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Mum2TwoDSs

7YO Very Demanding on his birthday.

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Mum2TwoDSs

Hi everyone.

 

Today my DS turned 7. He was looking forward to his birthday as usual, but he forgot to count the dates and forgot today was his birthday.

 

DH and I arranged a surprise lunch for him after school, just the 3 of us at a restaurant which served his favourite pizza. We were really looking forward to surprise and celebrate with him.

 

When we were there, we surprised him with a 'Happy birthday!'

 

However, he got upset.

 

He got upset and said he shouldnt have done school since it was his special day. He then became demanding. He demanded to play with the iphone at the table, then demanded that when he reached home, he wanted the ipad, then watch his favourite car videos on the computer...these were activities he could do only on weekends, but he demanded to do them cos he said it was his special day.

 

We did not want to spoil the mood cos he was getting grumpy so we let him play with the iphone for a while. But we told him that even though it was his special day, he should not have this kind of expectations. Moreover, he was being really demanding in his attitude. He wasnt even asking nicely. Either way, if we said no, he would be upset. We tried explaining that on birthdays, people go to work and students go to school too. He insisted that being the birthday boy, he is king.

 

Then he asked for his present, in a demanding tone. We did have a present but we wanted to wait for the right moment. But as he was grumpy, we could not capture any nice camera shots, so we gave the present to him.

 

Frankly, DH and I were shocked. We really would love to celebrate this day with him, but we could not help but felt the overly self-centredness coming out of him.

 

Then back home, after he did the ipad and computer and had the whole afternoon playing, during dinner, he demanded to watch tele while eating. I refused to give in this time. He was grumpy for a few mins and then accepted it.

 

What should I do with this situation? We already tried explaining to him. Is this normal? Or is there something deeper that we have to deal with? It worries me.

 

Thanks.

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MrsLexiK

So you didn't wish him a happy birthday this morning. I don't blame him for being upset and being 7 his emontions would have come out as demanding.

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Chazee

Are you saying it was his birthday today, and he didn't know until this afternoon?!!!

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Fifteenyears

Could it have been a bad reaction to the surprise? Or a bit of self-annoyance at having forgotten? Or even a bit of dismay that you didn't remind before school?

 

Part of the fun of having a birthday for many (although not all) seven year olds when they have to go to school on their birthdays is being 'the birthday kid' at school and having their friends make a bit of a fuss about them.

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CherrySunday
So you didn't wish him a happy birthday this morning. I don't blame him for being upset and being 7 his emontions would have come out as demanding.

:huh:

He didn't know it was his birthday, he'd forgotten.

It would have been great if I'd forgotten my own birthday at that age, because being at school on your birthday was a bit of a drag. To have been picked up & be surprised would have been great.

 

No advice for you OP, sorry your surprise wasn't what you'd hoped :(

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fairymagic

I too think your expectations of how a 7 year old should behave on his birthday were a little high. I would have wished him Happy Birthday that morning, given him his gift and made/bought something special for him to share with his class at school (if that is allowed). If food isn't allowed like it wasn't at our kindy, a sticker book so he can give each of his classmates a sticker would have been a special thing for him to do. I would have told him you were going to do a special lunch/tea after school and perhaps asked him where he wanted to go. As to his other demands - for a 7 year old he thinks he is King on his birthday so for me, I would have asked him to ask nicely for what he wanted but I would have let him do as he wanted on the day ie play the Ipad, computer, TV whatever.

 

Did you not realise before he went to bed the night before that he had forgotten his birthday??

 

Sorry it turned out to be a bit of a disappointment though. I just think you probably expected a bit much from him at the end of a school day springing his birthday on him when he had forgotten and not got to celebrate in style at school.

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luke's mummu

We are yet to have a 7 year old in the house (we have 6 and 3/4), but I can assure you that it is very common for kids at my son's school to have their birthday off. And I don''t agree at all! My son's birthday is just after school hols finish, both parents work so we need to take school hls off to look after him. There is no point us paying $50 a day to have him in vacation care so we can work in the school hols and then take his birthday off!

