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Did you find it hard physically and mentally having a baby late 30s early 40s

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We’ve just started trying again and I will be staring down age 39 soon. I’m just starting to worry about what it feels like to have a baby late 30s or early 40s? We’re you really exhausted? Did age weigh in your mind. Was it harder on your body? I had my first child at age 35 and I know by the end of the pregnancy I was just exhausted. Is it worse with age or pregnancy is just exhausting at any age?

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gabbigirl

I had my first at 36, my second at 39. Didn’t help that second baby was a terrible sleeper.  Yes it was exhausting and I got sick with pneumonia. She’s now 10 and it’s all good but I can’t pretend, those first few years were horrible. Good luck 

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Jenflea

I had my only at 35, it really damaged my body more than I expected. My hip went out due to carrying her on it as a baby and toddler, my sleep has never gotten back to pre baby lengths (I'm lucky to get 6 hours a night) so yeah, I'd worry about a pregnancy at 40. BUT I wasn't that fit at 35, maybe if I was thinner and fitter.. 

A new bed and slightly higher car helped immensely though! My back(tailbone) won't ever be the same but I'm sure I'd have had issues at 25 as at 35, it's just my back. 

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Winter frost

I had two children in my late 30's. I have nothing to compare it to. 1st trimester of baby 1 was tiring. And my 2nd never slept. As in never. I found that tiring. Not sure i can blame my age for that.

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liveworkplay
Posted (edited)

I had my first at 31, second at 34 and third at 37. The third was definitely the hardest physically, lack of sleep was exacerbated by a toddler and a preschooler. But luckily she was a better sleeper then the first two. My body took the same battering, I actually breastfed her for the longest...3.5 years. I can't say it was any harder mentally...if anything I was more relaxed and confident so mentally it was easier if anything.

Edited by liveworkplay

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gemgirl

I had a baby at 41 and it was much better than it was in my mid 30s! Each pregnancy is different though I was careful to be healthy (I'm overweight, so staying active, eating well, etc.) I ended up losing weight, and I felt amazing, so healthy and energetic. Good luck!

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RynandStompy

One and only at late 30s. Complete body and exhaustion changer. Mind you, she was a crap sleeper. The 4-5 years of broken sleep definitely were not healthy for my body or mind.

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MadMarchMasterchef

First and Second at 33 and 34, 3rd at 42.  Hes only 14 months and Im not back at work yet which is the real test, but so far its been much, much easier than after my 2nd child.  I had some unresolved health issues which were finally resolved about 4 years ago and Ive been so much healthier since then. As far as mentally goes, its hard to say.   Dealing with the baby, toddler stages is easier by the time you have had 3 kids, its my older 2 that are giving me more grief with their schooling issues. 

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a letter to Elise.

I had one at 33, one at 36, and one at 40. The third pregnancy was incredibly hard on my body, and I still have ongoing issues with my hips. I did wonder at the time about my age, but all of the medical professionals I’ve seen, have said it wasn’t my age that caused the problems, it was that a third pregnancy was too much for my pelvis. 

I didn’t find the caring for baby part any more difficult, but the toddler years were harder, because it took me so long to recover physically, which made chasing a crawling, climbing, and then running 1 year old very painful. 
 

I adore my son, but if I’d had any idea of the amount of long term pain I’d be left with, I don’t think I would have had a third baby. It has been very hard on the whole family. 

 

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livelifelovehappy
Posted (edited)

Had babies at 30, 32 and a week before turning 39. The hardest on my body was the middle, due to 2 babies back to back with no time to recover. I also ate my feelings and gained 16kgs. Those things together made my hips and back and pelvis just agony. I used a walking stick.

After a six year break, I was doing personal training for a year before number 3, and did Pilates the whole time. I bounced back from a Caesar with that one. Had terrible morning sickness, but that’s not age related. Psychologically, the last pregnancy was by far the easiest. It was exhausting, but I knew it would be. I’m confident in myself and in a much better place in myself.

Short answer: no, the age thing wasn’t an issue. My physical and mental health going into and through it made the difference. I’m now 40 with a baby and two kids and feel a hell of a lot better than I did at 30 with one! Number 3 had such severe reflux and didn’t sleep for more than 90mins from 3-13 months. Without exaggeration. It was STILL better than number 2.

So my point is, getting your personal health sorted first is really key I think.

Edited by livelifelovehappy
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rosie28

I had my first at 31, second at 33 and third last year at 37. It was a harder pregnancy and has been a harder recovery because of non-age related complications. That aside I feel great, love the bigger age gap and I don’t feel more exhausted than after my second (I am more tired than after my first but he was a unicorn baby and I found the transition from corporate lawyer to a year of maternity leave incredibly relaxing).

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Sancti-claws

I think that the main downside of having a subsequent child when you are older (and unfortunately science has not yet found a way for subsequent children to be born to women who are younger than when they had their first... 🤪) is that you are dealing with more - and whatever time is throwing at you it is doing so while you also have a new child.

