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Navy Blue

Title change after separation/divorce

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Navy Blue

I've been separated a few months, and sometimes think about changing my name either back to my maiden name or to something else entirely. 

It's all a bit overwhelming though, so may just keep married surname and have a 'known as' name as well. Not too fussed atm and can't really be bothered BUT I've noticed that lots of my accounts etc have 'Mrs Jenna Jones' to identify me. 

On any new forms etc I put 'Ms' down but do you think it's...I don't know - weird or deceptive to keep the 'Mrs' for things? Is it ok now but should be formally changed if/when we divorce? 

Seeing it written doesn't really phase me, I know we're not together. Tbh I have more pressing issues to deal with and am a bit lazy to boot. 

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seayork2002

I guess you can call your self anything you want but I rarely need to put a title these days and could not remember what I put when if I had two 'names' so I just stick with my married name

Yes i can use my original name if I wanted to do but I am not changing it now

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born.a.girl
Posted (edited)

I'm probably not the best person to respond because I don't see the relevance of Miss/Mrs into adulthood. Even whether you're male or female is irrelevant in most situations. Whether you're married or not would only be relevant in situations which would require further elaboration anyway.

If it doesn't faze  you, do whatever you feel comfortable with.  It's society's pressures on women that have led it to be women alone who have to deal with this stuff after separation. Do what works for you.

 

Edited by born.a.girl
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Lunagirl

This is why it’s so ridiculous that we have different titles for one gender depending on whether they are married or not, and not the other. I’d do whatever you want, even when you divorce. Who cares if something says Mrs and you’re not married? It’s no one else’s business.

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IamtheMumma
Posted (edited)

I'm finding it a pita. I have one certificate in my married name. I haven't been that name for almost 20 years. 

I get a bit cranky having to put my married name on certificates as "previously known as". A mistake of 4yrs is following me around. Once this last certificate is done, I'm never referring to the married name again. 

Edit - I get called Mrs theMumma. TheMumma is my maiden name. I usually put Ms.

Edited by IamtheMumma
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Navy Blue

Yeah, I never went out of my way to be known as 'Mrs' didn't really put any thought into it, and I guess just ticked the box on forms.

I'm just thinking of my tendency to laziness as far as changing the title absolutely everywhere, and whether people think it's weird (wouldn't push me to do it lol). 

For example, three years down the track I'm divorced. Start a new job and my bank account or super is under 'Mrs Jenna Jones'. You work in HR and assume I'm married til I set you straight. Weird?

Or ex remarries and I'm still 'Mrs' on my credit card. Just musing :)

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BadCat

I went back to using Ms instead of Mrs long before I separated and divorced.

And then when the divorce went through I changed my surname to a whole new name because I didn't want to carry that cretin's name around forever.   Go the whole change.  A bit fiddly but damn it feels good.

But yeah, change to Ms at the very least. Nobody else's business whether you're married or not.

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smilinggirl

It is a personal decision on whatever you feel comfortable with. I know that when I separated I went back to my maiden name that day even though we both worked in the same place which meant everyone knew what was happening. But I knew I didn’t want to be associated with his name any longer

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Luci

You are free to use Mrs or Ms.  I kept my maiden name when I got married.  Before marriage I was usually Ms Luci. After I got married on the rare occasion I am asked to provide a title, which as mentioned by PP's is of no relevance really, I use Mrs Luci. 

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YodaTheWrinkledOne

I am married, 18+ years. I have  been using Ms for the past 15 or so years. It's irrelevant to complete strangers  and businesses if I am married or not. DH never declares his marital status when he fills in a form (Mr doesn't tell you either way if the bloke is married or not), so I don't see why I should have to either. Upon saying this, I am constantly correcting it when people/businesses find out that I am married and automatically assume/use Mrs. sh*ts me off.

With our girls, we have been using Ms since they were born.  DD1 is quite adamant about it now (13yo) and will correct people herself if they change it to Miss.

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Treasure Island

I switched to using Ms for anything new so I have things in a mix of Ms and Mrs. I'll answer to both. Still using married name as my plan was to do that til children are adults.

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amdirel

I'm divorced and kept Mrs. I think it's disgraceful that I should change my title just because of my change in marital status. So I kept as some sort of protest.

(In hindsight, I should have just chosen to be Ms all along, but I was young and naive when I got married so just did what I thought 'everyone' did).

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Sancti-claws

As I said to one work colleague who was trying to insist that we had to use Mrs/Miss, I have never chosen to use either during my adult life.

I have been single.  I have been married.  I have been de facto.

I have never changed my title (or my name for that matter, but that isn't the point of this thread)

Do what YOU feel most comfortable doing.

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born.a.girl
7 hours ago, Sancti-claws said:

As I said to one work colleague who was trying to insist that we had to use Mrs/Miss, I have never chosen to use either during my adult life.

I have been single.  I have been married.  I have been de facto.

I have never changed my title (or my name for that matter, but that isn't the point of this thread)

Do what YOU feel most comfortable doing.

If someone wants me to specify now, I ask 'why?'.

I've been Ms since the mid seventies.   Equal gazetted wages coming in meant that women no longer automatically lived a live of rooming house poverty unless they were married.  Having lived back then, I can well understand the allure of wanting to be 'Mrs'.

I commented one day when going for day hospital procedure.  I asked what the purpose of the question was and the nurse said 'oh that's for your next of kin'.  Hmm, that would be this question over her, 'next of kin', but never mind.  Nearly ten years later more day surgery and the question was still there.

I've actually found tradies the worst, no matter their age.  When they've been here to write a quote or whatever, many times I've had " And it's Mrs .....?'.  I used to explain no, don't indicate my married status, use Ms.   Still got called Mrs.  Now I refuse to give one at all, and say 'just use my name'.