 

 

I work with a few 20 + year olds who are casual and it's very common for them to say they won't work when it's their birthday. Unless it's a 18th or a 21st it drives me nuts! I work in a hospital, so people get sick whether it's your birthday or not!

 

 

 

I know that doesn't explain all of his behavour today, but maybe all of his friends/classmates have had the day off, so he thought he would too?

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Literary Lemur

I don't know your son so I don't know exactly what was going through his head.

 

On DS's 7th birthday this year we treated him like a king all day. Every meal was his favourite food and there were little surprises through the day. I think he voted it "the best day ever". He was excited and grateful and happy.

 

I don't think "spoiling" a child on their birthday will undo your parenting on the other days.

 

Mine was equally excited in the lead up to my birthday and was making presents and cards and planning surprises. He seemed to love that as much as his own birthday.

 

Why were the rules so strict on your son's birthday? Surely the purpose of the day is to show how special he is to you?

Edited by amoral lemur

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MrsLexiK
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:huh:

He didn't know it was his birthday, he'd forgotten.

It would have been great if I'd forgotten my own birthday at that age, because being at school on your birthday was a bit of a drag. To have been picked up & be surprised would have been great.

 

No advice for you OP, sorry your surprise wasn't what you'd hoped :(

 

If I got up and had forgotten my birthday but my DH remembered and don't wish me a happy birthday I would upset. I would be very upset if I was a young child. You may have hated going to school on your birthday but I think that is the exception not the rule.

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saxa

He didn't remember today was his birthday, you didn't tell him until you took him out for lunch after school and at age 7 you expected him to be excited he had gone the whole day not realizing it was his birthday!!

 

I'd be in a pretty bad mood after that too!

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Arthur or Martha

No wonder he was cranky not only had he forgotten his birthday, it appeared you had too. No talk of picking a cake to take to school, what he would like to do for his special day and no presents. Sounds like there was no calls or cards from relatives or friends either how sad for him.

Maybe talk to him next year about what he would like to happen on the day.

 

Margaret

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Eeyolet

You let the poor kid miss half of his birthday, I wouldn't be happy either! If you have to go to school on your birthday you at least want everyone to know. He has probably spent the rest of the year watching the other kids get to be "special" for the day (helper, first etc.) and then miss out altogether.

 

I don't understand why you didn't wish him a happy birthday in the morning. Also being treated like the king once a year really can't hurt, right?

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Jenflea

Did you not remind him in the days leading up to today that his birthday was coming up? You say "he forgot to count the dates", well, isn't that part of YOUR job as the adult to keep track of for him?

I'm 38 this year(in about 3 weeks BTW :) ) and I like being made a fuss of, that starts with breakfast!

 

I'm a bit shocked you said NOTHING to him till after school frankly. I don't think you can get snippy at him when part of the fault was yours for not making a fuss earlier in the day and reminding him in the lead up. He's SEVEN not 17.

Birthdays are the one day a year you get to be treated like royalty (to an extent, not get away with blue murder) and you let him miss part of that by your actions, then get huffy because he behaved like the child he is and not the way you wanted him to act.

 

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libbylu

My DS would have got a terrible shock if we picked him up from school and announced it was his birthday. He doesn't cope well with big surprises so it would not have gone down well.

Also, these days at school they often make a bit of a fuss of them on their birthday - they might get some special privelidges and the class might sing happy birthday. If he missed out on all of this because he didn't tell the teacher in the morning and she didn't remember - then he was probably upset about that too.

Perhaps he was imaging being woken up with a big kiss and a happy birthday hug from his mum and he didn't get that either?!

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her mum

I don't have a 7 year old, but thinking back to when I was young and my birthday was a school day, my mum would make a special breakfast, give me 1 gift in the morning and generally send a cake or something for the class. Then we would have some sort of special plan for the afternoon, get the rest of my gifts and have a favourite dinner with the family.

