Jump to content
biene_maja

Did you get the "feeling done"/my family is complete feeling?

Recommended Posts

biene_maja

Hi,

 

I thought I'd post this in here but I'd also love to hear from other "smaller family" mums but I'm guessing that the "large family" mums thought about this a few times whether they felt "done" or not and I'm also wondering whether some mums never feel "done" but have to decide not to have any more kids due to financial, health & other reasons.

 

The reason I'm asking... we've got 3 fantastic kids. I thought for sure after 3 I'd feel done. I did in the beginning but now that DS is 2 1/2 I can't decide whether I should just be happy with the family I have or add another baby. I'm also wondering whether I will always feel like this. Will I always want another?

 

Anyone else feel like this and what did you do?

Edited by biene_maja

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
kadoodle

Yes. Then my mind changes once they get to about 12mo. This is why I have 5.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
*~dee~*

I flip from being 'done' at 1, to wanting 2, 3 or even 4. I'm a solo mum and have been TTC with a donor. At the moment I want 2 more, but that might change after another pregnancy. I look to the future far too much and stress, when I should really just take each year and baby at a time!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FeralZombieMum

I think it's possible that you might always have that feeling that you want more.

 

I am so glad my DH got the snip just after number 4. That was 9 years ago. Just recently I've been thinking it would be nice to have another baby, but that happens when I see lots of babies and toddlers around. I then have to remind myself that these babies grow into teenagers. ;)

 

In my case - it's not wanting another child, but another baby, and they don't remain babies for long. ;)

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
namie

Yes. I feel 100% done with three children.

 

I still love seeing newborns and tend to gush over their cuteness (even though DS3 is only 7 months old, lol!) but I don't want another one myself.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Walkers

Feeling done has always been temporary with me. Despite all the crappy sleeplessness, toddler tantrums, tween attitude and teen drama I never seem to be completely put off. It's a curse!

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Peggy Olson

I am one and done. Sometimes I feel like we should be going for bub three before I turn 40 (I lost the second), but now my son is in school and we're settled, I don't feel an urge. If I do fall pregnant again, fine. But it's not something I'm actively seeking or encouraging.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ruf~Feral~es

I was done at 2. I knew it, and DH knew it. It was our plan.

 

But when he had the snip, I was really quite sad. Wondered whether I'd made the right decision. Hoped it wouldn't work.

 

When I got my first period after he'd been chopped, I was really depressed and regretful. For a week or two.

 

The kids are now 8 & 9, and I was always happy with just having two. But those few months when the decision was made were hard....... doesn't mean it was wrong though.

 

Like ZOmbiemum, I would have happily had another baby. I love babies... but 2 is just right for me.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Cat_Blessed

I think I will always want to be pregnant, a I love pregnancy. I felt done after having DD but I think it's the pregnancy more than the baby I like. Although I'm excited about having number 3 and I would consider having another in a few years but I'll probably be too old.

 

I think I would make an awesome surrogate because I like being pregnant and don't mind giving birth and then have no connection to the baby until weeks if not months later.

 

So even though I think I'll one day feel done, I think I will always yearn to be pregnant.

 

I have no interest in anyone else's newborn either.

Edited by Cat_Blessed
  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
~river song~

I suspect I will never feel done but having a large family is not financially or mentally ideal for us. I'll have to call it quits after the next one as having more would have a negative impact I feel

We have 2 right now

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Seven of Nine

I also have three children and I definitely don't have that 'done' feeling!

 

I am so happy with my three kids, and if for some reason I was unable to have any more I don't think it would be hard for me to accept. But I would really love to have another one or two people in our family. I don't just look forward to another baby, but also the toddler stage, preschool, starting school... everything I've experienced with my three kids so far. I also want to have one or two more adults to call in 20-30 years time. For me, it's not about having another baby, it's about the experience I want for my family as a whole.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
cstar

We had one and went for the second and ended up having twins, I couldn't of been happier, If I was younger I think I would have tried for number 4 (not sure how DH would of felt about it though, twins were hard!)

 

But I never feel like something is missing or anything like that, I'm content.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Jaffacakes

I have 3, and like PP I could keep having babies forever with their squishy newborn loveliness :wub: (and my youngest is less than 12 months!!)

 

I have come to realize though, that I don't have the time, energy, motivation or money to keep having kids (which squishy little newborns grow into), so alas three is it for me. In my heart I could have more, but practicalities dictate that I stop now :(

 

It is a big adjustment for me to realize that this is it - no more babies :( I do find myself getting sad about it as it has been such a big part of my life for so long (9 years either TTC, pregnant or BF :o ) Instead I am trying to focus on things that I have put on hold during the baby years (travel, career, home renovations, new house/car etc.) It is a big transition stage for me and it is natural to mourn what is changing. I think I am one of those women who will always be clucky.

