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Bidi

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Bidi

This is a weird question for this area I know but I wanted some advice/experiences from women who have had kids and losses and then maybe more kids.

 

I have 3 live children. 2 kids and then a missed miscarriage resulting in a D&C and then a beautiful little girl for number 3. I was 36 when she was born. This year just after my 38th birthday in January we decided to try for number 4. I was over joyed as it took my husband a little bit to decide he wanted a number 4.

 

Lucky for me I fell pregnant the following month. Again overjoyed and probably nervous. Unfortunately I had a missed miscarriage at 7 weeks. I didn't miscarry naturally after 2 weeks so there was another D&C.

 

The Dr told me it was just bad luck. Told me that a quarter of all pregnancies ended in miscarriage. Assured me that whilst he could make no promises that my age or my 2 miscarriages weren't a deterrent.

 

So after a rest cycle I was ecstatic to fall pregnant again after only a moth of trying. I was positive this one was sticky. I had MS from week 6 until week 11. Was even convinced that my bleeding was just a small bleed that would resolve itself. That was until Tuesday night when the emergency department doctor confirmed that yet again I had miscarried.

 

After a scan it seems my baby died 3 weeks or so ago. So the dr is strongly recommending another D&C which scares me but my Dr says the risk of infection after 3 weeks is more serious than the D&C.

 

So after that long story I suppose I am looking for some stories/advice of hope.

 

My husband is freaking out. Says he's not sure he can watch me go through another loss. I admit I am petrified too but I think if I gave up now I would regret it forever as I always wanted 4 kids. My husband says he is willing to give it one more go. I was angry at first that he was giving me ultimatums but I suppose I understand. I am 38 1/2 and he is 43 1/2 and our youngest is 2 1/2 so we are getting on and risks increase.

 

Did anyone have any luck with similar experiences? Age same? Kids?? I really want to try again after one rest cycle but I am scared I will end up in the same place. I am healthy weight, eat well, don't drink heavily or smoke. But I've still had 2 miscarriages in a row.

 

Would love to hear experiences either way.

 

Thank you.

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c.sanders

I will be 31 with my 3rd live birth next month. So not the same age. I had ds1, 2 consecutive mc and than ds2 and now ds3. Mc 1 was at 7 weeks. I fell pregnant straightaway and mc2 was at 13 weeks (we had only started telling people). Miscarriages are so common but they are such a taboo no one talks about them. To be honest I could not handle my last pregnancy experience to be a mc as opposed to a baby. That would destroy me. My dh was willing to try again as well because I think he felt similarly and I needed a baby so desperately. I didn't have a d&c because both expelled completely and I had ultrasounds to make sure. But if you haven't completely expelled it I think a d&c is necessary.

 

The doctor said obviously there was something wrong with the babies and no amount of doing everything right would fix that.

 

2 things that are really important. She mentioned that even before trying to concieve both dh and I should be taking pregnancy vitamins (multi for him) to ensure the best quality of eggs. The 2nd thing is that my ds2 has a mild form of spina bifida and he was conceived 3 months after my last mc. We do not have a history of spina bifida in my family and my thinking is that maybe these babies had issues like that but worse because in their case I wasn't taking any pregnancy multivitamins prior to and at the early stages. It's possible that ds2 only has a mild form because in his case I was or it could have been worse. Secondly if possible I would highly recommend taking high dose folic acid (5mg as opposed to .5mg(which is the norm)). The doctors can't actually tell if ur babies are likely to have spina bifida issues until you have one but it is a very very common issue and a cause for miscarriages. Furthermore, taking the high dose folic acid is not a bad thing and any excess folic acid comes out in your pee anyway so there is no harm.

 

 

I hope this helps. It's only my experience.

 

Take care of yourself. Im so sorry you have to join this unfortunate club.

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The Awesome One

Perhaps get your progesterone checked early on in the pregnancy in case it's low?

 

I've no personal experience but fingers crossed the next one is a sticky xxxx

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libbylu

Sorry to hear of your losses. I know how heat breaking it is. Your chance of miscarriage does get higher as you get older, but you still have a high chance of a successful pregnancy. I know lots of women who have had two miscarriages in a row and gone on to have a healthy baby.

Monitoring progesterone through the next pregnancy is probably a good idea.

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Kitty-40

A friend of mine had 1 miscarriage then a live child then 4 miscarriages (3 within 12 months) all at different stages in the pregnancies. At age 41 she had a live child.

I had a live child then 2 miscarriages. We were a little worried of it happening again and like your DH, I don't think mine could bear to see me go through it again.His attitude was "well we tried twice and it didn't work out". I think it hurt me more that we weren't 'trying'. A friend had good advice-she said to let nature take it's course. Having said that it was hard not to try!

I became pregnant again, whilst I was glad to hit the second trimester due to awful morning sickness and being slightly more out of the danger zone of the first trimester I recently had my second baby at 41.

My LO is just wonderful and I am so glad I took the chance to try again.

 

Wishing you all the very best.

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Guest canadianmum

I was 40 when I had my last baby. Both the GP and OBGYN commented that we were going into this 'with our eyes open' on the fact of my age meaning I had a higher chance of miscarry.

 

Some how, this gave me comfort and alerted DH it may take a few pregnancies to get a baby.

 

Best wishes to you.

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*cough*

I'm sorry for your losses. I hope you find peace in whatever ends up happening. Good luck xx

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Seven of Nine

I'm so sorry you've had another loss. miscarriages really suck.

