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Chicken_cluckiness

19 years old and I'm clucky

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Chicken_cluckiness

I need just someone to tell me this is normal and some way on workig on in without having a baby, I would love a mini me but my partner isn't ready for it yet.

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MrsFrosty

Totally normal. I was like you. I've been with DH since I was 17. I was baby mad. We waited until last year when I was 24 and I gave birth to DD when I was 25. We were able to complete our degrees and start to establish careers. Get married. Do a little bit of travelling. In hindsight, I'm really glad we waited. I feel like there's never the "right" time but there can be a wrong time. And for us, not having jobs was kind of the wrong time.

I guess I just kept busy with study, work, hobbies etc. we were always open about when we wanted kids. For me that was asap. DH wanted to wait, and I had to respect that. I wanted kids with DH and I wanted him on board when they came along. He is so besotted by DD. He wants to be an involved dad who parents her as I do.

So hang in there! It will come and it will be great.

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LilMissChatterbox

I just had my first at 31. I've had lots of times since about 18 that I've been INTENSELY baby crazy. It was all consuming. But I am so glad I waited. I could have had kids at 25 had my partner been ready, but any earlier and I would definitely have loved having kids, but would've missed all the other opportunities.

 

I also think that everyone I know who has had kids before 25 was stressed about it. After 25, more relaxed.

 

My advice is after 25 you're good. Kids are amazing anyway but it's the other stuff about being young with no responsibilities that you just can't get back. I had enough of those experiences but had I had them at 24 or younger, I'd be a little wistful about what I missed out on.

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Freddie'sMum

Get a puppy.

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RichardParker

Totally normal, I was incredibly clucky in my late teens and early twenties. It wanes a bit - particularly once your career gets going and you start to appreciate the time in your life.

 

Part of it is also that having a baby is a very certain path at a time when life seems quite uncertain - it can provide focus and direction. But that's not a very good reason to have a baby - it just seems like it would make life simple. Don't fall for that chestnut.

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ImpatientAnna

Do not do it!!!!! Come around to my house at 7pm and you will be getting an implanon injected.

 

You have so much time to have kids, get a whole bunch of other stuff you want to do out of the way first because having kids is all consuming.

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anniej3

I wanted to be married and have a baby by the time I was 25. I do. I love my daughter very much but if I had my chance again and the advantage of hindsight I would wait. Even when you are completely prepared and realistic about having children it really is harder than you think. Amazing, but harder. I wish I had set myself up more so I could enjoy life with a bub better. If I paid off all my debts and had more savings I would be less stressed. If I worked for a few more years I might have been able to cement myself in my industry more & have better prospects for returning to work

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Ellie bean

Can you come up with a rough plan/ timetable with your partner so you feel like you're on the path to having a baby, even if it's in 5 years or so, rather than just waiting indefinitely? I don't know if that's possible but it might help you to feel you are achieving xyz goals to put you in a good place for raising a baby

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Mooples

I have been clucky for a while but we only started ttc once I turned 26. We both studied, established ourselves in our careers, bought a house and have been able to save so that now I am pregnant we can live comfortably while I'm at home.

 

Not something nice to think about but I had a mc and d&c last year. It was far the worst time of my life and the only way I got through it was because of the awesome support of dh. I don't know how I or our relationship would have coped a few years ago.

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Pooks_

I've been clucky since I was a toddler apparently. Totally get it.

 

It might help you feel that you're working towards your desired goal too-- list the things you want set up in your life as steps towards having a family. Have a think about what you think will give you and your kids the best security and start in life.

 

It's not about talking yourself out of it so much as delaying it to make it as awesome as possible.

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dirtyhoe

Getting a puppy is a very good suggestion actually. I had my first at 19. Don't do it okay? You can not imagine how hard it is! Get yourselves established, good jobs, some savings, a good house, etc.

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PurpleWitch

I had my first at 20 and while I love my son. DO NOT DO IT.

 

Its hard. I had to work, go to uni and raise a child and that was not fun.

 

I've been a parent for 20 years. I am tired.

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noonehere

Had our first at 18..

 

Very difficult, im so behind my peers in the work force and study. Much much harder than i thought it was going to be.

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Bam1

I don't think its normal to want a mini me unless you are Dr Evil in the Austin Powers films.

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libbylu

I have a cousin the same age as me and she had her first at 18, 20 years ago. She has only recently managed to do some further study and has never had the chance to travel. She could have easily done a degree without kids but she chose to stay at home and have more. We got set on such different paths, me with degrees, study, career, house - though none of it perfect, but she has been stuck in the outer burbs without a lot of choices. But the thing I would have missed the most is just the freedom - the freedom to go out with friends whenever you feel like it, the freedom to ride swim dance walk unencumbered. And she seems so much older than me now.... jaded somehow. I am starting to feel old too, but I think my little kids keep me young :)

Edited by libbylu
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lurfest

I had my first at 20 and while I love my son. DO NOT DO IT.

 

Its hard. I had to work, go to uni and raise a child and that was not fun.

 

 

All of this. Having a child young means starting behind the eight ball and pretty much staying there. Financially it just destroys you and rofl at finding other young parents you identify with. I'm going to get crucified for this, but most people who have children at a very young age are not the sort of people you want to have as friends. You are certainly not going to identify with mothers in their thirties when you are struggling to pay your electricity bill and don't have the spare $ to meet them at their favourite cafe, anyway.

 

If your relationship breaks down - and not a hell of a lot of people are with the person they were with in their teens - you are going to be a young, single mother who will need to figure out how to work around their child/ren. It will suck, particularly as your ex will also be young and quite likely to start a new family with someone else.

