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Chicken_cluckiness

19 years old and I'm clucky

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Hands Up

I have a nine month old. I'm 35. I can't begin to tell you how hard I find it at times. You are on call 24/7. No me time. At all. Forget sleep ins, forget catching up with your friends without being covered in baby slobber (and possibly food). Forget lazing on the couch for a few hours. Maybe that comes later. But now now. Please don't do it until you are a bit older. My twenties were so much fun, particularly my early 20s!!!

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noonehere

 

 

All of this. Having a child young means starting behind the eight ball and pretty much staying there. Financially it just destroys you and rofl at finding other young parents you identify with. I'm going to get crucified for this, but most people who have children at a very young age are not the sort of people you want to have as friends. You are certainly not going to identify with mothers in their thirties when you are struggling to pay your electricity bill and don't have the spare $ to meet them at their favourite cafe, anyway.

 

If your relationship breaks down - and not a hell of a lot of people are with the person they were with in their teens - you are going to be a young, single mother who will need to figure out how to work around their child/ren. It will suck, particularly as your ex will also be young and quite likely to start a new family with someone else.

 

Obtaining a decent job and progressing in your career is hard work when you need to pick up your kids by x o'clock from daycare. Expressing your concerns to doctors is harder when you're younger (well, it was for me and several other young parents I know). Everything, just frigging everything, is harder when you are a young parent. You get treated like crap. I had a child at 20 and a child at 33 and second time around it was sooooo much easier in every single facet of my life.

 

Is it normal to be clucky? Hell yes. But don't give in to hormones! Watch some teen mom. Buy a puppy. And use decent contraception.

 

Yup i very much agree on the other young mums thing.

i have very much stuggled to find a group to connect with as nearly all of them where clubbing/drinking/shopping.

Now shes in school iv finally found other mums i have connected with who have the same parenting views etc as me.

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my*xmas*kiddies

Please, please dont "suddenly become pregnant". Your parener has already told you hes not ready. If you do, you m8ght find it a real possibility that youll be a single mum-and thats the last thing you want at your age.

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kerilyntaryn

get good jobs, career, money and travel first - wait at least another 6 years

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littlebeans3

Live your life! Study, party, travel!!!! Why would you want to be tied down by a kiddo now?

I love mine but I had my first at 29 and even then it was hard work.

Seriously you're too young. Get a puppy, get anything other than a kid!

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Ianthe

Pooks has the best advice in this thread.

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elemeno

My need to be a mum really kicked in at the age of 18, I was engaged to my now hubby. I asked for a timeline because all my friends were having babies and it was something I desperately wanted.

Wow, I don't know anyone who was having kids at 18. Did you live in a big city or a country town or suburbs ? What was the reason your friends had babies so young?

OP, get a puppy and a people wiser than me have said get a timeline and get yourself in financial shape to have a baby. Finish your education, travel, cement your relationship.

I wanted babies young too, then I finished uni and suddenly Did not! I had my first at 31 which was the perfect age for me.

Edited by elemeno

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my*xmas*kiddies

 

Wow, I don't know anyone who was having kids at 18. Did you live in a big city or a country town or suburbs ? What was the reason your friends had babies so young?

 

Do you live under a rock?

 

Have you never heard of accidential/teenage pregnancies :shrug:

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elemeno

 

 

Do you live under a rock?

 

Have you never heard of accidential/teenage pregnancies :shrug:

Sure but she said all of her friends where having babies. That many accidental pregnancies?

No need to be rude by the way. Really not necessary. It just so happened no one at my uni studying law with me was pregnant in their teens and no one from my all girls high school (that I knew of) was pregnant in their teens either.

Youngest Mum I know personally was 24 when she had her first.

Edited by elemeno
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TobiasFLK

^^ yeah I'm with elemeno, I don't know anyone who has had a baby under 25.

 

OP - I echo what everyone else has said. Having a baby is incredibly rewarding but bloody hard work. Your lifestyle completely changed and freedoms are gone.

 

I had my first at 30. Travelled, invested, established a career, purchases a home and generally had a fantastic time in my 20's. While I miss those freedoms, I am content knowing I had my opportunity to experience it all and will do so again when the children are older.

 

I'd advise anyone to have similar experiences first.

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mumofsky

I was 19 when I had my daughter. I'd been baby mad since I was 12. I love my daughter to the ends of the earth but I have missed so, so much in life that I can never get back. Sleep ins, weekends away with friends or a boyfriend, traveling the world, making an amazing life and career for myself. So much. Please wait.

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Soontobegran

OP there are many 19 year olds and younger who have planned pregnancies and are wonderful and happy mothers and being a mother is hard at any age HOWEVER, it is a life changing decision and one that I think needs to have all the ducks in a row before embarking on it.

 

If you can try to find some joy in the now, there is time for babies later but I do understand how you feel....I was clucky from the time my younger brother was born when I was 9.

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Squick

My timeline went like this: started dating DH at 15, married at 19, bought our home at 21, first baby at 22, second at 24, I'm 26 now and all done with baby making.

 

We've both always been mature for our age. I didn't find it hard making mum friends. It was more important what we had in common than my age. My closest friend is 14 years older than me! It doesn't matter because we're in the same stage of life.

