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Guest Grateful_Mum

Negative reactions to pregnancy announcement

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Guest Grateful_Mum

As soon as I got married people started asking me when hubby and I were going to have a baby.

 

When I got pregnant and told people they were ecstatic, there were gasps and tears of joy and people were so happy for hubby and I.

 

Only a few hours after I gave birth to my first son I had people asking me when I was going to have another.

 

When I got pregnant with my second son when my first son was 14 months old people were so delighted & excited for me and congratulated me warmly.

 

Not long after my second son was born I found people kept asking me if I was going to have another baby or if we were going to try for a girl?

 

I eventually got used to it because as I found out over the next 2-3 years people were going to ask me that a lot.

 

I am now a few days shy of being 12 weeks pregnant with our third child and to my surprise when people ask me if I am going to have another baby and I reply "yes, I am pregnant now" peoples response has been negative.

 

So far I have got:

"You're crazy!"

"What, already?!"

Weird looks, uncomfortable silence or half-hearted forced congratulations.

 

Now I know people say nasty things about people that have more than two kids behind their backs because they have said them in front of me when talking about other people getting pregnant again.

I have heard such things as

"They are going to end up needing two medicare cards & a minivan"

"Minivan mum!"

"Someone needs to buy them a TV!" etc etc

"God, she needs to learn how to keep her legs shut"

 

Needless to say I stay clear of these kinds of people but it's because of them I knew there was going to be people probably smirking and talking trash about me about my back but that's life.

 

I was totally unprepared that people would actually be mean to me to my face.

These are people I know and have been friendly and nice to me for years and now I am pregnant with my third child they think its ok to openly shame me?

 

What I don't get is why have they asked me for the last 2-3 years if/ when I am going to have another child and then when I do get pregnant they say "oh, really?! You are insane". It's so rude and confusing!

 

I am in my 30's and hubby has a good job. We are not rich by any means but we have enough money to give us everything we need and a bit more to cover things like private & private school.

I work a bit from home too.

My life isn't perfect but I think I cope pretty well with the kids most of the time.

We are all healthy & happy most of the time.

 

I just don't understand why people have been so negative about me having a 3rd baby?

 

Also how do I respond to them when I tell them I am pregnant and they just look at me like I am gone crazy or say rude things to me?

 

I am super happy about being pregnant & it really sucks when people are so negative about it

Edited by Grateful_Mum

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Fossy

I think you need new friends, I've never heard such negativity before and I've got four kids!

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SenatorPrissypants

I honestly think people say these things thinking they're just funny jokes with no idea how rude they come across. It seems to be the standard comment for anyone who goes over two kids which I don't get because three or four aren't exactly a hoard. It's beyond me why they feel the need to joke instead of off congratulations, though.

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Princess VFR

Congratulations on number 3!

 

People will always be rude...some knowingly, others not realising they are doing it.

 

You can either ignore them, or call them out on what they have just said to your face.

 

You sound like a confident person-happy and comfortable with your decisions in your life.

 

If you feel the need to explain to these rude people, just tell them a simple line like - we're happy to be expecting number 3. It's exactly what we want for our family.

 

Otherwise I'd just tell people it's none of their business....or even better..."thanks for your unwanted opinion- now get bent"

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ali-song

We need to kick my stepson off our Medicare card so we can go back to one! (He is 24, so it's high time.)

 

I agree - we got many more 'funny' comments when pregnant with #3, my least favourite being 'was it planned??'

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littleboysmum

Some people are just rude! Congrats on number 3! I am a few weeks shy of having my third and couldn't be happier. Though I often have random strangers who have 3 come up to me (I am clearly very pregnant) whilst I'm with my 2 children and tell me how awful it is to have 3 and how much they wouldn't do it again if they had their chance etc. I find it very strange, but just laugh it off as best I can, the same way I do with any unsolicited advice from random strangers!

 

People will always find something to comment on...2 boys "oh you poor thing! Will you try for a girl next?"

- 2 girls, "I'd hate to be you when they're teenagers!"

- one of each, "Oh well done to you, you've got one of each...why would you possibly want a third?"

 

Try and file it away under, "mind your own business and keep your opinions to yourself", smile serenely and move on.

 

You don't need to justify why you're having three to anyone! I wish you a wonderful pregnancy and hope you love having your 3 children!

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Guest Grateful_Mum

I think you need new friends, I've never heard such negativity before and I've got four kids!

 

It's not really my friends but one of my aunts and people I know in my community. One of the comments was from the manager of the family center where we go for playgroup.

 

It's bizarre!!

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The Awesome One

I've got 4, the most annoying comment I got was "poor DD being the only girl". If it bothers you then speak up "you know you said that out loud right?" or "that's a rude thing to say", puts them in their place and they now know not to say it again.

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gemini2

I have 3. Three is wonderful OP and you should see us when we are out and about. We often get smiles directed at our children as they are very close in age and looking alike (2 girls and 1 boy). As with anything in life, everyone has their own opinions on topics often through reflection of their experiences and insights. Just ignore the negative comments and let them roll off you. huge congrats to you and your family and enjoy this wonderful time in your life.

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Guest Grateful_Mum

I've got 4, the most annoying comment I got was "poor DD being the only girl". If it bothers you then speak up "you know you said that out loud right?" or "that's a rude thing to say", puts them in their place and they now know not to say it again.

