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Wolf87

One and done - not through choice *Trigger secondary infertility*

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Wolf87

Hey gang

 

So I had my daughter on our second cycle of IVF, on what is becoming more and more apparent, a flucky IVF cycle. First cycle was approx 7 mature eggs with zero fertilised, second cycle I think we got one out of 9 fertilised, and that went the distance and was my now DD4.

 

We have since had 2 cycles, 1st again 10 eggs 1 (AA grade) embryo BFN, second cycle 7 eggs mature 0 fertilised.

 

I was hoping to jump straight back in and have another go, but now the clinic wants a review before anymore treatment. We are going public through RPA this time as we can’t afford private, and they partner with Genea. Our FS has told us they wouldn’t be doing anything differently at Genea anyway, even if we could afford it.

 

I am just so worried that we are going to go for the review and they are going to ‘cut us off’ so to speak. Our plan was to have a few more goes, and call it quits if by the end of this year we don’t see any results. Now I fear it is going to be out of our hands. Our apt is in May, so lots of time to freak out and worry what they are going to say.

 

I know this may seem trivial with the Corona virus and climate change situation we have going on. And the fact that I do have a daughter obviously makes things a lot easier, and if I had read this post suffering from primary fertility I’d probably be thinking, ‘STFU and be grateful you have 1 child’. But I just feel sad, my dad had a milestone birthday today, so already thinking of mortality and aging, and DD turns 5 in May and I would love a sibling for her.

 

Anyway enough rambling. Anyone else had the choice taken out of their hands? I just have this feeling of not being done. I was so anxious my whole 1st pregnancy and the newborn period, I would love another shot at it. How do you cope with not having the family you envisioned?

 

I have put a trigger warning to remind people I am aware I am lucky, but it still hurts a little bit and I am so worried about falling into depression if at our apt they decide to stop treatment. I have been having moments of great sadness. Any advice?

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Isolated Old Elf

Forgive me but I can’t remember , have you had karyotyping?

I do think it would be remiss of them to continue without review, but that shouldn’t mean just stopping altogether. I would hope they would talk to their colleagues, review your treatment.

Our story is so similar to yours.

Our longing for a second was significant. Having one child didn’t negate that.

May is a long way off, could you access the councelling service through your clinic while you wait?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It really sucks and isn’t fair. It hurts. And you shouldn’t need to justify your longing or feelings to anyone. I hope May brings good news and comes fast.

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Wolf87

Forgive me but I can’t remember , have you had karyotyping?

I do think it would be remiss of them to continue without review, but that shouldn’t mean just stopping altogether. I would hope they would talk to their colleagues, review your treatment.

Our story is so similar to yours.

Our longing for a second was significant. Having one child didn’t negate that.

May is a long way off, could you access the councelling service through your clinic while you wait?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It really sucks and isn’t fair. It hurts. And you shouldn’t need to justify your longing or feelings to anyone. I hope May brings good news and comes fast.

 

Thanks so much that makes me feel a little better. Yes we did Karotype test and all fine. DH is a cystic fibrosis carrier which may explain his low sperm, but this zero fertilisation thing seems to be so rare, and for what I have read seems to be an issue with my eggs. Or it could be his sperm. Who knows! We did ICSI so it happens in like 5% of cases and I can’t seem to find many personal accounts.

 

We probably should access the counselling service TBH, they have been very active in telling us it is available. I guess we will see what they say in May, it is a hell of a wait tho. I just feel like there is no point in a review, after all my reading and my 4 cycles I feel it is just a numbers game. But you never know.

 

Thank you

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Wonderstruck

Perhaps the review is to see what could be possibly tweaked or tried to assist you guys? Perhaps they're also worried about the toll on you and wanting to be sure you're aware of the chances etc? We go through Genea and they're very big on being very honest about the chances which is sometimes so hard to hear.

 

Its hard when you are worried about what the review will bring and consider the worst. Maybe they'll suggest a break not cut you off.

 

I guess I'm saying I know it's hard not to stress when there are so many unknowns.

 

Definately take the time with the counsellor to talk it out.

 

Maybe see if there anything that can be done fert rate wise. I've known people to look into vitamin regimines and things to improve sperm qualify etc. My only thought of something different they do at genea is PGD but I don't think that would be helpful in your case.

 

I understand that desire to grow your family and I think you're being hard ok on yourself. Infertility is hard, whether you've had a kid or not.

 

Feel free to reach out. I have a 3 year old DD.

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SunStarMoon

Im sorry, it would be tough. I feel like I’m looking down the barrel of this myself. I second the suggestion of some vitamins (at least you feel like you are doing something whilst waiting). I can check what I got my husband taking. I know it includes some zinc and magnesium (at least I think).

