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cabbage88

How does everyone else afford this? UPDATED

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marple

OP, have you explained why your children can't go to public school and you teach them at home about their religion?

Public schools are full of all different types of people - some religious , some not. I'm not seeing the problem.

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bakesgirls

We have a lot of option for side hussle! I've been avoiding it because hubby is struggling enough health wise with working FT (has a chronic illness) I'm worried him working weekends will push him over, and until recently I had hyperemesis! Was very sick. But I've got a really valuable skill set, and can pretty easily pick up high paying short term work when it's busy and I can (and have done- got some extra shifts over the next few weeks).

 

If your husband is struggling health wise with working FT already, why on earth would you put yourself in a situation where he has to take on another part time job to meet bare expenses? You say you're worried, but not so worried that you'll do the sensible thing and not put your child through private school so as to indulge her want to sing songs and talk about religion. She's a child. You are the parent. You decide what is good for the WHOLE family. Not just one person in it.

 

What's to say that with extra work you can keep this up? What if your husband gets sick again, you've said he has a chronic illness. What if you or he can't work? What if you develop pregnancy complications or deliver prematurely? You've also said you can pick up work when it's busy. What happens when it's not busy?

 

You want to live a lifestyle that is out of your budget and pretending that it will work it's self out in the future is short sighted and lacks insight to your current situation.

 

There is such an obvious way to sort this out, but you're just coming up with excuses and hypotheticals.

 

On that note, I'm out of this thread. You're clearly not that interested in knowing how people with large families actually manage in reality.

Edited by bakesgirls
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But seriously

Bakesgirls has nailed it

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JAPNII

OP - I think you are optimistic but unrealistic about your ability to get extra money to cover all the costs and I think this is based on not wanting to face the reality of removing your child from the private school system.

 

I get that its hard but I think you have bitten off more than you can chew and the fact you are not coping now is very concerning as it will be harder once new bub is here.

 

For all your sakes, you really need to make a decision about school now rather than later.

Edited by JAPNII

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Nobodyelse

You just have to pay bank fees, solicitor fees, real estate fees etc when you have a mortgage and move. It is probably more expensive than double rent.

 

We always hire a truck and move ourselves but the solicitor fees alone were about $3.5k..more than a month's mortgage and that was just one of the costs involved.

 

No doubt. I wasn't arguing it cost more than a mortgage to move - it was in response to rent is rent and you'll need to pay it anyway and the pp's suggestion it only cost her $500. I'm sure if she put in stamp duty and all the above fees, she'd be waaay over $4k.

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Amica

But she came home so many times really sad, because she really wanted to learn and talk about her beliefs too and Christianity is never discussed, only aboriginal and sometimes obscure beliefs (eg American Indians). She's also a really black and white kid, Christmas and Easter caused a lot of conflict for her when she was taught some things we don't do, and she got really distressed when things were said she didn't believe. She keeps saying how she wants to learn about her faith at school, and sing songs about her faith etc.

 

I think our little one would be totally crushed if we pulled her now- she's about to do FYOS,met friends teachers etc with much trepidation and is quite excited to go to a school where she doesn't feel she has to hide our religious beliefs (we are religious, and she got very distressed at her kinder when she got in trouble for sharing what she believes).

 

Let's be frank, at FYOS she's what... 5? They are more your beliefs than hers. If she is that sad and distressed over what YOU have taught her vs the worldly and/or mixed views of everyone else, I would suggest you invest the money in a psych over a school.

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Expelliarmus

Conflict is necessary for learning. Removing that conflict won't necessarily help her.

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Crazyhouseholdof6

Just remember the more you earn the less FTB and CCS you will receive. Just something you need to consider. When my hubby was studying FT we had four kids and earned under $40k annually, we could not have lived without the FTB as that paid our rent as we were paying half our income on rent too. You really need to assess wants V’s needs and what you think you need, it’s often so much less than you think. Stop caring about what other people think and do what you need, drive an old bomb, shop at outlets, buy reduced food, buy second hand uniforms and clothes etc. babies don’t need much but the nappies and formula (if you feed the way) do have to be taken in to consideration with the budget, it adds up quickly and for a few years. It’s mighty tough but doable if you’re prepared to cut back.

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TrixieBelden

I’m not sure that describing the cost of a separate removalist for one’s art collection is helpful in this context.

 

OP I wonder if it would be possible to look again at private school in a few years? It doesn’t sound sustainable now, but might be something to plan for once this mat leave and the early killer childcare years are behind you.

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Cimbom

I’m not sure that describing the cost of a separate removalist for one’s art collection is helpful in this context.

