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Dustyblue

My in-laws are coming and I'm starting to panic (total vent)

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Dustyblue
7 hours ago, Holidayromp said:

And if FIL cannot drive..... then no more visits 😬

Turns out neither DH nor SIL are keen on the anonymous reporting of his driving, even though they both agree he's a menace. Their reasons are "he'll know for sure it was us", and they're likely right about that. Also "His doctors should pick this up soon enough". Perhaps they're right about that.

They've both had such lifelong problems with their Father, I can understand their reluctance. 

Meanwhile on my side- my 94 y/o step-grandmother is doolally and being moved to a 'home' this week. She's been having 8/hrs a day of private nursing in her home (yes, she is wealthy) but her money is running out, so her guardians have decided it's time for 24/hr care in a facility. She always swore she'd be carried out of that place in a box, but she's too far gone to argue now.

Sorry for banging on. Anyway, thank you all again for your help- I mean it!

 

 

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*Marty*

I'm sorry about your step-Grandma, Dustyblue.

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Dustyblue
15 minutes ago, *Marty* said:

I'm sorry about your step-Grandma, Dustyblue.

Thanks Marty- she has plenty of family guarding her interests so she's not so much on my shoulders, yk?

Also, she's been a nasty b**ch for 45-odd years (my beloved Grandpa left her twice before he died, and went back twice!) but he would have wanted her looked after regardless. And she has been. Still, I take comfort in the fact that she won't actually know she's leaving her house. Nasty or not I'd like her to have a peaceful time of it.

Wow, I've dragged this thread well into a different topic, sorry!

Meanwhile DS keeps saying 'No more visitors? Yes, no more'. 

Also 'We got our house back!'. I swear I never said that, he came up with it himself (proud I am).

 

 

 

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ContentedFleur
On 28/06/2020 at 3:54 PM, Dustyblue said:

Meanwhile DS keeps saying 'No more visitors? Yes, no more'. 

Out of the mouths of babes! 
I'm with him. NO MORE.

With your FIL driving; I know that neither your husband nor SIL can bring themselves to dob him in, and it would put you in an awkward position to do so. But he is a danger on the road, and if he kills somebody through his lack of ability, you'll all feel beyond dreadful. Is there somebody, anybody, you can send his details to, who is able and willing to dob him? That way, you all have plausible deniability and he's off the road. Win/win. 

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Dustyblue

I'm willing to dob him in. I told DH & SIL that the minute I hear word he's travelling again, I will do it and they can't stop me. They just laughed (with relief perhaps? I don't know).

I figured the whole point of this 'anonymous reporting' is that you don't know who reported you. So even if we roped in someone else to do it, he'll still think it was us. There's no plausible deniability, it'd just be 'someone dobbed me in and I think it was you!'

Anyway, we shall see. But thank you for the support and help :)

 

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TigerQueenofSheeba

 

On 28/06/2020 at 3:02 PM, Dustyblue said:

Turns out neither DH nor SIL are keen on the anonymous reporting of his driving, even though they both agree he's a menace. Their reasons are "he'll know for sure it was us", and they're likely right about that. Also "His doctors should pick this up soon enough". Perhaps they're right about that.

They've both had such lifelong problems with their Father, I can understand their reluctance. 

Meanwhile on my side- my 94 y/o step-grandmother is doolally and being moved to a 'home' this week. She's been having 8/hrs a day of private nursing in her home (yes, she is wealthy) but her money is running out, so her guardians have decided it's time for 24/hr care in a facility. She always swore she'd be carried out of that place in a box, but she's too far gone to argue now.

Sorry for banging on. Anyway, thank you all again for your help- I mean it!

 

 

In that case, I would question both of them on how they would feel if their Father killed someone on the roads and how would they live with that happening, when they could have acted to prevent it?

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Dustyblue

Yes, I mentioned something similar TigerQ. Because it really worries me too.

FIL is safely home and as I said- as soon as I hear he's driving any real distance instead of just locally, I'll make the report myself. 

Meanwhile, 94 y/o step grandma has just been moved into a proper care facility. It took 3 people and much valium to accomplish, but it had to be done. She's incontinent, weighs 34kg and has little understanding of her surroundings. The woman I knew wouldn't have wanted this, but there's no other choice.

Sorry, I should start a different thread after this, I've taken it well off track :)

 

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ContentedFleur
2 hours ago, Dustyblue said:

Meanwhile, 94 y/o step grandma has just been moved into a proper care facility. It took 3 people and much valium to accomplish, but it had to be done. She's incontinent, weighs 34kg and has little understanding of her surroundings. The woman I knew wouldn't have wanted this, but there's no other choice.

