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123Babies4Me

Can't decide whether to finish having children!

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123Babies4Me

My first time posting in this board. Hi everyone!

 

So we had four kids in just over 6 years. Youngest is just about to turn 1.

 

I really think we are done. The thought of doing it all again is really not appealing, even though I have had pretty good pregnancy/labour/newborns (the last one was probably the hardest for several reasons).

 

But I just can't seem to let go. I just seem to be in denial that no 4 is my last baby (even though I have said all along that she would be!) I mentally keep thinking about my future as if I will be pregnant again at some point, and DH and I are definitely not being careful enough to avoid it from happening.

 

Has anyone got some words of wisdom for me????? Or a story to share of how you got past this???

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Cimbom

What are your plans for when your kids are older?

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Furfeathersfleece

Well personally I have terrible pregnancies and reflux babies...so I keep reminding myself of that when I feel as though I'd like to go for number 4.

 

Also, I am focusing on what I'll be able to do as ds3 grows up that I can't do now with babies/toddlers - get stuck onto my master of social work, get a job/career, buy a better house in a better steam etc etc.

 

Personally I don't think I'll get fully stop yes ring for another baby because I just love having babies, 0-1 is my favourite age despite the sleep challenges. But realistically this has to be our last so I'm focusing on the positives of that.

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sparkles30

I have 4 including a 6 month old. I wanted another from the moment she was born! For many (significant) reasons it makes zero sense to have another baby, but I still desperately want one. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll probably always feel that way. I'm not having any more babies and it makes me very sad, but it's just one of those things in life that you have to deal with.

 

But, it sounds like you and DH are not at the point of being absolute about no more, so maybe it's time to start discussing it more thoroughly rather than just waiting to see what eventuates!

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**Xena**

I'm about to have number 5 and then we will definitely done. We probably wouldn't even have gone for number 5 if our fourth was closer in age to our older 3.

 

This pregnancy has been my worst and had unforeseen complications. Although luckily it's gone pretty fast. I know I will always wonder what another child would be like but I'm also looking forward to retiring my uterus ;)

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Silverstreak

Just popping in to say, if you and your DH are being relaxed about contraception, that tells me that neither of you are completely done yet!

 

At some point you're going to have a baby that's your last, but you might not have reached that point yet.

 

Cimbom's question is a good one. If you want all the kids at school in four years etc, do a course, focus on your career etc, then you're probably done. If you're happy to delay or juggle other things for a while longer, then you probably want another baby.

 

As for the feeling done feeling, some people get it and some don't, no matter how many kids you have!

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Navy Blue

I don't know that I ever would have felt 'done'. After DS4 I knew that, realistically, another baby would not be a good idea for several reasons. However, I still had this yearning to go through it just ONE more time... preferably resulting in twins lol.

 

DH however was completely done and went off and got the snip. I was completely against the idea (I know his body his choice) there was no real discussion and time to accept it he knew my opposition and did it anyway. It has caused some big issues in our relationship.

 

As time goes on and the further I get from the baby stage the less I dwell on another. Also in our case DS3 has asd and another child would probably be more than we could manage.

 

I guess I'm trying to say have the conversation with your DH to gauge where you're both at.

 

Thinking about where you see yourself as the kids grow is a good idea. Not saying it's your situation at all but in my case being a 'mum' has kind of become my identity. I don't have a career, a large social group, or any hobbies so it's the kids that keep me busy.

 

I think though that the fact you are not actively preventing says it wouldn't be the end of the world to have another!

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Lauren59

We had always planned to have four, we now have 5 (11,10,5,3&1) with number 6 on the way. I never felt done after four or five, and to be honest I'm not completely sure I will be after this one, but I know that this will be our last because it will be at my limit of time/capabilities/finances. I absolutely love being pregnant and (besides the lack of sleep!) love the newborn stage though.