 

Reminds me of that other thread about the art allowance that cost the same as a full time salary :lol:

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BusbyWilkes

Cabbage, I hope you are still reading along. I understand it can be confronting to have to rethink what your values are and how to live in a way that it sustainable for all members of your family.

Go to church, Sunday school, talk about and live your life modelling your beliefs. You don't need to go to a specific school to live a Christian life.

If your child went to the local public school, you can just help her to reframe what she learns there to fit with your values. Eg if she comes home talking about about the dreamtime, explain that those stories were passed down through generations of indigenous people because that is what they believe, just like our family pass down stories from the bible because that's what we believe.

It's important to not only be secure in your own beliefs but to acknowledge others beliefs (and not in a we are right and they are wrong type way!)

By doing this you are not only giving her the gift of your beliefs, you are teaching an acceptance of others beliefs too, that are a very valuable skill to have as she heads out into the world.

As a side note, when we put our children's names on a waitlist for high school, the fees for first year were about $2000. When it was a few years away from them starting, it was over $7000. School fees go up!!

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Amica

Really. It is funny that I have an outlet for art.

 

I find it hard to see the humour.

 

I find it hilarious that you have discussed your $1500 additional expense to move art, in a thread where the OP can't afford food.

 

Definitely misplaced like a pp said!!

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Tinkle Splashes

Do you find it funny that people take their families skiing for xmas, which you can do for around 35k. Think tickets, clothes, ski school, ski hire, accom, lift passes etc and multiple by the number of kids you have.

 

I find it hard to see the humour.

 

I’m sorry, but aren’t you literally on a lengthy holiday at Whistler right now, with all but one of your many children?

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José

 

 

Really. It is funny that I have an outlet for art. That it is one of the few things in life that I cherish (aside from the kids).

 

Í don't find it funny. Some people like skiing, flying or bike riding and spend similar amounts for their hobby.

 

Do you find it funny that people take their families skiing for xmas, which you can do for around 35k. Think tickets, clothes, ski school, ski hire, accom, lift passes etc and multiple by the number of kids you have.

 

I find it hard to see the humour.

 

i dont find it funny.

 

i cant relate to it at all though.

and sure 'some people' spend large amounts on hobbies. 'some people' also own private jets and islands.

 

when you talk about spending 35k on a ski holiday are you talking about yourself at the moment?

 

id think if the OP had an extensive art collection that required specialised moving it might have come up before now. and i daresay posters might have suggested she sell some of the art to pay for food.

i think this thread is starting to go on a bit of a tangent....

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EmmDasher

 

 

No doubt. I wasn't arguing it cost more than a mortgage to move - it was in response to rent is rent and you'll need to pay it anyway and the pp's suggestion it only cost her $500. I'm sure if she put in stamp duty and all the above fees, she'd be waaay over $4k.

 

I don’t really know what we’re talking about then. I know the point I was trying to make but I’m a bit lost with where you’re coming from. We’re not talking about home ownership. I rent as does the OP.

 

Edit - sorry to add- I understand what you’re saying about costs like stamp duty when you sell but you don’t recoup them along the way. Bond is recouped to a large extent when you reclaim your previous bond and double rent will be recouped in the week you don’t pay rent which would usually be your last week (so you save that week for the upcoming new double rent). I don’t underestimate the burden of carrying those extra costs. I acknowledged that in my initial post. From my budgeting perspective, I don’t count them as ‘costs’ of a move because they get recouped.

Edited by EmmDasher

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Chchgirl

 

 

How does moving cost $4k? Interstate maybe? We moved a few weeks ago and the total cost was about $500 including cardboard boxes and hiring a couple of guys with a truck from Facebook.

 

It cost me $1700 from central coast NSW to gold coast for the revivalists. I packed myself, 3 bedroom house.

 

It's costing me $3900 gold coast to nz, shippers packing for me, 3 bedroom home (although I've decluttered a lot), shared container.

 

It is lot but it depends on who you use.

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Nobodyelse

I don’t really know what we’re talking about then. I know the point I was trying to make but I’m a bit lost with where you’re coming from. We’re not talking about home ownership. I rent as does the OP.

 

Edit - sorry to add- I understand what you’re saying about costs like stamp duty when you sell but you don’t recoup them along the way. Bond is recouped to a large extent when you reclaim your previous bond and double rent will be recouped in the week you don’t pay rent which would usually be your last week (so you save that week for the upcoming new double rent). I don’t underestimate the burden of carrying those extra costs. I acknowledged that in my initial post. From my budgeting perspective, I don’t count them as ‘costs’ of a move because they get recouped.

 

The quote of mine you used above this was responding to someone equating double rent with bank fees and charges. NI wasn't responding to our back and forth.

