad vibes though and would never leave DD with anyone that I wasn’t 100% sure of. I realise that’s not a fool proof method but it’s what I’ve got.

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Kallie88

I trust my instincts. I'll trust my kids instincts. When we get to sleep overs (and i'm in no hurry lol) they'll be told explicitly that if they want to come home for any reason, even if it's in the middle of the night, to call and we will come get them. If my husband and I separated I'd be extremely reluctant to bring a partner into their lives given my past experience so any man that wanted to be with me would just have to deal with that.

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TigerQueenofSheeba
Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, IShallWearMidnight said:

How do you know that you are making safe choice, when it comes to trusting people around your children?

Specifically I'm thinking of if I choose to have a serious partner again, but also when it comes to other children's families for things like sleep overs etc.

I know there are red flags to watch for, but I also know that some predators are extremely good at covering their tracks and fooling people.

I have to admit, I'm single and this is a big concern of mine. This is actually not in my nature, but it seemed to change once I had a daughter. 

The statistics surrounding girls being sexually abused by male step parents are very concerning. 

ETA: I don't trust my instincts anymore, given that I ended up with a partner bordering on abusive. 

Edited by TigerQueenofSheeba
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