What options are out there to help fertilisation? I thought there was something better than ICSM? If they say no more could you save for a year for one last shot using something at a new clinic?

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Wolf87

Thanks so much guys.

 

I don’t feel so bad about having to wait to chat until May now, I definitely wouldn’t want to be in and out of hospital at the minute. DH and I are just going to put our heads down, do what we can to get in the best shape we can, and try and build up our savings. Going to try and not imagine worst case scenarios until we have our review, and who knows what will be happening in May.

 

Im sorry, it would be tough. I feel like I’m looking down the barrel of this myself. I second the suggestion of some vitamins (at least you feel like you are doing something whilst waiting). I can check what I got my husband taking. I know it includes some zinc and magnesium (at least I think).

What options are out there to help fertilisation? I thought there was something better than ICSM? If they say no more could you save for a year for one last shot using something at a new clinic?

 

We are on most of the recommended things, but I will be looking into anything else we can take. Any suggestions let me know! DH is on Menevit and COQ10.

Sorry to hear you’re in the same boat. What stage are you at?

 

Thanks Wonderstruck :)

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Wonderstruck

Good luck wolf87. Might be worth asking in the general section if anyone has recommendations for things to do it try with male factor issues.

 

Yes. Troubling times at the moment. A good time to take stock and save.

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born.a.girl

Yes, but not through infertility, which is a journey I can't imagine.

 

In my early fifties the cause of my severe, and frequently out of control blood pressure was found, I was cured, and I again went though the grief of knowing that if it had been found ten years earlier, I could easily have had another one or two.

 

Going back, it took me until 45 to accept that it wasn't going to happen, there wasn't going to be a magical cure.

 

Going back again to 38 (got pregnant the first time we tried) and my pre-existing severe blood pressure problems just about disappeared during pregnancy, then because of the risk it was an early elective caesar, and despite that my blood pressure went to 240/140 before they managed to start getting it to go down again. They were throwing everything at it.

 

To risk that again would have been irresponsible. As my husband said 'better a child with a mother, than two children and no mother'.

 

I have a glorious 28yo, who often lamented that she wouldn't have siblings (she sees that I'm close to my sisters and one brother), or nieces and nephews. I told her to meet someone from a big family. She did, he's the youngest of six!

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Wolf87

Yes, but not through infertility, which is a journey I can't imagine.

 

In my early fifties the cause of my severe, and frequently out of control blood pressure was found, I was cured, and I again went though the grief of knowing that if it had been found ten years earlier, I could easily have had another one or two.

 

Going back, it took me until 45 to accept that it wasn't going to happen, there wasn't going to be a magical cure.

 

Going back again to 38 (got pregnant the first time we tried) and my pre-existing severe blood pressure problems just about disappeared during pregnancy, then because of the risk it was an early elective caesar, and despite that my blood pressure went to 240/140 before they managed to start getting it to go down again. They were throwing everything at it.

 

To risk that again would have been irresponsible. As my husband said 'better a child with a mother, than two children and no mother'.

 

I have a glorious 28yo, who often lamented that she wouldn't have siblings (she sees that I'm close to my sisters and one brother), or nieces and nephews. I told her to meet someone from a big family. She did, he's the youngest of six!

 

Thanks so much for this, you must have had mixed emotions when you found out the cause for your erratic blood pressure. I would have made exactly the same call regarding having another before the cure, there’s no way I would have risked it. Thanks for the reminder that it’s not just infertility that affects how the family ends up, there are so many factors, none of which are easier than the others I would guess.

Youngest of six! That’s big, I’m the oldest of 5, and for me, 5 or 6 would be wayyyyy over what I’m mentally able to cope with :rofl:

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Gabbitz

Wolf87,

I’m sorry to hear about the trouble you’ve had. I’m not sure where you’re at currently. Just want to share I understand it’s hard when you desperately want more children (even after having 1).

 

I have severe endo and we’ve been through lots of IVF rounds. Initially we thought we’d be ok as my first round of IVF we got 5 embies, but none took. But after going to three different doctors we almost gave up. We found one guy who was known to be a little unorthodox in his approach to helping people and thought we’d see him and if he could give us any possibilities of something different to try we8d give it one more try. At that point I was put on the prednisone/aspirin/feldene protocol, growth hormone and melatonin. The doc was happy with how that cycle went (in terms of egg growth and #’s) but we still had no embryos.

 

He was really upfront at that point and told us we could just keep trying, but it would be a numbers game or we could look into other options. He talked us through adoption, fostering, surrogacy, donor eggs, donor embryos.

 

It took us awhile to get our heads around (in particular, mine), but we agreed to go on the donor egg list.

We had 5 embies from that donor and the last transfer is now our 2yr old DS.

 

As we had no other embies, we thought DS would be our only child, but the desire for a sibling was huge. We went back onto the donor list and were gifted with another donor - I am now 34 weeks pregnant with #2.

