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cabbage88

How does everyone else afford this? UPDATED

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DirtyStreetPie

In my whole education I never had the privilege to have my culture or religion ever talked about at school.

 

This! I was the only Indian Sikh kid in my class, and I was expected to countenance ignorance and contempt with good humour.

 

OP, your daughter will eventually learn, within school or without, that people can be cruel about cultures or religions they don't understand. But you, as her parent, can counter this by teaching her that there is a better way; that she can choose to love others who are different to her at school. She doesn't actually need to be surrounded by like-minded people.

 

My mum put up a Christmas tree every year, gave Christmas cards to her neighbours, and watched biblical films (Ten Commandments was her favourite).

 

We also watched the film adaptations of Ramayana (it was recorded onto 24 VHS tapes... lol) and Mahabharata.

 

My dad's neighbours were Pakistani. Now, India and Pakistan have had some major disagreements, but that didn't stop my dad and his neighbours from exchanging kind words and food.

 

After my mum was diagnosed with cancer, our Pentecostal neighbours prayed for her at their church. So my mum repaid the congregants for their kindness by helping them at a working bee (I think they were making padding for their pews?).

 

See, all of this happened outside of school. Your daughter may well face some ignorant comments about her religion, but she'll cope with your help. Go ahead and enrol her in a public school, and teach her how to love her peers, after school hours and on weekends.

 

Best of luck with your finances, and with your new baby. :)

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nup

 

 

If OP lives in Sydney then sadly that seems pretty reasonable for a home that accommodates 5 (soon to be 6).

 

No. In my area it would be suitable for a family of 4 squashed into a 2 bed apartment.

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SplashingRainbows

Cabbage your insight and willingness to recognize the reasons your in the position you are in means you’ll be fine if you make some changes.

 

These things catch a lot of people out, many high income earners too. I’ve had clients earning over $400k pa struggling because they think they should be able to afford stuff rather than working out whether they actually can afford stuff.

 

Barefoot is a good system if you can stick to it. I don’t agree with everything he says but it’s a good start.

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Seven of Nine

Op when I first became a parent I had a certain standard I wanted to maintain for my first born. But unfortunately the more kids you have it is not feasible to maintain that standard.

 

You've mentioned the difficulties you've had in the past and how tight it is now, you cannot expect to continue on this standard without risk, issues and problems.

 

Look I don't mean to sound rude but a lot of your wants are about privilege. In my whole education I never had the privilege to have my culture or religion ever talked about at school. Even now that's hardly the case for my kids. So expecting it to be is a matter of privilege and you simply can't afford it. Same with the car seat. Millions of kids don't have a choice of a tethered car seat. A booster is perfectly safe and if this car breaks than you will have to find another car and to modify.

 

 

Your husband is the most important asset right now to bringing in income so he also needs to take care and not over work himself.

 

I know you love your daughter and want the best for her but she will be okay without the best. Good enough is still good enough.

 

I love this post. OP, you're trying to do your best for your family with an unexpected fourth child. If your best isn't what you thought it would be or should be, that's okay. Your kids are loved and they will be okay.

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Chchgirl

Good on you OP. There were some pretty hard (but probably fair) replies and you've been very graceful in your response.

 

She has indeed, I hope all goes well for you, Cabbage, and a belated congratulations on your bub :)

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cabbage88

 

 

This! I was the only Indian Sikh kid in my class, and I was expected to countenance ignorance and contempt with good humour.

 

OP, your daughter will eventually learn, within school or without, that people can be cruel about cultures or religions they don't understand. But you, as her parent, can counter this by teaching her that there is a better way; that she can choose to love others who are different to her at school. She doesn't actually need to be surrounded by like-minded people.

 

My mum put up a Christmas tree every year, gave Christmas cards to her neighbours, and watched biblical films (Ten Commandments was her favourite).

 

We also watched the film adaptations of Ramayana (it was recorded onto 24 VHS tapes... lol) and Mahabharata.

 

My dad's neighbours were Pakistani. Now, India and Pakistan have had some major disagreements, but that didn't stop my dad and his neighbours from exchanging kind words and food.

 

After my mum was diagnosed with cancer, our Pentecostal neighbours prayed for her at their church. So my mum repaid the congregants for their kindness by helping them at a working bee (I think they were making padding for their pews?).

