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TheBoss

Surprise pregnancy in 40's - large age gap

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TheBoss

Did anyone find themselves pregnant in their 40's, with a large'ish age gap between their current youngest and the baby?

 

How did you find it when baby arrived? We have a lot of worries, some of which include; will the baby feel left out, are we too old for this, how will we cope, what about the future...we will be in our 60's at baby's 21st!!

 

If you have been in this situation, can you please help with your experiences with some of these concerns. I would love to hear how/if you coped and how you feel now that your baby is here and in your family.

 

Thanks in advance.

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Fizzwizz

Hi great topic. Our surprise number 3 happened with a 10 year age gap between him and middle son!

He is now nearly 2, and we also have a 12 year old son and 15 year old daughter. We are both in our 40's.

 

The baby now toddler being surrounded by two much older siblings is very spoilt - lots of attention stimulation and assistance. He has his own little friends at playgroup and family day care on the days I work.

 

Husband in particular has bonded the strongest with him - as we are older I think we are more relaxed and just go with the flow. Yes it's exhausting, I do notice I'm a decade older now and energy levels aren't quite the same so make sure you are able to rest or have some me time. You will cope. We just think how lucky we are to have one at our age naturally. Happy to answer any more specific questions.

 

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TheBoss

Thanks so much for your reply Fizzwizz. It made me feel a lot better. I'm having such a rollercoaster journey of thoughts. Some days, I try not to think of it all much and other days, I'm freaking out wondering how we will do it all.

 

I think my older children will be quite sweet with a new baby. I am quite worried about DH...and the relationship, if I'm honest.

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ABabyPlease

Hi, we were both over 40 when we had our son. Only one, so I can't comment on the sibling thing. I wouldn't worry about the baby at all, they will be fine and you will likely find lots more older parents out there.

 

It is physically very tiring, but we are much better placed than some younger parents wrt work, stability, finances, relationship etc.

 

Not sure about the concerns with your DH, but I think it's unlikely that a baby will make a relationship better, I hope you can't work things out before baby arrives.

 

Best wishes.

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opethmum

One of my school mums had this happen to her she is amazing. She had a 12 year age gap between the second youngest and her youngest now. She has found it easier and at times it was hard no doubt but her youngest is gaining more independence and it is beautiful to see. She has told many that this one is keeping her young and fit. Her youngest has 3 older siblings that dote on her youngest and she can have a little more independence and get things done around the house a lot better.

 

She can't imagine life without her youngest and has brought a lot of mischief and light into the family. She has said that initially there were a lot of tears and WTF moments and how can I do this? But now that they are here that those thoughts are a distant past and can't believe how lucky they are and they were meant to be here.

 

I would be treating each other gently at this time and you both know how babies are made and maybe you might be over thinking a few things and that naturally things are over amplified and you are freaking out. Perhaps have a counselling session just to have some reassurance that things are ok and you can sort underlying issues you may have and get things on track.

 

Good luck and I hope you can come to a better place about your pregnancy and look forward to things ahead.

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startingagain

Hi ladies,

I'm also in the situation. How are you all travelling with your pregnancies?

I'll be 43 when Bub comes with a 22, 20 and 12 year gap!

I'm going from being a young mum to an old mum.

There's no grandparents to rely on with this one, they're alive and kicking but not healthy enough to be looking after bubs and toddlers, so thats another issue that concerns me. Anyway I'm excited and terrified st the same time.

I look forward to sharing our journeys.

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TheBoss

startingagain - sorry, i didn't see this post until today.

 

I am 24 weeks now. How far are you? I think you've described how I feel...excited and terrified at the same time!

 

Though I am more excited now and I am so in love with this baby. I just want him/her in my arms safely.

 

This pregnancy has been rough on me physically. I can't say it's all age though. I have SPD, which I had with my twins 9 1/2 years ago too. I've also had bleeding on and off, which is such a worry. I don't *think* this is age related. They think it's more hormonal. I am yet to test for GD, which I will do next week. Apparently my chance of that is higher at my 'advanced maternal age' lol.

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Motherofeight

Hi Ladies, Im Nikki mumofeight soon to be 9. Our oldest is 23 this year & youngest just turned 5. We haven't been on any birth control for the last 3yrs so we thought that was us done lol until i found remembered that i haven't had my cycle for a few months lol oldest daughter just got married aweek ago so life has been very very busy. Had my scan last week and bub was measuring 7wks due on the 3rd of Nov but from my date im 8wks due on the 30th Oct.

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number5 at49

Hi there,

I am 49 and having my surprise 5th. My others are 21, 19, 15 and 10. I'm about 5weeks and in total shock.

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bubba-licious

Hi I actually can't believe I'm here. I've just turned 40 & surprise missed period & a positive pregnancy test this morning. We have (had) unexplained infertility started trying around 10 years ago. We moved on quite a while ago. While I am very happy I know DH will not be. Feeling very nervous about the conversation that needs to happen!

