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Double J

Two issues about having fourth child-advice needed please.

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I have four kids and am pregnant with my fifth.



* Kids in Pres-School/Kindy - with the first few hours were 9-1 so we picked them up in our lunch break and dropped them off at childcare for the rest of the day (had to pay for the full day). Now school offers after school care for pre-schoolers and kindy kids and classes 9-3 so we are covered.

*We have a good lifestyle with the ability to cut back in some areas if needed.


I have a very good job as a consultant so we work to increase income rather than cut costs. I already work full-time and do extra hours at night and on the weekends.


I started saving for a home at 10 with a paper run. I've always been a saver and so when we bought our house we had a good deposit and paid the loan down as quickly as we could.

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How did we afford 4 kids?


Well, it wasn't easy. We bought a house with no deposit right after we were married. We both had well paying jobs but interest rates went up to 18% and DH lost his job. We hung on to the house by a fingernail and only because my DH didn't think that delivering pizzas was below him.


We had 4 kids by our 8th wedding anniversary. I went back to full time work when each of them was six weeks old. We've both worked full time for over 30 years. We're still paying a mortgage but we did manage private school for all 4 boys and plenty of holidays. I am a bargain shopper though.


I've had people say to me that they couldn't possibly be away from their child to work. Yep, thanks a lot, I clearly don't love my children. These same people are the ones to then tell me how 'lucky' I am because I can afford some things that they can't.


Really, you can only work out what is right for you. How will you make things work? Will the kids have to miss out on activities and school camp because you wanted an extra child? How will you feel about this?


I think overall though you have to put the health concerns of your doctor at the forefront of any decision you make.

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How are you feeling about having another baby 6months on?

I'm a Mum to 5 children. My husband is a tradesmen and I'm an RN/midwife. The cost of childcare is ridiculous isn't it?

We also have no help. It's hard very hard but we are surviving financial. The unexpected costs hurt. We live fairly frugal although our debt is quiet small. We have an investment and our 2 eldest are at an expensive private school. Where we are lucky is I brought my first home at 18. DH also had a home so when we set up together in our mid 20's eventually the sale of our properties enabled us to buy together without a Morgage. I was also blessed in the fact their was a big real estate boom from the time I brought and sold so I more then doubled my money in the sale of that house.

Anyway when I wanted baby number 4 not much would have stopped me trying to achieve that. Life long wish, love been a Mum. Number 5 was a big shock when number 4 was still a baby. His been the straw that broke the camels back so to speak which sent us from been a happy thriving family of 6 to a not coping at all family of 7.

How we are managing is I've had to chase work that fits in around my husbands work hours. This had meant extra study in not my chosen field. Husband has a little bit of flexibility working for himself and been a nurse then their are various shifts available to me. The location we are at also meant the desperate need for nurses with my qualifications meant I at times can pick what hours I am available (I am also a forensic examiner).

Is it an option for you to seek work with different hours that enables reduced childcare? Even if it's only temporary?

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I know this is an older topic and I just wanted to see if the OP had come to any decision on bub no.4 yet?

I feel that number 4 for us has been very stressful especially since dh didn't really want another and I feel he's using it against me so if I'm struggling or I want us to have a dinner out one night he's just like how can we get 4 kids looked after there's nobody to ask or well you shouldn't have had 4 kids it's always going to be hard now. He's turned into a really arrogant and negative person it's like you never know what they're like until you have children together. Some are fantastic want to be hands on and supportive. He thinks he's supportive by going to work and earning money and doesn't think he needs to do anything else around the house. I keep reminding him he went to work prior to kids and actually got out of bed before 8am to do so. Three days he just lays in bed until he decides to get out and then disturbs my whole morning routine by not helping just stuffing around. I have suggested that he sees someone about his issues which is probably myself and the kids but he refuses he already thinks he knows the answers to all of their questions.

I do wish I could go back to work but being out of action for longer than 8 years has its downfall with no referees and no up to date skills. I would like to go and study but he just asks how much is childcare? How many hours is the course? Is there placement? Who's going to get the kids from school and care? I just give up in the ends because he's basically saying no and I don't understand why I should be bombarded with all the questions. I feel he just wants the least amount of responsibility of the kids e.g. Picking them up or dropping them off if I did have to stay at tafe longer. He says fine go and study but I can't help you with the kids because of work. Haha it's not like I rely on him in the mornings or at night.

We don't even talk much we just get in arguments.

I wish he could bee the same person I met before kids but I'm not sure he's hiding? Maybe this is just a stage because our youngest is 15 months and there's not much flexibility with her day nap so we get stuck at home of a weekend our he just takes the other 3 out while I'm at home. Maybe in another year or so once she's cut the nap out things might be smoother but I don't know how much more negative Nancy I can take.

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