A hard thing to have to do, but definitely the right thing. She isn't the woman you knew anymore. Thinking of all of you involved in that particular bout of emotion. xo

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my2earthangels

My MIL came to visit at Christmas, first time in the state for 15 years. Met our youngest at 6 months old (first and only time 9 years ago) and has seen our eldest less than a handful of times. Lucky for us she stayed 30 mins away. 
Insisted we save 5 days for her, we saw her for at most 6 hours in the entire 5 days. Honestly I would have rather she not come at all. She has no idea about our children, send random aged birthday cards along with other stuff (I could write a novel). Our eldest was a twin, it was a very stressful time when she was born( you'd think she would remember her age). 

A few years she was meant to come over, she decided to stay with her exH at the time. Then tried to lay a guilt trip on DH about moving states to be near her. She forgets he moved to our current state to be near her before she moved back to her current town. 

DH said with any luck she wont be back for another 15. 🤣🤣🤣

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TigerQueenofSheeba
On 02/07/2020 at 2:27 PM, Dustyblue said:

Yes, I mentioned something similar TigerQ. Because it really worries me too.

FIL is safely home and as I said- as soon as I hear he's driving any real distance instead of just locally, I'll make the report myself. 

Any driving is going to be dangerous so I would be reporting now. 

About 12-18 months ago an elderly lady hit the wrong pedal and ran over (and killed) a little girl in a local shopping centre car park. This elderly person didn't do it on purpose, but they should not have been on the road.  Many lives were ruined that day and that could have been prevented.

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Dustyblue
Posted (edited)

I understand this. I really do.

When my Grandpa was 1st diagnosed, he had his license restricted to a 2km radius of his house. So as he could still go shopping and to the doctors. I guess that sticks in my mind. 

As for dangerous driving, it's not just the elderly. I once witnessed a young woman having a seizure behind the wheel as I (and many others) were waiting to cross a 3-lane road with a tram terminus in the middle. The lights turned red and this car just kept coming- l was able to jump out of the way, but the woman standing next to me was on her phone and literally thrown into the air. I won't go on.

Please understand that yes, this worries me too. And I am keeping tabs on, etc. At the same time, plenty of other people should also probably have their licenses yanked. 

Edited by Dustyblue

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got my tinsel on

OP, it really doesn't matter that others should not be driving.

You know how your FIL is driving:

Quote

FIL drove me to the supermarket last night for dinner supplies, and he is a menace on the road. No way should he have a driver's license any longer. He ran straight through roundabouts, almost swerved into oncoming traffic several times, etc. But what do you do? 

You contact the police in the state that your FIL lives and presumably licensed and let them know your concerns. 

I really can't understand why everyone is so relunctant to prevent your FIL potentially killing some innocent person (pedestrian/drive/passenger.

I'm gobsmacked TBH.

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Paddlepop
28 minutes ago, Dustyblue said:

Please understand that yes, this worries me too. And I am keeping tabs on, etc. At the same time, plenty of other people should also probably have their licenses yanked. 

Sure but you can do something about this dangerous driver. You can get this one off the road. You know his name and address, and you've been a passenger while he's driven so you have first hand knowledge of his sh*tty driving so you can make an accurate report to police or licensing authorities. 

Having a licence is a privilege with responsibilities, not a right. Your FIL doesn't have a right to have a licence or to be able to drive to the doctor or supermarket. He'll work out other ways to get around, like having his partner drive him, walking, taxi, getting a lift with a friend, community bus, home delivery, etc.  

Get him off the road. What he's going to do if he finds out that you reported him? Be a d*ck to you? Be a d*ck to your child? Not like you'd notice a difference in his behaviour. Maybe he'd refuse to visit you again. That would have to be a good thing, surely. 

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TigerQueenofSheeba
36 minutes ago, Dustyblue said:

I understand this. I really do.

When my Grandpa was 1st diagnosed, he had his license restricted to a 2km radius of his house. So as he could still go shopping and to the doctors. I guess that sticks in my mind. 

As for dangerous driving, it's not just the elderly. I once witnessed a young woman having a seizure behind the wheel as I (and many others) were waiting to cross a 3-lane road with a tram terminus in the middle. The lights turned red and this car just kept coming- l was able to jump out of the way, but the woman standing next to me was on her phone and literally thrown into the air. I won't go on.

Please understand that yes, this worries me too. And I am keeping tabs on, etc. At the same time, plenty of other people should also probably have their licenses yanked. 

Then you should understand why you need to take action rather than sit back and watch from afar. 

As the PP said, it doesn't matter what other people do or don't do. It matters what you do in this situation - you take action that could save lives. I don't see why this hasn't been done already.  

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Dustyblue
Posted (edited)

Ok. I will make the report. Thread finished, thanks.

 

 

Edited by Dustyblue
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