 

My husband and I have always agreed and seem to bring up the idea of another one at the same time. I've never been career chaser either and haven't worked since I had my first, and that's what we'd always planned. I have taken time out for me for different things along the way when I get the time, and I do plan on doing a tafe course when number 6 is older but I'm in no hurry for that either.

 

It sounds like you both are really open to having another and that's great. But it also sounds like you have really valid reasons not too, you need to be sure you'd be happy with another if that's what happens. I'd say though that now or soon would probably be easier than further down the track as it really does get more challenging balancing the older kids activities with babies/toddlers. Just my 2 cents :)

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teaspoon

... ...

Edited by teaspoon

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mama_j

It's a tough call! We only have 2 boys and I have wanted another from the day DS2 was born.

He has a genetic disease which sees medico's offering PGD IVF if we went again though. And our eldest has Epilepsy. So for us, another is a pipe dream that will likely never happen!

I have learnt to be very grateful for what we DO have (after almost losing both boys at different stages) and to just enjoy every moment!

We console ourselves by thinking at least we can give these 2 the very best of us. That helps (sometimes lol)

Good luck! xx

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123Babies4Me

Thanks very much for all your replies. I feel like I have been in baby land for so long now I haven't actually stopped to take air and think very much about what I want the future to look like. I know I don't want to be so thinly stretched that noone gets any attention (there are already days like that here!) Navy Blues' comment about how the further she gets from the baby stage the less she dwells on it really got me thinking - maybe I just need to move away from this stage of life.

 

Also I think grief for having my last baby and desire to have another baby are very different things and I should try not to confuse the two.

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kabailz13

we wanted four kids, we have six.

 

I am well and truly done. Our youngest turned 3 in February and I have absolutely no desire to even entertain the thought of another - which isn't something I've experienced after any of the others (including the twins lol)

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Lallalla

We have 3 kids (in less than 2 years) and although I never wanted more, couldn't handle another pregnancy (lucky the 2nd one was twins as I was getting ready to give up on a 3rd child because pregnancy and I don't get along) and financially couldn't justify a 4th there is part of me that gets caught up thinking about how we would make it work with an accidental 4th... but when it comes down to it I know these are my last babies and I'm trying very hard to appreciate all the last times (last 1st smile, 1st laugh etc) it's weird thinking there'll never be another.

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c.sanders

I think you have said what it is really. You've been at this stage for so long. But it hasnt been a bad experience. It's hard to move on and it's also hard to have your life change so much. Technically you've had babies around for 6 years or so. It takes time. You will probably also start enjoying the next stage and moving on more but it will take time.

 

I definitely miss being pregnant and I can't imagine not being pregnant again and it's taken me time but I'm ready to move on now and ready to embrace the next stage in our life. But up until now I haven't felt like this and the idea of never having babies again was really scary/sad/depressing.

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4keykne

I'm still at the longing stage for another. All my future plans involve another baby and I get angry and frustrated if I try to modify that outlook.

 

I hope to be at peace if this is the last but far from that point now!

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Mummy2Some

Sorry cant really offer any wisdom.

Ive currently got 5 youngest being 3 years old and I'm really longing for 1 more, I think I will always want another baby but i also know realistically we could have 1 more then that would be our limit, I have tried to erase the thought of having another baby over the last 12 months or so but when Ive tried Ive got quite upset and depressed about it, I do actually wonder whether what another person posted could be true though, Ive either been pregnant,Had a newborn or breastfeeding every year from 2005 until 2015 when i stopped bf my then 13 month old, So 10 years so i do wonder whether Ive given myself enough time to move post wanting another baby.. Although in saying all that the opinions and judgement from both our parents have also swayed the decision otherwise i may have had another baby already.

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SeaPrincess

I was 39 when I had our third baby. I wasn't sure we were done until I had a late period. As welcome and loved as that baby would have been, I was very relieved that it was only late, and DH booked himself in for the snip shortly afterwards.

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