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kadoodle

Kid growing up and moving out

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kadoodle

COVID-19 permitting, DD1 wants to go to uni on the other side of Melbourne next year. It’s too far for a daily commute, so I’m assuming Halls of Residence it is. 
 

She has a physical disability, which can be really unpredictable in regards to pain and mobility. How do I even deal with this? I don’t want to hold her back, but I’m frightened of her going, too.

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Franny and Zooey

Wow good on her, and good on you for raising such an independent young woman.

I have no helpful things to add, just wanted to say that.

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kim11

They most likely have disability support services she can access. They would help her get set up and know who to contact for specific support. Good for her for making the move. 

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osmund
2 minutes ago, kim11 said:

They most likely have disability support services she can access. They would help her get set up and know who to contact for specific support. Good for her for making the move. 

yes, they did when I was at Uni. I even worked for the service, it was fabulous. It was one of my favourite jobs, I made lots of friends through it.

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Prancer is coming

Halls of residence are fun!  If she struggles, she can always come home when she needs to.  I agree with getting in contact with the disability liaison officer, they will be helpful around access issues, but also if she is likely to have time off school.

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kadoodle

Thank you, everyone. 

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nightmarish

Is she on NDIS? Although I haven't used it I believe they offer specific funding/assistance for people moving out of home for the first time. That may help with some of the practicalities.

It may also be worthwhile talking to the management when applying for the Halls, sometimes little things like having a room close to the bathroom or kitchens can help a lot as well as the more obvious stuff like ground floor.

Other than that I think the only thing you can do is be supportive and make sure she knows she can come back without judgement or feeling like it's failing.

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BusbyWilkes

If moving out is part of the journey/reason for choosing the uni etc, please ignore this. There are lots of good ideas above about making it work.

If she wants the uni but doesn’t really want to move out, it would be worth contacting the uni to check about the number of face to face course hours. I have a few friends who lecture at different unis (where lectures are all online - even before Covid) so only about 10% actually attend face to face lectures. Tutes/labs etc would be f2f in non-Covid times. Given she has a disability, she would generally have priority access to choosing her class times (from the options available). Given this, if she could get classes timetabled so all her f2f requirements are in 1-2 days, could she commute on those days? Even just for first year to see how she goes?

It’s  hard to see them growing up and making decisions that don’t include us. (Even though that’s what we want for them and have spent half our lives preparing them for!)

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kadoodle

We’re just north of Melbourne, and the course she wants to do is in Moorabbin, which is a couple of hours away. 

I’ll definitely get in touch with student support (I assumed they’d been defunded, tbh). We’re still waiting for her updated NDIS plan to be approved. 

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CrankyM

Definitely talk to the uni and the disability support services. I know the uni I work for has a range of services including making sure that residential halls are suitable access wise and anything else that could be problematic.

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CrankyM

Oh and if she registers with the disability support services too, it often translates over to other services. I know our libraries provide alternative measures for students with disabilities including longer loans, sourcing alternative formats of texts/books and recording provisions of understanding in things like books not being returned because students can't physically access the library on an intermittent basis, such as pain level flaring like you have described.

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AllyK81

I lived on campus and loved it. Nearly 20 years ago now but it very much felt like a half way house in terms of being independent but also having lots of support.

Your daughter will love it and I am confident they will have appropriate support services for her.

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PhillipaCrawford

This is when you congratulate yourself that you have raised competent and confident children.

Welcome to the real letting go of parenthood......
I'm not a fan

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MsLaurie

It’s a long time ago now, but I knew a girl who had chronic fatigue who went to uni and lived in residence rather than tackle the commute of an hour or so each way. She only did a half load of classes each semester to help manage her energy. Took her a long time to complete obviously, but she got there.

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Nasty Teens

Uni has been awesome accommodating DDs needs. So much so that this year - her 3rd year - she set off to study abroad (rapidly came home duty to covid but that's another story). Seeing the confidence living away in a uni res has given her has been awesome. Different uni to your DD but the uni res my DD was in for her first 2 years has rooms modified for a range of different needs. All the best to you and your DD.

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