Jump to content
sugarandspice3

Should we tell people about elective c-section date?

Recommended Posts

sugarandspice3

Hi everyone, so I'm having an elective c -section and me and DH can't seem to agree about whether we tell people the date in advance.

 

I would prefer to not say anything to family/friends until after she is born as I would like the privacy plus it takes away the surprise element. I also don't want people thinking they can rock up straight away. i would like to send a message announcing her birth but also please contact us to arrange a time to visit as i don't want to be inundated with lots of visitors when i'm trying to learn how to breastfeed etc!!!

 

DH thinks it's 'rude' if we don't tell at least our family but im like it's the norm haha

 

So everyone can you please list what did you do and how did you go about handling people who got upset that you knew the date in advance but you didnt tell them. I can imagine we would get a few comments regarding this from his side of the family

 

Thanks in advance!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mooples

I knew 2 weeks beforehand that I would be induced on a particular day. We told my immediately family but not his and no other friends. Dh also had to tell his boss because his annual leave was going to be starting earlier than planned. I would have liked to have kept it a surprise but given the situation was different from the norm in a few ways we needed someone to know to help me out.

 

I'm with you, keep it a surprise.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
red_squirrel

I wouldn't tell anyone.

Even elective section dates can change. Mine ended up a week later than originally planned.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lunafreya

I wouldn't, simply because I can then choose when people will bother me.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
IamtheMumma

If I had a do over, I wouldn't have told anyone except my mum because she was minding the kids. We told a couple of people but my then-SIL blabbed. The day before I was due to go in, I got a text from ex-FIL wishing me well. That sent me into a tailspin. I didn't want him turning up at the hospital. I didn't sleep the night before due to worry. I had begged XP to call his father and say don't come (which I ended up doing via text). I also had a couple of work friends tell me she'd told them (and others). I didn't even get to say surprise, he's here to people as they already knew.

 

I'd say only tell people you trust but at that stage, I trusted SIL so that is pointless advice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Caribou

I wouldn't tell anyone, but those impacted (i.e work). It's more stressful having people messaging you and on your case about if the baby is born, and why haven't you called them yet. are you okay?!?!?

 

They may not seem like that at first, but babies being born turn people into little crazies IMO.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ducky*Fuzz

No keep it to yourself. Plenty of time to make the call after, when you've had a chance to spend time together.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sara.xoxo

We told everyone that bub was coming out the sunroof 1 week later than we had booked in. It meant that my mum didn't worry too much and we got to tell everyone when we were ready.

It's such a special time for new parents. I'm glad we did it our way.

Good luck with the birth.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Avocado tree

We told a few people, but that was only to deal with logistical issues such as the care of our toddler.

If I could have got away with it, I wouldnt have told anyone. After the birth I felt pressure to let everyone know as soon as possible that he was here and all was OK as you know they are waiting to hear as they knew the day it was happening. He was born at 3.16pm, and I would have preferred to wait until the next morning to let people know. But I am pretty private about things like that!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lallalla

I knew the date 6 weeks in advance and we freely told anyone and everyone who asked. I didn't put much thought into it tbh though we did point out it was an "unless they decide to come 1st" situation (twins so highly likely, but didn't eventuate).

 

It really wasn't a problem. We got people texting us to wish us well but I appreciated that, it really didn't make me think anyone was going to rush to the hospital. No one did either, except our close family, who got the OK to come in 1st (all happen to be quite aware of how long you can wait if an emergency comes in/ your not 1st on list and the sewing up recovery time, but if not you could just point out it takes hours) no one pushed us to announce either, but when we did a few said they had been wondering (not in a why didn't you say anything way).

 

So I suppose it depends on whether you really want to surprise people (I can see why you might) and on your friends and family - are they the sort of people to rush in without thinking?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hands Up

I knew my induction date for DS2 but we told my parents only (who looked after DS1). We then took our time sending the message out. You can't get back that first few precious hours with your newborn.

 

Alternatively tell your family it's a day later than planned, then let them know afterwards that they switched you last minute.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MerryMadrigalMadge

A friend of mine choose to not tell with her first, but ended up lying about it as a response to direct questions, first going with we don't know and then giving a later, false date.

