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Donno12

Daycare - 8 month old hysterical during trial

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Donno12

Ok so we dropped our 8 month old daughter off for a trial at day care and she has screamed hysterically the whole time she was there. She is pretty good until we leave then it all starts. We picked her up today after 2 hours and we had trouble getting her to calm down.

 

This is only the second trial with the day care, but the lady was concerned and was mentioning things like she is worried with her mental development?!? I.e not rolling or holding her bottle. She does this at home, but obviously was that upset she just didn't do it at the trial.

 

Literally the day before we had a ped appt and the doctor said she was ahead in her development!

 

Where do I go from here? We loved the day care so want to stay.

 

It's our normal for baby to be this worked up? Surely we can't be there only ones?

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mandelbrot

Is it a centre, or family day care?

 

8 months is a pretty notorious time for separation anxiety starting, but it does seem pretty extreme if she was screaming for the entire two hours. Did the carer say anything other than she thought your daughter was delayed? I would have liked to have heard more about what she'd tried to calm her, suggestions for next time or a plan to help her adjust.

 

How does your daughter go when you are out of the room or with your parents/friends etc?

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Hini

It will take time for your baby to form bonds with the carers and to trust that you are coming back from her.

 

It is hard but try to leave quickly. The more you strong out goodbye the worse it can be.

 

Both mine went through periods of separation anxiety and it lasted at most 2 weeks.

 

So I would say that you should persevere but if things don't improve in a week or two you might need to reassess then.

 

The daycare journey can be up and down. Most days I pick my kids up now and they don't want to leave! I have to bribe them. They are 3.5 and 20 months now and daycare days are their favourite days. It will be worth it!

 

Good luck.

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Helga Hufflepuff

That's a pretty extreme reaction. It's normal for a few tears but screaminf for 2 hours is quite full on. What did the carers do to try to calm her? Is she like that with other people?

 

I'd also be asking more questions about why they think there could be delays. That a big call to make in such a short time with such a worked up baby.

 

What makes you say you really like the daycare?

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sparkles30

My 8 month old has just entered a phase where she screams if anyone visits the house and I am not holding her. All of a sudden she yells every time I hand her to her Nanna (who she sees almost everyday). She cries if she is sitting next to me on the lounge rather than touching me. If someone has to hold her while i go to the toilet she cries. She does calm down after a while but screams as soon as she sees me until I hold her again.

 

All I'm trying to say is that 8 months is a tricky time regarding separation. If you need her to be at the centre and you are comfortable with the staff and setting, you just have to keep trying I guess. There's not really much you can do at that age to help them deal with the separation anxiety. Good luck, it's pretty heartbreaking to see them so upset.

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babybug15

Have you done a trial where you stayed and played with them at the centre, so your daughter learnt that it was a "safe" or fun area? Could you try this type of introduction? Is there a favourite comforter she could be left with?

 

We did several visits like this before starting daycare at 10months, including having afternoon tea at one and me leaving the room for 15min. First few days were only for a few hours- so slowly building up to full time. Still have tears on occasion at drop off, but he settles quickly (I have sneakily watched him through the window).

 

And sympathy to you- it's so hard when you have to leave them and they are crying :(

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Donno12

Sorry should have given more info.

 

It is a child care centre that has a limit of 30 kids, and is integrated. It is very easy going and they have a no distress policy.

 

She actually started off ok after the initial cry, and had a play and then sleep for 30 mins, however when she woke up she lost it.

 

She just asked things like if we played with her on the floor and gave her activities etc. Which we definitely do.

 

She is fine by herself in a room, and usually fine with others as long as we are close by our on the room.

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Donno12

Ok so replying to the other questions, we have family members and friends that go to the daycare and it is the only one that wet just had the feeling was right. Can't really explain it better sorry.

 

Were are also going to stay with them for a while next time to see how it goes.

 

I thought it was a bit too early for those conversations too considering she has only met our girl twice!

 

Confusing and frustrating but thanks for the replies so far!

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mandelbrot

Oh, okay - calming down initially, then having a play and a sleep (! mine barely slept at daycare!!) sounds pretty good. I don't think it's unusual for a baby to cry after waking up in a strange place. It sounds like she could have been crying for about 30 minutes or so, which is a while but still very different to crying hysterically for two hours!