 

See, all of this happened outside of school. Your daughter may well face some ignorant comments about her religion, but she'll cope with your help. Go ahead and enrol her in a public school, and teach her how to love her peers, after school hours and on weekends.

 

Best of luck with your finances, and with your new baby. :)

 

Thank you. This is a really lovely post.

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Cimbom

 

 

No. In my area it would be suitable for a family of 4 squashed into a 2 bed apartment.

 

If a particular suburb is too expensive then there is the option to move to a cheaper one. Of course it may take some time to build up the moving costs depending on finances but it's a worthwhile goal to work towards.

 

I love csanders' post too - very true and I can completely relate having grown up with a family background that is not Anglo or Christian.

Edited by Cimbom
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just roses

Oh OP, I completely get where you are coming from. I had all these ideas of ‘when we’re back to earning two incomes...’ but then you realise that a pay rise or double income - once you take a whole range of factors into consideration - doesn’t necessarily buy you what you thought it would.

 

I also understand the desire for a religious education. Did you and your DH have one? My husband went to an independent Christian school and I have met many parents at our private school who have a real fear of public school. But it really is a fear of the unknown. I think you’ve probably talked a lot with your daughter about expression of faith at school and that’s why she wants to sing songs etc at her school. Otherwise she’d have no idea what would or would not be part of her schooling experience.

 

I just want you to know there are a lot of Christian kids getting a great education and enjoying great friendships - with kids of faith and otherwise - at public schools. I would really encourage you - whatever you end up deciding - to explore the public options with an open mind.

 

Good luck!

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eliza_non

I wanted to add that you won’t be the only Christian (sorry, I’m assuming your faith here) family that can’t afford private school. In my DD’s class at public school a third of the kids go to the scripture class, another third a generalised spirituality class and the rest opt out of religious instruction. My DD has friends at school that are evangelical christian, catholic and another that’s a jehovas witness. It’s usually quite a diverse mix at public schools.

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Paddlepop

I wanted to add that you won’t be the only Christian (sorry, I’m assuming your faith here) family that can’t afford private school. In my DD’s class at public school a third of the kids go to the scripture class, another third a generalised spirituality class and the rest opt out of religious instruction. My DD has friends at school that are evangelical christian, catholic and another that’s a jehovas witness. It’s usually quite a diverse mix at public schools.

 

Not all school will offer a religious class so don't assume that all public schools have them. My DD's school certainly doesn't, thank goodness.

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MadMarchMasterchef

Perhaps the OP is exaggerating a bit when she talks about having no money for food half the time (??). Sometimes people use this sort of language to mean they’re low on some foods etc... I only say this because surely no one in their right mind would have children going hungry in order to pay religious school fees?? I tend to think that anyone who has genuinely been unable to feed their kids would not be having this conversation.

 

I have a couple of friends who talk like this and they actually mean going without treats: very basic food, bringing a vegemite sandwich to work instead of buying lunch and a drink. I kind of took the OP to mean that as well.

 

I still think OP could possibly get the electricity down a bit? Even $200 per bill could help a lot with other things for the baby.

Edited by WannabeMasterchef
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MarciaB

 

 

No. In my area it would be suitable for a family of 4 squashed into a 2 bed apartment.

 

In my area you wouldn’t even rent a one-bedder. Not sure what the point of your post was. In outer Sydney suburbs rentals for $500 a week are possible. Some posters on this thread need reminding that it is not about them!

 

OP you sound lovely, your update was insightful. Best of luck,

 

 

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got my tinsel on

Really. It is funny that I have an outlet for art. That it is one of the few things in life that I cherish (aside from the kids).

 

Í don't find it funny. Some people like skiing, flying or bike riding and spend similar amounts for their hobby.

 

Do you find it funny that people take their families skiing for xmas, which you can do for around 35k. Think tickets, clothes, ski school, ski hire, accom, lift passes etc and multiple by the number of kids you have.

 

I find it hard to see the humour.

 

**** me dead - now I've heard it all.

 

Marie Antoinette is alive and well.

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robhat

OP, if it makes you feel better, your assumptions about what you think you should be able to afford are not uncommon and perhaps not even unreasonable. My husband often complains about what we can't afford, mostly because he's an actuary and actually earns a lot so he feels he should be able to afford a lot. Not helped by the fact that his parents and people of their generation assume that we can afford certain things because they could when they were our age. But times change and we live in an expensive part of the world and housing costs do eat up a lot of our income. We're learning to accept it. Plenty of people aren't though. A friend of mine is a financial planner and the messes she has to try and fix for people all because they assume they can afford things they really can't. It's a VERY common problem!

