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Lovesherboy

13 year old so negative all the time

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AdelTwins

Might sound a bit weird, but can you game with him? Get him to teach you a game, then play on a team with him.

There’s also a ton of awesome board games, that are not Monopoly. Does he have a favorite IP or interest - Harry Potter, Lord of the rings, space exploration, aliens, survival etc.

I love co-operative games where we have to all work as a team to beat the game. A few of the newer games also have apps that run the game progress for you. That might help bridge the gap.

Anything that you can do to get him off the screen, but still gaming. Or at least communicating while gaming. I’m happy to give you recommendations.

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RPM
On 11/07/2020 at 10:58 AM, AdelTwins said:

Might sound a bit weird, but can you game with him? Get him to teach you a game, then play on a team with him.

There’s also a ton of awesome board games, that are not Monopoly. Does he have a favorite IP or interest - Harry Potter, Lord of the rings, space exploration, aliens, survival etc.

I love co-operative games where we have to all work as a team to beat the game. A few of the newer games also have apps that run the game progress for you. That might help bridge the gap.

Anything that you can do to get him off the screen, but still gaming. Or at least communicating while gaming. I’m happy to give you recommendations.

Would love to hear some recommendations for good co-operative games.  Thanks.

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José

There's a guy-'the unplugged psychologist ' has info on his website about gaming and screen time. I think he has a book also. Might be worth checking out.

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can'tstayaway

I don’t pretend to have the answers.  They keep changing  and we have to keep adapting.  Things that work sometimes, don’t work at other times. The joys of parenting teens. They say it does end and the teen turn into lovely people 😆 
 

Anyway, we don’t differentiate between gaming time and tv time. It’s all considered screen time and they are allowed to choose how they use their screen time. 
 

We are more strict during term time so are relatively relaxed during holidays. The kids know the different rules for different times and adapt. I just checked my DD’s phone and she’s averaged 5.5hrs a day for the last week. During term time, it’s less than 30mins per day. She mostly uses social media and watches shows rather than gaming.  She’s not interested in sharing those experiences with us so any pressure from us to watch those shows together wouldn’t be met with much positivity. She watches shows at the same time as friends and they chat at the same time. 
 

My kids are willing to help out with family jobs like dishes, laundry etc.  We’ve trained them over time to be responsive or they lose device time. It is conditional and I’m ok with that because it’s not our love for them that’s conditional but their access to device time is conditional on behaviour. 
 

As for board games, we like Catan. It’s quite addictive. 
 

 

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Bereckii
3 hours ago, RPM said:

Would love to hear some recommendations for good co-operative games.  Thanks.

We love the board game Pandemic (it's a strategic game where the players work as a team to beat the game) 

Forbidden Island is also pretty good.

I think there are a lot of board game enthusiasts on EB - there will be great threads with recommendations  in the archives (or you could start a new one)

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Lovesherboy
On 11/07/2020 at 5:13 AM, Not Escapin Xmas said:

I would have organise to have friends over very regularly. We are doing every second day with DD9 and that is working well. And you’ll soon find out which friends are fine to have while you’re working from home and which aren’t! 
 

He’s a teenager, he needs his mates. If they then spend all the time gaming, at least they are together. 
 

and don’t send him to his grandparents. I’m the oldest grandchild, that sort of thing used to p*ss me off no end. So utterly boring and pointless.

He has always enjoyed going to his grandparents it’s just one cousin he isn’t getting along with.  Plus with us both working we don’t have a choice 

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Lovesherboy

Update, he has been gaming for long hours behind our back for the past 3 weeks so it’s now all currently gone 

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Bereckii
Posted (edited)

Hi OP. The situation sounds very stressful. 

I haven't used these services yet myself, but they look like they might (?) be a good resource. Looks like they have free webinars for parents, information about gaming and limiting game time, etc.

https://www.esafety.gov.au/parents

Good luck! 

Edited by Bereckii
Whoops! Forgot to include the link!
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EPZ

My 13 year old has started going for longer bike rides, with a friend.  They return covered in mud and worn out, get lost on tracks and have a ball. Probably the most energised I’ve seen him, from these rides.

Finding something physical that he really enjoys may help. Something that allows freedom and excitement but still safe. 
 

Fills in time in the day too- we are in lock down,  in VIC but can exercise with one other person. They ride about 15km.