 

I have told DH however that I take no responsibility for potentially becoming one of those crazy ladies in the supermarket that goo and gah over other peoples babies :ninja:

 

Good Luck with your decision

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
~river song~

I also want to have one or two more adults to call in 20-30 years time. For me, it's not about having another baby, it's about the experience I want for my family as a whole.

 

Those are my feelings too. It's not the baby I want per say but another family member to add

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
DZP

Sometimes but it is always when life is tough. When life is good I always want more children. I would like another child, but DH would have to have surgery and even then it's not that likely to actually work. Maybe one day he'll have it done, sometimes he even suggests it but we'll see. I have more than enough children and would be happy if it stayed as it was, but another would be a very welcome bonus.

 

I'm not sure I want another baby though, I really don't want to have to go through being pregnant and the newborn stage again, shame you can't order them in at say 4-5 years old lol. My youngest daughter is now 9 and I'd so love to have another little pre-schooler girl.

Edited by 7LittleAustralians

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Inkling

I've just had my second and I'm making the decision. Financially we couldn't afford it and frankly I hate being pregnant.

 

I love the outcome, I love having a beautiful baby. we just had another girl & my DH says he is not disapointed at all but then jokes about "reloading" (he's a charmer) but in my mind and my heart I really don't want anymore kids a family of 4 is just fine with me although I think I'm destined to hear it from everybody "better start trying for a boy....blah blah"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
glasnost

I felt insanely clucky just after I had #3. Must have been the hormones. I just couldn't imagine that this was going to be our last baby! With all three I didn't get the baby blues but the opposite- a kind of manic happiness. It lasted about six weeks but it has only since our youngest turned 12 months that I have accepted that this will be our last baby.

 

He is now 18 months and we are starting to get our lives back and feel normal again. The idea of having a baby again sends cold shivers down my spine! I am so sure that I am done. 3 just feels really right for us.

 

I hope that this feeling sticks around.

 

I remember carrying mine when they were really tiny in the Baby Bjorn and I would, for example, get into a lift, with a women in her 50s or 60s and she would just get this look on her face. Like her whole face softened and her eyes wold almost fill with tears. Sometimes even now when I see a new mum with a little squishy, milky baby strapped to her I get a really funny, achy feeling in my stomach. I wonder if once you have had a baby that intense feeling ever quite disappears?

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Bam1

I got twins for with my #4 (I've since found out the chance of twins increase with your number of pregnancies and age) and that was enough to "do" me!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Beancat

I knew I was wasn't "done" about two months after our second was born. We always had said two was what we wanted but it really felt like "someone" was missing from our family. Within 6 months of no 2 arriving I was pregnant again and I knew for sure I was done before no 3 was even born, so much so I had a tubal ligation at the same time as my c-section

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lucrezia Bauble

We are stopping at two. We always said we wanted two - and a bout of secondary infertility (or sub fertility) plus age nearly made us stop at one.

 

Babies are incredibly addictive - their smell, their cuddliness - it's such a special time when you meet your new little person, everyone is so happy for you, the endorphins are floating around....but the sleepless nights and the demands get to me in the end. Emotionally and financially DH and I are good with two - we can be the parents we want to be with two - any more and we would be stretched pretty thin.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Especially*K*

One minute I feel done, the next im as clucky as anything. I babysat my 7month old niece yesterday afternoon and after I had to do an impromtu (I didnt think I was having her that long) dinner/bath/bed with her and my son all on my own, I sat and thought 'damn, I've got this, I could do this'

 

but then..... can I really be bothered..? I dont know.

 

DP wants another though. If he was certain he was fine with one i'd be fine too.

 

2 is my absolute limit though!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ianthe

I got it. I have been clucky ever since I remember. I love kids. I always wanted five. I had five and I was worried I would never have that done feeling but I did when he was around 12 months old. To the point that I was devastated when I fell pregnant again after him and while upset was partly relieved that I miscarried. And even that didn't make me want anymore.

 

I will hold babies anytime, I chat to kids at shops and church and school and really enjoy interacting with them but I am 100% done.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ikealover

No I didn't but DH did so went off and got himself fixed. It is causing big problems in our marriage.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sophiasmum

Nope, I had the "done" feeling as soon as I tested positive for pregnant with #3, I knew I was never again going to try to conceive, be pregnant or labour after that one. So I've relished every stage, but with the smug knowledge that it was the last time I'd ever have to do it. Now #3 is at school, I'm enjoying the next stage in my life.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Schmig

I definitely feel done. My second DD is 12 weeks old now and I feel so happy with our family. We were never sure we could have any so 2 is a dream come true for us.my DH keeps saying how much he loves our girls but I know that he and I can't deal with all the TTC again and to be honest I don't want to. I know I am done. I feel things are perfect for us now.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...