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kadoodle

Family situation please help.

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kadoodle

My dad’s youngest sister is in her early 50s, has a mild/borderline intellectual impairment and is being taken advantage of (paying way to much and sexually harassed) in her current group home. She’s moved out (in a tent, by herself) and asked me to help.

 

My parents live in a 4bm house, so taking her in wouldn’t be an issue. I live on a farm, and the shearer’s quarters are basic, but clean and free. But she says she doesn’t want to put people out. I’m going to insist, but should I?

 

How do I weigh up protecting someone and stepping on their toes?

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melanieb530

Can you support her to transfer to a more suitable group home if that’s something she would consider.

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CallMeFeral

Insist. Someone saying they don't want to put people out is more like "please reassure me that it's not putting you out". If they say "leave me alone because I'm happy as I am because of xyz" - then you weigh stuff up.

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GreenEgg

Are you able to word it so it seems like she's the one doing you a favour? Ie 'given current situation I'd love some to have another set of eyes on mum and dad' or 'my house is crazy and I'd love another adult around when I have to do the groceries/work so i don't have to take the kids/keep an eye on gargoyle etc'

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kadoodle

Insist. Someone saying they don't want to put people out is more like "please reassure me that it's not putting you out". If they say "leave me alone because I'm happy as I am because of xyz" - then you weigh stuff up.

 

With that in mind, I’ll go and collect her tomorrow. Lure her with the promise of kittens to play with. VicPol will see it as essential, shouldn’t they?

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Bethlehem Babe

 

 

With that in mind, I’ll go and collect her tomorrow. Lure her with the promise of kittens to play with. VicPol will see it as essential, shouldn’t they?

I should think so. The last thing they would want is her being vulnerable when she could be with safe family.

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lizzzard

I would ‘insist’ but frame it as an interim measure until some other solution is found that she prefers.

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YumChaTheSecond

You're doing a good thing Kadoodle!

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kadoodle

It feels like interfering and overreaching, but I’m worried.

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BECZ

 

 

With that in mind, I’ll go and collect her tomorrow. Lure her with the promise of kittens to play with. VicPol will see it as essential, shouldn’t they?

 

I’m sure it will be fine, but could you even call your local station in advance and let them know what you are doing in case they question you?

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Prancer is coming
Posted (edited)

Do you know what happened in the last accommodation? Does she have support (eg NDIS or some sort of support worker?) if she has some sort of support already, maybe check with her if you can make contact with her support to offer your services and they may be able to assist you with the arrangement. If she does not have support, highly recommend getting her some. IQ 70 or under should qualify for NDIS from what I have heard?

 

Are you clear on care needs? It is not just offering her a house, but depending on her needs and your location (with farm I am assuming rural?) you may need to help with transport, organising appointments, assisting with living skills and money matters and she may require more than just a room. She may know this, may not want to put you out or may just not want to live with you, so hard to know what to do. But by offering, letting her know she can change her mind and keeping in contact, it might help her to know she is welcome.

Edited by Prancer is coming
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kadoodle

She refuses to deal with a support worker or NDIS after a support worker sexually assaulted her last year. She refuses to deal with her sisters, because they apparently pick on her and call her a dumb blonde. She’s ok with my dad, but not her other brothers (family of 11, she’s the youngest). My mum’s really not keen on having her, but will suck it up because family.

 

According to the “senior” at her facility, there was an incident, but it’s being dealt with in-house. According to my aunt, they can all **** themselves because she’s not going back there.

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Tinselonthefloor

Oh Kadoodle, you're an incredible human being with the most expansive heart. Whatever help you provide will be great, I have no doubt ❤️

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Paddlepop

Are you able to word it so it seems like she's the one doing you a favour? Ie 'given current situation I'd love some to have another set of eyes on mum and dad' or 'my house is crazy and I'd love another adult around when I have to do the groceries/work so i don't have to take the kids/keep an eye on gargoyle etc'

I would ‘insist’ but frame it as an interim measure until some other solution is found that she prefers.

 

I like these suggestions. She is far better off with you, and with being in proper accommodation rather than a tent with cold weather approaching. Tent and cold weather is a recipe impaired response to infection.

 

I like your aunt's attitude.

 

You are doing a wonderful thing by taking her in. :heart:

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CallMeFeral

It feels like interfering and overreaching, but I’m worried.

 

She's asked you for help though. Was she specific in what that meant?

It doesn't sound like you're overreaching. You're helping, as requested.

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Bono25

It's essential travel on compassionate grounds. It sounds like trip to the police station may be needed anyway, if the home is trying to cover 'incidents' up and not report them. I hope she's OK

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ekbaby

Just for your aunts info, living in a tent is becoming extra difficult ATM. My brother & his family are “young nomads” living in a camper trailer & moving around, currently 3 states away from us. The state govt has shut down all campgrounds and caravan parks. They had the police visiting them every day telling them they need to move on, until they found a rental (the police were sympathetic but firm that they’ve been told ppl either need to go home if they have a home or find a “bricks & mortar” home if they don’t)

So even if she would like to stay in her tent she may be told by the authorities it’s not an option.

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IamzFeralz
Posted (edited)

I don’t think it’s overreaching at all. She is very vulnerable alone in a tent in a pandemic. The police are busy and distracted which means predators will be making good use of their time in group homes and outside.

 

Is it possible to speak to the family members who are nasty to her so that she does not feel so unwanted?

 

What a tricky situation.

Edited by IamzFeralz
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kadoodle

A visit from the police would have her going bonkers at them, and likely arrested. She also doesn’t want them involved in the group home, because they’ve been called there before and she’s been assaulted for being uncooperative. She’s very fearful of police, and has had a few very uncomfortable dealings with them.

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Not Escapin Xmas

Just go and get her. You’ll feel much better for it afterwards.

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kadoodle

 

 

She's asked you for help though. Was she specific in what that meant?

It doesn't sound like you're overreaching. You're helping, as requested.

 

By help, she means moving her stuff into her tent, helping her stop it falling down, and buying her some goon and smokes.

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MadMarchMasterchef

Are you able to word it so it seems like she's the one doing you a favour? Ie 'given current situation I'd love some to have another set of eyes on mum and dad' or 'my house is crazy and I'd love another adult around when I have to do the groceries/work so i don't have to take the kids/keep an eye on gargoyle etc'

 

Great idea!

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DQMission

If you feel ok with having her in your shearer's quarters, I would insist. I would also have set ground rules before anything happened such as limiting guests (easily led people are often unwilling hosts) and hygiene and noise.

 

Unfortunately, the issue of harassment should be reported to external authorities ASAP whether your aunt wants them to or not. Not reporting will put other vulnerable people at risk. I'd contact the local sexual assault centre (not police) and ask for advice about how to report it so that your aunt's wishes to not be dealing with the police can be accommodated. Happy to do some online research to find a phone number/email address if that will help? Just PM me the region your aunt lives in.

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Romeo Void

With that in mind, I’ll go and collect her tomorrow. Lure her with the promise of kittens to play with. VicPol will see it as essential, shouldn’t they?

DH knows someone who was denied access to visit a dying parent, I'd check to make sure.

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born.a.girl

DH knows someone who was denied access to visit a dying parent, I'd check to make sure.

 

 

I guess it depends on whether the person was deemed to be 'in palliative care' or just deteriorating, but palliative care was differentiated from aged care visits.

 

I wouldn't have thought the home had the right to decline entry, unless there's more to it than we know.

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