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mumpteen

OP, I know how you feel about the school. When my kids were starting school, I felt like not only did I have to put them in private but if I didn't, it would ruin their lives. It really felt like the most important thing in the world.

 

So we scrimped and constantly stressed about trying to earn more money to cover everything. As PP said, it's not just tuition but also all the extras, as well as the fact that their schoolmates are better off financially and so have newer toys and expensive holidays that we didn't have.

 

Now, with the benefit of hindsight, I cannot see the value in private over public. It comes down to each individual teacher, sometimes they get an amazing one and sometimes they get a shocker. Regardless of what you are paying.

 

Without the burden of school fees, we are more relaxed and enjoying our now teenaged kids (and finally paying off the credit card debt we accumulated in order to survive :( )

 

An observation I've made is that private schools are businesses and they use every opportunity to market themselves, including subtle brainwashing to the student body and manipulative tactics to parents. They'll play on your fears about public schools in order to keep you as a customer.

 

One of the schools my kids went to was religious but the majority of students were not. So just be aware that if your DD is sensitive about her Christian beliefs, the school might not be the shelter you are hoping for.

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Hands Up

Naans, really? You can’t see that talking about extravagant tastes in a thread about struggling to put food on the table is insensitive and bragging to boot? Just stop.

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Freddie'sMum

OP - I answered earlier about how DH and I struggled to pay the so-called "lower fees" at our local Catholic primary school - and we only have 2 kids !

 

The most expensive parts of kid wrangling for *us* were the following -

 

1. Setting up the nursery for the first baby - by the time the 2nd baby showed up, she got ALL of her sister's hand me downs. I learnt my lesson that even though babies are brand new - their stuff sure doesn't need to be (with the proviso of new car seat and cot mattress, everything else was hand me downs).

 

2. Daycare and then "lower fees" school fees.

 

3. Older kids - the expenses just never seem to end, even with sending our girls to the local public schools (have one in high school and one in primary now) - they just seem to cost a lot of money to get them through a school term, they keep growing, they need glasses and braces, we pay for extras like tutoring because they needed help with maths, things like swimming lessons, sports, hobbies - it just seems to be never ending !

 

Paying half your income in rent is very stressful - I am not going to suggest you just up and move, but if the opportunity came up live somewhere cheaper, I would seriously consider it. Friends of ours have just left Sydney and now live in Newcastle. Much slower pace of life - but also considerably cheaper.

 

I think you have been very open minded in this thread and I wish you - and surprise baby number 4 - all the best.

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FeralZombieMum

Naans, really? You can’t see that talking about extravagant tastes in a thread about struggling to put food on the table is insensitive and bragging to boot? Just stop.

 

Oh come on, it's just a little humble brag.

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Dianalynch

I'm confused about the 50% of income as rent, if DH earns $4k a month plus the op's $1200 a month, the rent at $2k is less than 50%? and that's leaving out any FTB or additional income from work they're picking up. Or will it be 50% once the op goes on mat leave - will the op be earning nothing?

 

Op the advice from pps to get a really good understanding of your income and all expenses is very sound, it's great you're starting with barefoot. All the very best to you and your family.

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FeralZombieMum

I’m sorry, but aren’t you literally on a lengthy holiday at Whistler right now, with all but one of your many children?

 

I am amazed that Nanns can find the time to post so often, whilst on holidays with her kids.

 

26 of the last posts over the last 24 hours says a lotl

 

Plus many posts the day before that, and so on and so on.

 

Who has the time to post so much whilst skiing!

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WaitForMe

If the OP has just started a new lease, it may cost her quite a bit to break it anyway, unless the laws in Vic have changed.

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MadMarchMasterchef

is anyone else now getting ads for buying art in the side panel?

Wow that targeted advertising is quick!

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But seriously

Seriously??

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FeralZombieMum

is anyone else now getting ads for buying art in the side panel?

Wow that targeted advertising is quick!

 

Can't say I can see art. Mine are always full of private islands, yachts and the occasional Maserati.

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teaspoon

Who has the time to post so much whilst skiing!

 

Maybe it's a piste take?

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