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XieXie
22 hours ago, Lovesherboy said:

Update, he has been gaming for long hours behind our back for the past 3 weeks so it’s now all currently gone 

That does sound stressful OP but it sounds like you’ve got to the bottom of why he has been in such a constant terrible mood. Stick with your resolve - it might take a few days for him to come out of the mood and he may also try to fight or manipulate you into giving it back, but don’t give in! His sleep will improve first, and then he will blossom - within a week, I’d say. And well done to you!

P.S. I’m curious as to how you found out about the long gaming hours?

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Lovesherboy
On 13/07/2020 at 5:40 PM, EPZ said:

My 13 year old has started going for longer bike rides, with a friend.  They return covered in mud and worn out, get lost on tracks and have a ball. Probably the most energised I’ve seen him, from these rides.

Finding something physical that he really enjoys may help. Something that allows freedom and excitement but still safe. 
 

Fills in time in the day too- we are in lock down,  in VIC but can exercise with one other person. They ride about 15km.

The issue I have with this all this school mates are 45 minutes away 

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Lovesherboy
On 13/07/2020 at 6:31 PM, XieXie said:

That does sound stressful OP but it sounds like you’ve got to the bottom of why he has been in such a constant terrible mood. Stick with your resolve - it might take a few days for him to come out of the mood and he may also try to fight or manipulate you into giving it back, but don’t give in! His sleep will improve first, and then he will blossom - within a week, I’d say. And well done to you!

P.S. I’m curious as to how you found out about the long gaming hours?

Thankyou, yes I actually have a conversation now! He still wants to game but we are directing work into a caravan Reno together 

hubby walked in and he was talking to someone, over heard it and he clicked between screens. Hubby told him to cough up and he said he was doing it for about 2-3 weeks 

now where do we go from here.. give games back after some time or take all together knowing it’s his outlet to interact with friends considering we so far from them 

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PuddingPlease
1 hour ago, Lovesherboy said:

Thankyou, yes I actually have a conversation now! He still wants to game but we are directing work into a caravan Reno together 

hubby walked in and he was talking to someone, over heard it and he clicked between screens. Hubby told him to cough up and he said he was doing it for about 2-3 weeks 

now where do we go from here.. give games back after some time or take all together knowing it’s his outlet to interact with friends considering we so far from them 

I think it depends a lot on what kind of behaviour you want, really.

If his parents are both working long hours and his brother is much younger (and they don't get on) then it sounds like he is spending a lot of time at home alone. If your primary concern is that he won't help out around the house then it would make sense to do what PP's have suggested and offer access to games provided he completes other tasks with minimal complaint.

At 13 I would think he would be capable of regular chores, managing his own laundry and cooking dinner at least once a week.  

If the issue is that you want him to spend more time outside then I think it's reasonable to ask why and what benefit you want him to get from it and go from there. Many of the previous posts talk about getting him to participate in structured activities or socialise its friends but, from what you are saying,  it sounds like that wouldn't be practical at the moment anyway because of distance and time constraints.

You could turn off the computer and he could read some books but I'm not sure that would actually improve any of the issues that you mention in the OP.  

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José
9 hours ago, Lovesherboy said:

 

now where do we go from here.. give games back after some time or take all together knowing it’s his outlet to interact with friends considering we so far from them 

Take a look at the book by the unplugged psychologist- google and it will come up. It might be something like the tech diet? 

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MsLaurie

Sounds like the gaming gives him the social connections he’s craving. With friends not readily accessible because you’re so far out of town, he’s being strategic about how to stay connected and part of the group.

 

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3babygirls

A technology detox might help. I noticed quite a lot of my year 7 & 8 students came back to school with really changed moods after lock down. Quite a lot of them had been spending really long hours on video games etc. and a few of them are still having issues letting go of it. 

Maybe a week of tech free and see what happens? 

 

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XieXie

Yeah, I think give it a full week before making any further decisions. First up you want to see how his mood improves so you can see how much of an effect the gaming/screen time is having! Then you can start letting him back on for an hour a day - see how he goes, and if he's respecting the boundaries, increase it to 2 hours daily. Eventually you'll hit a point where he starts being moody again and then you know it's time to pull him back from it again.

But honestly, I don't know why any kid *needs* more than 2-3 hours per day screen time. Too much isn't good for them. I don't think it makes much difference whether it is gaming and chatting to friends or Netflix. I'd let him choose to do whatever he wants to do when he's on there, but just limit the total time.

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