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robhat

OK OP, so it looks like a few things have happened to put you in slightly more difficult circumstances than expected.

 

I think you need to start to take budgeting seriously. Recording ALL your expenses each week and looking at ways to cut back on everything. Even then, you really are pushing the limits. Half your income going on rent is really not great. It might be best to stay put for a while, but at some point you will need to increase your income or decrease rent.

 

You do need to consider the options available for child care and school. You talk of going back to work when your new bub is 4 months, but that will mean 3 kids in daycare? Yes? and one with a huge private school fee. Will your income even begin to cover that? I totally understand why you want to send your daughter to the private school. It's about your child being comfortable and happy. I get that. No one wants to send their child to a school where they think their child might feel awkward or different and have their beliefs dismissed. Unfortunately that's just life. For most of us. No matter what our beliefs are. It may in fact be much easier on your daughter to make the decision now rather than struggle through a year or two of trying to pay for everything and eventually having to change schools a few years down the track. Your financial situation really isn't going to improve much very quickly given the circumstances. Private school is NOT going to become more affordable for you.

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blimkybill

It seems like a lot of rent. Am I out of touch?

Average rent for a house in Canberra, ciry and suburbs, is now $570 pw.

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EmmDasher

 

 

The quote of mine you used above this was responding to someone equating double rent with bank fees and charges. NI wasn't responding to our back and forth.

 

No, you’ve been quoting me the whole time and I’ve never mentioned mortgages.

Edited by EmmDasher

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EmmDasher

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c.sanders

Op when I first became a parent I had a certain standard I wanted to maintain for my first born. But unfortunately the more kids you have it is not feasible to maintain that standard.

 

You've mentioned the difficulties you've had in the past and how tight it is now, you cannot expect to continue on this standard without risk, issues and problems.

 

Look I don't mean to sound rude but a lot of your wants are about privilege. In my whole education I never had the privilege to have my culture or religion ever talked about at school. Even now that's hardly the case for my kids. So expecting it to be is a matter of privilege and you simply can't afford it. Same with the car seat. Millions of kids don't have a choice of a tethered car seat. A booster is perfectly safe and if this car breaks than you will have to find another car and to modify.

 

 

Your husband is the most important asset right now to bringing in income so he also needs to take care and not over work himself.

 

I know you love your daughter and want the best for her but she will be okay without the best. Good enough is still good enough.

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Nobodyelse

dp

Edited by Nobodyelse

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Nobodyelse

Unless I’m going crazy or I’ve missed something. Apologies if I’ve misunderstood. At this point I’m thoroughly confused ������

 

We both probably have and are. :huh: Let's move on.

Edited by Nobodyelse
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cabbage88

Just wanted to chime in I am following this all. There's some really helpful stuff here. I guess I'm giving the impression I'm not taking on board the private school advice, but I am. I think I seem dismissive because I'm not going in to great detail over why it was important to us, that's so many reasons but they are personal and not entirely stuff I would pour out on an eb thread, I'd rather discuss with DH for example. But I'm hearing it loud and clear a lot of what is said is right and I need to hear it- this schooling is a want that I've assumed we were entitled to and because it's been non negotiable I've never considered it might not be possible. Part of that is my own beliefs but also we've spent our whole adult lives living off 30-40k PA because one or both of us were students, and all the accommodations we made to go with that (share houses, one car, never paying for gym or exercise or whatever else) were all things I just assumed when we "had real jobs" we would be able to afford. Now we're here, paying a big house on our own and assuming if we earned so much more of course we could afford the school, but here we are and the fairy tale assumptions we made were wrong.

So thanks all, it's a lot to think about. It's frightening putting a question like this out there especially in a forum, is sensitive and hard to have your assumptions ousted. But this has given me a lot to consider. Namely, all the stuff we've signed up for this year is nuts and we need some big changes. It's a matter for us to figure out how and what, instead of plodding along thinking "but why isn't this working?!".

Just a few things I'm doing:

1. Set some barefoot investor date nights

2. discussing school with family. There's a lot I'm considering, but anyway suffice to say that the fees are currently impossible.

3. Like barefoot says, having an emergency bank. You really can't live life on the edge with a family and not have 2k sitting there in case of emergency (illness, car trifle etc)

4. Some great stuff living with 50% income to rent- either we try get rent down at end of lease (Thanks to a PP great suggestion there) or we earn more, if feasible. But really we have to get that proportion closer to 30% I think. Otherwise we will stay in this rat wheel.

 

So thanks all I'm still following and will continue to. I have obviously come in to this with some pretty faulty beliefs.

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