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Kylie Orr

Where did your boobies go, Mummy? And other soul-destroying comments from our children

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Kylie Orr

Pregnancy and childbirth changes our bodies. The anatomical ‘gifts’ left behind are part and parcel of having children but nothing quite prepares us for those transformations to be remarked upon through raw and brutal honesty of our children.

 

I try to minimise the damage that words from the mouths of babes can do. Not one to walk around the house showcasing my wares, I feel there is less chance of inviting commentary or criticism if stay a tad prudish. However, my children have seen me in the shower. It’s usually when they barge in with an emergency like, “Can I please have some milk?” or “Can I watch ABC Kids?” One morning, my daughter visited me in the bathroom, timing it perfectly as I stepped out of the shower. She assessed my body and finally asked, “Where did your boobies go, Mummy?” She was a gorgeous and innocent three-year-old, but I still had an urge to hurl some swear words her way. Instead, I smiled sweetly and remained mute. In my head I answered, I don’t know where the hell they’ve gone! Breastfeeding four children who sucked the life out of them is probably one good answer. But hey, it’s not my place to turn her off a future which may involve her own pregnancy and breastfeeding journey. She can too, discover the thrills of a post-baby body, one day.

 

When I put the question out to friends: Have any of your kids killed your self-esteem with comments about your body? stories of body shaming by our youngsters ran like scolded children.

 

Meghan added her own shower horror, “My son burst into the ensuite only to be stopped in his tracks by my full-frontal nudity. The lips contorted into a cat's bum and he turned away in horror crying, Grrrosssssssssssssss!”

 

And then he watched his mother’s ego deflate at the speed of the NBN.

 

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you’re lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals. Here’s a couple of helpful hints courtesy of the children:

 

“Don’t worry, Mum you can be skinny again you just need to try harder,” Nikita’s children are clearly very encouraging.

 

Dana’s two daughters, trapped in a change room with her as she tried on a few items of clothing, offered supportive commentary about her body. The five-year-old remarked, “Nothing looks good on mums but everything looks good on kids.” Dana swallowed the punctured pride and patiently explained that mums have different lumps and bumps than kids. The five-year-old accepted this answer but the three-year-old wasn’t satisfied. She couldn’t work out these lump and bumps, finally asking “Why do your boobies point down?” As if the mirror wasn’t harsh enough.

 

Some children like to comment on individual body parts, as in the case of Jacinta’s son who she tells me “likes to poke my bum and tell me 'it’s squishy'.” A pointer for you kids, and partners if you happen to be reading, don’t ever use squishy and a woman’s anything together in a sentence.

 

Carly had the entire family join in on the body commentary game, “My son was patting my stomach once and announced to the whole family, 'Look it wobbles like jelly!' Everyone had a turn. Such fun.” Indeed. I couldn’t think of a more joyous pastime.

 

Or Nikita’s daughter who asked, “Do all mums get hairy lips when they get old? Your whiskers are long.” Meghan’s daughter added her own query about facial hair asking "why do you have a beard? I thought only men do.” Yeah, wow, thanks for the reflection. And just in case Nikita never looked in the mirror, she also had the handy tip-off asking, “When do you get your hair cut because they need to get rid of the silver bits?”

 

Sometimes we ask for it, though. Kids look at the world from a much more literal perspective than us and often their observations make us sit back and ponder. Or laugh. Or cry. Julia shared her child’s thoughts: “after many times watching me get on the scales then hopping straight in the shower, my son asked ‘how much do you have to weigh to be able to shower Mummy?’” Fair question, I say. How much do you have to weigh? Less is probably the answer most women would give, particularly after having a baby.

 

What soul-destroying comments has your child made about your post-baby body?

 

Kylie

Edited by Kylie Orr

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boymumma

"Mummy, you're fat!", DS1 aged 3 quite helpfully said of my two-month post-partum tummy.

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Winging it Mum

Mine doesn't like the way my bum wobbles when I walk.. quite often will say to me, can you stop doing that, I'm like what... so then he walks like I do. Grrrrr... sorry, my bum's big, it wobbles!!!!

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teejay

My DS's comment was that my body looked like a big smiley face. My breasts were the big eyes ( hanging out of their socket apparently) - my bellybutton the nose and my c-section overhang the big smiley mouth and then a beard under that big smile. I haven't looked at my body the same since.

Edited by teejay
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SophieBear

My two year old said about my tummy, while I was sitting "mummy's bum" I looked down she was right, I have a weird post baby dent in the middle of my floppy tummy :(

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Wahwah

Not soul-destroying because I really don't care, but my 8yo announced in front of a dozen kids in the school playground that I looked pregnant. Whereas I thought I was looking particularly foxy in my new work dress - must have been the foot long baguette I had for lunch. Bloody carbs.

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Princess Holly

Not post baby but when I was 5wks pregnant with one of the babies I miscarried DD asked me if I had a baby in my tummy. I hadn't planned on telling her yet but since she asked if figured I'd be truthful. When I replied 'yes', she said 'ah, that's why you're getting so fat!'...

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Soontobegran

I had a grandson aged 4 tell me when he walked into the bathroom and spied my boobs that " Mummy has those, same but different. Hers are up, not down there" ( as he gazed at my navel area )

Truth hurts :huh:

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*TikkaB* Tinseltop

I have one (small) breast remaining after breast cancer. One day I went to pick my DD up from after-care. I just plain forgot to wear my bra. I'd been home all day, and never wear one at home.

 

This little boy came up to me and said "you've only got one boob", the he came out with "show us your tits". Oh My! And he looked like an angel too.

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Ruf~Feral~es

Not just the kids.....

 

DH mentioned to me the other night that when my hair is dark (uncoloured), it makes me look "tired".

 

So, when perusing the hair colour aisle on the weekend to buy a lighter colour, DD helpfully said - ""Don't go light, mum. It makes you look really old".

 

Just can't win. At least I've got no grey yet, which I'm holding on to proudly. Stuff the rest of them! :D

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retemac

Mine haven't been too bad yet ( one can't talk yet) but when my 3 1/2 year old daughter was almost 3 and still breastfeeding at night she once said " I love you mummy you've got boobies".

 

Left me feeling like that was the only reason I was loved, everything else didn't count.

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fillyjonk

My son, when he was little, was very sweet. He said, "your lap needs to be so big so you can fit both of us on it."

 

More recently it was, "wow Mum, you're really fat."

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bubbatime

My DS recently asked me "when is the baby coming out of your big, fat belly?" I explained I wasn't pregnant and there is no baby in my belly, but he replied with "yeah, but when is the baby coming out?"

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Feral-as-Meggs

My just talking and still breast-feeding son to his godmother:

 

Grab, squeeze ..... "Tiny!"

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jph

My wife was complaining about feeling old looking after a newborn, our 3 year old daughter said sweetly "you're not too old mummy!".

 

Then earnestly added "just your face".

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Gruffalo's Child

My 8 yr old DD and I were having a cuddle in bed, when she touched my stomach. She gazed at me lovingly and told me my stomach was the softest thing she has ever touched!

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Ho Ho No

Son: Where are we going?

Me: Togs shopping

Son: But I already have togs!

Me: Not for you, for me.

Son: Oh.

 

Thoughtful pause.

 

Son: They'll have to be pretty big togs then.

Me: *silence*

Son: No, not big. GIANT! They'll have to be GIANT TOGS!

 

Another pause.

 

OH YEAH, THEY'LL BE HUUUUUUUUUGE! huge TOGS, huge TOGS, huge TOGS *raucous laughter*

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