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VVV

Really at a loss with toilet training

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VVV

Just don't know what to do next - if anything at all. My 3 yo DD shows interest in other people going to the toilet, wants to wear her "special knickers" says things like babies wear nappies, I'm a big girl I sit on the toilet etc, however when I take her out of nappies and put her in knickers she'll just poo and wee in her knickers without a care in the world. I've bribed her with chocolate (will sit on the toilet willingly but won't actually do anything) I've made her a special lucky dip (a whole box wrapped up with special presents for her to choose if she wees on the toilet) - sits on the toilet once, doesn't do anything and then goes back to weeing in her pants.

 

I'm actually at a total loss and not sure what else to do. I've given up and gone back to nappies. I actually feel embarrassed and ashamed that she's 3 years old and I haven't been able to successfully help her with this. I feel like she's still going to be in nappies when she attends school. I don't voice any of this with her though.

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Lou-bags

People can be massive jerks about toilet training. And I just don’t understand it.

 

You’ve done the right thing- nappies and wait. It will be a very quick and simple process if you wait until she’s ready. It just clicks.

 

Go easy on yourself and your DD.

 

❤️

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VVV

People can be massive jerks about toilet training. And I just don’t understand it.

 

You’ve done the right thing- nappies and wait. It will be a very quick and simple process if you wait until she’s ready. It just clicks.

 

Go easy on yourself and your DD.

 

❤️

 

LOL yes, thank you. People do judge. She just started dancing and the teacher mentioned it and gave me the side eye like, really?

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José

oh dear!

 

good on you for admitting to feelings of embarrassment and of being ashamed.

while this is understandable i hope you can move beyond these uncomfortable feelings.

 

my favourite advice i ever hear is wait until they are ready. so much angst occurs when trying to toilet train a child who isnt ready.

 

i tried on and off with my child intermittently and like you began to worry. they were closer to 4 when they toilet trained and they got it sorted for wees and poos in 2 days cause finally they were ready.

 

it wouldnt hurt to chat to GP to rule out anything medical. sometimes OTs help here as well.

good luck!

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harryhoo

Sounds like she's just not ready. Interest in the toilet and knickers is grear, but she needs to "get" when she needs to go. When she's ready it will halpen a lot easier. It is very common for 3 year olds to be in nappies and is highly unlikely she will still be wearing nappies at primary school. I'd give it a bresk and try again in a few months.

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Hands Up

Neither of my kids got it early or quickly. It’s painful isn’t it. At that age I’d be back in nappies and trying again in a few months. Or six months. There’s no hurry!

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Nobodyelse

Don't sweat what other people think. 3yo isn't too old for nappies. There are still lots of 3yos who aren't toilet trained yet.

 

I think the whole phrase sets up unrealistic expectations. Sure, some kids can be 'trained' to use the toilet but for many, it is just something they just 'get' on their own, in their own time and the best you can give them is guidence.

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Dani_R

I feel for you! My 3y 7m DD still won't even sit on the toilet or potty! She's a clever girl but just has no interest in toilet training. I'm not quite sure what to do either. I don't want to push her but would like her trained before 4yo kinder next year!!

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~Bob~

A 3 year old in nappies is pretty normal. I would try not to sweat it. You've done the right thing. Maybe try again in summer. It's easier then anyway.

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JBH

My DS2 was difficult to toilet train, and it seemed at the time like SUCH A BIG DEAL. I researched strategies, I talked to experienced parents, I persevered, I probably bored everyone i knew with talk of poo. What a waste of energy compared to just waiting until he was ready. Barring only actual medical issues, once they are a bit older there’s just no significance in whether they trained early or late.

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Jenflea

DD was nearly 4 when I had to TT her to start preschool.

 

She got it within days though because she was ready.

She never once showed any interest in wanting to TT so just because she's interested doesn't mean she can do it sadly.

Take a step back, give her winter to be in nappies, then try again when the weather is warmer.

 

And yes, there were one or 2 still in pull ups at 5, but they and the school just handled it.

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DirtyStreetPie

Hi OP. When I clicked on this thread, I was expecting to be reading about a child older than three!

 

Three's nothing! Lots of kids are in nappies at that age, otherwise the shops wouldn't stock them in that size. :)

 

My son is 3 and 10 months. He's juuuuust getting the hang of it over the last two days. He'll go to the toilet, but only when prompted - he's not self-initiating and being attentive to his bladder. And he hasn't pooped in there yet.

 

Like you, at times I have felt very self-conscious about it, especially because most of the kids at his 3yo kinder have already got the hang of it. But I keep reminding myself that everyone - absolutely everyone, barring any health issues or disabilities - can toilet themselves eventually. And so I keep faith, as should you.

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GingerbreadWoman

I tried all the things with my DD at nearly 3, because she was talking about the toilet, following me in, and asking, etc. and nothing worked.

 

We went back to nappies and then she asked again at about 3 and a half and she ‘toilet trained’ in two days, with only a couple of wee accidents the first two days, mostly not making it to the toilet in time, then none since. It was really really easy when she was ready.

 

Nothing wrong with a three year old wearing nappies. Wait and try again in a few months, and enjoy being able to go out without needing to know where the nearest toilet is at all times!

 

 

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Ollie83

It’ll be ok, she’ll get there but for now give her some time and take the pressure off.

 

As long as there’s no under laying issues one day it’ll all just fall into place.

 

An OT explained to me that the brain might like to mimick us and role play using toilet etc. but until the nerve endings connect with the bladder / bowels they just don’t get the right signals to go. Only growth and time can get them connected.

