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Bushlander

Family Holiday

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born.a.girl

^^while I think an inheritance is shared, I do agree with pp it’s poor form to count on one before someone has died...

In which case op I’d say spend some of the farm money and go to America.

 

What makes me feel uncomfortable about it, is the feeling that 'when you're not here, I can ...', as though what the person might do with the money, is more important to them than having the person in their life.

 

This is of course beside the fact that if the person is of sound mind, they can change their will if they wish.

 

I'd have my MIL back in a heartbeat over the money she left us (acknowledging that it didn't make a massive difference to our lifestyle). Not the way she was at the end, but ten years earlier, for sure. I actually have difficulty with the money because it seems I've swapped a human being I loved for money.

 

(For context, Dad died of alcoholism at about my age, and my passive-aggressive nightmare of a mother lived to 98, leaving a country brick veneer divided between six, which seemed like fair compensation for what she'd put us through.)

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Jenflea

You don't have the SAHM blues, you have the "My husband is a thoughtless, selfish jerk blues".

 

Go back to work, take some money and go to America.

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luke's mummu
I'd have my MIL back in a heartbeat over the money she left us (acknowledging that it didn't make a massive difference to our lifestyle). Not the way she was at the end, but ten years earlier, for sure. I actually have difficulty with the money because it seems I've swapped a human being I loved for money.

 

(For context, Dad died of alcoholism at about my age, and my passive-aggressive nightmare of a mother lived to 98, leaving a country brick veneer divided between six, which seemed like fair compensation for what she'd put us through.)

 

Yes I agree with this. Both my in-laws died in the past 4 years. With our inheritance we bought an investment unit. It hasn’t really changed our lifestyle at all. I’d so much rather have my crazy, chatty, demanding in-laws back

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Veritas Vinum Arte

You don't have the SAHM blues, you have the "My husband is a thoughtless, selfish jerk blues".

 

Go back to work, take some money and go to America.

 

I spent the better part of the past 14yrs being a SAHM, only just returned to work full time. I will admit that DH completed his big bucket list item, but that was using FF points to get to LA and he only spent 48hrs there (saw a concert), so minimal pot of funds expenditure.

 

All miney is family pot of money if I am working or not. Even working DHs income is 4.5 times mine.

 

We negotiate family holidays, expenditures etc. we also have an anticipated inheritance, but once again that will be for JOINT Pot of Funds.

 

I agree yo7 have selfish DH blues.

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Freddie'sMum

My DH has always earned more money than me - from the moment we got together. Then over the last 14 years - we started a family and I had time in and out of the workforce.

 

DH has always insisted that the money he earns is "our" money, not his. I do struggle with not working full time and not earning the money he does - but he's right - this is "our" money for our family. NOT just for one person to do what they want to do - in your case, your H to do his dream holiday and not to encourage you to do yours !

 

I think this is much more about money, OP. Do you honestly want to go and live in the bush? Because - to me - that sounds like his dream, not yours. And that simply isn't fair.

 

He also sounds quite selfish talking about the inheritance he is going to get when his Mum dies - that's just wrong. What if Mum lives to be 110? What if Mum leaves it all to the Battersea Dogs Home? I have seen too many people earmark money that they think they deserve and are like vultures waiting for Granny to die - so they can have their money !

 

OP - I would be going gangbusters on your business and start a savings account - just in your name - and if you want a trip to America, you go for it. I would also seek professional counselling about your relationship with your H because it doesn't sound like he cares very much about you or your feelings.

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autumn-mae

sorry but the trophy hunting is just disgusting and since Africa is corrupt, he's fueling a cruel and sadistic industry.

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IShallWearMidnight

I would absolutely be planning my own trip away for a holiday solo. If he has an issue with family money being used, I'd go back to work and he can pick up the load with the kids and house

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Ellie bean

It’s so upsetting to think he’s going on solo holidays and it’s “his” money when you are meant to be partners and you are raising his kids. I just hate this kind of crap. I hope you can find it in you to get angry with him OP. And start making some decisions in your life that are for you. Don’t let him keep grinding you down.

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TrixieBelden

The time for our own money and getting to do whatever we want without thinking of anyone else ended when we got married. Part of our relationship is about helping each other to realise dreams so for us both of our travel dreams are important and we have done trips that were his thing and my thing. Why is it all his wishes at your expense? That’s not a loving partnership.

 

Like others though I’m not surprised to lean that someone whose dream is to slaughter animals - again - is a d*ck in other areas also.

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Bushlander

Well I'm off to do my White Card course today. Don't know how I'll go. Haven't done anything like this for a long time. Just been wasting away at home crippled with menopause symptoms - the biggest two being depression and the loss of confidence. This would've been a walk in the park 25 years ago, but today it's a pretty big deal. Just have to keep thinking "if I want this, I'm the one that has to make it happen".

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Blue Shoe

You can do it, OP!

Good luck today :)

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ButterflyNow

It’s so upsetting to think he’s going on solo holidays and it’s “his” money when you are meant to be partners and you are raising his kids. I just hate this kind of crap. I hope you can find it in you to get angry with him OP. And start making some decisions in your life that are for you. Don’t let him keep grinding you down.

OP I agree with everything said here, particularly this.

I just saw your update - is a white card something to do with construction? Good luck!

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Gudrun

Good on you OP! And good luck for today. Had to google White Card.

 

As you indicated yourself it's over to you to take charge of your life.

 

I can see your strength and confidence growing as you keep that thought uppermost.

 

Go!

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Etta

Well done you! You are taking a step in the right direction and that is a great start.

 

I get the feeling you may be a bit lonely or isolated where you are. If you move to a farm this will only get worse. You may need to have a good think about whether this proposed move will do you any good. You don't have to go but once you do it will be really hard to move back.

 

All the best for today!

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Jenflea

I'm also going to suggest you see your GP about getting a mental health plan and dealing with the depression.

 

Sure it might be part of menopause but it shouldn't have to be accepted and not dealt with. Anti depressants might well help.

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PuddingPlease

sorry but the trophy hunting is just disgusting and since Africa is corrupt, he's fueling a cruel and sadistic industry.

 

Africa is a continent of over a billion people. I am not defending trophy hunting but characterising an entire continent as corrupt is unarguably pretty racist. You should edit this comment.

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born.a.girl

Well I'm off to do my White Card course today. Don't know how I'll go. Haven't done anything like this for a long time. Just been wasting away at home crippled with menopause symptoms - the biggest two being depression and the loss of confidence. This would've been a walk in the park 25 years ago, but today it's a pretty big deal. Just have to keep thinking "if I want this, I'm the one that has to make it happen".

 

I went on to anti-depressants for a short period during the worst of menopause, but it wasn't what I needed. Not suggesting you use HRT, because obviously that's very individual, but it solved all of those symptoms, although my main reason for succumbing to it was severe and frequent hot flushes and very poor sleep.

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