 

Yeah I people have been asking me so are you having a boy or girl? I don't know yet, it's only early days but I am already dreading what people are going to say to me if it is a boy.

I don't know if people realise they are being so mean but they are talking about my baby, how could it not upset me even a little?

So far I have been brushing it off, I am pretty confident and like myself enough not to need other peoples approval.

I have been ignoring it but later on I think about it and it does upset me.

I think I might say something if I feel I need to "that's a rude thing to say" is probably my best bet. It lets them know I am not happy about them being rude to me without being aggressive.

 

I don't want to get upset but at the same time I don't want to be a doormat either.

Edited by Grateful_Mum

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protart roflcoptor

3 children constitutes a large family now??

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Guest Grateful_Mum

3 children constitutes a large family now??

 

Apparently so. It's news to me too!

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*maddierose*

I just had number 5, I didn't really get any rude comments just looks of shock, more so from strangers when asked "is this your first?" (Others at school) and I'd reply "no 5th".

 

I did get comments from a friends husband regularly when I was pregnant with my 4th.

Usually when we were at a social gathering and he had been drinking.

He stopped when at a wedding in front of a largish group of friends he tried to embarrass me by saying "don't you have a TV?", I replied with "if you prefer to watch TV you are not doing it right".

He slunk into his chair and never said a thing again.

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Jenflea

If it was me, I'd tell them to eff off and change the subject.

 

But I'm rude.

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mrsJacko

Maybe it is what they truly believe, honestly I would rather these people say it to my face then behind my back.

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c.sanders

Here's my opinion...you are brave and awesome!!!

Congrats on your new little wonder!!!

 

I also agree...call them out on their rude behaviour

 

 

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Ellie bean

We need to kick my stepson off our Medicare card so we can go back to one! (He is 24, so it's high time.)

 

I agree - we got many more 'funny' comments when pregnant with #3, my least favourite being 'was it planned??'

I got that comment with number 1, people must have thought I would be an unfit mum before I even had the first one!

Congratulations OP- which is of course the only correct response, if people say anything else glare at them and say "I'll assume you meant to say congratulations, thank you very much!"

 

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Mrs Lost Wanderer

If it was me, I'd tell them to eff off and change the subject.

 

But I'm rude.

 

Me too! And I had 4 in 5 years so got comments about do we know what causes it and rabbits and other charming things.

 

My other favourite was "I wasn't asking for opinions on our family planning choices".

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JAPNII

My advice - learn to ignore it.

 

People often say dumb things when they don't know what to say.

 

Figure out some smart a*rse retorts and learn to laugh at yourself as it takes the sting out.

 

Parenting is a tough gig and growing a thicker skin is going to be vital.

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angel2010

I have three...

 

It is the best thing ever. I would never regret having our third bubba (who wasn't planned, but very much wanted!)... he is so loved by all of us... cannot believe there was a time he wasn't here and part of our family!

 

He's so very lovely that we are currently trying to decide on whether or not to have a fourth... keep going back and forth thinking "we want another one, but we feel like we 'shouldn't'.... should we?"

 

One factor for me is definitely that I get the all the comments now... what will 4 be like!?!

 

When pregnant with our third, a GP (not ours) at the practice we go to told me (as if I was a naughty child) that that was "enough kids now OK"... it made me feel so ashamed of my pregnancy... I cried all the way home...

 

I understand how you feel, but I can promise you that you won't regret your third child... definitely don't listen to anyone who tells you that!

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Natttmumm

We have 3 and got lots of comments about number 3 - mostly aimed at how it must have been accidental.

 

Some of the comments still stick in my head especially from work colleagues. One actually screamed at me saying we must have been crazy and she couldn't understand why anyone would have 3 and walked off. My MIL actually told me I wasn't cut out for 3 and why make it hard for myself

 

I really think most of this comes from their own internal issues such as not coping with their own kids, jealousy or some thing from their own past.

 

I know I found 3 difficult so when we had a close relative say she was having number 4 a part of me thought - "far out how?? do you manage that" - I didn't say that obviously but I thought it - as I was struggling with 3 I couldn't imagine it (and still cant). All coming from my own internal stuff!!

 

Anyway my point is don't let it get to you and enjoy your pregnancy

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GingerCats

Wow. What rude idiots.

Some people just need a filter between their brain and their mouth.

If people have issues with other people's family choices they need to take a long hard look at themselves.

 

I dream of having 4...

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my*xmas*kiddies

As soon as I got married people started asking me when hubby

 

I am in my 30's and hubby has a good job.

 

More importantly OP-didnt you learn in the other thread "hubby" is frowned upon? :winks: :tongue::lol:

 

 

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Guest Grateful_Mum

I just had number 5, I didn't really get any rude comments just looks of shock, more so from strangers when asked "is this your first?" (Others at school) and I'd reply "no 5th".

 

I did get comments from a friends husband regularly when I was pregnant with my 4th.

Usually when we were at a social gathering and he had been drinking.

He stopped when at a wedding in front of a largish group of friends he tried to embarrass me by saying "don't you have a TV?", I replied with "if you prefer to watch TV you are not doing it right".

He slunk into his chair and never said a thing again.

 

Oooh good comeback!

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