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Sammiam09

Impending miscarriage...

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Sammiam09

Hi everyone.

 

So this was my second cycle of 150mg Clomid where I ovulated - I have pcos and only ovulate 3-4 times a year on my own!

I used a digital opk and got a positive on cd15. From cd26 I was getting faint bfps, stronger in the pm and gradually stronger each day but were still faint. cd28 I took a digital and it was negative so waited a few days (cd30) and it was positive - I was happy because my levels were obviously increasing!

 

On cd28 I also got bloods done to confirm the pregnancy - I found out my level was only 19 so the doctor requested another set of bloods and then again for 48hrs later to ensure they are doubling. On Thursday my blood result only showed the level at 27!

 

I have been so overwhelmed with emotions I don't know what to do. We have been ttc for #2 for 5 years now and when I got the bfp I instantly thought "this is too good to be true!". I just feel hopeless, having to wait until at least Tuesday to find out that I am miscarrying. I try to distract myself but then I feel nausea's or my nipples are insanely sore and I want to be excited but then remember that this is not working...

 

I don't know why I am here, just to vent I guess. My husband has been great but I can see he is down too and don't want to keep putting this on him.

 

Sorry for the rant, thanks for taking the time to read.

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Mollyksy

I'm so sorry. It sounds like a chemical pregnancy, an early miscarriage.

 

It used to frustrate me but during my 5 year journey (with 7 miscarriages) my FS used to say the best indication of being able to fall pregnant is having fallen pregnant. So now you've gotten yourself ovulating it shows everything else is working. So clear tubes, sperm who can get to where they need to get etc. Now you'll react to that as I did probably (cold comfort, what about this baby now) but he ended up eventually right for me.

 

Miscarriages mostly happen as there is a genetic abnormality either with that egg or sperm or during the fertilization and growing process. Human reproduction (unlike mouse reproduction) is hugely inefficient. It is nothing you did or could have prevented. Its rotten luck. It sucks. It's so unfair especially when getting there is an effort.

 

For me, it always helped to have hope moving forward. And being kind to myself as I went through the process. I'm so sorry for your loss. All the best for your journey.

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Sammiam09

Thanks - I appreciate your reply.

I do take some comfort in knowing that we are on track and we will get there but just not now.

 

I've just been in such a weird place with it all. I also lost a loved one at the beginning of April so falling pregnant came at a good time. I know that sounds bad or may not make sense but it just felt like a good time.

 

I think one of the hardest parts is the random overwhelming feeling of sadness, I will just start crying and can't stop. I've been lucky enough to have had my husband home for holidays this past week but my 6 year old has seen how upset I am and I feel terrible doing that to her.

 

I plan on taking time off (I study full time) and have a term to move through these horrible emotional state I am in, clear my mind and get mentally healthy again before being able to start trying again.

 

Thanks again Mollyksy

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Mollyksy

I'm sorry for the loss of your loved one. I understand the timing thing. My mum was battling terminal cancer as I started my IVF journey and I was desperate to have my baby so she could meet them. (As it turned out she lived until my DS was 3 but I still resent the 5 years of TTC that my son could have had with her).

 

It is so totally normal to be emotional. It is a terrible loss in itself. Plus your previous loss. Plus clomid and the start of pregnancy hormones. Any bl00dy wonder you are all over the shop!! Consider seeking help. Maybe a mental health plan to access reduced psychology visits. Your FS (whoever prescribed clomid) could possibly recommend someone.

 

Be kind to yourself. It's not a small thing. It is utterly heartbreaking. And I dont know about you but I was freaking angry too. It's a lot to work through.

 

Wishing you well.

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