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Kylie Orr

What our parenting generation does well

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somila

OP's celebration of 'this generation's parenting' has not really developed in the intended direction.

 

I believe that many of the good things we are doing were always done by good parents who had the resources to make them happen: Love and affection, good nutrition (as per the information available at the time), providing educational opportunities, providing emotional support to children when needed.

 

I think there is more varied information available to parents who can access it - perhaps that is why there is more discussion of different approaches to parenting.

 

I think school communities, especially primary schools, have become much more responsive to the needs of children and families in their care. If the teacher is happy to have parents of young children in the classroom at the beginning of the day, that is fine by me.

Edited by somila
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JustMyGirl

I understand the bag may be is too big and heavy. That's a valid reason when some 5 yr olds are so tiny. But that is not always the case.

 

I never used the term precious snowflake. I was viewing it from an independence point of view.

 

As for my own son's bag? I can barely lift it most days. Text books and laptops are hideously heavy.

No, you didn't use precious snowflake but someone else did. I just dislike the term so much when used in a derogatory manner. it is someone's child being referred to in this way - not nice IMO.

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Riotproof

On the school thing, as a FYOS parent I'm noticing this too. Not just kindy parents hanging around (I kiss and run) but older kids who are hanging off mums leg, grade 5 kids with mum carrying their bag and walking them to their class line. They should be capable by now and you're hindering the process.

Get a life people!!!

 

Really?

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a letter to Elise.

I'm guilty of hanging around the school. So what? I like to hear the assembly, chat to other parents (some of whom are now friends), and wave goodbye to my "snowflake" as he heads off to class. My daughter likes playing with the other younger siblings while she waits. Considering there's about 50 other people there each morning, I don't think its that unusual. My mum did the same thing when she was able.

 

I'm all for fostering independence, but really, helping my skinny six year old carry his bag sometime is a problem?

 

My kids will only be little for a few short years. I'm happy to treat them as young children, because that's exactly what they are. It doesn't mean they aren't learning life skills and independence at the same time. My children can fold clothes, set the table, wash dishes, help sort the washing, clean windows, mop the floor, prepare a basic meal for themselves and help vacuum. All the same things I was doing at their age.

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Soontobegran

 

 

My kids will only be little for a few short years. I'm happy to treat them as young children, because that's exactly what they are. It doesn't mean they aren't learning life skills and independence at the same time. My children can fold clothes, set the table, wash dishes, help sort the washing, clean windows, mop the floor, prepare a basic meal for themselves and help vacuum. All the same things I was doing at their age.

 

Exactly.

Because I worked shifts I could be there for assembly , reading etc.

 

It sort of amuses me ( looking at my kids now ) to have it insinuated that this in anyway retarded their independence.

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Soontobegran

I'm talking about 70s parenting.

 

I mean like kids wetting themselves in class because they're too scared to ask the teacher to use the toilet in case she hit them with a ruler, sleeping outside in the car when your parents went to parties using blown up wine casks as pillows, lighting mum's cigarette in the car for her and being told off when I complained it burned my throat.

 

I only have my personal experiences to go off so I really dont know what was normal but I don't remember the attention to children's emotional wellbeing which seems to be so prevalent these days so assumed it was normal, perhaps not!

 

 

But that is not 70s parenting.

It is the parenting of 'some' parents in every generation.

 

I went to school in the 60s, my first day at school I wet my pants and was made to sit on a mat in the corner with a dunce's hat on. When I told my parents their reaction to that was exactly what mine would have been if it had been done to one of my children and this never happened again..to any child.

 

I am very sorry that this was your personal experience though. :(

Edited by Soontobegran
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AggyW72

On the school thing, as a FYOS parent I'm noticing this too. Not just kindy parents hanging around (I kiss and run) but older kids who are hanging off mums leg, grade 5 kids with mum carrying their bag and walking them to their class line. They should be capable by now and you're hindering the process.

Get a life people!!!

I'm one of "those" parents. My son has ASD and diagnosed severe anxiety. Every freaking morning I had to support him into the classroom.

Now he is Grade 5 and not able to be at school because of his anxiety.

I'd love to get a life but for now I need to be a parent.

But that's awesome for you that you can judge the personal circumstances of every single parent you deem to be doing it wrong.

Edited by AggyW72
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Melbs2010

Sorry I disagree. Perhaps there are some things we as parents are doing well, but they are all totally negated by the fact we have taken the childhood obesity levels in Australia from one of the lowest in the world to one of the highest. It's so high, it is now referred to as an epidemic. So no, I don't think we are deserving of a pat on the back. We need a slap across the head.

 

Your underlying assumption though is that parents are solely to blame for the childhood obesity levels. Which is completely incorrect.

 

Parents are of course an element but if you look at any research on the causes of obesity in children (and adults) you will see it has moved far beyond individual blame.

 

There are a plethora of inter related factors which have caused increased obesity and the vast majority are outside the control of individuals. But it is always easier and more cost effective to blame the individual. Which is why next to nothing happens on the policy front.

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Soontobegran

 

 

I don't know much about it, but dmil says DH was fed evaporated milk in the (place she adopted him from, I don't think orphanage is the right word) and that was 1975.

 

 

This would be right.

Most of our formula feeding mums used Lactogen or Nan back in the late 70s but those who couldn't afford these often used Evaporated milk mixtures which were made up like a the cow's milk formula and were given Pentavite as a supplement.

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Guest JaneDoe2010

I am honestly speechless at some of the posts in here. SO SO judgemental and rude!!