 

Obtaining a decent job and progressing in your career is hard work when you need to pick up your kids by x o'clock from daycare. Expressing your concerns to doctors is harder when you're younger (well, it was for me and several other young parents I know). Everything, just frigging everything, is harder when you are a young parent. You get treated like crap. I had a child at 20 and a child at 33 and second time around it was sooooo much easier in every single facet of my life.

 

Is it normal to be clucky? Hell yes. But don't give in to hormones! Watch some teen mom. Buy a puppy. And use decent contraception.

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Booklooker

First at 21. Too young. Yes there were some advantages and I think we've just been incredibly lucky (plus lots of hard work) to be in the very fortunate position we are now e.g. emotionally, financially, physically, career-wise. We did everything backward. This is okay but Lordy it was a hard road and not one I would recommend.

 

Quoted from lurfest = "but most people who have children at a very young age are not the sort of people you want to have as friends."

 

^^^I had this problem as the young Mum. I don't know why, I just never clicked with anyone. Most of my friends didn't have kids and/or were at uni and were barely in long term relationships.

 

Things are significantly better now that I am a bit older but it was very difficult for a long time.

Edited by Booklooker

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Caribou

Yes. It's normal to be clucky. But don't do it. Go on the pill and just hold off a few years. You'll be glad you did. I had mine at 26. But by then I'd travelled, bought 2 houses and had a rocking life pre-kids. I was like you and clucky. But I just knew we needed to give our child a better chance by doing all these things before we had them, and have the money not to be in financial stress

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may88

A baby is not a mini me.

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Lunafreya

I was 30 when DS was birn. I was married in stab,e relationship. But I would not have wanted a baby at 19.

 

Don't do it!

 

Live, go out, get drunk, travel, make mistakes.once you have a baby it's very hard to do any of those things.

 

Enjoy being young while you are, baby can wait. You won't like being at home Saturday night with a screaming four month old and hearing in FB about friends nights out.

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HappyTapper

No way was I ready at 19 OP. Lots of people have children young and for some of them it suits them.

 

By the time I had DS, I had done two degrees, travelled extensively, married the right person, was professionally advanced and had significant financial resources behind me.

 

Being a parent is SO wonderful but SO hard. I know I could not have coped at 19. The lack of freedom is such a shock. Enjoy your freedom and wait until you're ready to relinquish most of it.

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just roses

Yep, totally normal!

 

I was married at 22 and was very keen for a baby. But we decided to be sensible and wait to buy a house, establish careers etc.

 

We started trying when I was 26 and DS arrived not long before my 30th birthday.

 

Even though we ended up having to wait a bit longer than we'd planned to, I am still so glad we did wait. When you're young you really do have time on your side.

 

We waited for house and career, but the greatest benefit (which we hadn't even considered at the time) was the chance to really establish our relationship as a couple. We'd been married for seven years and together for ten by the time DS was born and now - in the thick of the craziness that is parenthood - we love to look back on all of those years of just us. And we know we'll get back there again as the kids grow.

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nrwsn

My need to be a mum really kicked in at the age of 18, I was engaged to my now hubby. I asked for a timeline because all my friends were having babies and it was something I desperately wanted.

He said after we get married, I was married at the age of 21 and then he pushed the timeline back some more. It was devastating!

We got the puppies, I cuddled my friends babies and even was widely available for babysitting duties so that I could be involved. But none of that helped my desire.

I respected my DH though and waited until he was ready, we tried for 3 months and then he changed his mind... he wanted to wait even longer. Luckily DD was already on her way and it was the best thing! By the time she was born I was almost 25.

I know waiting was the best thing, we were able to get married, travel and purchase our own home.

My parenting skills would be so different to 9 years ago and I have more patience to enjoy my little one now.

 

Set a timeline and work towards that, its the only way you can numb the calling to be a mother :)

Otherwise it will be at the front of your mind every day

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Sixx

If a baby was already made and you were pregnant at 19 great news and congrats!

BUT If your not yet pregnant id say it's not A bad idea to wait a year (as your young you can afford to wait a year or more) and see how you feel about it at 20.

- carefree days will be long behind you after kids

 

I've been with dh since just before 17yrs old even though I didn't have any major goals or travel etc I still felt at 20 when we were engaged that I still wanted one more year to be able to have freedom and didn't want the permant responsibility of a child just yet (we got a puppy dog instead)

Your life changes in so many ways and while its not all bad it can be hard and there's no going back.

It was the little things aswell that I thought of before we decided we were ready like to be able to sit on the couch after dinner and snuggle with dh, go away spur of the moment, get our house set up, better financially stable, sexy nights out and in without interruption or getting up for a baby when you just want to lie in together, you will give up your time table for a while and have to work around theirs

We can no longer go out for fancy outings and dinners weekly it's more like once a year now.

-lots of changes to consider.

It is also true however that for some people all those things don't matter and they are perfectly suited to be a super young parent..

Goodluck with what you decide

Edited by Fivebubs

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**Xena**

Just from a slightly different perspective...

 

I planned my first at 19 and had him at 20. I'm actually happy with that decision and don't regret it at all. If I could go back in time I'd still make the same decision. For us it actually got us taking advantage of everything in life and we travelled more and bought a house because of him :wub: It also made me realise what I wanted out of life so I went back to school via distance ed and got a job doing something I love.

 

In saying that I am aware we tend to be an exception rather than the rule. It was also a decision my partner and I made together so if he wasn't on board then I would have waited. He's a few years older than me and had a good, secure job that he loved (he's still there now 15 years later though at the top now :) ).

 

There are a lot more things easier to do without a baby than with. If I were you I'd set out a list of things you'd love to do (like a bucket list) and work towards crossing them off. It might help to give yourself other goals to focus on :)

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