 

I would be a bit annoyed about the carer immediately going to 'must be delayed' but I suppose it's better than having concerns and not saying anything!

 

If you know the centre and have a good feeling about it, maybe see how the next time goes.

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Veritas Vinum Arte

My kids never held their bottle. They are fine functioning 7,8,11yo.

 

At 8m is your child sitting or crawling (commando)?

 

It is a hard time for Seperation anxiety. My youngest started up about then and continued right up until 17.5m when she finally started walking... and could walk away from me herself.

 

Some kids don't like new places. My 3 yo nephew started kinder this year. Was familiar with the place and teachers as big brother had gone there for the prior 2 years, yet for the first 4wks my sister was called each kinder day as he had been screaming hysterically for hours after being left. Finally about week 6 he stopped crying and by the last week if term loves it.

 

 

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Lou-bags

I know you say you love the centre, but to be honest I'd be a bit concerned about the carer making statements about your child being delayed from a very short time with her.

 

When you say integrated, what do you mean? How many children are in her room?

 

And what does a 'no distress' policy mean?

 

How did they say they responded to her when she was upset?

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Donno12

Yep sitting by herself, rolling crazy, starting to commando and slide. Honestly, we showed the ped her commando and she said she was ahead.

 

The carer was very nice about it and just said it could be a thing, but not sure.

 

By integrated I mean all kids of all ages in one room with about 3-4 carers.

 

No distress means they done ever leave q child to cry, rather they pick up etc and try to settle, which is good.

 

They said they tried food which didn't work, tried bottle which she wouldn't take, tried walking outside, changing carers for a change etc.

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Jenflea

I don't think commando crawling at 8 months is 'ahead'. It's pretty average to me.

 

i do wonder about all the ages in together and the carer ratios.

I can't imagine 3 and 4 year olds in with babies to be honest.

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Bugster

I would wonder at the carers comments but i think what your described is fairly common at that age starting daycare. she settled enough to sleep I would keep trying, can take kids ages to settle.

 

My oldest took to daycare without issues (started at 5 months), my middle child yelled the place down for months and went on a hunger strike for 4 weeks refusing to eat anything they gave her (she was 2yrs old at starting). My 3rd started at around 11 months and took a few weeks to settle with some crying every day. about 7/8 months after she started they questioned me about what she is like at home (loud and very chatty!) as it turns out she refused to speak at daycare, no sounds nothing she would ony nod or shake her head and point. They were very caring and not accusing. just wondered if she was different at home and when they found out she was they didn't stress it just let her keep communicating how she was.

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lynneyours

Mine were crawling at 6 months and cruising furniture by 8 months. They started rolling at 8 weeks and 9 weeks, so I agree with PP that this doesn't seem ahead at all.

 

I also really dislike the idea of all ages in together. Babies are supposed to have a much higher ratio of carers to kids than toddlers for a reason.

 

However, if she slept, she was OK at one stage. Some kids do take ages to settle in and sometimes 2 split days per week is better than 1. 1 doesn't seem to be often enough to get used to it for some kids.

 

I hope she settles down soon.

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Abernathy

I would be concerned at the comment made by the carers. Would ring alarm bells for me.

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mfpea

So there are 3-4 carers for 30 kids? And that includes babies? I don't think those ratios sound right at all. In a 'baby room' which at 8 months your daughter would be (if she was in a 'typical centre') the ratios are much better than 1 carer to 10 children!

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EmmDasher

With the extra info, it sounds like a reasonably typical first day at daycare. I'd persist and see if she settles in the next few weeks. If you can, I'd try and go at least 2days a week and for a half day or more so she can build relationships with the carers.

 

DD2 started sitting right on 5 months and was crawling by 8 months. She didn't roll until after she mastered crawling. The carers comments are a little strange after such a short time period.

 

Honestly though, all ages in together sounds like a nightmare. I have no idea how 3-4 carers could effectively manage the safety of that many kids and attend to their needs at an age appropriate level - sleep, feeding, education, physical activity let alone monitoring developmental things.

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EmmDasher

I'd be hysterical too if I fell asleep and woke up without anyone I knew and was thrown into the inevitably crazy environment of 30 mixed age kids.

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literally nobody

I think the whole integrated set up sounds strange tbh. How are the little ones getting sleep/quiet time with 3-4 year olds in the same room?

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