 

Are you public or private?

 

I wonder if it would be helpful to go private and ask for frequent appointments during your next pregnancy so that you can keep an eye on the little one. A private OB might also order some testing to see if there's anything else you can do eg higher dose of folic acid or baby aspirin. I'm no expert, but I wouldn't bother with progesterone because progesterone is what keeps you from bleeding and as all your miscarriages have been missed miscarriages then progesterone would have been high during each of them.

 

I understand the overwhelming need to try again, and also the feeling of unwillingness to try again. I felt the first after my miscarriages in my twenties and the second when pregnant with #4.

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luckyducky

yep.

 

2002 - DD1 Born

2005 - DD2 born

early 2006 - Missed M/C

Late 2006 - DS1 born

2007 - m/c 8 weeks

- m/c 10 weeks

2008 - m/c 11 weeks

- m/c 10 weeks

2009 - missed m/c 6 weeks

- m/c 7 weeks

2010 - DS2 born

2012 - DD3 born

 

So First baby at 28, last baby at 39 with 6 miscarriage in between (total 11 pregnancies with 5 live babies). According to my OB, and much testing during the worst of it there was nothing wrong.

 

See a naturopath, eat clean, get super healthy and load up on Vitamin B (helps with Progesterone production) and see if this helps. It helped me.

 

Good luck with your venture. It played its toll on me mentally and physically but did pay off in the end. Would love number 6 but now at 43 i think I am past it unfortunately.

 

I wish you all the best :0

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Bidi

yep.

 

2002 - DD1 Born

2005 - DD2 born

early 2006 - Missed M/C

Late 2006 - DS1 born

2007 - m/c 8 weeks

- m/c 10 weeks

2008 - m/c 11 weeks

- m/c 10 weeks

2009 - missed m/c 6 weeks

- m/c 7 weeks

2010 - DS2 born

2012 - DD3 born

 

So First baby at 28, last baby at 39 with 6 miscarriage in between (total 11 pregnancies with 5 live babies). According to my OB, and much testing during the worst of it there was nothing wrong.

 

See a naturopath, eat clean, get super healthy and load up on Vitamin B (helps with Progesterone production) and see if this helps. It helped me.

 

Good luck with your venture. It played its toll on me mentally and physically but did pay off in the end. Would love number 6 but now at 43 i think I am past it unfortunately.

 

I wish you all the best :0

Thank you for sharing your story. Just wondering do you me a vitamin b complex (ie all the b vitamins) or on in particular (ie just vitamin b6)??

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galba

My OB history

 

#1 - DS1

#2 - loss

#3 - loss

#4 - DS2

#5 - loss

#6 - loss

#7 - DD1

#8 - loss

#9 - DD2

 

A complete rollercoaster :down:

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Pip_longstockings

I was younger, as in early to mid 30s but my road was:

 

#1 MC 7 weeks

#2 MC 5 weeks

#3 MC missed 11 weeks

#4 DS

#5 DS

 

My third MC was tested and there were no issues found. I accepted the first 2 but the third was heartbreaking.

 

My first son, as well as stressing about another MC, had very high odds of down syndrome 1:4, or a heart condition due to nuchal fold of 6.5mm and fluid around stomach. He is fine. This may hold clues to previous MC but they can't be certain.

 

My second, I fell pregnant the first time I had unprotected sex at 35. No issues in pregnancy, born weighing 4.6kg.

 

So my story, anything can happen. I survived two MC and was very pragmatic about it. The third, was awful and really affected my relationship with my first son. Borderline PND, and it took me a long, long, time to bond with him.

 

Just be mindful of how you are feeling, stop if it gets too much. If not, just keep trying.

 

Good luck.

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Bidi

Thank you so much for your stories. Being 38 nearly 39 it plays on my mind but I am still going to try.

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Rachael2

How are you going Bidi?

I've had 5 living children and had 5 losses. Age wasn't much of a factor as I had my last at 33.

Can you see a FS and see if there is something that may increase your chances of a sticky pregnancy? ie aspirin or progesterone supplement (only if needed obviously).

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Almross

I have a similar story. My first pregnancy was ectopic which was heart breaking as we'd been ttc for 3 years. Second pregnancy was DS. He was an IVF baby. I was 29. When he turned 2 we had a frozen cycle that didn't work. My bonus baby was born a year later followed by another bonus baby 2 years after that! My hubby wasn't sure about a 4th but agreed to ttc we were both 36. I miscarried early at 6 weeks almost a year later then 6 months after I miscarried again at 10 weeks. It was a horrendous experience. I bled out and collapsed from bloodloss. Paramedics gave me 2 bags of fluid and I still couldn't stand up because my blood pressure was too low...

Anyway, I was nervous about trying again but my 13 month old is currently asleep next to me and we're planning another before we get too old :) Like you I worry about age, I turn 40 this year but my Nan had my mother when she was 43.

Good luck!

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Fizzwizz

DD 2001

MC 2002 7 weeks

DS1 2004

MC 2005 6 weeks

( gave up had IUD for 5 years)

 

MC 2012 11 weeks

(Had another IUD for two years)

DS2 2005

 

Blessed

 

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Feral Grey Mare

While all these success stories are great I think the partner's reservations shouldn't be dismissed lightly either. Not saying that anyone here is doing this but if the father has genuine doubts about the wisdom of having another baby there needs to be some honest communication.

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