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SeaPrincess

I’m not separated, but I’m slowly reverting to Ms. If I was marrying now, I wouldn’t even change my name. I’m not bothered if people call me Mrs, I just don’t see the point of using a title that indicates my marital status.

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nickyAB

i agree with this, i never use Mrs, because I didn't change my name when we got married.  So i always write Ms, but if there's a section asking my marital status i'll tick married. Other than that, i find it really sexist to give a woman marital status  via a status. We get three and men get, one.🤨

I get annoyed when people call me 'mrs xxx' and use my maiden name, simply because i'm out with my kids or my husband they assume I'm a Mrs. 

Go with what makes you feel more comfortable, but i would choose one and go with it. I personally wouldn't want to see my ex's name on anything after divorce, even if the kids have the same surname.

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born.a.girl
5 minutes ago, nickyAB said:

i agree with this, i never use Mrs, because I didn't change my name when we got married.  So i always write Ms, but if there's a section asking my marital status i'll tick married. Other than that, i find it really sexist to give a woman marital status  via a status. We get three and men get, one.🤨

I get annoyed when people call me 'mrs xxx' and use my maiden name, simply because i'm out with my kids or my husband they assume I'm a Mrs. 

Go with what makes you feel more comfortable, but i would choose one and go with it. I personally wouldn't want to see my ex's name on anything after divorce, even if the kids have the same surname.

I worked at a place once where there were five department managers, I was one, and this bloke another, who was incredibly sexist.  Thought women were better at voluntary stuff and caring.  Hmm, so can't be self sufficient, eh?

He referred to me in a letter he wrote to a client as Miss, and I asked him to please use the title I choose for myself.

He protested 'Oh why should women get three and men only one!?'.  Quite right I said, one each.  That shut him up.

And yes, I started getting Mrs automatically the minute I shacked up and produced a kid.

I'm afraid I refuse to mark the marital status box though.  I've queried it a number of times, and no one has been able to tell me what it's actually for.   It might have been relevant for tax, legal purposes years ago, but not any more.   

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doubledelight

I was Mrs X, once I was divorced I kept my surname - mainly to keep consistency with my sons, but also because me ex demanded that I change my surname as I was no longer entitled to it, just knowing that it p*ssed him and his new consort off was just icing on the cake.  Once they were adults I reverted to my maiden name with Ms as a title when necessary.  At the end of the day you can call yourself whatever you feel comfortable with.

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Dianalynch

It’s almost worth doing a thesis for the gender neutral title...

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seayork2002

on the rare occasions I am asked i  use Mrs because I am married and I figured that is what the title is for

If i get divorced (no plans that I know of) I will not use it as I wouldn't be married anymore

I can't say I think any thing of it except when these threads come up

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Jane Jetson

I've been Ms since I turned 18 and have remained Ms after marriage, with a few hiccups when people like a certain bank automatically changed me to Mrs. I really need to get onto that.

Much to the chagrin of my very conservative parents, bwahaha, who would do the "I don't know how to pronounce Mizzzzzz" and "you don't respect your husband if you won't call yourself Mrs" act. Blah. It's nobody's business but mine and DH's whether I'm married or not, and he doesn't get a vote in what I call myself.

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notsoretro
3 hours ago, doubledelight said:

I was Mrs X, once I was divorced I kept my surname - mainly to keep consistency with my sons, but also because me ex demanded that I change my surname as I was no longer entitled to it, just knowing that it p*ssed him and his new consort off was just icing on the cake.  Once they were adults I reverted to my maiden name with Ms as a title when necessary.  At the end of the day you can call yourself whatever you feel comfortable with.

Are you me? I kept his surname too, though he didn't  ever demand I revert to my maiden name (which I had kept as a second middle name anyway). I do now go by Ms though. I don't know if his whore new wife changed her name to his, she didn't when she married her first husband so perhaps not.  These days if I have to write my name, say at a funeral,  I do also include my maiden name ie: Jane Lucas Smith but not hyphenated. I like having the same name as my new DIL and my future grand babies

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JustBeige

I have reverted to Ms. 

I really want to change my surname as I lately feel ill when I have to sign my married name to anything.  I just keep forgetting to use the 'new' name I am going to change it to. 

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Prancer is coming
On 19/07/2020 at 4:46 PM, Navy Blue said:

For example, three years down the track I'm divorced. Start a new job and my bank account or super is under 'Mrs Jenna Jones'. You work in HR and assume I'm married til I set you straight. Weird?

Or ex remarries and I'm still 'Mrs' on my credit card. Just musing :)

I have always been Ms.  I did not change my name when I got married and the kids have a hyphenated name.  I really could not care less whether people wonder whether DH and I are married or if he is the father of the kids.  DH is actually goes by his middle name, but given the school forms seemed like an offical document, we put his legal name down.  I refer to him as a certain name and records have him as something different, so I doubt they have a clue what is going on!  A senior staff member actually asked me, but I did see it as relevant as i suppose they were checking if there was a separation or joint parenting issues at play that might have been impacting on the children.  I could not care less what they think, and even joked with the staff member about did he think I had 2 guys on the go!

 

Go with what you want.  Stick with Mrs if you want, there is no legal requirement needed to use the term.  Personally I don’t want to be defined by my marriage status and if is my business who I tell my marital status to.

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IamOzgirl
Posted (edited)

Having never been married, the most infuriating title thing I came across was 20 years ago, and airline insisting that only under 18 could use Miss. I had to choose between Ms and Mrs. 

Yeah nah...

 

That's what p*sses me off about all this. That people think they can tell us what to do. 

 

It devastates me that I don't have the same surname as my son who was stillborn.

I could legally change if I want. No one can stop me. My ex does not have the only claim on that surname. 

Edited by IamOzgirl
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