First at 30, second at 40.  Second pregnancy was easier (way less sciatic pain and not posterior position, so that is a bonus) - second child was not an easy settler however - which would have been crap at any age.  Hubby's health deteriorated (would have happened with our without kids) so meant our lifestyle changed dramatically which led to more exhaustion.  But then, first child's father disappeared from the picture quite early so upsides and downsides to that issue.

So really, apples and oranges.

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born.a.girl

I had only one, late 30s, and fortunately she was a good sleeper overnight, because god knows the days were a nightmare for the first months.  i stupidly thought I could run my business while the baby did all that sleeping they're supposed to do during the day.  If I hadn't been trying to work, it would have been fine.

Anyone who's already got children is going to find it different from those of us who had our first then.

 

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Luci

I have 3 children, the first 2 were in my early 30's and the last was in my late 30's. There wasn't much difference other than I probably was a bit more tired when I was pregnant with my third.  But it was nothing compared with the sleep deprivation I suffered when my first was born!! 

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Ozquoll

My great-grandmother had the first of her five children at the age of 37, the last of the five when she was 43. I wish I had a time machine and could ask her how she coped! Apparently my great-grandfather was more nurturing than most blokes back then, so that must have made it a little easier. 

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Living Type

First at 31, second at 36 and third at 39. For me, the first was the hardest on my body. I think the relaxin hormone caused me lots of problems, and I didn’t realise the cause until towards the end. Third time I knew how to look after myself or the damage was already done. 

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.Jerry.

I had DD in my late thirties.  She is my only one.

I have no idea if I am more tired due to the late time to have her.  I coped fine working full time still.

Big drawback was that I developed pre-eclampsia (and subsequently had a very prem baby). PE is more common in older mothers, however not for subsequent children, so if it isn't your first that shouldn't be a factor.

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wallofdodo
11 hours ago, gabbigirl said:

I had my first at 36, my second at 39. Didn’t help that second baby was a terrible sleeper.  Yes it was exhausting and I got sick with pneumonia. She’s now 10 and it’s all good but I can’t pretend, those first few years were horrible. Good luck 

This is me, but 37 and 40. TBH the second not sleeping almost did me in, he sleeps now at 7 but the ramifications are still being felt. So I think if you get a sleeper you will be fine!!!

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wallofdodo

The delivery was certainly better for number 2 as I knew what to do. As well as breastfeeding. 

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Soontobegran

I have no experience personally as my oldest was born when I was 33 but sometimes the extent to which you are affected by a pregnancy when you get older is dependent on what condition you are physically, mentally and socially when you have the baby and what number baby it will be.

Regardless of age the body tends to get exponentially more painful and harder to bounce back from with subsequent pregnancies.

I certainly know mums who have first or second children in their late 30s who did not have a problem but they were well supported by partners, were physically healthy, had no financial issues and had children without special needs. 

Hard to predict but good luck.

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Daffy2016

I’m pregnant with our second at the moment. I had DD when I was 33 and I’ll be 37 when this one is born. 

I’m much more tired this time around, but I think that’s due more to having a toddler than age. I’m also more physically and mentally worn down - work is very busy right now, we’ve had a lot of upheaval in the last 12 months, DD isn’t the best sleeper, we’re in a global pandemic...

I’m also finding this one harder mentally, probably because of all of the above.

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purpleblaze
Posted (edited)

38, 40 and 42 yrs old. Can’t compare with a younger me but the third pregnancy was the hardest physically.  Otherwise I reckon the tiredness would have been roughly the same even if I was younger. I’m in pretty good shape so I hope that helped with all the lifting and bending.

Edit to add I was/am a SAHM with a supportive DH.

Edited by purpleblaze

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kadoodle

I had my first at 23, and my last at 36. I found my body recovered much better, and the sleepless nights were easier to push through when I was younger; but that’s no different to how I found exercise easier as a younger woman. Everything’s physically easier when you’re young and strong.

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MadMarchMasterchef
9 hours ago, Soontobegran said:

 

Regardless of age the body tends to get exponentially more painful and harder to bounce back from with subsequent pregnancies.

This is true,  and the tiredness factor from having other kids.    I often read 'I was so much tireder after my 4th pregnancy at 30 than my 1st at 25'  or similar and I think that maybe they would be tired anyway since they had 4 kids in 5 years.   But its not an experiment we can actually perform until we develop a time machine so we will never know! 

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IamtheMumma

I had my first at 23 and last at 39. The last was definitely more exhausting for me but my life wasn't easy. I was working part time, it was a stressful pregnancy in itself, I had 3 teenagers to care for plus an alcoholic partner.  It was just sh*t all round. I was also heavier in that pregnancy too. I did find the first trimester knocked me around a lot more than any of the other pregnancies. Could have been different genetics or gender or whichever planet was retrograding. 

Wishing you all the best. 

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