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Paddlepop

Does your DD ever have periods of having a dry nappy? Like it you check it after an hour or two, it's completely dry? Until you start to get periods like that she's probably not physically ready to toilet train. Her body probably hasn't developed the nerve connections and muscle control to hold onto to the wee, and only release it on demand.

 

My DD was 4.5yo when she TTed, so 3yo is nothing. Admittedly she has other issues going on that delayed her but 3yo is fine. Take the stress off and try again once she starts having dry nappies.

 

As for the dance teacher, perhaps offer to take DD along with no nappy and see how that class goes...bet the teacher will shut up after a class of wet floors.

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22Fruitmincepies

It’ll be ok, she’ll get there but for now give her some time and take the pressure off.

 

As long as there’s no under laying issues one day it’ll all just fall into place.

 

An OT explained to me that the brain might like to mimick us and role play using toilet etc. but until the nerve endings connect with the bladder / bowels they just don’t get the right signals to go. Only growth and time can get them connected.

 

I now suspect my (very clever) DD mimicked toilet training, she was 2.5yo and desperate to not wear nappies anymore. She was really good at it, she would always wee on the toilet, could poo on the toilet. But she continued to have accidents for the next 1.5 years! She’s still wearing night nappies, and as she is a very deep sleeper and wakes every morning with a full nappy, I suspect she will be for some time. People are weird, the checkout lady at the supermarket one day was most disapproving of DD wearing night nappies. I am not going to spend weeks/months/years changing wet sheets when DD can just wear a nappy to bed!

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laridae

DD2 took ages. We started training properly not long after she turned 3 (undies, no nappies except for night) and it took until about 4.5 until she really started to be able to do it. One term into kinder! Ended up taking her to the go and getting a referral to the continence clinic at the hospital, and that's when she got it. Cancelled the appointment didn't need it anymore. Lol.

Nearly 5 and still in nappies for night. She does still have an accident during the day every couple of weeks too,but it's mainly as she leaves it too long.

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null

I role played with teddies on the potty for a while before my boys were ready. I would get them to pop the teddies on the potty first thing in the morning and then prompt then to read a book to them during the day.

 

I waited until my boys were dry first thing in the morning. As soon as they woke up I took off their night nappy, popped them on the potty and read them a book until they filled it. Then for the next few days it was warm enough for them to spend the day in the back yard half nude. I gave them lots of water and kept a close eye on them. When they started to go I encouraged them on to the potty using rewards of they were reluctant otherwise I just let them do their business where they were. I would talk about what was going on and why and left it to that.

 

Each time I had to go to the shops I would stop in to the toilets and introduce them to the environment with no pressure to go. It took us about 2 weeks to get days and nights sorted.

 

It is seriously a mind game. If you or your child is losing it you all need to take a break and come back to it when your are all calm again. Keep it playful and encourage curiosity then hopefully you should make some progress.

Edited by SynchronouslyIdle

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crankybee

I can not recommend a book called “Oh Crap! Potty training guide” It saved my life and has worked for every single person I’ve recommended it to. I had the worst time with my eldest, with four good attempts before she got it and it nearly broke me. With my second I followed this book to the letter and it worked. Please try it!

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Bearynice

It sounds like she is interested but not quite ready.

 

I’d put her back in nappies. Perhaps when running bath or shower at night she could sit on the potty while water runs

 

Stuff what everyone says as they aren’t dealing with the mess

 

It’s totally ok for three year olds to be in nappies

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spr_maiden

TT can be so stressful, I feel for you OP. It's one part of parenting LOs that you could not pay me to do again!

 

Good that you've shared your feelings. Please know it's not shameful for a 3yr old to be in nappies. It's shameful that people judge little children and parents around TTing!

 

You've received lots of advice already so just wanted to say that.

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*Melstar*

 

 

I now suspect my (very clever) DD mimicked toilet training, she was 2.5yo and desperate to not wear nappies anymore. She was really good at it, she would always wee on the toilet, could poo on the toilet. But she continued to have accidents for the next 1.5 years! She’s still wearing night nappies, and as she is a very deep sleeper and wakes every morning with a full nappy, I suspect she will be for some time. People are weird, the checkout lady at the supermarket one day was most disapproving of DD wearing night nappies. I am not going to spend weeks/months/years changing wet sheets when DD can just wear a nappy to bed!

 

My 4.5 year old is still in night nappies. My other kid was night trained at 2.5 with zero accidents. No rhyme nor reason to it, it just is what it is. Same parents, same process, just different kids.

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cardamom

Don't sweat what other people think. 3yo isn't too old for nappies. There are still lots of 3yos who aren't toilet trained yet.

 

Just another one chiming in to normalise a 3yo wearing nappies :)

 

My niece was 3yrs 9mo when she trained, and it clicked almost instantly. Daycare had tried to force the issue a few months earlier and insisted she come to care in undies - she was constantly wet, poor thing, it made no difference. Parents put her back in nappies and left it for a few months until she was ready.

 

I hope you're feeling better after reading all these replies. I was really sensitive to the judgy looks/shaming comments my niece got - and I'm only the auntie! It must be hard. People need to mind their own business.

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IamtheMumma

She's normal. Give the dance teacher the finger, how rude.

 

I had one trained by 2.5, one around 3 and two just after 4.

 

Shelve the training for now. Try again in a few months,

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movingonup

This thread has just given me a reason to smile today! My DS is 3 years, 3 months, refuses to toilet train and is quite polite about it "no thank you mummy; I think i'll just stay in my nappy". He's tall too, so I'm getting so much grief.

But this thread has given me a good boost to recognise I'm doing the right thing leaving him be, and he'll go when he goes. Thanks crew :)

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