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biene_maja

Did you get the "feeling done"/my family is complete feeling?

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Ianthe

No I didn't but DH did so went off and got himself fixed. It is causing big problems in our marriage.

 

Yikes. That is a huge deal.

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girlfrompdx

My introduction to motherhood was really hard & though I adored my beautiful son, he was colicky and his infancy was awful. I couldn't fathom having another. I was done.

 

Two years later the lovely memories of my own childhood in a large-ish family got the better of me. I summoned my courage and we had DD1. Interestingly I found two kids easier than one, and I was on cloud nine for a good long while...I was also done. "No babies after 35," I chanted to myself. I wanted my life back.

 

But someone was missing. For three years I tried to suppress this idea. I fought it with a million rational arguments...but DD2 is sitting next to me on the carpet and I adore her & am so happy to have her, just like the first two.

 

But I am done. I mean it this time! No more baby making for me. If I have some crazy burst of maternal energy down the road & want a bigger family we'll become foster parents!

Edited by girlfrompdx

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Let-it-go

I am SO done. SO SO DONE. So is my DH. We are most definitely a 2 kid family. I am not even remotely clucky around babies anymore.

 

About 12mo I had a 'scare'. The thoughts that went through my head and what I was intending to do proved to myself that I am well and truelly done.

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JustOneMorePlease

I haven't got the feeling yet. I go through times where I think I'm done but then get clucky again. At the moment I'm in the phase of really wanting a 4th but the idea also scares the cr*p out of me. So I'm confused lol!

 

 

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CCABW

I never felt done after number 1, 2 or 3. But after number 4 - yep I feel done!!! And I never thought I would feel done as I have felt really clucky after all my first 3 babies.

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biene_maja

Thanks so much for all the replies. It really helps to read that it's pretty normal to feel like this.

 

I'm more like those who said they want to add another family member rather than a baby. I'm actually petrified of the baby stage cause none of my kids slept EVER until about age 4. And my pregnancies were tough. I'd gladly start at age 2.

 

But I love the thought of a big family when they are a bit more grown up. Family celebrations, Christmas etc with our kids and their kids :)

 

And while I know I shouldn't be motivated by fear... after losing my little sister to cancer 2 years ago I want to give my kids a few siblings so that if we ever lost one they could help each other through it. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my other sister still left.

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Fabulous

I felt 100% done after having number #3. This lasted 3 years and then I wanted another baby. Ended up with 5 kids.

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Feral Becky

I think for a lot of people there is always that "just one more" thing.

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**Tiger*Filly**

Yes I definitely felt our family was finished once we had our fourth child.

Before we had her I was very, very clucky and very much felt that we weren't finished yet.

That said, I feel it is/was partly an age thing too. I started reasonably young, and I remember being 32 with three children and thinking I can't possibly be done already, I have years of fertility left lol! At 36 /37 with a toddler, not so much.

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belindarama

I'm in the I don't want another baby camp. I would like another person in the family though. It's getting through the first year that is the hurdle for me. I don't dislike babies but I prefer it when they get a bit bigger.

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Natttmumm

I could have written your post word for word except my baby is 14 mths. We decided 3 was it and I was on board with that until now - still times when I think I'm done too and don't want anymore. It surprises me that I have any feelings towards wanting more.

 

I don't have the answers except that I really doubt we will have another. 3 was a stretch and DH was happy with 2.

 

I'm letting reason take over this time, finaces, coping ability, needs of other kids, the fact that I need to work, very little family help, high blood pressure last time....and the list could go on.

 

I'm trying hard to look ahead at the great points about the last baby growing up....

 

I know exactly how you feel. I keep saying to myself that I would feel like this until I was too old to have anymore.

 

Sorry my post doesn't help much but just wanted you to know I feel the same but won't plan another

 

 

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*maddierose*

We had two, 2 years apart and I didn't feel done just done for now.

 

We had an almost 9 year gap and welcomed two more, 2 years apart.

 

I was crazy clucky until my last was 3 and then the cluckiness was gone and I was compmetely done. The thought of another scared me.

 

I had a surprise pregnancy in January and it took a bit of getting my head around, we became excited but a week ago found out our baby had died, I was almost 10 weeks pregnant. Today I had a D&C.

 

I'm now really confused. I thought we were done but I'm nit so sure now, my maternal instincts have taken over.

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ohsoquiet

Yes,I sure did get that "I'm all done feeling". Got it straight after number 1. We were both well and truly "one and done"...

 

For 9 years!!!

 

Then I wasn't so done anymore!

 

I got clucky...big time.

 

And we had number 2...now I am definitely done...

 

Or am I?

 

I love the big age gap so, so much and if age wasn't a factor I would wait another 9 years.

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Chicken Penang

No I didn't but DH did so went off and got himself fixed. It is causing big problems in our marriage.

 

I hope you and your DH resolve your issues. As a child of divorced parents I would hate to see a couple separate over 'potential' children and split a family for the children who already exist. All the best.

