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123Babies4Me

Reactions of others to pregnancy

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123Babies4Me

I am 33 weeks pregnant and feeling like whenever I’m in conversation with others my pregnancy doesn’t get discussed. It’s starting to get me down a bit - this feeling (whether it’s true or not) that people just aren’t particularly interested. There’s lots of things that then flow out of that for me - a lack of desire to share details about the birth, concern that people will discount how I deal with the upheaval of a newborn and just assume I am fine etc.

Did anyone else get this feeling?

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~river song~

Honestly most people aren’t interested in other people’s preganncies more than the polite ‘how are you feeing’ type stuff.

If you have the desire to share the intimate details perhaps start a blog and link yo instragram and you’ll find a tribe trough social media.

This pregnancy is happening to you, not anyone else and frankly most people other than perhaps our parents or partner don’t care as much as you would hope.

 

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lozoodle

Saw this in recent topics - I just think that whilst our pregnancies are all consuming to us when we go through them, they just aren't that interesting to others. I know that sounds harsh and I don't mean it to be, as when I was pregnant with my 2nd and 3rd babies I felt a bit the same. BUT now five years down the track i've got friends having babies and after the initial "oh yay that's so exciting" I don't really give it much more thought and its just not that interesting or at the forefront of my mind for every conversation. Its not that I don't care about them and am not excited for them, its just that... life goes on outside of the pregnancy bubble of the person experiencing it. Its not as consuming for the outsiders as it is for the person going through it :)

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JK4

I found this happened a little with my 4th. It seems that once you have 3 children at home already people are concerned that by discussing anything with you they may feel obligated to offer to help with the other kids. Really all you are after is someone to share the excitement and joy of the new Baby who is just as special as the other children!! No child minding required.

Edited by JK4

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Kallie88

I've found with all of my pregnancies, on #3 now besides the "How are you feeling?" "How far along are you?" And occasional "what do you think/ do you know what you're having?" Questions my pregnancies have never been a huge topic of discussion. But that's fine by me. I think if you're getting upset about it, it might be a good time to offer a little information to show that it's ok to talk about it. Some people might think you want to talk about other things and if you start mentioning it will realise you want to talk about your pregnancy too. And if you are concerned about how you'll cope with a newborn again talk about that with people that can help you get supports in place xx

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**Xena**

I find most people (and I have to include myself here) aren't super interested in pregnancies beyond the "how are you feeling", "do you know if it's a boy or girl" and "any names picked". First pregnancies get a bit more excitement but subsequent ones not so much :) My 5th baby I barely even had any visitors :lol:

Edited by **Xena**
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Seven of Nine

I'm sorry people don't seem interested.

 

I found the opposite. I think I received more attention and excitement with #4 (my youngest) than with any of my previous pregnancies.

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B.M.C.M.I.E

We only announced to close family over the last two weeks and while everyone was excited, it's only because we have a huge gap (for us) but more so because we're having our first boy (and he's the first boy in over 20 years on one side of the family!)

 

No one seemed interested or involved with DD4 and I imagine as this pregnancy progresses, the baby is born and the novelty wears off, the extended family won't show much interest again.

 

 

Those who care will show it, those who don't aren't worth your energy.

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Thalidae

I agree with everyone else, after the polite questions, I’m moving on, but my mum did tell me years ago, your first gets all the attention etc, the second gets some and by the third and fourth people are not really interested. Sad I know....

 

Mum also told me that with the more babies, there are less pictures of them.... mum was baby number two for her parents and there wasn’t many baby pics of her compared to her sister

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PhillipaCrawford

I just think it's good manners.

 

How are you?

I'm fine, just a bit tired and the conversation moves on.

 

If you said something like i am really struggling with....

or so excited by..... then that is an invitation for me to discuss further

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123Babies4Me

Thanks for your insights everyone, it’s been helpful. I was wondering for those of you who felt this during your pregnancy or after birth, was there anything that helped you? (While you were in the midst of it, not looking back in hindsight) I feel like my instincts are to shut down a bit and not let people in, but that exacerbates the problen really!

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Soontobegran

Thanks for your insights everyone, it’s been helpful. I was wondering for those of you who felt this during your pregnancy or after birth, was there anything that helped you? (While you were in the midst of it, not looking back in hindsight) I feel like my instincts are to shut down a bit and not let people in, but that exacerbates the problen really!

 

To be honest it was only my first that I took notice of what people were saying, after that I was too busy to care if anyone else was excited. I knew my immediate family were and that is what meant something to me.

 

I think there are mixed messages for the pregnant and non pregnant where some women hate the attention and interference so others may back off.

 

I am sorry you feel the lack of enthusiasm but I just find so many people are so caught up in their own happenings they forget to engage in conversation.

 

Wishing you a wonderful few more weeks and a lovely baby.

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Kallie88

Similar maybe but more specific with my first I started to feel a bit disappointed that no-one i knew (obviously didn't want strangers) seemed to want to feel the baby. Then i realised they probably didn't want to be rude and touch without asking, and asking can be awkward, so i made an effort to offer 'do you want to feel the baby' when bubs was kicking. And people did, they responded really well and i did the same with #2 and will again with #3. So yeah, i understand the feeling of wanting to close off, but i think pushing yourself to open up will help more xx

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Bam1

Just be thankful that people aren’ interested - an uneventful pregnancy is not of much interest on an ongoing basis. Risky pregnancies do provide more interest in the form of concern.

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Chazonator

I think some people have just moved on from their own pregnancies, baby and toddler days and couldn't imagine having another as that's what many had said when I was pregnant with #4 and they only had the 2 kids and picket white fences themselves. It did get to me a little because it was like if they asked any more questions they looked like they were scared of catching the pregnancy bug and we're happy with the perfect two.

After all that I was happy to just not go into conversation about what number child it was or the pregnancy in general I had loads of other things I had to get done.

 

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blueskies12

Big hugs. Your baby is lucky. It’s nice that you’re feeling excited. I felt a bit the same with our second, I swear even the grandparents cared less. But I didn’t/we didn’t and that’s what matters. I have found that when I’m pregnant (not sure if it happens to others) but I go into this total bubble...completely in my own world, kind of like a cocoon before the butterfly...and I kind of expect others to be there with me. It’s a bit unfair really; as everyone has stuff going on. Maybe you could find someone due near your due dates not only online but in real life if possible? That way you can share the details, it’s always so much nicer sharing the details. Plus talk on here.

Congratulations on your baby. It’s lovely news.

Edited by blueskies12

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Ellie bean

Similar maybe but more specific with my first I started to feel a bit disappointed that no-one i knew (obviously didn't want strangers) seemed to want to feel the baby. Then i realised they probably didn't want to be rude and touch without asking, and asking can be awkward, so i made an effort to offer 'do you want to feel the baby' when bubs was kicking. And people did, they responded really well and i did the same with #2 and will again with #3. So yeah, i understand the feeling of wanting to close off, but i think pushing yourself to open up will help more xx

Yeah I would have hated anyone feeling the baby when I was pregnant so I wou never ask anyone else, doesn't mean I don't care. Some people are touchy about questions too so I keep it to the basics, again doesn't mean I don't care.

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Prancer is coming

I think it is hard to know what to say to people too. If you comment on belly being big/small you can offend people. You don’t want to seem too nosey by asking things that could be personal or controversial. There is a mum at school with 2 boys and I would love to ask her if she knows the sex of her third baby, but can imagine she gets asks this a lot and is probably sick of people wanting to know if it is a girl, so totally avoid anything around this.

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