 

We have absolutely no financial difficulties. My DH has a great job which he excels at and I've been a SAHM since the first was born. I've been studying towards a Bachelor's degree part time via distance for the past few years and I'm almost done. I didn't go to uni straight after high school because I didn't know what I wanted to do. So I worked and supported DH while he studied. Now he's doing the same for me.

 

What I've found hard is sometimes feeling like I've wasted what could have been a really fun and frivolous decade of my life. The thought of DH and I both working and having all this money to pay down the mortgage and travel and do whatever we want gets me down sometimes, and I can see we could have benefitted from waiting a few more years. On the other hand, I might have an empty nest in my 40s! There's a lot I'm looking forward to at that time. My advice is to wait, but it isn't necessarily a disaster if you don't. The most important thing is probably financial security. Being able to enjoy life with your young family without worrying would be a huge benefit.

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niggles

I know that mini me fantasy. I used to have it when I'd see a parent holding hands and walking with a small precious child, locked in what looked like deep meaningful conversation.

 

It is a fantasy though. Parenting is life changing and something to look forward to. But it's not moulding a small version of yourself into everything you'd want them to be and have and live for. It's confusing and demanding and wrings selflessness from you til you feel dried up. Sweet moments are precious but rare. And they hardly ever hold your hand nicely unless you're trying to convince them not to run into traffic.

 

I felt prepared but nothing prepares you for the loss of freedom. It's not something to give up before you've had a chance to be free to find yourself in this world. You'll need those touchstones to rely on later. Make plans. Include the idea of a child in your 5 or 10 year plan.

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anniej3

Trust me, you would rather be asleep right now than holding a child who refuses to sleep for no apparent reason. You would rather enjoy at least another 10 years of sleep.

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The Awesome One

I was married at 18 and started ttc at 19, didn't have my first until I was 21 (trouble conceiving due to pcos). I'm not going to tell you to do it or not to do it, that decision is up to you and your partner and if he's not ready then I wouldn't push him, but if it's something you really want why not sit down and put a date on it for when to discuss it again, so say in a year or 2 the two of you will have a discussion again on whether or not you're both ready, and then go from there on when to start ttc. Gives you something to focus on, gives him more time to decide if he's ready yet or not etc.

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South Coast

I had my first at 36, stable marriage, high paying job, house some cash in the bank.... along comes a very wanted baby and things really hit the sh*t!! I cannot even imagine having a baby when I was not in a stable situation - a baby changes everything..

 

Enjoy your 20's, enjoy your friends, travel, study, save and set yourself up..

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DZP

I planned my first at 19 and had him at 20. I'm actually happy with that decision and don't regret it at all. If I could go back in time I'd still make the same decision. For us it actually got us taking advantage of everything in life and we travelled more and bought a house because of him wub.png It also made me realise what I wanted out of life so I went back to school via distance ed and got a job doing something I love.

 

We are the same. That's not to say the last 13 years have been perfect the whole time, we have had our fair share of struggles, but there is absolutely nothing I would change about the timing of when we started our family. While most people our age are just starting having their families, I get to enjoy seeing the wonderful little people my kids have grown into. We get to see the world, have fun and take them along for the ride.

 

I guess all the things I 'missed' I never wanted to do anyhow and as for all the others such as education, career, property ownership etc I achieved anyhow. Where I am now is exactly where I would have hoped I would be.

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madefromscratch

I've always loved babies and would have loved one earlier. There are pros and cons to everything, having a baby when you're younger is probably good in lots of ways, and I've found being an older mum also has advantages.

 

Please don't underestimate the need for support when you have a baby (I did). You need your partner to be more than okay with the idea, you need your partner to be completely on board and engaged. The other thing that has surprised me is how isolating it can be if your closest friends are at different life stages to you. They will be happy for you, but they may not understand that your life has completely changed. I'm not trying to discourage you, just wanted to share my perspective.

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newmumandexcited

Please reconsider this - it's so hard at 31, with an established career, two properties and ten years of travelling. Live a bit first so you can be sure you feel no resentment.

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happydays11

Definitely wait. I had my first at 20 and although it was planned and I was in a serious relationship looking back I should have enjoyed my younger years more. Good bye sleep ins, good bye going out when ever you want. My daughter is now 11 and I had two younger brothers with her dad. We of course separated when I was 27 because suddenly we realised how we'd grown apart. He is now married with two more kids and stopped seeing our kids and I am now married to my wonderful husband and we have a daughter together who is nearly two.

 

Back when we were having our kids and creating our little family life together I'd never have thought we would not be together 7 years later.

 

Life is wonderful now don't get me wrong but looking back I was so desperate to be a mum and have my own family I was too impatient and should have enjoyed my freedom and made wiser choices.

 

Think so carefully because at 19 you have the world at your feet....

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BetteBoop

God what a depressing OP.

 

Babies are lovely but to have so little interest in living a full interesting life of your own is fathomable to me.

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~river song~

Zombie posted resurrected!

 

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my*xmas*kiddies

Zombie posted resurrected!

 

Haha.

 

I noticed it was a old topic. Wonder how the OP is?

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