 

I always wanted two and now I have them I am definitely finished. I don't have enough hands to cope with two.

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Soontobegran

25 years after the fact I can honestly say I never got the 'I am finished' feeling and to this day do regret that we were not able to continue to have children due to financial reasons.

We took permanent measures after #5 so there would be no more....it was a bad decision.

 

I definitely knew that with 2 or 3 there just had to be more and I was fortunate the my DH agreed.

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6lilhillbillies

I have recently had our 6th and he is 5 weeks old :)

 

So, so cute.

 

The whole time I was pregnant I told myself, never again.

 

Tonight, I said to hubby, I want another.

 

He was not on board ;)

 

Give me a week, I'll probably change my mind.

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IShallWearMidnight

I dont think I will ever feel done. We had agreed on 4 kids, but are TTC number 3 and will stop in August (we have 2 angels as well) and DH is getting the snip at the end of the year.

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Goose roo

I didn't feel done after my second child and second boy was born.

 

I would have liked a girl but more importantly, I needed to make sure that I wanted another child, not just a particular gender. As my second got older, I was starting to push age 40 and I was getting more freedom back ie my son didn't need his morning nap, stay up later if we went out to dinner etc. I can't imagine going back to having a newborn schedule again!

 

A big factor for me was that if I had another child, I would be in my late 50s by the time they finished high school. I see this time as my time to travel away from my kids so I didn't want to be too old. Maybe selfish to some but my reason.

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~Mo+Moosh~

We have four boys under 7 (the youngest is 6 months) and I think we are done but I certainly don't have a definitive 'done' feeling.

 

My DH sometimes talks about a fifth and jokes about the spare seat in our car etc but he works extremely long hours and a lot of the grunt work of having a large family falls to me and I don't know about the practicalities of getting everyone where they need to be. I also have very little support from our extended family.

 

Financially four kids is fine for us but I am also very aware there will come a time when I have to feed and clothe four teenagers. And I don't really want to have to sacrifice what activities the children are able to do and holidays etc. I'm sure having a fifth would have the potential to impact on all that.

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gemgirl

We have four kids and I was confident during my pregnancy for #4 that would be it. I felt certain. Once we had #4, DP started talking about #5 and I said "no way". There was a huge part of me that felt there was "someone else", however. I can picture a baby girl next. And while rationally I'm done with 4, I can't help but think of #5 waiting for us. I'm certain she will come. We need to do IVF, and part of me says "make a decision re. the embryos" so it's totally out of our hands and we're done with four. But then I am fairly certain we'll go back and have #5.

 

I can't really believe it myself and I'm certain we'll be done at 5 (even though I don't love odd numbers).

 

I'll be shocked if it's a boy, as I'm certain it's a girl.

 

(And for those of you rolling your eyes about my 'sex certainty', it's just a feeling. Could be completely wrong. We have 2 of each, so no preference, but I see a fifth child, a girl. I was correct in the sexes of all my kids, in order).

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knottygirl

we have 3 and after dd was born i felt done. but giving away the baby things is hard. I cried after i sold our baby capsule and when i gave away my maternity clothes and newborn things.

 

Dh didnt have the snip, i did ask him to and he refused, he felt faint at the idea of it and wouldnt even discuss it. So i had a mirena put in so there is no accidents.

 

But in a way, a tiny part of me is relieved he didnt have the snip. i can change my mind if i want to. I want to get back to work and move on from pregnancy and maternity leave, getting into the next phase of my life. But letting go is so hard.

 

when i read that story on here about people having a 'bonus baby' i hope that happens to me! silly i know. but i hope it does, like when dd is 8 or so.

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aace

I am pregnant with number 3 and I can say that I am 100% done. I thought I would be one of those people who would never feel done because I love babies and could have a million... it is the fact that babies turn into toddlers which is why 3 is enough!

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riwybo

I do and I don't. When I was pregnant with #3 I said that's it I'm done. But now I want #4. But then I don't because 4 is too many for me, I couldn't handle it, not now anyway and not financially. And DH definitely doesn't want more. I nagged him for #3 lol so I think I'm done.

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podg

Yes, I was done at three. I was horrified and remain surprised at DS's (#4) unexpected contraceptive-failure arrival.

 

I used to be the baby-phile in every room.

 

Now I won't cross the room to see one.

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Expelliarmus

I was so done after #3. I'd been clucky for about 25 years - I'd always wanted a baby 'since my whole life!' - it didn't go away after #1 or #2 but after #3?

 

So gone.

 

I still love squishy babies and playing with them and cuddling and caring for them. They are still may favourite type of child to borrow, but I sooooo do not want any more for myself.

 

Brief moment of 'holy crap and sadness no more?' when the dr said no more babies for you but it lasted like, a day. Some days I think for two minutes it's be cool to have a baby ... like I said, for two minutes ...

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