 

 

I really can't understand how you let him go off to school without even knowing that it was his birthday, that seems sort of awful. He probably felt like he'd missed out on a lot of his birthday not being able to share it with his friends.

 

I think it was lovely to take him out for pizza, but really can't understand how that was the first moment he found out it was his birthday. As far as the demands, I can't see that they're really that demanding, particularly if they're all things that he's allowed to do on the weekend...things that were a 'blanket no' might be a little different.

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Rach42

Well I agree that he was probably disappointed to have missed half his birthday but if my child became all demanding I'd not be giving in to him even if it was his birthday. I think 7 is old enough to know better - or at least be learning to behave better.

 

I don't agree with them missing school because of it being their birthday either - it's not been an issue for us though because my DSs have always taken muffins or something to share with everyone so they enjoy it.

 

ETA: I do agree that it is part of the specialness of the birthday to count down the days or at least do a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY! in the morning - my kids enjoy that and tbh so do I! I am assuming that by being "demanding" the OP is talking about being rude and not just asking to be able to do things.

Edited by Rach42

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nico83

I'd be annoyed if someone didn't remind me it was my birthday.

 

School is special when it's your birthday - special things happen - he couldn't gloat in all the attention that birthday children get on their day. I feel a bit sad for him.

 

Maybe you need to discuss expectations of birthdays and also allow him to have input. Did you ask him why he was so upset??

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MsBusy123

My DS would be shattered if we let him go almost a whole day without knowing it was his birthday.

 

Part of the fun of your birthday when you're a child is the anticipation in the lead up to it and having everyone else wish you a happy birthday, so to find out in the evening when his day was almost over would have been hard to take as a 7 year old.

 

So maybe he behaved that way because he felt like he'd been ripped off.

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JJ

I don't understand how you could have let him start the day and go to school without wishing him a happy birthday... I assume you saw him before school?

 

I think I'd feel kind of betrayed if that happened to me, and as a lot of PPs have said, like I had missed half of my special day. Also as Jenflea said, was there no countdown? You say he forgot but didn't you remind him?

 

Also, some people really don't like surprises (I know I don't!)... maybe your DS is one of them too.

Edited by JJ

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Ianthe

I think he was probably surprised and taken aback and his reaction was as a result of that.

 

It seems very odd to me that you wouldn't count down with him or wish him Happy Birthday in the morning though.

 

And just so there are no yucky suprises I want to take this opportunity to tell you all I will be 42 in one week ;)

 

 

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Lulu Pumpkin
I think he was probably surprised and taken aback and his reaction was as a result of that.

 

It seems very odd to me that you wouldn't count down with him or wish him Happy Birthday in the morning though.

 

And just so there are no yucky suprises I want to take this opportunity to tell you all I will be 42 in one week ;)

 

:D Can you give us a count down? Maybe let us know how many sleeps with every post on a new day?!

 

OP - I think by now you get the drfit of what everyone is suggesting....

 

I too would like to know why there was no count down and no happy birthday in the morning...what gives?

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Mum2TwoDSs

Maybe I should clarify the part about school. He does homeschool so he had his bit of work at home before we went out. If he goes to school we certainly would prepare a cake and let him celebrate with friends. Wdtacte planning to bring a cake to church to let him do that.

 

The thing that troubles me is his demandingness when he realised it is his birthday. No problem to feel special on his birthday but he suddenly demanded for this and for that.

 

I forgot my 10th wedding anniversary until DH took me out for a surprise dinner so I didn't think anything about being left out.

 

When I asked DS, he said he was upset cos DH didn't want to let him play with the iPhone.

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Mum2TwoDSs

Oh we purposely planned it as lunch instead of dinner so we can surprise him and then he can have the rest of the day to play.

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lafonda

So he woke up, did his school work at home, and in that time no one mentioned it was his birthday?

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Ianthe
:D Can you give us a count down? Maybe let us know how many sleeps with every post on a new day?!

 

Don't tempt me! Where is the Adults 40-45 section for me to post in?

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