 

People apparently were more bothered by the lying than anything else.

 

So for her second, she just said something like, we have a date and we are choosing not to share and we can't wait to share ours news with you once everything is ok and we've had some family time.

 

Everyone apparently was fine with that. So choose to share or not, just be upfront about it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
DirtyStreetPie

Don't tell! Once it's out, you can't control the information, and you can't fully control the behaviour of the people who know.

 

As the person who will be going through the birth, you should decide who is told (or not told) about the date, not your husband. He's not the one who will potentially be lying in bed, post-op, bleeding, the works, with unwanted well-wishers in his face.

 

Anyway, good luck with the birth, OP! :)

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
rosie28

We told everyone but we don't have the sort of family and friends who would turn up before we gave the ok. It allowed us to plan for our DS as well.

 

Then I went into labour a few days early so it was a surprise anyway!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Jenflea

I wouldn't tell. You have no idea how you'll feel after the birth, or how the baby is etc so you REALLY don't want people turning up expecting cuddles and photo ops until YOU are ready. Not your husband, you. You're the one going through surgery and birth. You're the one with the hormones running rampant and learning to feed the baby.

 

You choose who knows and when.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
muffin87

Don't tell. The only people I told were my parents so they could look after DS. I must admit I feel great after mine and text every as soon as I was back to the ward to visit.

However after the natural delivery of DS I felt like crap and didn't tell anyone he was born for 12hrs.

What I'm trying to say is don't give away the date because you don't know how you will being feeling after.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
VVV

We knew the date months in advance and told everyone. I didn't even give it any thought. It was a great time - everyone was excited leading up to the date and it allowed my parents/family to book leave from work etc. I was getting texts from friends and work colleagues early that morning whilst I sat nervously in my hospital bed waiting to be called down to surgery. I felt so supported!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Veritas Vinum Arte

After having only 1/3 elective CS on the right date, I started to call it final eviction date.

 

My first decided 1 week earlier than scheduled was better and my third decided 3wks earlier was better.

 

So we had final eviction date, but set that as day after CS was scheduled.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hollycoddle

Don't tell. When I did this with my second my Mum and sister were up on the ward grabbing the baby off DP when I was still in recovery, despite me telling them to wait until that night to visit. Unless you have people who will actually take on board what your wishes are!

Edited by Mollycoddle

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
paddington_

I would only tell immediate family. And only because I know both sides would respect our privacy and only visit when invited.

If you don't think your family or friends could do that, then don't tell them!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sandy34

We didn't tell anyone the day I was being induced but because it was the last possible day it could happen, everyone knew. It caused an extra layer of anxiety as we didn't announce until about 11 that night so people were sitting around worried.

I would leave it until you and bub are safely delivered. Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Bel rose

I just told my parents who were looking after my other children, otherwise I wouldn't have told anyone!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Winter frost

I didn't want to tell anyone and my husband blurted it out a couple of times as he didn't understand my desire to keep it quiet. To me it was just a little bit of a way of keeping it a surprise - plus avoided those few unintentional but (when u are 9 months pregnant v upsetting) comments about taking the easy road etc.

 

I am still of the view it is nicer to keep it quiet. For me it made it more special for my husband and I. But each to their own.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mrs Weasley

We told the IL's, because they were on babysitting duty, and my family because they were 1300kms away, and some wanted to book time off to come and visit. We didn't tell anyone else because we wanted people to visit on our terms, and we still wanted the element of surprise.

 

SIL told everyone when she was scheduled to have my niece. She was bumped down the list and the rest of the family spent the day fielding phone calls and messages from nosey people wanting to know why noone had told them the baby was born yet, or convinced something terrible had happened. Baby had been born by this point, but because they wanted their oldest to visit first they didn't tell anyone outside of immediate family until they were ready. Some so called friends were so nasty about it, thinking they were a whole lot more important in the scheme of things than they were, and acting really hurt that they weren't the first told. It was ridiculous

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sugarandspice3

Thanks so much for all the advice everyone! Talked to my DH about it and we will def keep it to ourselves :D I have so much going on that i don't need to worry about other people annoying me haha

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...