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gemgirl

Hi I actually can't believe I'm here. I've just turned 40 & surprise missed period & a positive pregnancy test this morning. We have (had) unexplained infertility started trying around 10 years ago. We moved on quite a while ago. While I am very happy I know DH will not be. Feeling very nervous about the conversation that needs to happen!

 

Wow! Congratulations! What a surprise!

Edited by gemgirl

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CasaJaRae

Hiya

I have an almost 18yr old. Then a 3yr old and almost 2yr old...

Dont stress my older one loves the 2 littlies. I find Im way more relaxed & dont sweat or stress too much about it.

Yep Ill be older than most mums at the school gate but the kids are loved & ultimately thats all that matters x

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Moulla

Bubbalicious how are you going now?

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Dirtsa

I'm 39 and pregnant with number 3. My other 2 kids are 7 and 10. We're all looking forward to the new arrival but I am a bit nervous about doing it all again into my 40s. DH think it will keep us young, I'm worried it will age me faster! I also think about how old we'll be when she's 18, 21, having her own children. I worry that she's going to hate having "old" parents when she's a teenager. My 2 boys are extremely happy and excited to have a little sister arriving soon. I wonder what will their relationship be like though when they're young adults and she's just starting primary school. Will they be close? Will she feel like more of an only child? These are just my ponderings. Hopefully family life will just be what it is and none of us will be so focussed on ages and gaps etc once it all kicks off in a few weeks ( due in October).

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cvbn

Congratulations Frau.

 

I had my first at 22 and my last at 41. We have really enjoyed our large age gap with our children.

 

I definitely find I tire more easily but she also keeps us very young in our thinking.

 

If DH was not 10years older than me I would go again.

 

You cannot predict the future, they may get along, they may not. Don't gossip between them and that will help.

 

Good luck and best wishes.

Edited by cvbn
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Green lady

Just had my last at 43 who is 6 months. My others are 12 and 7. My 12 year old says the best day of his life was when his baby brother was born, yet when he was first told of the pregnancy he was not keen. This has been my most enjoyable experience so far as the other two are so good with him, playing with him, talking to him, watching him. I also feel much more relaxed than with my other two.

 

I think their relationship will be great as they grow up. Eventually though the other two will leave and he may only be 9 or 10 left with his older parents and I am concerned that he may get lonely and is something I will be conscious of and try to alleviate for him when the time comes.

 

My DH is the youngest of 4 with a large gap and the eldest in his family being 17 years older and he has a great relationship with his older siblings, they took him on their family holidays with their kids ( on of their kids is only 8 years younger than my DH).

 

I wouldn't try to overanalyse it , just go with the flow.

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Hini

39 these days isn't old to have a baby. I consider it pretty normal.

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just roses

This has happened to several friends. They all freaked out but they have all absolutely relished it. The common experience seems to be that they're so much more chilled out with the new baby and they get to really enjoy them without all the stress and worry that new parents have.

 

And here's my personal experience of being 11 when my baby brother was born (my other brother was 9). We absolutely adored him and he honestly considered himself to be one of us - so didn't feel left out. However, he did go through a really difficult period (late teens/early 20s) of feeling left out. My other brother and I had married, had kids, finished uni, had established careers etc. We were very clearly in a different place to him and he did feel it. Mum and Dad also felt it too and it was rough for a while.

 

But we've all come good now. I'm late 30s, he's late 20s and we get along brilliantly. The age gap just seems unimportant now.

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Sancti-claws

Congratulations to all of you who are expecting surprises - do enjoy them greatly.

 

My older daughter (10 years older) was fantastic with her little sister MOST of the time.

 

There were a few periods when the selfishness of a teenager doesn't see the cut-through of the neediness of a young child - and vice versa.

 

They are now nearly 8 and nearly 18 and the hardest thing is that the older one has left home to go to University and the younger misses her like crazy.

 

I had the first as an only for 10 years and now the second is starting her stint as being an only and HATES it.

 

I would also recommend keeping as active and healthy as possible!!

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Rhoxie

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sueratbag

Just a note to say that I was a child of older parents - 41 and 50 when I was born. Mum used to worry that it would worry us (me and my brother), but it was never an issue for us at all.

 

It's a while since this thread started - how are you all going?

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Melly98

Hi ladies

I’m 44 and expecting my 5th child. I’m totally surprised. Just had a dating scan today and I’m 7wks 2 days. Everything looks normal with a strong heart beat. My last pregnancy was rough as I lost a twin in utero at 22 weeks. I was recommended an Harmony Test, due to my age.I’ve never heard of it until today. Any of you ladies thought about this test?

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Melly98

Thanks aztecmoama. Can I ask how many weeks were you when you had it done?

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Rhoxie

What does the Harmony test involvee and what does it look for?

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