 

I think I'll just have to go with what Pooks said lest I say something I shouldn't.

 

Gosh. This one has it all.

 

Looking just at DH and my families- every generation before ours was in dire poverty. There was child abuse, high rates of infant loss, children left schooling very early and families were very large. Parents worked themselves to the bone in ways I really struggle to comprehend and kids were at higher danger of injury and illness, DH's aunt died of polio as a child and one of my relatives was killed playing on train tracks. Mental illness was fairly across the board and completely unacknowledged.

 

But yep, we are fat.

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AsperHacker

I'm just going to put this thread down to ebs bizarro world ness and bow out now.

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JustBeige

I'm going to have to lock this for Admin review - Sorry Kylie

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F.E.B.E

Wow everyone, some very strong opinions here.

 

Can I please remind everyone to read and abide by the EB code of conduct.

 

If you are bothered by a post or another member please make use of the block and report functions.

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dad2two_

del

Edited by dad2two_

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Riotproof

I often wonder whether previous generations of parents worried so much about people who parented differently to them.

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Acidulous Osprey

Oh god yes they did. The mummy wars of the 90's and 00's were almost exactly the same as the ones today.

 

I lost friends over attachment parenting.

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Riotproof

Oh god yes they did. The mummy wars of the 90's and 00's were almost exactly the same as the ones today.

 

I lost friends over attachment parenting.

 

That's really interesting, AO. Mum said all her friends did pretty much the same things as she did, so she never really noticed any differences.

 

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Lucrezia Bauble

Yes I remember my grandma (and mum, to a lesser extent) tut tutting over parents who read and followed the advice of Dr Spock.

 

Mum was born just before the baby boomer generation i think - whereas her younger sister was probably born at the tail end of it - so there was a huge age gap and (perhaps) a corresponding difference in how they were raised. Mum was always a bit disparaging about how her younger sister was "brought up" (she was what was termed "wild") but I suspect it just came down to different personalities. Although grandma always spoke very vaguely about the ill effects of some "red book" they apparently all were given at school - which she seemed to blame for my aunt's behaviour. No idea what she was talking about - doubt it was Chairman Mao's book!

 

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Hollycoddle

Agree totally Kylie - and what gets me is that our parent's generation justified working so hard by saying they wanted their kids and grandkids not to have to do it as hard as they did!

 

BTW I think our generation works even harder for less - take the property bubble as an example. And we don't really have any choice when it comes to technology, whether you like it or not, either keep up or you basically can't exist as so many basic functions of our society have been moved online. I think the criticism leveled at this generation re. needing the biggest and best of everything technology-wise is unfair for this reason.

Edited by Mollycoddle
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Hollycoddle

Sanctimony and privilege.......not a good mix. :(

 

Agree. With so much marketing leveled at our kids it actually IS a big achievement to get many of them to eat healthily. Back in the day we didn't have so much processed, heavily packaged food shoved in our faces every day.

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Cranky Old Woman

Yes I remember my grandma (and mum, to a lesser extent) tut tutting over parents who read and followed the advice of Dr Spock.

 

Mum was born just before the baby boomer generation i think - whereas her younger sister was probably born at the tail end of it - so there was a huge age gap and (perhaps) a corresponding difference in how they were raised. Mum was always a bit disparaging about how her younger sister was "brought up" (she was what was termed "wild") but I suspect it just came down to different personalities. Although grandma always spoke very vaguely about the ill effects of some "red book" they apparently all were given at school - which she seemed to blame for my aunt's behaviour. No idea what she was talking about - doubt it was Chairman Mao's book!

 

The Little Red Schoolbook!

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seayork2002

The Little Red Schoolbook!

 

I read that but I think it was my mum's version

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Hollycoddle

I was fed on watered down cows' milk with extra lactose added. It was 1969. It was definitely a completely suboptimal food for babies.

 

Agreed, I think the PP was actually talking about Carnation milk - which pretty much a whole generation was raised on probably from the 60's through to the mid-80's.

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Kylie Orr

Hi All,

 

Wow! Such enthusiastic debate! I can say after writing for EB for almost decade, I did not pick this as a topic that would generate such passionate discussion.

 

To clarify a couple of things: I am 40. I was aiming this topic at parents of kids that fall in the age range of 0-5 - EB's main demographic, although I recognise there is a range of ages of parents and grandparents who all participate in the vibrant forums here.

 

My goal was not so much to compare generations in a "we do it better" tone, but in more a "hey, we are not all bad".

 

I really feel like we get the bad parenting label constantly, from a highly-read, super-critical, over-analysed time when every decision we make is critiqued for the long term impact it will have on our kids. My parents certainly didn't experience such scrutiny, or perhaps they took less notice?

 

Anyway, love that it spurred discussion, hopefully we don't turn nasty so the moderators have to shut it down. It was always intentioned to be an uplifting piece, not a time to swing the scorn sword around.

 

Thanks for reading and commenting. If there's anything you'd like to add that you think we do well as parents in the here and now, or if you are older and recognise something parents of young children are great at please add it to the comments here!

 

Kylie.

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Soontobegran

Agreed, I think the PP was actually talking about Carnation milk - which pretty much a whole generation was raised on probably from the 60's through to the mid-80's.

 

 

Where was this ? Carnation Milk was used in the 60s along with boiled cow's milk formula but from my experience from the mid 70s and 80s non breast fed babies were almost exclusively fed with powdered formula.

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