 

It was really tough giving up the desire for a child who was genetically mine, but my son IS my child. I couldn’t love him any more even if he was genetically mine.

 

Our last doc - when he reviewed our case really looked into the quality issues with us and was very up front about what was being suggested. He also indicated that he thought we might need to look into some of the other options, which we’ve eventually gone through.

 

I doubt your clinic would cut you off completely, but maybe they need to look into some of the other ‘newer’ research out there to see if any of those might work for your situation.

 

I empathise with you - it’s a really tough place to be. I hope your appointment goes ahead and the doctors are able to find a helpful solution.

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blueskies12

I'm sorry, OP, for what you are going through. My wonderful parents had one and one only (me!) after suffering through secondary infertility. IVF was only just starting out really at the time. Mum particularly suffered a lot with depression from it. I never knew though. I felt like the luckiest child on the planet to have two such loving parents and I got them all to myself! I felt very lucky as a child and still do. So I whilst I have never been through your position. I know what my Mum now ached for and I also know it from the child's position.

 

Don't give up, keep going forward, but allow yourself to feel however you feel too. Big hugs.

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IamOzgirl

Hey Wolf,

 

Have you ever had a lap?

 

I know fertilisation rates aren't great. But the couple of embies have been good enough to pu it. So maybe something is going on for you too.

 

A friend of mine has been trying for close to a year for number 2 and they just found stage 3 endo!

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Wolf87

So stims started today, fingers crossed all goes well and we get to egg collection. If this doesn’t go well it might be time to put it to bed. Fingers crossed some extra supplements and lifestyle changes help us a bit....

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IamOzgirl

Good luck 

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Wolf87

For those reading along, EPU was today and I stimmed for the least days I had ever stimmed for - which I think contributed to only getting 6 eggs (and they reckon 1 or 2 aren’t mature). Not expecting good news tomorrow. Feeling so down. There is no way I’m getting anything fertilised - I have only ever got anything fertilised when I have 9 or 10 to play with. Roll on the weekend so I can have alcohol. 

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IamOzgirl

After my last cycle I am convinced that quality of quantity is the best. 
 

I think I lost two mature eggs last cycle- so wish EPU was earlier. 
 

I got 7 eggs but only one transferable in the end. 
 

fingers crossed for you

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Wolf87
26 minutes ago, IamOzgirl said:

After my last cycle I am convinced that quality of quantity is the best. 
 

I think I lost two mature eggs last cycle- so wish EPU was earlier. 
 

I got 7 eggs but only one transferable in the end. 
 

fingers crossed for you

Thanks Ozgirl. I remain pessimistic though as we have had cycles where we had less eggs (7) and both yielded 0 fertilisation. Hope you are doing ok. 

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Wolf87

Randomly 2 fertilised. Never had two before.  🤷‍♀️ Maybe a combo of under stimming (if that’s the right terminology), supplements, lifestyle changes and luck. 
 

PUPO with a 10cell embryo, the other is still going good at 8 cell - we’ll know on Monday if it’s good enough to freeze. 
 

Fingers crossed 🤞 

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ckmelb

Oh that's great news!

I'm a quality over quantity kinda lady too. High stims resulted in no eggs at EPU (repeatedly) No stims (natural IVF) lead to 1 egg (which became one embryo and one baby girl). Something in the stims fried my eggs 🤷‍♀️

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IamtheMumma

Fingers crossed for you. I hope this is your cycle.

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Wolf87
2 hours ago, ckmelb said:

Oh that's great news!

I'm a quality over quantity kinda lady too. High stims resulted in no eggs at EPU (repeatedly) No stims (natural IVF) lead to 1 egg (which became one embryo and one baby girl). Something in the stims fried my eggs 🤷‍♀️

It’s so annoying how unpredictable all of this is. Glad you got your baby girl 🥰 

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Mose

*baby mentioned*

I started a similar thread a number of years ago.  It's a sucky, sucky place to be.

I don't know if it will provide you any encouragement (I hope so) or just make you want to throw something at me (which I acknowledge would also be a valid choice), but I dug it out for you anyway.

Long story short, we gave up IVF after a few years.  Then went back a few years late "just to be sure".  it was a fail and we were all ready to walk away for good knowing we had given it our best shot.  Until the IVF nurse phoned to confirm the negative result and ask what I wanted to do with the embryo that I didn't know had been frozen from that cycle.

Now I have a three year old buzzing about in lockdown, and it still brings tears to my eyes to think of it.

I have everything crossed for you.

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Wolf87

Thanks so much for that Mose 🥰

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Wolf87

I know it’s early, but think I’m out. :( 

7dp3dt and negative. 

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IamOzgirl

I'm sorry 😞

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